In a galaxy far, far away...

 We are the spark that will light the fire that'll burn the First Order down.

-Poe Dameron, The Last Jedi

I started working on this blog post before seeing Star Wars: The Last Jedi (which I will refer to as TLJ for the remainder of this post). I was sitting in a Barnes & Noble cafe, waiting for my dad and brother to arrive so we could see the movie. It also happened to be the anniversary of Carrie Fisher's death. I started writing this post, beginning with a few subtle (not really) reminders to people about the year that we are currently living in, and that thankfully, will be over very soon. My dad texted me that they were almost at the theatre, so I closed up my notebook and walked over to meet them. We settled into our seats, ordered beers and popcorn (I love the Alamo Theatre), and settled in for the latest episode of Star Wars.

Seeing Carrie Fisher in her final appearance as General Leia Organa and continuing the journey with Rey made me think very differently about what I wanted to say in my final post of 2017. The additions of Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) and Vice Admiral Holdo (Laura Dern) along with the large number of female fighter pilots and Resistance fighters was overwhelming in a way I did not expect. This is not a feminist review of TLJ as I don't review movies, but it's so hard not to look at this movie in particular without seeing the parallels to where we are right now in the world. As I watched these wonderful female characters grapple with their roles in the Star Wars universe (both on screen and in the press because it's Star Wars and literally everyone has an opinion on everything), I went back to the beginning of the year and back further to our suffragist and feminist foremothers. The resistance, whether in reality or in fiction, is female.

We can see this in so many of the groups who have come to make the activist community what it is - Black Lives Matter was founded by three women, the idea of the Women's March started on Facebook by a woman in Hawaii and was brought to life by an amazing group of women from all walks of life, women have been at the heart of the movement at Standing Rock, and women are finding their voices in the #metoo movement. Time even named "the Silence Breakers" their 2017 people of the year. None of this is news for those of us who have been paying attention and know our history. When I marched back in January, I was not there for myself but for the women who came before me and for the women who will come after me. I was there to honor them and continue to the work that will always need to be done.

I've spent most of this year doing things that I never thought I'd ever have to do: calling members of Congress who do not represent me and asking them to not vote for things that violate basic human standards, arguing with people about why electing an alleged pedophile was a bad idea (and I'm not talking about the 45), listening to dudes tell me that lady Ghostbusters and a female Dr. Who "ruined" their childhoods (spare me), sharing stories of workplace harassment because it finally felt like people were listening, and of course, trying to make sense of the dumpster fire that is the Trump administration. This last one is exhausting because there is nothing logical or normal about any of what the 45 and his minions are doing. Every single one of these activities has done exactly what it needed to do for me: strengthened my political beliefs and my feminist identity.

Feminism is a dirty word for a lot of people. I know I will not change some people's opinions about feminism and feminists, but at the end of the day, I can't help stupid. As I wrote in January, "I believe in affordable, accessible healthcare. I believe women have the right to decide what happens with their bodies. I believe abortion should be legal. I believe Planned Parenthood is an essential part of healthcare options, particularly for women in poverty, for things beyond birth control and abortions. I believe women and girls should not have to fear reporting rape or abuse. I believe men play an important role in feminism. I want the women and girls in my life to know that they can do anything they want. I believe women's rights are human rights. That is why I marched yesterday."

This is feminism for me. It is the belief that women's rights are human rights. That's it; I don't hate men (I rather like most of you and downright love some of you). It's not that men have to lose anything because women are able to access affordable healthcare that is in their best interest, not in the interest of old white dudes who probably haven't seen a vagina in decades, let alone know how one actually works or receive equal pay or not have to walk down the street, fearing the worst. I was pleased to see Merriam-Webster name feminism its word of the year. The designation was based on the frequency of searches as well as the word's place in the larger cultural fabric of the world. I highly recommend following their Twitter account; watching a dictionary troll the President is really satisfying.

Which brings me back to TLJ. Carrie Fisher, our rebel princess and general, was a feminist icon beyond the role of Leia. Leia was not necessarily written as such, but that's what she became. The "boys' fantasy" as she has often been called, came to represent much more to women and girls who watched these movies looking for heroes of their own. Yes, I had a huge crush on both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker (at different stages of my life - Luke is a boy band, Han is a rock band), but Leia was always the reason I returned to these movies over and over again. Seeing Leia as General Organa in episodes VII and VIII, made me even happier. She commanded the Resistance with grace, strength, and wisdom. As I watched TLJ, I thought about this and wondered about all those fanboys and whether Leia ever meant more for them than a hot chick in a gold bikini (which she hated, by the way). I came to the conclusion, by the end of the movie, that some of them became feminists because of Leia even if they don't identify themselves as such. Others will always be those dudes online who can't deal with her or Rey or Holdo. They'll always be there fixating and being derisive because they feel threatened. I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for them to come around; I have more important things to do.

General Leia will always be more than a hot chick in a gold bikini; she is our princess, our general, and our hero. I know I won't get to see her in the next movie, but I can always go back to see her again when I need a reminder about being a badass. I like to think I was channeling her as a "bossy" flower girl (left) and as a marcher (right).

I'm looking forward to 2018. I look forward to continuing the fight and doing what needs to be done so that this country doesn't continue to burn in the dumpster fire that 2017 has been. One of my favorite quotes in TLJ was from Rose, "We're going to win this war not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love." That is how I intend to live 2018 - focusing on saving what I love.

Happy New Year from the Island! 

If you are going out this weekend to celebrate the end of 2017, please do so responsibly. I'd like you to be around to enjoy 2018 with me.

Lazy Movie Weekend: Fake Eyelashes, Blandly Handsome Leading Men, and Christmas

 "We are a place you can go and feel good."

-Bob Abbott, Crown Media chief executive

"It's like Hallmark or Prozac?"

-Julie Miner as quoted in this WaPo article

A few weeks ago, I read an article on Thought Catalog about the "true" meaning of the term self-care. If you look on Instagram or Facebook or whatever other social media site you follow, there's always someone posting something about "self-care." A lot of the posts include wine or chocolate or bubble baths. The article, which resonated with me, focused on the idea that self-care should really be more about making choices in your life that allow you to live a life you don't need to escape from. It goes on to discuss things like budgeting, working out, and job changes as examples of self-care that we should be doing. Basically, the entire article was one big plug for making smart life choices.

Making smart life choices is my favorite thing.

Now, I'm not saying that I always make smart life choices (hello, perm phase), but I try to live my life in a way that is intentional and drama free. Not risk free, mind you, but drama free. I'm also not advocating for getting rid of things like bubble baths and chocolate cake and wine because that would be bananas. But the core message of the article is important; taking care of yourself is important and it's not always Instagram beautiful. Sometimes it's messy and gross and sad. And that is 100% fine. Embrace it. Live it. Make smart life choices.

Arguably one of the smartest life choices I have ever made was my decision to begin watching Hallmark holiday movies way back in 2011. One of my earliest Island posts was from my first Thanksgiving in California where I spent a good portion of the weekend watching Hallmark and Lifetime movies. Hallmark holiday movies have been referenced many times over the years, including that time I wrote a movie for Hallmark called "The 12 Dates of Christmas." They've yet to contact me about making this happen. (Note: there is a Hallmark movie with this title BUT it's about a woman who experiences a Groundhog Day loop until she figures out life and stuff. My idea is better.) I can't help myself when it comes to these movies. Yes, they are formulaic and yes, they reinforce terrible gender stereotypes, but they're so filled with kindness and love and holiday magic that I have to watch them. I'm only human. As Monica Hesse put it in her recent article on the movies for The Washington Post:

"Watching Hallmark in December this year feels like a metaphor for all of the good citizenship questions we’ve been asking ourselves: Must we watch yet more CNN guests debate the tax bill? Must we have yet another fight on Facebook about Roy Moore? Must we always remain alert, in case the country just curls up and dies?" 

Monica is right; Hallmark movies are our reward for the dumpster fire that is 2017. For just under two hours, I can watch an impossibly perky woman with perfect hair and an amazing wardrobe (for someone who is either out of work or underpaid) deal with whatever career disaster/family drama/evil developer plot line she needs to deal with, while a blandly handsome leading man (I believe Hesse referred to them as an "Old Spice commercial") hangs out and wins her heart by being blandly handsome and non-threatening. Unless he's the evil developer or the evil developer's henchman; then he has to have a magical change of heart because of Christmas and love and cookies and kindness. For just under two hours, I can put my feminist killjoy heart to rest and simply bask in the Christmas lights and the sweetness that feels like what would happen if I only drank hot chocolate and ate candy all day. It's divine.

Do I like all of the movies? Absolutely not. There are some that I've tried watching and had to turn off about 10 minutes in because they were too much for me. Like all Hallmark holiday movie fans, I have very strong opinions about my Hallmark movies. For our final Lazy Movie Weekend of the year, let's dive into my best and worst lists for Hallmark and Lifetime movies. Grab some hot chocolate, your preferred Christmas cookies, and all the Christmas spirit you can muster along with your firm suspension of disbelief.

The Best - Movies

• The Nine Lives of Christmas - This is my favorite Hallmark movie ever. It stars Kimberly Sustad, the perpetual Hallmark movie best friend, as a vet student who falls in love with a firefighter played by the poor man's Superman, Brandon Routh. They bond over their love of cats, restoring old homes, and taco trucks.
• Christmas at Holly Lodge - Allison Sweeney is my favorite Hallmark holiday leading lady. She's also in my father's favorite Hallmark Mystery series about a small town baker. This movie was a delight, mostly because of Allison and Sheryl Lee Ralph. The bland leading man was on my favorite Law & Order universe spin-off, Conviction. He wears a V-neck sweater like the JC Penney catalogue model he is in his heart.
  
• The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Henry Winkler is the meddling uncle! Brooke Burns is super tall and delightful. Warren Christie is not terrible as the love interest. The kid is a bit annoying, but I'll give him a pass because he meddles like a champ.
• Every Christmas Has a Story - Colin Ferguson! I love Colin Ferguson. He should be in every Hallmark holiday movie because he's not a bland leading man, although he comes very close to the line. Lori Loughlin is our leading lady and she's an absolute delight as a big city reporter who finds her Christmas spirit when she visits a small town after admitting on air that she hates Christmas. I feel you, Lori. Christmas is a lot to handle. Thank goodness you have Colin Ferguson there to help out.
• 12 Men of Christmas - This is actually a Lifetime movie. Because of this, it's a little spicier than the typical Hallmark fare. It's got Kristin Chenowith, Anna Chlumsky, and a bunch of super hot search and rescue guys who put together a calendar to raise money for their town. I only wish there was a musical number. 
• Christmas Connection - Y'all, Tom Everett Scott is in a Hallmark movie! Where has he been this whole time? He is the least bland leading man in a Hallmark movie ever. I love him and I love how charming this movie is. I imagine that this is what would have happened if Hallmark created the movie View from the Top, the only Gywneth Paltrow movie I like. 

The Worst - Movies

• Any movie starring Candace Cameron-Bure - I get it; people love CCB. Apparently, she's the "Queen of Christmas" or some such nonsense. I can't with this woman. She has said some pretty hateful things over the years, particularly regarding the LGBTQ community. Last year, she and our true Queen, Bianca Del Rio, got into a little conversation that was everything I love about Bianca and pop culture rolled into one Instagram post.
  
• Dear Santa - Another Lifetime movie so we do get a gay buddy for our leading lady, although he is so stereotypical it's painful. Amy Acker, from Angel, is the leading lady here and although she's charming and the kid is charming, it's a terrible movie. I want to love it, but I can't. At least the dad is sort of hot in a rugged, made for tv movie sort of way.
  
• December Bride - Regular readers may remember poor Jessica Lowndes from my Halloween post earlier this year. She just can't win in any genre. In this "gem," she plays a woman who pretends to be engaged to Daniel Lissing so she can go to her cousin's wedding and score a new job. Did I mention that her cousin stole her fiance and that's the wedding she's going to? There are so many terrible things in this movie. Listing them would take too much time. Just skip it. Watch The Nine Lives of Christmas twice. 
  
• Broadcasting Christmas - Normally I love Melissa Joan Hart, but not even she can save this one. I blame Dean Cain. He's the worst for lots of reasons, but he's at his worst here. My wish for Hallmark movies in 2018 is that she gets her own, Dean Cain-free movie.
• A Very Merry Mix-Up - There is something about Alicia Witt in this movie and all of the Hallmark holiday movies in which she stars, that annoys me in a profound way. I think it's her earnestness. She's trying so hard in every scene to make us believe whatever nonsense plot or relationship we're supposed to believe. In this one, she meets a man at an airport who she thinks is the brother of her fiance and ends up going home to the family she's supposed to be meeting...but it's the wrong family. Hilarity and feelings ensue. The best part of this movie is the fiance's actual family; they're just on the side of weird that is Hallmark acceptable.

The Best - Plot Points

• A snowball fight will inevitably take place. Everyone will throw perfectly formed snowballs because the prop department is awesome and the bland couple will somehow end up on the ground in an awkward, almost kiss moment.
• There will be a meddling old person. On occasion, the meddling old person is actually Santa Claus. It's best when it's a woman from a 70s or 80s sitcom. Or Henry Winkler.
• An adorable child may also be involved in the meddling. There is a fine line between adorable meddling child and annoying demon seed; these child actors walk that line in every scene.
• The boyfriend the leading lady has at the beginning of the movie will always be a pompous d-bag, although Hallmark would never, ever use that word. This makes it okay for us all to hate him and want her to magically fall in love with the bland leading man. 
• Hot chocolate will solve at least one problem. 
• A meet cute involving a pet, preferably a cat (see The Nine Lives of Christmas) will occur. 

The Worst - Plot Points

•  The leading characters' first kiss will take place with exactly two minutes left in the movie. They may have moments where a kiss almost occurs, but it's always interrupted. Even in movies where the couple is already together, married or dating, the pair seem more like roommates than a couple.
• Someone will lose their artistic way. Sometimes it's the leading lady, sometimes it's the bland leading man. At some point during the movie, they'll leave their corporate life and rediscover their true artist self. I die a little inside every time this happens.
• A lesson is learned. This is basically the core of every one of these movies. The lesson varies from work-life balance, embracing the Christmas spirit, and that home is better than anything in the world. I list this as a worst plot point because just one time it would be cool if no one learned anything and if Christmas was ruined or the town landmark didn't get saved. But then I'd hate that movie so really this is both the best and worst plot point of any of these movies.
• There are a limited number of people of color and any gay character is horribly stereotypical. Most of the time, the person of color is the best friend and she's sassy because STEREOTYPE. 
• You can only find happiness in a small town inhabited by quirky characters, including but not limited to a man who is possibly Santa. My father has, on many occasions, encouraged me to follow the path of many a Hallmark heroine and move to small town, open a bakery or weird, niche market store, and help solve crime, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for that life.
• Candace Cameron-Bure as a doctor. Nope. Nope. Nope.  
• Lacey Chabert in any holiday movie. I love her in Mean Girls, but she's the worst in these movies. I think it's that she comes off as weak in all of the holiday movies. She should stick to the non-holiday ones. I like two non-holiday Hallmark movies and she stars in one of them, All of My Heart. It could also be the goats. Do you think people on the set tell her that "you can't sit with us" or wonder about all the secrets in her hair? I'm curious.  

To all Hallmark holiday movie monsters I've helped to create, my parents included, you're welcome. You deserve every holiday movie you've watched and love. You earned it. Maybe consider spicing up your next viewing with this drinking game I found. Enjoy!

Drinking game image

Next week: It's the last post of 2017! To close the year of the dumpster fire, I thought we'd focus on my favorite f-word, which also happens to be Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year.

Lazy Movie Weekend: A Tale of Two Grinches

I admit wholeheartedly that I am a bit of grinch during the holidays. I'm the person who complains about Christmas stuff being out at stores too early and I have a very firm "no Christmas music before Thanksgiving" rule. Halloween and Thanksgiving are my two favorite holidays, followed by Groundhog Day, so I only want them to get the focus they deserve. Christmas has gotten to be too much in the last few years and I find the whole thing stressful. Shopping is the worst, traffic and parking always suck, and everyone seems to be competing for who can have the best Christmas ever. I'm totally cool with other people doing the things they love at Christmas, but don't try to make me into some elf just because you want to hang twinkle lights on November 1.

The one thing I truly love about the Christmas season is Christmas movies. Not just Hallmark movies, but all Christmas movies. Christmas movies warm my cold, holiday grinch heart. When I was a child, I looked forward to the first viewing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (this blog is named after the Island of Misfit Toys featured in that movie) and How the Grinch Stole Christmas. These were tradition and I still watch them whenever they're on. As an adult, I've expanded my movie viewing to everything from Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story to classics like White Christmas and odd ball entries like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. I even consider the early Die Hard movies Christmas movies. I will watch these movies over and over again and they still remain fun and magical and awesome.

Hands down, my favorite Christmas movie is the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It's based on the 1957 book of the same name by Dr. Seuss. The cartoon originally aired in 1966, featuring Boris Karloff as the narrator/voice of the Grinch. Thurl Ravenscroft sang the theme song and that is by far, one of my favorite parts of the cartoon. The Grinch hates Christmas and wants to show the Whos down in Whoville how their gross commercialization of the holiday is the worst thing ever. He hates all "the noise, noise, noise" and decides to steal Christmas. Remember, his heart is two sizes too small. He and his faithful sidekick, Max, descend on Whoville as Santa and his reindeer and steal all the physical trappings of the holiday, even the last can of Who-hash. Along the way, they meet Cindy Lou Who, a little girl who believes in the magic of Santa and the season. Of course, the Grinch eventually sees the error of his ways and he brings Christmas back to the Whos because Christmas isn't about presents, it's about friendship and love.

There are so many wonderful things in the original Grinch. Boris Karloff as the narrator is such a delight. As I got older and started watching old horror movies, I would always think of him in movies like The Mummy and Bride of Frankenstein whenever I watched the Grinch. I don't know if the Grinch was a gateway movie to Karloff horror movies for anyone else, but it certainly was for me. Dr. Seuss stories have so many layers; the Grinch is very much like Scrooge, and biographers have written that the Grinch was more autobiographical than other Seuss characters. There's Max, the dog/reindeer, who is not interested in the Grinch's plan to steal Christmas. Max is my favorite; the antlers and his enthusiasm for the sleigh ride are both so funny. The Whos are all of us, trying to create a festive holiday and make everyone happy. The story ends happily and we all feel the true spirit of Christmas. Honestly, I could watch this one all year long and never get tired of doing so.

When it was announced that Jim Carrey would be starring in a live action version of the story, I was cautiously optimistic. I like Jim Carery; he's a strange, strange man, but I've always enjoyed his movies. If you haven't seen Man on the Moon or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, check them out immediately. He's a gifted comedian, but can also play straight and serious. My concern about this version was how they would take a short children's story and make it into a feature length film. What would be lost of the original charm and delight of the story? Would Carrey mug too much as the Grinch? Would Ron Howard, the film's director, be too Ron Howard (that's a thing) in his telling of the story?

Honestly, my worries were unnecessary. Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) is delightful and weird and charming just as I wanted it to be. Carrey was made to play the Grinch; his grin is perfect, his physical presence is strong, and his delivery is the right mix of playful and mean and impish. The rest of the cast is equally entertaining: Bill Irwin and Molly Shannon play Cindy Lou's parents, Lou and Betty Lou Who, Christine Baransky plays a Martha May Whovier, and Jeffrey Tambor plays the mayor of Whoville, August Maywho. All of these characters are new to the story and are perfect. The writers expanded the action in Whoville and created an origin story for the Grinch. We get to see how the Grinch became the Grinch. Bill Irwin is my favorite; he's a great physical comedian and you can see he's having so much fun in this movie.

Taylor Momsen picks up the mantle as Cindy Lou Who. In this version, Cindy Lou has become suspect of the craziness of Christmas, from her mother trying to out decorate Martha May to the shopping and the pomp of the Whobilation, so she sets out to learn more about the Grinch and to befriend him in hopes that it will help her figure out her own existential Christmas dilemma. She interviews Martha May, who clearly had a thing for the Grinch, the mayor (a bully), and the old ladies who raised the Grinch before he left Whoville. She uncovers a story of bullying and not quite fitting in. She and Carrey have some fantastic scenes together. Her quest to get him to be the Holiday Cheer Master is so fun and touching. If you've ever felt like an outcast, you have a pal in the Grinch.  

What I didn't expect with this version is how adult it can be, especially if you watch the uncut version (which I own because it's amazing). It makes me think of watching animated movies as a child; my older brother and other relatives would laugh at things that I didn't think were funny because I was a child and those things weren't funny...yet. There's the holiday party going on the night the Grinch lands in Whoville, that may or may not be a little more risque than your typical Whoville party. There's Martha May's reaction to anything Grinch related. There are a lot of double entendres and occasional dirty jokes. A lot of the more off color jokes were improvised by Carrey; I read somewhere that he was upset with the amount of them that made it into the movie although he believed all of were age appropriate (the move is rated PG). Then there's the who plot line involving bullying and how an 8 year old Grinch went out to the mountains of Whoville and never came back. Why didn't they go look for him? Where his adoptive biddies too busy throwing key parties and knitting terrible sweaters to go look for him? It certainly seems that way.

The Grinch is all of us when it comes to the holidays. This is why these two movies are among my favorites. The scenes in the Grinch's lair with his answering machine and the sequence when he tries on clothes and then decides he's not going because he has nothing to wear? So good, so relatable. This movie speaks to the Grinch in everyone. Do yourself a favor and take a break from the holiday chaos with the Grinch.

"The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - and on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. Four o'clock, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing; I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?"

-Jim Carrey as the Grinch

 

Images:

Original Grinch

Jim Carrey Grinch

Merry Christmas

Your Resident Single Friend Goes Speed Dating

"He's a sweet man and I hope he finds love...just not with me or you." 
-Emily reflecting on a speed date gentleman

I don't consider myself a particularly skilled dater. I didn't date in high school and we'll say my college dating was minimal, but fun and exciting in the way college romances are supposed to be (except the cheater, but I guess we all have one of those somewhere in our history). I know the kind of person I am and the pervasive hook up culture of my generation is not for me. Part of this is related to being a very strong introvert; we prefer deeper relationships, both romantically and with friends. The other part is that I seriously cannot deal with the game-like behavior that typically accompanies this sort of thing. I have zero time for that. 

While I've tried online dating with little success (or joy), I've never tried speed dating. The reference I have for speed dating is that scene in The 40-Year Old Virgin that is both horrifying and hilarious (video contains language and mature themes - you've been warned). The short version: in the space of an hour (usually), each attendee goes on 15-20 "dates," usually lasting 5-8 minutes in length. During that time, you talk with the person opposite of you (normally men rotate around the room) and are given a sheet for notes. After the event, the organization running speed dating provides attendees access to contact information for other attendees. And then you fall in love and live happily ever after...or something.

I'll admit that I didn't have the right perspective about speed dating. With limited data, I reduced it to an awkward evening of small talk with dudes who fall into two categories: the socially awkward and the smarmy. I don't really need more awkward in my life and smarmy dudes exist everywhere so having a concentration of them at one event seems unnecessary. So I avoided the idea of speed dating and continued living my life. However, as I don't want to die alone, I've made the decisions to put myself out in the world in situations where I may, in fact, meet a potential man-friend. In the new year, I'm planning on taking welding classes (mostly for art purposes) and some cooking classes, activities that appeal to a very broad section of humans.

I decided to include speed dating in this list of things I'm trying. I found a speed dating event via Goldstar, convinced my friend Emily to go with me, and set my expectation level to medium. I hope all of you have friends like Emily who will go do things like this with you even if they may not want to. Since this was a first time event for both of us, we really had no idea what to expect. How long would we have to talk with each person? How many people were actually involved? Would everyone be horrifying? How would we react if someone said something particularly awful? What if we did meet the man of our dreams? Was there a bar nearby? You know, the important things.

What occurred was well beyond my expectations, which were at medium so there was a lot of room for both success and failure. I met 15 men in the course of a little over an hour. The time was limited to five minutes and after the first couple of dates, it got easier. Of the 15, I would go out with three of the guys and want to be friends with three others. None of these guys were the physical type I go for (think Chief Hopper from Stranger Things), but they were funny, interesting to talk to for five minutes, polite, and not bad to look at. Interestingly, Emily had a similar experience with none of them being her physical type, but she connected with them because of their senses of humor and the fact that they seemed to be decent humans. We seemed to transcend the types we established for ourselves. This is a good thing.

Because I know you want to know, here are some highlights of the night. All dates have been given nicknames since I didn't mention there was going to be a blog:

• I walked into this event with a super positive attitude, combining the PMA of Bad Brains with my generally pleasant personality, my ability to be self-deprecating when needed, and the fact that I talk to people for a living. 
• At first, we thought we were going to be the youngest people in the group. The group definitely skewed older (mid-late 40s), but most of the guys I liked were around my age, younger or older by a few years. 
• Speed dating is an incredibly efficient way to date. While it has some of the same qualities as online dating, being in person and actually talking to someone makes it more palatable and fun. Rather than wasting hours swiping through profiles, I can spend an hour meeting 15 new people. One of the guys I would go out with framed it this way and I really like his perspective. 
• The majority of the women did not look like they were happy to be there. Apparently, Emily and I weren't the only friends who came together except we were the only two that had fun. Most of the women looked disinterested and only one of them would talk to us before things got started.  
• There were a few guys who came with friends as well. One pair met at a previous meet-up and became friends since they're both new to the area. Speed dating can be a gateway to speed friending.
• Some of the guys had prepared questions, either because this was not their first time speed dating or because they wanted to make sure they had something to ask. This was both endearing and a little jarring; I prepared nothing and was also not prepared for some of these questions. I really had to think about what the most romantic thing I'd ever done for someone (my response ended up being about baking an elaborate dessert for a guy's birthday which is less romantic and more about being a decent girlfriend but whatever). 
• The guys I liked and would go out with:
• Photographer Guy - what are the odds that one of the guys would work events at the museum where I'm a volunteer? We discussed art, expensive holiday parties, and Masons. He was also a very nice dresser.
• Drunk in Reston - Hands down my favorite guy of the evening. He made me laugh for three of the five minutes, with a discussion of why we decided to try speed dating and why there were so many first-timers in the group. We decided it was because they all found true love and never returned rather than to consider that it was crushing doom that kept them away. He may have been drunk; Emily and I couldn't be 100% on this.
• Alaska Guy - Just moved here from Alaska. We talked about travel, the eleven states I haven't been to, and his awkward first date of the evening who was definitely a regular speed dater and not in a fun way.
• The guys I'd want to befriend:
• Peach Pocket Square Guy: This gentleman (and I sincerely mean that) was the sharpest dressed of anyone present, male or female. He was one of the older guys and just the nicest person. I have zero romantic interest in him, but I would meet him for drinks and let him vet my dates. 
• Crushworthy - My second favorite guy of the night. He was one of the few that asked a creative opening question and opted to move his chair so we were seated next to one another rather than across from one another. That was a bold move. He and Emily would be well suited so I hope they connect. 
• Might Run Into Him at CVS Guy - He lives near where I work so it's very possible that I will run into him at the local CVS or various lunch places in the greater Herndon area. Nice guy, fun to talk to, but not someone I'd date. 
• The awkward/annoying:
• 3D Printer Guy - Yep, that's what he opened with. We were discussing our weekends and he went on and on about figuring out a new 3D printer. He also made a comment about one of the technologies used for it (which I didn't know), but the way he said it annoyed me. He also machine embroiders and scoffed at the fact that I hand embroider. He was boring and dismissive. 
• Ticket Scalper Guy - We spent the entire five minutes talking about music which would normally be a great topic for me. In that time, he dissed The Foo Fighters, Lady Gaga, and the 9:30 Club. I'm going to see The Foo Fighters in Memphis this coming May and I just saw Lady Gaga and the 9:30 Club is one of my favorite venues in the area. It was a lot of no for five minutes. He also shared that he never buys tickets in advance because he doesn't want to pay fees (which I get to some extent) so he just scalps tickets and hopes for the best. This annoys me.  
• Interview Guy - Speed dating does have an interview-like quality to it, but that doesn't mean it has to be like an interview. If you're a decent enough conversationalist, the questions turn into mini-conversations rather than rapid fire questions. This guy wasn't a great conversationalist so it did feel like an actual interview. 

What happens next? Personal information is shared via email with all attendees. This particular group uses an online portal, similar to what you'd use if you were part of a more traditional online dating site, to allow participants to connect with one another. The portal is open for two weeks after the event so I can log in and see if I have any mutual matches or messages. I can pick matches (which I've done) and message any of the guys whether I match with them or not. They only know I picked them if they pick me, but it doesn't limit the messaging feature. So the short answer is that I wait a few days to see if I match with anyone and then decide whether to message them or not.

I'm glad I went. I wasn't expecting love at first sight, but I also wasn't expecting it to be as much fun as it was. I enjoyed many of the brief conversations I had and I laughed a lot. Even the guys who were awkward or annoying weren't that terrible. I've had worse experiences online and at bars. These guys were tame, comparatively speaking. To paraphrase Emily, I want them to find love or whatever they're looking for just not with me or her. It was fun to do something really outside of my comfort zone. I'll keep you posted on what happens next.

Next on the Island: Lazy Movie Weekend Christmas Edition! Will it be the mildly inappropriate version of The Grinch starring Jim Carrey or a discussion of smiling is my favorite with Elf? You'll have to come back and find out.

Lazy Movie Weekend: Movies to Be Thankful For

Happy Everyone Goes Crazy and Buys Stuff They Probably Don't Need Which Will Probably Be on Sale Later So Why Did You Get Up So Early Day! That really doesn't roll off the tongue as well as Black Friday. If you did brave the stores and the lines today, I hope you found that television or hot toy of the year or whatever it was that you ventured out into the fray to purchase today. I also hope you were nice to the clerks and the other people in the stores; I really don't want to see anyone I know in some horrible "When Shoppers Attack" video online later today. Let's all try to get along.

I don't participate in Black Friday shopping. I'm not a huge shopper to begin with and I don't like crowded malls or Targets all that much. Any Christmas shopping I'm doing this year will be done at the NMWA museum shop, a few local stores, and the DC Holiday Market. I'll probably get a few things online and I'm making some gifts this year. No need to rush out today to shop. Instead, I'm going to spend the rest of today and parts of tomorrow and Sunday watching some of my favorite movies and enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers. In honor of my second favorite holiday, I've put together a little "Movies to Be Thankful For" movie marathon. Some are more recent releases; others are classics or movies I've featured in a past Lazy Movie Weekend post. So grab a turkey sandwich, maybe some pie, and settle in for this marathon.

1. Home for the Holidays (1995) - By far the best movie about Thanksgiving there is, Home for the Holidays is a 1990s movie treat, featuring Holly Hunter, a pre-Ironman Robert Downey, Jr., Claire Danes at peak My So-Called Life fame, and Mrs. Robinson herself, Anne Bancroft. Let's not forget Charles Durning (a national treasure) and of course, Steve Guttenberg. Please pause to reflect on the fact that at one point in our collective history, Steve Guttenberg was a sex symbol. Just let that sink in. Holly Hunter plays Claudia Larson, who's Thanksgiving holiday has gone from bad (losing her job before the holiday) to worse (her fashionable coat is stolen, her mother is a little maudlin, her sister is awful, and a turkey gets dropped on someone) as she journeys home for the holidays. I can never decide if Anne Bancroft is my favorite part of this movie or if the collective crazy that is Larson family is what makes this whole thing work. I aspire to be Aunt Glady one day.
2. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (2017) - I'm a big fan of the first Guardians movie as well, but there's something about the second movie that makes me thankful for superhero movies that both does and doesn't take itself seriously. The sequel is about family and how it doesn't necessarily have to mean people you're related to especially when your dad is a shady dude named Ego. We're also treated to one of the greatest characters of the last few years, Baby Groot. Adult Groot stole most of the first Guardians movie with his odd humanity and his bond with Rocket. But Baby Groot is a completely different story. There's a part towards the end of the movie where Gamora is holding him and he reaches out for Drax like a baby would reach for a parent. So cute. Vin Diesel voices Groot in both films, which is both genius and unexpected. It also leads us to our third entry on this list...
3. Action movies made in the early 2000s featuring Vin Diesel and his arms - Look, we can pretend that we went to see XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick, The Fast and the Furious, and The Pacifier because they all looked like fun, action-packed movies that would entertain us for an hour/hour and a half. This is a lie. Tell the truth; it was because of Vin Diesel's arms. I would start with XXX because it's the most ridiculous of this group of movies. 
4. You've Got Mail (1998) - I will watch this movie anytime it's on television. I can't help myself. It's charming and sometimes, I need a movie that isn't serious or is going to make me regret my life choices or something equally dramatic. I want charming and this movie fulfills that order for me. Technically, it was the first Lazy Movie Weekend post here on the Island. I wouldn't come up with the theme until a few months later when I rewatched Return to Oz for the first time in 10 years (still creepy). Anyway, You've Got Mail is a modern version of The Shop Around the Corner and features a delightful Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks as warring bookstore owners who are secretly chatting with one another (and falling in love) in an online chat room. It's charming and delightful and will make you fall in love with New York and possibility. Also, there is a sequence that takes place over Thanksgiving so technically this is a holiday movie.
5. Harold and Maude (1971) - I dated a guy a few years ago who didn't understand why I love this movie so much. He thought it was morbid and weird (which it is). We were never going to last given his attitude about this movie. There's so much to enjoy about the story of Harold, a young man intrigued with death, who befriends Maude, an almost 80 year old woman who lives life to the fullest. She teaches Harold how to embrace living and live each day to the fullest. They meet at a funeral and Harold does things like stage his death several times to get out of the blind dates his mother sets him up on, but at the end of the day, Harold and Maude is about eccentricity, love, and friendship. It also features a soundtrack by Cat Stevens that becomes a character itself. 
6. Almost Famous (2000) - Say Anything was my favorite Cameron Crowe movie until I saw Almost Famous for the first time. The movie is loosely based on Crowe's on time on the road as a rock journalist in the 1970s, writing for Rolling Stone. Patrick Fugit's William Miller is Crowe's stand-in, a teenage music fan and writer who ends up on tour with the band Stillwater (including Jason Lee and Billy Crudup). He falls in love with one of the Band-Aids, Penny Lane (Kate Hudson), who also happens to be involved with a member of the band. Set to an amazing soundtrack, Almost Famous is everything about 70s rock music I love. It's about fans and bands coming up through the ranks and love (all rock songs are about love). William's mother and sister (Frances McDormand and Zooey Deschanel respectively) are also a treat. If you love music, you should watch this movie.
7. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) - I will always admit to liking hipster things and Wes Anderson movies are probably the most hipster thing I like outside of craft beer and fancy cheese. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and Moonrise Kingdom are my two favorites. I picked this one for three reasons: Bill Murray, the soundtrack, and Bud Cort. Bill Murray appears in many of Anderson's movies, but this is my favorite of his performances. He's like a less nice, heavier drinking Jacques Cousteau so, you know, delightful. The soundtrack is a mix of rock/pop hits from the 70s and 80s and performances of David Bowie songs in Portuguese (performed by the amazing Seu Jorge). I saw him perform these songs earlier this year and it was wonderful; go see him in concert if you have the opportunity. The movie also features Bud Cort, who we met earlier in this list as Harold in Harold and Maude. He plays an accountant who is kidnapped by pirates because that's the kind of movie this is.
8. Amelie (2001) - When I visited Paris in 2013, one of my planned stops was the cafe featured in Amelie. I spent a day in Montmartre and had lunch at Le Café des 2 Moulins. It was a highlight of my trip. The movie is another movie that I can only describe as "charming." Audrey Tautou plays Amelie, a shy waitress who helps her friends, discovers a secret admirer, and has adventures around Paris. There's also a traveling gnome, revenge, and lots of quirk. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I could tell you more, but that would ruin it so just watch the movie yourself.
9. Hairspray (1988) - This was the first John Waters movie I ever watched and it will always be my favorite. Set in 1962 Baltimore, Hairspray is at first glance, about a teenage girl who wants to be on a local televised dance show. However, it's also about civil rights, being comfortable with who you are, and doing what's right in the world. This was Ricki Lake's first movie role and she is a delight. Divine plays her mother, Edna, and is the best part of the movie. There's great fashion, dancing, and Vitamin C plays the mean girl. I would also recommend the musical movie version that came out a few years ago despite the fact that John Travolta is terrible in it. Queen Latifah and James Marsden make up for his awfulness. 
10. Elf (2003) - I figured I'd end with a Christmas movie since everyone is now welcome to start decorating and listening to Christmas music if that's your thing. If ever there was a person destined to play a human raised by elves, it's Will Ferrell. He's so perfect for the role of Buddy the Elf; my brother doesn't care for Ferrell and he likes this movie. That's saying something. It's one of the most quotable holiday movies ("Smiling is my favorite.). James Caan is very James Caan as Buddy's birth father and Ed Asner should always play Santa. It's also a little weird and quirky which makes it even better. Enjoy while drinking cocoa and enjoying some maple syrup.

I hope ten is enough movies to get through the long weekend. If anyone has any creative uses for leftovers, let me know. I'm thinking of making waffles out of the leftover stuffing to go with my viewing of You've Got Mail. I feel like those two things belong together.

Next weekend: Your Resident Single Friend goes speed dating. Yes, it's really happening. I wouldn't want my mother to worry that I'm going to die alone.

Old Lady Concert Rules: Loving you is cherry pie

Some pop confessions I need to make:

• Madonna's "Lucky Star" was the first pop song where I memorized both the lyrics and the video choreography. If pressed today, I could sing the song and probably do about half of the choreography. Eighties-era Madonna will always be my favorite.
• I stopped listening to boy bands after New Kids on the Block. I cannot stand any of the 90s era boy bands, but I enjoy Justin Timberlake's solo work. 
• I adore Ariana Grande as a human being and a member of the Hairspray Live cast, but only know two of her songs and only like one of them.
• "Toxic" is my favorite Britney Spears song because everyone has one favorite Britney Spears song.
• The Spice Girls are overrated. 
• Even though I actively fear the Beyhive, I don't love Beyonce. I appreciate her artistic vision and her social activism. The only Beyonce song I listen to is "Crazy in Love" and that's mostly because of the line about pagers which makes me giggle uncontrollably.  
• Until yesterday, I would have considered myself, at best, a casual Lady Gaga fan. 

I feel so much better after getting all of that out. Most of the true pop music I love is from the 1970s and 1980s, the best time for pop music. Give me David Cassidy (let's hope he gets better), Madonna, and every British synth band ever. While the 1990s was a heady time for pop music, there was so much else going on that I didn't focus on it much. By then, I was into rock, metal, old school punk, and alternative/indie music. Pop isn't my thing and that has continued well into the 2000s. I would never begrudge anyone their love of pop music; love what/who you love and own it. That's my motto when it comes to anything pop culture.

So I was late to the world of Lady Gaga. Her first album, The Fame (later reissued as The Fame Monster) was released in 2008 and catapulted her to stardom with songs like "Poker Face", "Paparazzi", "Just Dance," and "Bad Romance" (on the reissue). I was less interested in the songs on her first album, but drawn to the stage persona she created. The visual story Lady Gaga tells is amazing. It's avant-garde and weird and fun. It fells very much like long-form performance art. She was (still is) intriguing in the same way Bowie was intriguing in his many characters and personas throughout his early albums. Lady Gaga was another space alien dropped into our midst to bring us art and music and love. I just ignored her at first.

It wasn't until the Christmas after The Fame came out that I started to have an appreciation for Lady Gaga and her music rather than Lady Gaga and her spectacle. I was in Detroit for Christmas that year with my family and we happened to have a Canadian pop/rock station on while we were in town (you can get some Windsor-based radio stations in Detroit and some Detroit-based stations in Windsor). Anyway, "Paparazzi" was in heavy rotation on this station, playing every hour. Normally, this would annoy me. It's part of the reason I don't listen to pop stations; it's always the same songs on rotation. It gets boring. However, in this case, I became obsessed with the song. I was genuinely disappointed when I didn't hear it while in the car. I wasn't focused on the visual of the video, which is fantastic, but on the lyrics. At it's core, "Paparazzi" is about fandom. Obsessive, stalk-y fandom, but fandom nonetheless. There's a wonderful lyric in the third verse (I think), "Loving you is cherry pie" that I adore. Listening to this song on repeat that Christmas made me appreciate Lady Gaga for than the spectacle. I was starting to like her for her lyrics. I went home, bought a bunch of her songs, and and read the liner notes, one of my favorite musical past-times. Lady Gaga can write a song.

In the years since my Canadian radio obsession, she's released several more albums including the wildly successful Born This Way, worn a dress made out of meat at the VMAs, won some Grammys, and stole AHS: Hotel from everyone else who was on the show. She gave an amazing performance at the Super Bowl and performed with Metallica. She also did an album with Tony Bennett and has become an advocate for LGBTQ causes, created the Born This Way Foundation, worked with "Uncle" Joe Biden on the "It's On Us" campaign, and released the haunting "Til It Happens to You" for the film The Hunting Ground.

And then there's Joanne. Her current album, the one she's on tour with, is awesome. It's some of the pop-ness of her previous albums, but there's more rock and country influences weaving their way through. The lyrics on all of the songs, but particularly "Joanne," "Diamond Heart", and "Million Reasons," are solid. I can listen to the entire album on my commute to work in the morning and it's awesome. I feel like if you didn't like her previous albums, you'd like this one. It's got a little something for everyone. Critics have called it her most personal album; she even alluded to that during the concert. The album has a more mature, but also vulnerable and raw quality that the other albums don't have. I can listen to the whole album and start over again without even thinking twice. That doesn't often happen for me with full albums.

I had the opportunity to see the Joanne tour last night here in DC. My company has a suite at the Verizon/Capital One/Figure Out a Name Already Arena and I got tickets in a ticket lottery. My friend, Emily, joined me for the concert. I don't know that Emily and I can ever do things like concerts and baseball games together again; it seems like we always end up in the most extreme version of the event we can experience. It's exhausting. For the record, now that I've seen the show, if I could go back in time and buy tickets I would. A Lady Gaga concert is worth the money.

To say that it was a good concert would be like saying we need water to survive. It was a phenomenal concert; it's definitely in my top five concerts of all time. A Lady Gaga concert has everything: elaborate sets, fire, costume changes, cheeky language, love, rainbow bridges that make one think of The Wizard of Oz, risque choreography, salty language, awesome choreography, and beautiful lyrics. There were moments when I was overwhelmed by her talent and her humanness all at the same time. Some of my favorite moments were when she played the piano with nothing else going on. The acoustic version of "The Edge of Glory" was one of my favorite concert moments of all time. We also got to be involved in the American Music Awards (AMAs) which were on last night too. She performed "The Cure" from the concert on the show. Later on, they cut back to us when her category was announced and she won for Best Female Pop/Rock artist. It was a cool addition to an amazing experience.

As I told my mother, it felt like Lady Gaga wanted to give us all a hug and a puppy, but also wants us to be super fierce and not take anyone's shit. She talks about her pain, both emotional and physical, as a source of inspiration. She encourages people to ask for help and to understand "invisible" illnesses like chronic pain and mental illness. She told people to be nice to the 2 people in the arena who didn't cheer when she asked if they were part of the LGBTQ community or an ally of said community. Lady Gaga has created a space where her fans can come together and be themselves and love life and each other and be awesome. Lady Gaga fans, the Little Monsters, are delightful. Part of the fun of the show was seeing people in costume (from their favorite songs and albums), including a large number of men in the outfit from the cover of Joanne. Gentlemen, I salute you and your white pants. It's so different from other fandoms I've experienced. I'm sure there are catty Little Monsters, but I've never met one.

I woke up this morning, after way less sleep than I'm used to, feeling amazing. I had a wonderful Monday. Is it after effects of a truly inspirational concert experience? It might just be.

Please excuse me while I go listen to Joanne again.

 Happy Thanksgiving from the Island! A new Lazy Movie Weekend post will be up on Saturday (or Friday night if I'm super ambitious).

You're Doing Everything Wrong: Butternut squash burns edition

The kitchen smelled like goodness and deliciousness, chasing the cold, gray day away. I spooned butternut squash from the pot to the blender as instructed by the helpful Food Network recipe. And then it happened. I was transferring one batch from the blender to the bowl and somehow, a glob of squash made its way to my hand instead of to its home in the bowl. I felt like I was in the slow motion part of an action movie; my movements didn't match the pain I was experiencing. Instead of flinging the errant squash off my hand, I was transfixed by it's beautiful golden hue. My movements slowed and the pain increased. Finally, I snapped out of it and got my hand under some cold water.

Stupid squash.

This is what happens when I plan to cook. I get all excited about making certain recipes and I think I'm doing a good job planning out how the cooking will impact my week. But then the squash starts attacking, the brussel sprouts get an attitude, and I realize I have ground ginger not grated ginger because I'm an animal (apparently). I do everything wrong when it comes to cooking and meal planning.

I'm a planner in literally every other aspect of my life (have you seen my color organized closet?), but I've never been good at meal planning. Conceptually, I understand meal planning. I'm obsessed with the fact that there are over two million results when I Google "meal planning containers" - that's just for the containers to hold said meals. There are almost twenty million results when searching for "meal planning." Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has an opinion or method for getting your meal plan on. I've read so many articles on this, trying to get inspired. Friends, who do this well, have shared recipes and techniques they've found useful over the years. I've tried their techniques. I've made the recipes (some of them), but it never seems to stick. I could pretend like it's because I'm a terrible cook, but I'm not. While I prefer baking, but I'm a good cook. As my friend Emily would say, I would make my village proud where we still living in times when a woman was judged based on her cooking skills and ability to birth children. Oh wait...

Anyway, it's not my cooking skills. What I've come to realize is my aversion to being good at meal planning comes down to four things:

1. I'm an incredibly indecisive person when it comes to deciding what I want to eat on a particular day.
2. I don't like eating the same thing more than twice in a row.
3. I get easily distracted by convenience.
4. I'm only cooking for me. 

I'm not a picky eater; a family only needs one of those and my brother called dibs on that long before I was born. Since I'm not picky, the options are endless, which is overwhelming, so I resort to making the same five or six things because I know I like them and it's easy. One of the things about meal planners that I admire is how creative they get with recipes. No, I don't normally cook sugar pumpkins (those are the little ones used for pies and soup), but I'd love to try! I don't ever think that way and I'm indecisive about food. How can I possibly make a dish that will last me a week if I'm not sure I'm going to want to eat that on Thursday? It's a level of food commitment that I'm not sure I have in me. Maybe this is also why I'm still single. I decided that to combat this particular issue, I would commit first to breakfast items for my meal planning experiment. Breakfast, like a lunch date, is less formal and less stressful. I converted my family banana bread recipe to muffin form and divided them into packs of two, freezing some and leaving others out. These are delicious and one of the best things I've made in a long time. I'd share the recipe, but my dad has to give permission first; it's a long story. I also attempted overnight oats for a few weeks. Let's just say that mushy oatmeal is not my thing. I wanted it to work out but no amount of pecans or fruit could help. I'll stick to regular old oatmeal moving forward.

After my mixed successes with breakfast, I decided to focus on lunch. When I started my new job back in June, I set a goal for myself to bring my lunch more frequently. We have very nice cafes within the office and full kitchens so there is no reason not to embrace lunch. No reason except I'm me. I was doing well for a while, bringing salads and leftovers, but it was so easy to walk downstairs and get something from the cafeteria. Before I started making work friends, I'd go out by myself to lunch to get off campus for a bit. Then I remembered my goal and decided to try some new things for lunch. Inspired by my friend Jessica's meal planning, I tried Thai Turkey Lettuce Wraps and some fancier salad ingredients (from a series of recipes Jessica sent me). I made my favorite crockpot recipe; Turkey Sloppy Joes. I roasted a chicken so I could use it in salads and throw it in cauliflower fried rice for an exciting change. I did fine for awhile, but then the business of work and the stresses of commuting reared their ugly heads and I got lazy again. Then I got annoyed with myself for being lazy.

Enter the butternut squash soup.

I sat down at my computer two weekends ago and began my search for an easy butternut squash soup recipe. I enjoy butternut squash and it's been getting colder so I figured making soup on the weekend for the week was a great idea. I also made a Santa Maria Tri-Tip roast from Trader Joe's on the same weekend so I could alternate between the soup and veggies and the roast (which I put in a salad and had with acorn squash that didn't burn me). The only day I caved and didn't bring lunch was food truck day. I felt that was justifiable for Korean fried chicken. Anyway, I felt accomplished. Despite my squash burn, I successfully made meals for the week and brought them to work and ate them. My breakfasts included the banana nut muffins. The week went smashingly.

Building on the success of the week, I went searching for more recipes. I found a bunch of options in a Buzzfeed post featuring one pan chicken dishes. I opted to make the Sheet Pan Chicken Stir Fry as my first recipe. Besides having to buy oyster sauce and sesame oil, I'm not sure this recipe made much of an impression. I ate it for dinner the day I made it and then brought it for lunch twice last week. It's not terrible; the sauce was good and it was easy to make. It just wasn't great. I was underwhelmed and ended up eating peanut butter and jelly one day and buying a quesadilla from the cafeteria on Friday. If I make this recipe again, I'll double the sauce, add some chili paste, and a few different vegetables (maybe carrots and cauliflower). I'm not giving up hope on this one, but it needs some work.

I have three new recipes to try; Chicken and Pumpkin Rice, Slow Cooker Beef Stroganoff, and Chicken with Sweet Potatoes and Apples (also a sheet pan recipe). These are all things I think I can eat for more than a few days. If none of them work out, one of my delightful co-workers gave me a coupon for a free Hello Fresh box. I'm contemplating the veggie plan for some variety. Even if I don't like it, I won't be out anything.

And that's the real result of this experiment. I've lost nothing. I've accomplished much, even if I don't think I have. I may still cave on occasion and get food truck food or go to the cafeteria rather than eat that salad I so beautifully prepared, but at least I'm trying. I'm trying new recipes. I'm trying to be better about bringing lunch. I'm trying to be healthier when I can be. I will never be these women, but I'm good with that.

Recipes:

• Butternut Squash Soup
• Copycat Chipotle Cilantro Lime Rice
• Thai Turkey Meal Plan Lettuce Wraps
• Sheet Pan Chicken Stir Fry
• Crockpot Turkey Sloppy Joe's
• Chicken Cauliflower Fried Rice
• Slow Cooker Creamy Beef Stroganoff
• One Pot Chicken and Pumpkin Rice
• Sheet Pan Chicken with Sweet Potatoes, Apples, and Brussel Sprouts

Coming soon to the Island: I try speed dating, a special Thanksgiving edition of Lazy Movie Weekend, and I reflect on six months at my new job. Where does the time go?

Lazy Movie Weekend: Sometimes the final girl sucks

Happy Halloween! As is my Halloween tradition, we begin today's post with the greatest Halloween song of all time:

If you haven't seen the 1986 gem The Worst Witch, you need to get on that stat. If anyone wants to buy the $100 copy on Amazon for me, I won't say no.

Horror movies are high on my list of wonderful things about Halloween. Yes, I'm aware that I can watch a horror movie on any day of the year, but watching horror movies on or around Halloween is better than watching them on a random Tuesday in April. The chill in the air, the sugar hangover from eating too many mellowcreme pumpkins (not a thing - you can never have too many mellowcreme pumpkins), the fact that it's sweater season, all of these things make watching horror movies so much more fun. I've written several posts over the years, detailing some of my favorites. I plan on spending this year watching two of my favorites, Halloween (the original) and Shaun of the Dead, which isn't a horror movie per se, but I like my scary/funny balance so it stays.
 
Instead of talking about what you should watch, I'd like to spend this Lazy Movie Weekend steering you away from two movies that are only scary in how much of a disappointment they both are. I grew up watching terrible movies on WGN and USA's Up All Night. I've seen the Swamp Thing movies and Troll 2 and countless other crappy horror movies where things like boom mics were visible and costumes were probably made by a group of third graders. What usually happens with these movies is that they're so terrible, they walk down the path of awful and end up being moderately amusing. Or at least an option for my very own Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode from the comfort of my couch. I'm game to take a gamble on a straight to video release or a Netflix original because it might become one of these types of movies if it doesn't end up being very good. My friend, Emily, committed herself to a "31 Days of Halloween" movie/show challenge. She planned to watch at least one Halloween movie (horror/family/thriller) each day for the entire month. I joined her recently for dinner and a few Halloween movies. We made terrible choices.

I love a horror movie with a strong female lead. Some of the best horror movies, the original versions of Halloween, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre all feature strong female characters and helped to create the concept of "the final girl." A final girl is the last person standing at the end of a horror movie, after the psycho killer or malevolent force has killed everyone she ever loved. It's almost always a young women, hence the name. There are a handful of final guys, but it's far less common. The 1990s and early 2000s were a great time for final girls in horror, giving us Sydney, Alice, and Julie James (Scream, Resident Evil, and I Know What You Did Last Summer respectively). There have been some great final girls in more recent movies too (Cabin in the Woods, anyone?). Final girls are badass and will fight until the bitter end of the movie. Both of the movies Emily and I selected had such great potential for final girls, but they failed miserably.

Up first, Final Girl starring Abigail Breslin and Wes Bentley. I've had this movie on my Netflix list for awhile now. The premise is promising: Wes Bentley's William trains Abigail Breslin's Veronica to be a killing machine. She then proceeds to go after a group of young men who kill blonde women for no apparent reason. It all takes place in the 1960s in the woods of a nondescript American town. The movie is terribly boring. It's not a horror movie, but it had all the elements of a great thriller, which always qualifies a movie for inclusion at Halloween. The plot was confusing; was William saying the younger men killed his family or were somehow connected to the "bad man" that did? Did we really need a mommy/incest story line for one of the dudes? Why would anyone go to the woods with a bunch of dudes they just met? What is up with the girlfriend's poofy bangs? The most satisfying part of this movie, other than the end, was watching the Frank Sinatra wannabe character get an axe to the chest. I only wish Veronica had punched him in the larynx first. Our time would have been better spent re-watching Little Miss Sunshine (for optimal Abigail Breslin) or American Horror Story: Hotel (optimal Wes Bentley).

If Final Girl failed to be interesting, the second movie, Abattoir, just failed. Again, the premise is the stuff of great horror movies: a journalist and a cop team up to figure out of why a mystery man is buying properties where tragedies take place (murders, suicides, etc.) and then removing the room where the tragedy took place. Of course, it's personal since the journalist's sister and her family are killed. Turns out the mystery man is building an abattoir (a slaughterhouse, if you are not familiar with this term or don't listen to Nick Cave), filled with death and despair. Julia and her cop buddy (the brother from Across the Universe looking like a heroin addict) have to figure out how to save her sister's soul and destroy the house. Cool premise, right? It has all the makings of a great horror movie and it was filmed in Louisiana (from what I could tell) so there are some wonderful settings that add to the creep factor.

Man, does it fail. The movie is set in the present but Julia, played by Jessica Lowndes, better known for her roles in Hallmark holiday movies, really loves the 1950s. In a better movie, this would be a quirky and endearing. Not here. It's annoying and mildly confusing. There's a weird cult plot line that feels like it should have been the focus of the movie but isn't (or maybe a separate movie). The romance between Julia and the cop is forced; I've seen more sparks in a Hallmark holiday movie (and they only kiss in the final two minutes of those movies so this is saying a lot). Dayton Callie is the mystery man and is appropriately creepy. He was great on CSI as the guy they thought was the Miniature Killer. But he can only do so much. The brightest spots were two of my favorite New Orleans actors, Bryan Batt and John "Spud" McConnell, making appearances as Julia's boss and the small town sheriff, respectively. They couldn't save this mess either.

I didn't even stay to watch the end. As I'm an old person and go to bed at 9:30 during the week, I had to drive home from Emily's house. She watched the last 20 minutes without me and reported that I missed nothing. Like the rest of the movie, it was confusing and she wasn't quite sure who all died in the end. You should know who died at the end of horror movie.

What we enjoyed most about this movie was reading the reviews on IMDB. Since the movie was so terrible, Emily and I spent a good portion of our time reading the reviews aloud. Here are some highlights:

• I am still mourning my money that I wasted on this turd of a movie at the fantasy film fest. Sitting trough this felt like a root treatment without anesthesia, wearing Spanish boots while listening to Justin Bieber. I seriously doubt that most of positive ratings are authentic. It is a really bad movie. Period.
  
• I seriously wish there was a way to give negative numbers. This movie was awful. Nothing made sense.
  
• What is this? Why are there so many positive reviews? This film doesn't feel like it needs to explain any of it's "creative" decisions to you. Oh yeah it's a 30's reporter working at a 50's newspaper driving a 50's car in a modern setting. What? That's not creative and not how you do things, I felt like this was a sequel or that I needed some kind of explanation before hand, or some visual clues, something, anything, but no this movie just expects you to just go with it. But it doesn't feel right, it feels forced and uneven and wrong. I mean can you honestly tell me that when you saw her talking to her sister that it felt right, and that that didn't bother you? I don't know what was the goal here. It's a mess.

(These are printed as they appear on IMDB; I have not corrected grammar or edited in anyway. Click the link above to read more, including some questionable positive reviews.)

I think Brian Tallerico sums it up best as "one of the most baffling and ineffective horror films of the year." I haven't figured out how any of those positive reviews even exist. It makes no sense. Julia could have been an epic final girl, but nope, she's a waste of a perfectly good vintage wardrobe.

My advice, dear Island readers? Plan your Halloween horror movie viewing carefully. Don't listen to Netflix when it recommends a movie to you based on your previous viewing of The Craft; that recommendation will lead you to Final Girl. You're better off re-watching both seasons of Stranger Things and thanking the Duffer brothers for giving us the treasure that is Chief Hopper.

Until next Halloween...

The Second Return to Transient Suburbia

Every time I go to an artist or writer's talk, there's always that one person who asks the question about how the artist or writer makes their work happen. This person is usually the last person to ask a question and he or she always prefaces the question with a bunch of details about their own work and it's usually excruciatingly awkward. As an audience member, I'm usually sitting there wondering where the question is or if this person only wanted to share that her new work would be shown in a basement gallery on a Tuesday at 11 am if anyone wants to come see it. Good for you, but where's the question? She finally asks the question: "What's your process?" or some variation on that question. The artist or writer always answer the same way: they get up and work. They write, they paint, they sculpt, they play music. Whatever their art is they do that every day because it's their job. The person asking always seems disappointed by this answer. I'm sure he or she expected some grand answer which would help solve the writer's block or artist's block they're having. Or help them create when maybe their art isn't their only job.

Maybe that writer does have a thing he does everyday, rituals that help him ease into his writing flow or whatever, but that's only going to work for him. If a writer told me, "I get up every morning, have a cigarette, drink a pot of coffee, walk around the neighborhood, do seven jumping jacks, place my composition notebook facing east, and then I sit down to write," I wouldn't be able to do it since I don't smoke and I'm terrible at cardinal directions. If he also told me he made some offering to one of the goddesses of creativity, I might try that one out to see what's it all about. Unless it involves sacrificing a goat. I don't think I'm the "sacrifice a goat for my art" kind of person. My point is there is no answer except to write or create.

And that's where the challenge lies. My day job isn't to write. As much as I would like it to be sometimes, it's not. I haven't written anything new for Transient Suburbia, my novel, since March. I spent last fall and much of the winter rewriting parts of the novel and adding new sections along the way. I had seven beta readers look at it; five provided feedback. They all seemed to enjoy the story and the characters. At least two of them confirmed what I had been thinking about adding a section for the main character, Harper, at college. I decided to add the section to give the story a little more conflict and dimension. This new section would take place in Nashville, a city I have never visited. Because I wanted to make it feel real, I planned my trip, had few ideas sketched out, and was ready to go.

Then my aunt died and I canceled my trip. The I was laid off. My mom was in and out of the hospital. I was in the middle of a stressful job search. Pumpkin died (although this happened later). I was stressed out and not feeling creative. I kept writing the Island because I had to write something and I can literally write anything on here, but I stayed away from my novel. I couldn't bring myself to touch it or think too much about it. I love my characters and the world I created, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't write them while all of the other things were going on. It bothered me that in a time when I had nothing but time I couldn't write. I felt like I was failing even if no one was asking about it or cared if I was finished. I'd pick up my notebook and stare at it for longer than necessary. The Nashville section was on hold; I didn't want to write about a place I had never been. I wanted it to feel real. My focus was gone. I felt empty when I thought about it so I tucked it away, hoping I would find my way back to it sooner rather than later.

I found a job (as most of you know). My mom is doing better. I mean, she keeps telling me she's worried that I'm going to die alone. I take this to be a sign that she's feeling better. I have come to terms with my aunt's passing and the fact that we weren't close but that didn't mean I didn't love her or care about her. I have let my anger at what happened with my previous job go. I'm still very sad about Pumpkin, so please stop asking me when I'm going to adopt a cat. If I'm supposed to have another cat, I'll know when the time is right. I promise I'll let you know.

More surprisingly, I'm finally ready to come back to Transient Suburbia.

Here's what happened. I was asked to go to Portland to deliver a workshop on public speaking for work. I went out a bit early to explore the city and adjust to the time difference. I had a great time in Portland; I'm planning to go back for an actual vacation and do more. I feel like I only scratched the surface of the area. It was nice to be out of Northern Virginia for a few days. A change of scenery can lead to inspiration. That's what people always say right? It's what I told myself as I prepared for the trip.  I brought my notebook with me just in case inspiration struck. I didn't seek it out. I didn't go to see any live music although that is something I enjoy doing when I visit a new city. I took in my new surroundings and relaxed, truly relaxed, for the first time in months.

And then it happened. I was sitting in a pub, listening to Alice in Chains and Soundgarden, enjoying a local beer (don't ask me which one), people watching, and eavesdropping a little bit. I mean, the table next to me was pretty loud so it's not like I had to try hard to hear what they were talking about. They, two couples, were discussing classic rock and the fact that songs from their youth were now playing on the local classic rock station. One of the guys was focused on the fact that Nirvana was playing in fairly heavy rotation on the station right now and it was messing with his mind. The other guy and the two women were explaining that that's how it worked; a song hits the 20 year mark and it becomes classic rock. Even if it was part of a sub-genre of rock, it still qualifies. Nirvana and Green Day and Pearl Jam and Soundgarden are all old enough to be on the station. It is an inevitability.

He was having nothing to do with this argument. He felt that those songs didn't belong on the stations alongside Kansas and Styx and Journey. He failed to mention Led Zeppelin and The Clash and The Rolling Stones and all those other bands who are also classic rock and are pretty fantastic (sorry Kansas, Styx, and Journey fans); he could only focus on bands that people tend to either really love or really hate. At some point in the conversation, he started being "insufferable music guy" and I could actually hear his dinner companions' eyes roll. I can see both sides of the argument; music gets classified a certain way after a certain time. That's how it works, but it pains me to hear the songs of my youth on the station here in DC. When did I get so old? Didn't these bands change music? Didn't they defy categorization? They can't be on the classic rock station. We need more time!

The couples moved on to another topic eventually and my dinner arrived so I stopped actively listening to them. Instead, I enjoyed my meal and then it hit me. This discussion was exactly the way I wanted to start the new section of the novel except that my version takes place in the late 1990s when Harper is in college. She will have this discussion on a first date with a guy and this will be what they will end up arguing about. He will be the guy in the restaurant and she will be the one arguing about the inevitability of music classification. They will fall madly in love because of this conversation. And then other stuff will happen. I haven't actually written any of this or figured out the rest, but I will. I will figure it out and it will be glorious...or at least it will get me to the finish with the story I love so much.

Thanks insufferable guy at the pub. I appreciate your strong opinions and thank you for your service to Transient Suburbia. I don't know your name but I promise to thank you in the acknowledgments as "Insufferable Nirvana Guy in Portland, OR." You're welcome.

Coming soon to the Island: I do everything wrong when it comes to meal planning, my annual Halloween Lazy Movie Weekend post arrives, and I decide to try speed dating. It's going to be a very exciting fall/winter here on the Island!