Your Resident Single Friend: Grease is a terrible musical

In a few weeks, I'll enter the last year of my thirties. I've loved this particular decade of my life the most. I didn't love high school or my twenties, but my thirties have been pretty awesome. I've done a lot of cool things, spent time with the people in my life who are most important, and gotten comfortable with being my weird, quirky self. I've also embraced the fine art of not caring what other people think. It's a refreshing way to live one's life. I mean, I care about people's opinions of things that matter, like politics or whether they eat Twizzlers or Red Vines at the movies (Twizzlers is the correct answer), but I'm less inclined to care about what others think of me. This works fine in most situations, but isn't always helpful in one particular area: dating.

I haven't quite figured out is this dating thing. Regular Island readers may recall those times I signed up for online dating and that one time I went to a speed dating event, neither of which were particularly successful in the "going out on dates" side of things. However, they were very successful in providing me with amusing anecdotes to share here on the Island and strengthening my belief that more people have secret families than not. I've recently gone the online dating route again, this time on a site I like to describe as "online dating for do-gooders" and an app only site that sends me clever emails everyday with my matches, but doesn't seem to help any of these dudes with writing their profiles. During this time, I've gone on one horrible coffee date, chatted online with a very nice dude who was clearly lonely and then vanished, and filtered through lots of guys who seem like nice guys, just not my nice guy. I'm starting to think I'm missing the dating gene OR I missed the day in school where instead of being separated to watch videos about periods and how our bodies are changing, my classmates went to a class and learned how to date. I did miss the class where they taught us how to dress like a woman, so anything is possible.

A couple of trends have emerged during this go-around online:

• I seem to attract, at least online, much younger guys (like 22) or much older guys (like mid-50s into their 60s). I'm sure there are merits to either group, but I'm really not interested in exploring either.
• Dudes seem to believe saying "you're beautiful" is a good opening line. Am I supposed to reply with a comment about his handsomeness? What if he's not handsome? "Thank you" seems like the best route, but then I'm stuck for where to go next. Maybe start with something a little less grand and build up to that one.
• The fine art of understanding proper grammar has died. It's "you're" not "your" (see above comment) and there is not character limit so please leave text speak to actual texting. I'm such an old lady.
• Why include photos of you with other women? Maybe she's your sister or best friend, but with no context, I see one of two things: secret family or you just got divorced and you're not over her yet.
• Married guys - what are you doing on these sites? You have your own sites so go over there and stay there. 
• Kids! Are the children in the photos yours? Be up front about whether or not you're a parent. It's cool if you are, but I have to make a choice if I want to be involved in that life or not so I'd like to know.
• The amount of specificity in descriptions of physical traits is unnerving and a bit much.

I don't look my age, which is something I thank my parents and my skincare regime for every day. (And by skincare regime, I mean I wash my face, moisturize, and wear sunscreen. Occasionally, I use an exfoliating mask. That's it.) Some of the profiles talk about what a person is looking for in a match and often, they describe a woman's physical appearance and that appearance relative to age. I've seen comments about wearing lots of makeup (seen as both a positive and negative), hair length and color (no gray! long hair only!), "takes care of herself", which is open for lots of interpretation, and my favorite, being "fashion forward." Yes, some dude wrote that he wanted a woman who is fashion forward. This would be fine if he was wearing something other than gym clothes in every one of his profile pictures. I've also seen a few profiles that included comments about women not looking their age (a plus) and interest in women who alter their looks (this one mentioned plastic surgery specifically; he was cool with it).

I've brought this up with a few of my friends recently, and it's been fascinating to hear their responses to the idea of aging and how they discuss physical appearance in their profiles. Literally, everything from dressing differently on a first data to Botox in your 30s has come up. My head is still hurting from some of these discussions. Like me, most of my friends don't describe physical appearance when we fill out the exact same questions these guys are filling out. Each of us seems to have a type, but we don't spell it out in the profile questions. My friends also noticed that we're not allowed to age and it would be cool if we changed ourselves physically. Some of them are okay with this; others are not. The message is pretty clear: once we start to "show" our age, we have to stop dating, get a bunch of cats, and wear caftans OR change our physical self somehow. I'm down for the cats and maybe the caftans, but I refuse to believe anything else.

This is why I hate the musical/movie Grease. If you recall the plot, girl next door Sandy meets greaser Danny while on summer vacation. None of their friends are around when this happens, so Sandy doesn't know Danny is the leader of a gang called the T-Birds. She also doesn't know he gets around and is sort of a jerk. Sandy shows up at Rydell High in the fall and it changes everything. During the course of the musical, Sandy tries to fit her girl next door personality/look into Danny's T-Birds/Pink Ladies world and it doesn't work. It works for a little while, but then the dance happens and Sandy is literally pushed out of Danny's life. Danny, meanwhile, doesn't do much to try to fit into Sandy's life except going out for the track team. It isn't until Sandy becomes a Pink Lady (sort of), with skintight pants and big hair, that all is righted in the world of Grease. Sandy had to change physically, while Danny had to change personally (sort of). I would argue his change isn't really that big either; he doesn't leave his friends behind or get rid of his cool car; he letters in track. I was always disappointed in this ending, even when I was younger. The whole thing is so unbalanced.

I'm not interested in altering my looks for anyone but me. Look, I color my hair, mostly because I like experimenting with different degrees of red over my normally strawberry blonde red, and a little bit because I have some grays that I'm not quite ready to deal with. I will be, at some point, and then I will stop coloring my hair. But you'll notice this statement is all about me. Cosmetic surgery (on any level) is not for me either. I'm not judging anyone who does it as long as you do it for you. I don't wear a lot of makeup so I'm not going to start now. I love fashion, but always dress like me. Maybe Sandy did want to look that way at the end of Grease, but I think that's bullshit. Does anyone really want to wear pants like that? How did she sit down in those pants without them splitting? I refuse to believe that outfit was comfortable and made her feel like she was herself.

It took me a long time to be comfortable and confident in who I am. I know this is true for many of my friends too. Society as a whole is getting better at realizing there isn't one life timeline that works for everyone, but that doesn't stop the questions and the judgement about being single or dressing a certain way or having really short hair. I can embrace not caring about what others think, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes place a little doubt in my head, making me think about all of this and wonder if I'm wrong in my choices or beliefs. In these moments, I turn on Grease 2, which is the better movie, and all is right in the world.


Coming soon to the Island: a Lazy Movie Weekend post about pie, some baking/cooking stuff, and I volunteer for the MLB All-Star game. It's going to be a super fun summer!

Image

Old Lady Concert Rules: This entire city is that guy

There is a startling epidemic in the city of Memphis. No, I'm not talking about crime or gentrification or drugs. No, I'm talking about something completely frivolous: it's a city of people being that guy.

If you didn't grow up on a steady diet of 90s era comedies like me, let me refresh your memory on what "being that guy" means. In the 1994 campus comedy PCU, Jeremy Piven's Droz leads a group of weirdos from "the Pit" in a crusade against a massive wave of political correctness on campus. In one scene, he stops Gutter (Jon Favreau) as Gutter is leaving to catch his ride to a concert. Gutter is wearing the shirt of the band he's going to see. Droz stops Gutter and tells him he needs to change because you can't wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy.

Other than the fact that PCU was probably the last time anyone truly enjoyed Jeremy Piven, it has the distinction of inspiring my first Old Lady Concert Rule: don't wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy. Over the years, I've added more rules to this list and the shirt rule is now number two on the actual list I created. I get it; you go to a show, buy a shirt, and then you go to see the band again, and you think, "I'll wear the shirt I bought last time this time and I'll be awesome. Everyone will know I've seen them before and I'll be super cool. It's going to be epic!" Concert shirts used to be the way to identify your people; people who share a love of the same band or musician you love. That is not how the world works anymore. I can buy literally any band/concert shirt I want on the internet. It'll be delivered to my home in a few days or immediately with a drone if I give Jeff Bezos my first born. This takes a little fun out of the community of concert goers. I don't know if I'm talking to someone who actually likes AC/DC or someone who bought a cool shirt at Urban Outfitters. The internet ruins so many things.

We were in Memphis to see the Foo Fighters show. Graceland was an added bonus because we were there and it felt wrong to go all the way to Memphis and not visit the King. Also, I'm a huge Elvis fan so it would actually be a violation of some fan rule somewhere (probably). Anyway, the day of the Foo Fighters show, we decided to see the Peabody ducks, walk around Beale Street, day drink, and tour the Memphis Rock 'N' Soul Museum and Memphis Music Hall of Fame.

Please enjoy this video of the Peabody ducks:

We saw the first guy (and girl) at the Peabody. We were having breakfast before the ducks came down and this couple was at the table next to us. They were both wearing Foo Fighters shirts. Then we saw a few more people at the duck ceremony, one of whom was carrying a Foo Fighters record. I guess he wanted to bring it to the show? Maybe he had tickets for a meet and greet; I don't know. It seemed odd. It didn't stop with the people at the Peabody; we saw Foo Fighters shirts all day, from wandering down Beale Street to day drinking to having dinner. We reached peak "being that guy" experience as we sat outside the FedEx Forum waiting to go in. Everywhere we looked, there were people being that guy. In some cases, there were entire families in matching shirts being that guy together.

My brother and I made jokes about this all day and discussed whether there were sub-rules for the "being that guy rule." Here are some possible sub-rules we came up with:

• When in a group or couple, don't wear the same shirt of the band you're going to see. If you're going to be that guy, at least be unique.
• If the shirt is more than 10 years old, you may wear the shirt to the show if you actually went to the original show 10 years ago or you inherited said shirt from your parents. I'm calling this "the Tim Rule" in honor of my friend Tim who deserves to wear the shirts he has collected over the years. He is an excellent rock and roll citizen.
• Teach your children not to be that guy. If you're going to be the cool parents who take their kids to shows and are lucky enough to have kids who like the same music you do, make sure they end up as good rock and roll citizens. They don't need to be that guy.

I know some of you are saying, "Geez, Erin, I thought you liked the fact that music brings together a community of people. You're always saying that. Maybe you should acknowledge the shirts as a way to do that. Also, why are you being so un-fun?" Yes, I am always saying that and I do love this about music. It's one of the things I love most about music, generally speaking. I love finding people who enjoy the same bands and musicians I do and listening to music with them. I love arguing with people about music. But I have never walked up to a person wearing a Foo Fighters shirt and just started chatting with them. That's not my style and given our less than civil society, they'd probably be uncomfortable with a stranger randomly talking to them. People are weird that way. That's why this is an old lady concert rule; un-fun is okay in the world of old lady concert rules.

It's also very possible I negated the t-shirt rule anyway since I stood for almost the entire Foo Fighters show. Granted, we were in the last row of our section and the box seating was directly behind us so no one was going to miss out if we stood. That's the kind of show you get when you go to a Foo Fighters show; it's the sort of show that makes you want to stand and dance and sing along. It's three hours of rock and roll awesomeness. I can't think of another band that exemplifies rock and roll citizenship like the Foo Fighters. And yes, they did play the "Imagine/Jump" mashup. It was the perfect way to end a day of wandering around music history.

Did I mention the goat? We had time to kill between museums and the concert so we decided to visit a bar called Silky O'Sullivans. It's a bar on Beale Street known for its BBQ, New Orleans-y vibe (the owner was king in five different Mardi Gras krewes in the 80s and 90s), and beer guzzling goats. Apparently, the goats used to dive off the goat tower (one of only four in the world) and would drink beer so they were also drunk goats. According to our waiter, the goats went to rehab and are now sober (PETA complained). You can feed them crackers and watch them wander around their pen and walk to the top of the tower. We didn't feed them, but we did watch them as we listened to a local band and day drank. I highly recommend the Pink Cadillac and friend pickles. It might sound like a weird combination, but it's delicious.

We had dinner at Dyer's Burgers - the secret is in the 100 year old grease they use to cook the burger. They were damn good.

Misfit Toys Road Trip: Thank you. Thank you very much.

What does one wear to Graceland? I probably thought about this more than a lot of other trip planning items. Elvis loved fashion and I didn't want to disappoint. Should I go full on retro and dress like an extra from one of Elvis's movies? Should I go full on Priscilla - lots of belted waistlines and elegant dresses? Or should I go straight up American tourist: jeans, t-shirt, obscenely large bag, possibly a hat? Let's say I landed somewhere in the middle of all of these ideas, vintage-y capris, basic tee, Converse sneakers, no hat, and a moderately sized bag. Yes, I'm aware no one cares, but I care and that's what matters most. Visiting the home of musical royalty is nothing to take lightly.

Seriously, ask the millions of people who have visited Graceland since it opened to the public as a museum and shrine to Elvis in 1982. They come from far and wide to see the home of one of the most beloved musicians in history. Graceland welcomed its 20 millionth visitor in 2016 and expanded to include an entire entertainment complex across the street from the mansion property. I have wanted to visit Graceland since I started listening to Elvis when I was around 10 years old. I have loved Elvis from the very moment I heard my first song. Elvis was a good transition from the boy bands I was into at the time to real deal rock and roll bands I love now. Elvis didn't invent rock and roll, but you're crazy if you don't understand or acknowledge his role in creating the genre. My favorite album of his will always be Aloha from Hawaii; I've watched the special at least a dozen times. My favorite songs include "That's Alright" (his first single on the Sun label), " Can't Help Falling in Love", "Suspicious Minds", "Blue Hawaii", "Fever", "Kentucky Rain", and "Little Sister." I could listen to Elvis records all day and never, ever be bored. 

When my brother and I decided to drive to Memphis to go to a Foo Fighters concert, we agreed to add Graceland to the itinerary. My brother is a great human being and understands my love of Elvis. For an early birthday present, he booked us on a VIP tour and included the planes because now you can tour Elvis's planes. Have you really visited Graceland if you skip the planes? 

Presley purchased Graceland for his parents, Gladys and Vernon, in 1957. They were looking for a larger home and Gladys found Graceland (the name is original to the house), just outside of Memphis. It underwent extensive renovations before the family moved in. Gladys, Elvis's beloved mother, would only get to live in the house for a short time before her death. Elvis and his mother were close; ultimately, the house was a gift for her. He wanted to provide for her and take care of her as she had taken care of him all his life. Graceland is not an ostentatious house from the outside; it's a pretty ranch style house with sprawling land. It's not until you go inside that you really get a sense of the grandeur and extravagance that Elvis brought into the house. 

Elvis grew up poor in Tupelo, MS. His family lived in shotgun shacks and boarding houses most of his life. I'm not surprised by the over-the-top nature of the house given his upbringing and how much he wanted to take care of his family. According to the narrated tour (John Stamos, by the way), Elvis thought of Graceland as his oasis, where he could be with his family, relax, and work all in the same place. He liked to decorate and enjoyed changing up the furniture and the style of the house. You can joke about Elvis all you want, but as far as I'm concerned, he was allowed his Jungle Room, weird monkey statues, gold-plated everything, and sequin covered pillows. The man earned it.

Our adventure at Graceland started with a VIP tour bus from the entertainment complex, Elvis Presley's Memphis, to the mansion. We were the only people in the 10:30 am tour so we had a private bus and viewing of the introduction video; Scott and I know how to roll. We were given tablets with headsets, allowing the dulcet tones of John Stamos to wash over us and lead us through the house. The first room is the living room, complete with peacock stained glass, portraits, and a white sofa that I can only imagine was a bitch to keep clean. One of the many pianos on the property can be seen through the living room in the music room. It's gorgeous. 

From the living room, the tour continues to his parents' room, complete with custom poodle wallpaper, the dining room, and the kitchen. The kitchen was 1970s panel gloriousness, dark and smaller than I thought. A large portion of the house is dark, with paneling and elaborate ceilings that made it feel a little more closed in than I expected. Elvis was a tall man and I have to wonder if he ever felt too tall for parts of the house.

Downstairs includes a mirrored staircase, the billiard room, and a tv room that featuring a wall of televisions and the first of the questionable monkey statues that appear in the house. The monkey is a little creepy; Elvis did have a pet monkey, but this statue is not a pet. It reminded me of something that would come to life in a horror movie and try to steal my soul. See for yourself:

The path out of the billiard room brings visitors back upstairs directly into the Jungle Room, probably the most famous room on display at Graceland. Eventually the Jungle Room would be converted into a studio. Elvis recorded his last two studio albums in this room. It's another dark paneled room, with Tiki statues, more weird monkey statues, and furniture that doesn't look comfortable, but apparently was (thanks, John Stamos). 

The rest of the property includes the stables, Vernon's office, and the Trophy Room, which now houses a display about the family, the house, and various furniture and pieces of fan art sent over the years. The only commissioned portrait of Elvis is also here and it is extraordinary. The last part of the tour includes the racquet ball court and another music room. It happens to be the last place where Elvis played music before he died. After viewing this room, the outside path leads to the Meditation Garden, where Elvis, his parents, and his grandmother are all interred. A small memorial for his twin brother is also here; he's buried in Tupelo. It's a quiet space where fans can pay their final respects to the King. Elvis's tombstone includes script written by his father and is a lovely tribute. You can tell how much love there was in this family.

After leaving the mansion, we were bused back to the entertainment complex where we continued our almost five-hour experience at Graceland. From the mansion, we toured the car museum, saw exhibits on Elvis's time in the Army, his birthplace in Tupelo, and smaller exhibits on Sun Records, Elvis in the movies, and the archives. There's also a large exhibit on Elvis's clothing. It's amazing the sheer volume of stuff that exists in this place and I'm sure what's on display is a fraction of what actually exists. My parents' basement is tame comparatively speaking.

In addition to being overwhelmed by the amount of information and things to look at, I kept thinking about Elvis's legacy. If you consider yourself a rock and roll fan like I am, you can't ignore Elvis. He created a sound that influenced every rock musician that came after him. As we drove to and from Memphis, we listened to Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, and Big Star. Elvis is a presence in each song, as are the other early rock musicians like Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, Ike Turner, and so many more. I could hear it as I listened to the Foo Fighters too. I'm always surprised when people tell me they don't like Elvis, but they like rock music. As far as I'm concerned, you can't like rock music without Elvis. He was a great guitar player, which people often forget, and a gifted performer. He held an audience like no other musician. Watch the 1968 television special or Aloha from Hawaii to see what I'm talking about (or watch the documentary, The Searcher, currently airing on HBO). Dude could wear a jumpsuit like nobody else. And fans love him; it doesn't matter that he died in 1977. People will visit Graceland forever, or at least as long as rock and roll exists. They want to experience a little bit more of the music they love and the musician who created what they love. That's what Graceland is.

Some observations and recommendations for visiting Graceland:

• Elvis went through caftan phase at some point. Eventually, we all go through a caftan phase. I'm planning mine for when I'm in my mid-80s, but it could happen at any time.
• John Stamos is the perfect narrator for the mansion tour. I'm trying to figure out what else he should narrate. I'm sure I'll think of something.
• The jumpsuit - iconic, controversial, versatile. There is a section of the larger fashion exhibit that I can only assume is "the Jumpsuit Room." There are so many and they're all amazing. There's even one with unicorns. 
• I don't think I realized how tall Elvis was. Only a tall man could rock a jumpsuit as the King did.
• The planes were sort of a let down. I feel bad saying this because I made a big deal out of the planes. The furniture is covered in plastic and it smells like an attic, so it's basically like going to visit someone's grandparents' house. The only thing missing was a dish of hard candies.  
• The only way to enjoy a grilled banana and peanut butter sandwich is with bacon grease. What's most enjoyable about this sandwich is that the peanut butter didn't get melty like it does when I toast bread for my PB&Js. It's like the bananas form a glue to keep the peanut butter in it's creamy, delicious format. 
• The cars and motorcycles - this was my second favorite part of the extended tour after the Jumpsuit Room. If you love cars, it's a must. I spent a good portion of Thursday afternoon day drinking Pink Cadillacs so seeing Elvis's actual pink Cadillac was pretty awesome. Don't skip the cars.
• Schedule your tour for earlier in the day so you have enough time to see everything. We started our tour around 10:30 am and left around 3:30 pm. We still had time to enjoy Beale Street, eat dinner, and hang out in a haunted dive bar to end our day. 
• Elvis's motto was "taking care of business" and TCB is everywhere at Graceland. I bought a travel coffee mug with this on it and have decided to live my life with this in mind. 
• Go to Marlowe's for BBQ. We stumbled upon this place the night we got into town. It's not too far from Graceland (we were staying out that way) and was one of the only places still open when we arrived. They have pink limos that double as shuttles between Graceland and the restaurant. According to our absolutely delightful waitress, the limos were originally used to deliver takeout to Graceland and became a thing. They've stuck (the place opened in 1974) and now there are seven limos. The restaurant is Elvis themed; we watched the end of G.I. Blues while we ate and enjoyed a beer from Ghost River Brewing Co.  

Later this week: A bonus Memphis post about rock and roll, the blues, the Foo Fighters, and a Duck Master.