Your Resident Single Friend: Grease is a terrible musical

In a few weeks, I'll enter the last year of my thirties. I've loved this particular decade of my life the most. I didn't love high school or my twenties, but my thirties have been pretty awesome. I've done a lot of cool things, spent time with the people in my life who are most important, and gotten comfortable with being my weird, quirky self. I've also embraced the fine art of not caring what other people think. It's a refreshing way to live one's life. I mean, I care about people's opinions of things that matter, like politics or whether they eat Twizzlers or Red Vines at the movies (Twizzlers is the correct answer), but I'm less inclined to care about what others think of me. This works fine in most situations, but isn't always helpful in one particular area: dating.

I haven't quite figured out is this dating thing. Regular Island readers may recall those times I signed up for online dating and that one time I went to a speed dating event, neither of which were particularly successful in the "going out on dates" side of things. However, they were very successful in providing me with amusing anecdotes to share here on the Island and strengthening my belief that more people have secret families than not. I've recently gone the online dating route again, this time on a site I like to describe as "online dating for do-gooders" and an app only site that sends me clever emails everyday with my matches, but doesn't seem to help any of these dudes with writing their profiles. During this time, I've gone on one horrible coffee date, chatted online with a very nice dude who was clearly lonely and then vanished, and filtered through lots of guys who seem like nice guys, just not my nice guy. I'm starting to think I'm missing the dating gene OR I missed the day in school where instead of being separated to watch videos about periods and how our bodies are changing, my classmates went to a class and learned how to date. I did miss the class where they taught us how to dress like a woman, so anything is possible.

A couple of trends have emerged during this go-around online:

• I seem to attract, at least online, much younger guys (like 22) or much older guys (like mid-50s into their 60s). I'm sure there are merits to either group, but I'm really not interested in exploring either.
• Dudes seem to believe saying "you're beautiful" is a good opening line. Am I supposed to reply with a comment about his handsomeness? What if he's not handsome? "Thank you" seems like the best route, but then I'm stuck for where to go next. Maybe start with something a little less grand and build up to that one.
• The fine art of understanding proper grammar has died. It's "you're" not "your" (see above comment) and there is not character limit so please leave text speak to actual texting. I'm such an old lady.
• Why include photos of you with other women? Maybe she's your sister or best friend, but with no context, I see one of two things: secret family or you just got divorced and you're not over her yet.
• Married guys - what are you doing on these sites? You have your own sites so go over there and stay there. 
• Kids! Are the children in the photos yours? Be up front about whether or not you're a parent. It's cool if you are, but I have to make a choice if I want to be involved in that life or not so I'd like to know.
• The amount of specificity in descriptions of physical traits is unnerving and a bit much.

I don't look my age, which is something I thank my parents and my skincare regime for every day. (And by skincare regime, I mean I wash my face, moisturize, and wear sunscreen. Occasionally, I use an exfoliating mask. That's it.) Some of the profiles talk about what a person is looking for in a match and often, they describe a woman's physical appearance and that appearance relative to age. I've seen comments about wearing lots of makeup (seen as both a positive and negative), hair length and color (no gray! long hair only!), "takes care of herself", which is open for lots of interpretation, and my favorite, being "fashion forward." Yes, some dude wrote that he wanted a woman who is fashion forward. This would be fine if he was wearing something other than gym clothes in every one of his profile pictures. I've also seen a few profiles that included comments about women not looking their age (a plus) and interest in women who alter their looks (this one mentioned plastic surgery specifically; he was cool with it).

I've brought this up with a few of my friends recently, and it's been fascinating to hear their responses to the idea of aging and how they discuss physical appearance in their profiles. Literally, everything from dressing differently on a first data to Botox in your 30s has come up. My head is still hurting from some of these discussions. Like me, most of my friends don't describe physical appearance when we fill out the exact same questions these guys are filling out. Each of us seems to have a type, but we don't spell it out in the profile questions. My friends also noticed that we're not allowed to age and it would be cool if we changed ourselves physically. Some of them are okay with this; others are not. The message is pretty clear: once we start to "show" our age, we have to stop dating, get a bunch of cats, and wear caftans OR change our physical self somehow. I'm down for the cats and maybe the caftans, but I refuse to believe anything else.

This is why I hate the musical/movie Grease. If you recall the plot, girl next door Sandy meets greaser Danny while on summer vacation. None of their friends are around when this happens, so Sandy doesn't know Danny is the leader of a gang called the T-Birds. She also doesn't know he gets around and is sort of a jerk. Sandy shows up at Rydell High in the fall and it changes everything. During the course of the musical, Sandy tries to fit her girl next door personality/look into Danny's T-Birds/Pink Ladies world and it doesn't work. It works for a little while, but then the dance happens and Sandy is literally pushed out of Danny's life. Danny, meanwhile, doesn't do much to try to fit into Sandy's life except going out for the track team. It isn't until Sandy becomes a Pink Lady (sort of), with skintight pants and big hair, that all is righted in the world of Grease. Sandy had to change physically, while Danny had to change personally (sort of). I would argue his change isn't really that big either; he doesn't leave his friends behind or get rid of his cool car; he letters in track. I was always disappointed in this ending, even when I was younger. The whole thing is so unbalanced.

I'm not interested in altering my looks for anyone but me. Look, I color my hair, mostly because I like experimenting with different degrees of red over my normally strawberry blonde red, and a little bit because I have some grays that I'm not quite ready to deal with. I will be, at some point, and then I will stop coloring my hair. But you'll notice this statement is all about me. Cosmetic surgery (on any level) is not for me either. I'm not judging anyone who does it as long as you do it for you. I don't wear a lot of makeup so I'm not going to start now. I love fashion, but always dress like me. Maybe Sandy did want to look that way at the end of Grease, but I think that's bullshit. Does anyone really want to wear pants like that? How did she sit down in those pants without them splitting? I refuse to believe that outfit was comfortable and made her feel like she was herself.

It took me a long time to be comfortable and confident in who I am. I know this is true for many of my friends too. Society as a whole is getting better at realizing there isn't one life timeline that works for everyone, but that doesn't stop the questions and the judgement about being single or dressing a certain way or having really short hair. I can embrace not caring about what others think, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes place a little doubt in my head, making me think about all of this and wonder if I'm wrong in my choices or beliefs. In these moments, I turn on Grease 2, which is the better movie, and all is right in the world.


Coming soon to the Island: a Lazy Movie Weekend post about pie, some baking/cooking stuff, and I volunteer for the MLB All-Star game. It's going to be a super fun summer!

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