Enjoy the conclusion of Holidays with Pickles; Part One appears here. Other Pickles adventures can be found here, here, and here. Pickles will return to the Island sometime in 2015 along with lots of Lazy Movie Weekends, some updates on being a leading lady, and who knows what else. Happy New Year from the Island of Misfit Toys!
The office door was closed. It was never closed. Pickles did not understand why the door was closed. Was it because she knocked over the Christmas tree that one time? Was she being punished for that one small thing? Her human already locked her up at night (and by locked up Pickles meant that she was forced to sleep on her human's bed curled up and comfy). When would she accomplish her cat things if not under the cover of darkness? When would that stupid tree go away? When would this door be opened to her again? Pickles had many questions for her human but figured she'd only be met with pets on the head and sounds that meant nothing to her. She paced in front of the door until her human shooed her away. Pickles was distracted by her new toy; it smelled like heaven (or cat nip) and made noise when she threw it around the apartment. She played for a few minutes until she found a sun patch that was to her liking. She forgot about the door as she warmed herself in the sun.
Pickles had managed to stay out of trouble since the tree incident. Amelia was proud of her little cat. No more tree climbing had occurred. Pickles still sat under the tree but no more climbing. She hadn't even played with the ornaments at the bottom that were there just for her. Amelia had taken some great photos of her amid the gifts during the party. The cat had stayed out of the kitchen while party preparations went on and had stayed off the table. Maybe, Amelia thought, Pickles understood the words "box fort" and "treats" after all. The cat had become very interested in the closed office door but had not managed to get in yet. Danny, Natalie, and Amelia had been working on the box fort for a few days now. It was going to be a great present for Pickles. They should be done by New Year's Eve. Not only was that the day of the next party, it was also Pickles' birthday. Amelia hoped the fort would keep Pickles occupied while she and her friends enjoyed their New Year's Eve feast.
Amelia excelled at lists and dinner parties. In her mind, the two went together. You couldn't throw a dinner party without planning. She was excited to try a few new recipes as well as some old standards. There would be eight people for dinner. Amelia had a final shopping list, a chores list, and a plan for cooking the day of. Some of the menu, like the Italian Orange cake, were already made and other things were prepped, waiting to be cooked. Natalie and Danny would be over to work on the fort later today. While they did that she would work on the other things she could make in advance and start cleaning. New Year's Eve was just one day away and so far she was on schedule.
As she started on her chores list, Amelia sneezed. Not once, not twice, but six times in a row. Her allergies had been acting up again but this was not an allergy sneeze. Amelia could feel that she was getting sick. She opted to ignore it; taking medicine to stop the cold before it started but she was losing the game. Running around for the past few weeks had not helped. She hoped that the cold would stay at bay until after the party. It was only a few more days. She willed herself not to get sick and picked up her chore list. Pickles wandered into the kitchen and wound herself around Amelia's legs. Amelia gave her some treats, scratched her ears, and went about her chores. Pickles took up patrol at the window occasionally glancing at the closed office door.
New Year's Eve - Daytime
"Just stay on the couch. You need your rest and we're almost done. Keep Pickles entertained for a little while longer." Natalie pointed Amelia back towards the living room.
"I just want to see how it's going. I'm not going to do anything. I promise." Amelia appreciated her friend's concern but really wanted to help despite her horrible cold.
"Nope. I know you. You say you won't do anything but the second one of us turns our back you'll be gluing something or moving something around when you should be resting. Now leave."
"I would have a very pithy remark for you if my head wasn't so foggy." Instead, Amelia sneezed three times and continued to look miserable. "Also, don't blame me if either of you get sick." Before either Danny or Natalie could respond, she left and shuffled back to the couch.
Pickles tried to get into the office before Amelia closed the door but her human was too quick. Pickles followed her into the living room. The tree was still there but Pickles had decided against a second climbing expedition. She was going to try her best to be good for a few days; her human didn't feel well and Pickles knew that she needed to help her human feel better. She watched over her at night and stayed by her during the day just in case.
Amelia settled back on the couch under her favorite blanket. She turned on the Hallmark Channel; silly, saccharine holiday movies always made her feel better. The added bonus was that if she fell asleep during the movie she'd still know what was going on since all the movies were a variation of the same plot. She thought the current movie was about bakers competing against one another for something. Or it could have been that they were trying to save the community center. Pickles curled up on her lap and kept her company. The cat always seemed to know when she didn't feel well. If only Pickles could make tea.
"They won't let me help with your present, Pickles. I'm sure you'll love it. And I had to cancel the party. Not exactly the New Year's Eve/your birthday that we planned but I guess it'll have to do. I'm just going to close my eyes for a few minutes. Wake me up if anything interesting happens." Pickles purring put Amelia to sleep.
Danny and Natalie were just about finished with the box fort. The project had taken the trio (now duo) three days to complete. Natalie wasn't quite sure why she was so excited about doing this for a cat that generally ignored her but there was something about the project that made her think of her childhood and building blanket forts in the living room. She and Amelia had known each other since the second grade and had built many a blanket fort together. Amelia was always doing nice things for others so it was nice to do something for her. Obviously Danny liked her friend. She guessed this was why he suggested this project in the first place. Guys needed to learn to ask girls out and not do stuff like this. Oh well, Natalie wasn't going to tackle that conversation today.
"I think we're done. Nice addition with the treat dispenser and the water dish. I'm sure Pickles will love that." Natalie stood back to admire their work.
"I wasn't sure if cats were like dogs in the whole treat department but I figured it couldn't hurt." Danny adjusted the final cardboard doorway and stood back with Natalie.
"You don't know Pickles well enough. I'm convinced she knows one word and that word is treats. Amelia thinks that's why Pickles has stayed off the tree; Amelia threatened to take away her treats." Natalie laughed at the idea but was certain it was true.
"Should we go get them? Is Amelia sleeping?" Danny moved to clean up the last of their tools and the cardboard remnants.
"I told her to go rest. I heard a Hallmark movie so she's probably asleep." The pair finished cleaning up and left the office, closing the door behind them. Pickles perked up at the sound of the door. She could see the closed door from her guard position on the couch. Another missed opportunity.
Natalie didn't really want to wake Amelia but she did anyway. "Did I fall asleep? I promise I was just resting my eyes for a few minutes." Amelia sneezed a few times.
"I'm sure you were. The box fort is done. Do you want to let Pickles in now or later?"
"Let's do it now. It is her birthday and I want her to have plenty of time to enjoy her fort today. Give me five minutes to make myself slightly more presentable. You two can decide what to have for dinner." Amelia knew she was a mess. Her nose was red from the sneezing and she had the dazed look of someone who was taking regular doses of cold medicine throughout the day. The least she could do was brush her hair. Pickles followed her into the bathroom and perched on the sink. "Are you ready for your birthday treat?" Pickles meowed at her favorite word and headbutted Amelia's arm.
"I'll take that as a yes." Amelia picked up the cat and joined her friends in the hallway. "I think we're ready for this."
Danny opened the door and there was the box fort. Amelia had never really stood back and looked at the fort as she was now. What had once been a pile of boxes was now a castle for Pickles. Danny had designed an actual castle. It had a drawbridge entryway and turrets. There were walkways that looked out over the room. Some of the boxes had been reinforced with scratch pads and ribbons and feathers were hung in strategic locations to keep Pickles entertained. The castle fit in one corner of the room near the window so there would be sunlight and sun patches galore. Amelia also noticed a treat dispenser and water bottle.
Pickles had been squirming in her arms since the door opened. Amelia put Pickles down and the cat ran straight to the "front door". She sniffed at the boxes and rubbed her face on everything she passed. The feathers tickled her nose and she could smell treats somewhere in the depths of these boxes. Her own kingdom! The last rays of sunlight hit the top of the castle and Pickles made her way there. She looked regal and proud in her castle. She looked at her human and meowed her approval.
"A treat dispenser? We're never going to see Pickles again! I think she likes it; you got a meow of approval." Amelia gave Natalie and Danny hugs. "Thank you for finishing this. I'm sorry I wasn't very much help today."
""I was worried she might not like it." Danny said.
"It's boxes and treats. Those are two of Pickles' favorite things."
Pickles jumped down to the first level of the castle and explored the rest of her kingdom. She found the treats and water and helped herself. There was a little blanket and some of her toys in the back too. She curled up on the blanket and fell into a contented sleep.
The three friends peered into the castle to see where the cat was. Amelia took a few pictures of napping Pickles. "Happy Birthday Pickles!," she whispered. Her little cat looked happy and that was really all Amelia wanted. They left the cat to her nap and went back to the living room to discuss dinner and movie options. Amelia left a desk light on for Pickles. "Don't stay in here forever, Pickles."
Pickles stretched and curled back into a ball to continue her nap. She had not expected such a wonderful treat. New adventures awaited Pickles and now she had a place to plan and plot in peace. There were new cupboards and closets to explore and bookshelves to climb and patrols to keep and her kingdom to protect.
Or maybe she would try to be a well behaved cat and not get into any more mischief. If a cat could laugh that's exactly what Pickles did at that moment. Mischief was her favorite. To mischief and adventure!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Short Story Hour: Holidays with Pickles, Part One
Happy Holidays from the Island of Misfit Toys! As this Buzzfeed article proves the Internet was designed solely for us to enjoy photos and stories about cats. Since I don't want to disappoint the Internet, I thought we'd close of 2014 with a story about Pickles, your favorite "fictional" cat.
The holiday season brings many things: cookies, a frenzied focus on shopping and card mailing, crowded stores, and of course, a twenty-four hour marathon of A Christmas Story. Depending on what you celebrate, you might also enjoy putting up a tree and decorating with priceless ornaments you've collected over the years. And who doesn't love getting packages in the mail? All the suspense of what's in them can be agony (in a good way) for some. Or annoyance for others.
Amelia was over the boxes. Her parents decided that this would be the Christmas they went on a cruise so they sent her box after box of gifts. Between their ten boxes (her parents were clearly feeling guilty about "abandoning" her during the holidays) and the few she received from friends and the boxes from gifts she ordered for others, she must have amassed at least twenty boxes in her small office. She hated taking out the recycling so they just sat there staring at her. Pickles seemed to enjoy jumping in and out of certain ones so Amelia decided to deal with them after her Christmas and New Year's celebrations with her friends. She was playing host for both parties this year.
She had never hosted both Christmas (she refused to call it Friendsmas as Natalie was doing) and New Year's in the same year. Usually she was gone until New Year's Eve so she always went out with friends or over to someone's house for a party. She had spent several weeks planning menus and cookie baking schedules. Christmas was going to be potluck style and New Year's was a fancier affair. Amelia purchased a tree for the first time ever. She had the most fun picking out ornaments and lights. And a wreath. According to her mother, it wasn't Christmas unless you had a wreath on your door. Amelia worried about how Pickles would react to the tree; she was always very well behaved when visiting her "grandparents" but their tree was fake so Amelia suspected it wasn't as enticing as a real one would be. Pickles mostly sat under the tree and looked cute. Amelia braced herself for climbing and ornaments breaking.
Pickles was mesmerized by the tree. It smelled like the outdoors and birds and squirrels (mostly in her mind). When she walked near the branches they scratched her little face in just the right way. She wanted nothing more to climb to the top and survey her kingdom like the regal cat she was. She knew that she would get in trouble for doing so (Pickles had learned much about getting in trouble this year) so she did not immediately scale the tree. She would bide her time and do it when her human wasn't around. She opted instead to sit under the tree like she did when they went to the other house and occasionally rubbed her face on the branches. It was her tree and everyone needed to know it.
Amelia was impressed with Pickles. No tree climbing had occurred and she hadn't gone near the water. She invited a few people over to help decorate the tree, other "orphans" who would be at the Christmas party too. Natalie was her oldest friend; Meredith was a work friend, and Danny was a friend of Natalie's who recently moved to the area. It was odd to bring together different friend groups but Amelia was getting good at it.
"So Pickles hasn't tried anything yet?" Natalie asked as she helped Amelia string the lights on the tree. Pickles was currently sitting on Danny's lap. She ignored everyone else in the room the second he arrived and had not left his side or lap since. He was stuck on the couch, directing decorating rather than helping.
"Nope. Mostly she sits under it. For the first few days, she just stared at it. Now she sits. And if she's not under the tree, she's in the office hiding in one of the millions of boxes that have accumulated. She's being so good. It's weird." Amelia looked over at the couch where Pickles was napping. "Sorry she's made you her pillow. She rarely takes to a person so quickly."
Danny smiled, "It's okay. Animals tend to like me. I don't know why."
"You can move her if you want to get up. It's fine. She'll meow at you and then resettled herself as if nothing happened."
"I'll keep that in mind. So she likes the boxes too? Have you considered making her a box fort?" Danny asked.
"A box fort? I hadn't thought of that. She always jumps in boxes so I just left them as is." Amelia liked the idea of a box fort for Pickles.
"I saw one online and it looked pretty fun. You know, for a cat. I could help you build it." Danny offered.
"Danny is our graphic designer and resident builder at work." Natalie chimed in.
"You should definitely build her a fort, Amelia. Think of how much fun she would have and you could maybe make her a famous internet cat." Meredith started unwrapping ornaments for the tree. "Wasn't the internet designed for cats?"
They all laughed at the idea and continued decorating the tree. By the end of the evening, Pickles had finally let Danny off the couch and the tree was transformed. Pickles settled underneath it and stared out at the group amid the shiny lights and ornaments. Amelia purposely placed plastic and felt ornaments at the bottom so Pickles could play with them without doing any harm. So far, she just stared and looked content. Amelia had also agreed to the box fort idea. Danny did a quick box inventory before leaving and said he'd email her an idea before the end of the week.
Pickles may have looked content and calm but it was just an act. She was plotting her ascent to the top of the tree. She just had to pick the right time and be extra careful as she climbed. While it would please her to bat the balls and toys off the tree, she knew she'd need to avoid them to avoid detection. She figured if all she did was climb to the top and avoided damaging anything, her human couldn't get too mad at her. After all, cats climb trees. If her human didn't want that to happen, she shouldn't have brought a tree into the house.
Later that night
After seeing her guests out and cleaning up the kitchen, Amelia got ready for bed. Since moving into the new apartment, she had made a habit of keeping her bedroom door open a bit so Pickles could come and go as she pleased during the night. Amelia didn't really know what the cat did so late at night but figured cats do cat things at night so she wanted to let Pickles roam. They had more space in this apartment and the cat should enjoy it too.
Amelia read for a bit before going to bed. So far the holidays were going well and she was excited for the parties and the construction of the box fort. Danny was a nice enough guy. She would see where this was going and hope that he at least came through for Pickles. She called to Pickles before turning out the light. The cat didn't come but that wasn't a surprise. "Just doing her cat things." Amelia said aloud. She settled in and promptly fell asleep. Decorating was exhausting.
Pickles was exactly where Amelia didn't want her - attempting to climb the tree. She knew she could wait until it was light out but Pickles felt she did her greatest work at night when her keen eyesight was at its best. She decided to approach her climb from under the tree; she could climb up and hopefully avoid as many of the balls and toys on her ascent. If she was successful tonight she'd do it again during the day so that her human could see her.
She started her climb with the skill of all of her cat ancestors, lithely moving from one branch to the next. She stopped about midway up to peer out from the branches. The living room looked different from this height. Pickles felt powerful and more catlike than she normally felt. She could just see the open door of her human's room. She had to move even more carefully as she moved closer to the summit of the tree. Pickles could see the top and it was beautiful. The star was so close she could almost touch it. Just as she was about to emerge from the tree to her triumphant perch at the top, Pickles began to feel the tree move and sway. It hadn't done that as she climbed but now that she was at the top, the tree couldn't take the weight. Pickles was only eight pounds but those eight pounds were throwing off the tree's balance. Pickles took one last look at her living room kingdom and held on as the tree crashed to the floor.
Amelia bolted out of bed at the sound of the crash. She immediately noticed that Pickles was not in the room and knew exactly what had happened. She turned on the living room light and found her tree on the floor and Pickles struggling to free herself of the tree and decorations.
"Pickles! You just can't help yourself can you?" Amelia picked up the cat and took her into the bedroom. She was ready to scold Pickles but the cat looked sort of guilty and sad. "You'll have to stay in here at night until after the holidays. You can't be trusted." She closed the door behind her and the one from the bathroom so Pickles couldn't escape that way. Amelia went back into the living room and began cleaning up the mess. She was able to put the tree back up and fix the few ornaments that had fallen off. Miraculously, nothing had broken. She straightened the lights and placed the star back on top of the tree.
"Please let Pickles behave through the rest of the holiday. Please keep her from knocking over the tree again especially during the party. Please let her be the good cat I know she is." Amelia turned off the lights and returned to bed where she found Pickles curled up on the end of her bed.
"You have to behave for the rest of the holiday or no box fort for you, Pickles. Or treats." Amelia rubbed the cat's ears and slowly feel back to sleep.
Pickles curled up next to her human. She was proud of herself for making it to the top of the tree even if the tree fell down. She would wait awhile before her next attempt. She didn't know what a box fort was but she knew what treats were. She wanted her treats so she would try to behave.
Next up: Does Pickles keep her promise of behaving for the holidays? Will she get her box fort? Find out in Holidays with Pickles, Part Two coming before the end of 2014.
The holiday season brings many things: cookies, a frenzied focus on shopping and card mailing, crowded stores, and of course, a twenty-four hour marathon of A Christmas Story. Depending on what you celebrate, you might also enjoy putting up a tree and decorating with priceless ornaments you've collected over the years. And who doesn't love getting packages in the mail? All the suspense of what's in them can be agony (in a good way) for some. Or annoyance for others.
Amelia was over the boxes. Her parents decided that this would be the Christmas they went on a cruise so they sent her box after box of gifts. Between their ten boxes (her parents were clearly feeling guilty about "abandoning" her during the holidays) and the few she received from friends and the boxes from gifts she ordered for others, she must have amassed at least twenty boxes in her small office. She hated taking out the recycling so they just sat there staring at her. Pickles seemed to enjoy jumping in and out of certain ones so Amelia decided to deal with them after her Christmas and New Year's celebrations with her friends. She was playing host for both parties this year.
She had never hosted both Christmas (she refused to call it Friendsmas as Natalie was doing) and New Year's in the same year. Usually she was gone until New Year's Eve so she always went out with friends or over to someone's house for a party. She had spent several weeks planning menus and cookie baking schedules. Christmas was going to be potluck style and New Year's was a fancier affair. Amelia purchased a tree for the first time ever. She had the most fun picking out ornaments and lights. And a wreath. According to her mother, it wasn't Christmas unless you had a wreath on your door. Amelia worried about how Pickles would react to the tree; she was always very well behaved when visiting her "grandparents" but their tree was fake so Amelia suspected it wasn't as enticing as a real one would be. Pickles mostly sat under the tree and looked cute. Amelia braced herself for climbing and ornaments breaking.
Pickles was mesmerized by the tree. It smelled like the outdoors and birds and squirrels (mostly in her mind). When she walked near the branches they scratched her little face in just the right way. She wanted nothing more to climb to the top and survey her kingdom like the regal cat she was. She knew that she would get in trouble for doing so (Pickles had learned much about getting in trouble this year) so she did not immediately scale the tree. She would bide her time and do it when her human wasn't around. She opted instead to sit under the tree like she did when they went to the other house and occasionally rubbed her face on the branches. It was her tree and everyone needed to know it.
Amelia was impressed with Pickles. No tree climbing had occurred and she hadn't gone near the water. She invited a few people over to help decorate the tree, other "orphans" who would be at the Christmas party too. Natalie was her oldest friend; Meredith was a work friend, and Danny was a friend of Natalie's who recently moved to the area. It was odd to bring together different friend groups but Amelia was getting good at it.
"So Pickles hasn't tried anything yet?" Natalie asked as she helped Amelia string the lights on the tree. Pickles was currently sitting on Danny's lap. She ignored everyone else in the room the second he arrived and had not left his side or lap since. He was stuck on the couch, directing decorating rather than helping.
"Nope. Mostly she sits under it. For the first few days, she just stared at it. Now she sits. And if she's not under the tree, she's in the office hiding in one of the millions of boxes that have accumulated. She's being so good. It's weird." Amelia looked over at the couch where Pickles was napping. "Sorry she's made you her pillow. She rarely takes to a person so quickly."
Danny smiled, "It's okay. Animals tend to like me. I don't know why."
"You can move her if you want to get up. It's fine. She'll meow at you and then resettled herself as if nothing happened."
"I'll keep that in mind. So she likes the boxes too? Have you considered making her a box fort?" Danny asked.
"A box fort? I hadn't thought of that. She always jumps in boxes so I just left them as is." Amelia liked the idea of a box fort for Pickles.
"I saw one online and it looked pretty fun. You know, for a cat. I could help you build it." Danny offered.
"Danny is our graphic designer and resident builder at work." Natalie chimed in.
"You should definitely build her a fort, Amelia. Think of how much fun she would have and you could maybe make her a famous internet cat." Meredith started unwrapping ornaments for the tree. "Wasn't the internet designed for cats?"
They all laughed at the idea and continued decorating the tree. By the end of the evening, Pickles had finally let Danny off the couch and the tree was transformed. Pickles settled underneath it and stared out at the group amid the shiny lights and ornaments. Amelia purposely placed plastic and felt ornaments at the bottom so Pickles could play with them without doing any harm. So far, she just stared and looked content. Amelia had also agreed to the box fort idea. Danny did a quick box inventory before leaving and said he'd email her an idea before the end of the week.
Pickles may have looked content and calm but it was just an act. She was plotting her ascent to the top of the tree. She just had to pick the right time and be extra careful as she climbed. While it would please her to bat the balls and toys off the tree, she knew she'd need to avoid them to avoid detection. She figured if all she did was climb to the top and avoided damaging anything, her human couldn't get too mad at her. After all, cats climb trees. If her human didn't want that to happen, she shouldn't have brought a tree into the house.
Later that night
After seeing her guests out and cleaning up the kitchen, Amelia got ready for bed. Since moving into the new apartment, she had made a habit of keeping her bedroom door open a bit so Pickles could come and go as she pleased during the night. Amelia didn't really know what the cat did so late at night but figured cats do cat things at night so she wanted to let Pickles roam. They had more space in this apartment and the cat should enjoy it too.
Amelia read for a bit before going to bed. So far the holidays were going well and she was excited for the parties and the construction of the box fort. Danny was a nice enough guy. She would see where this was going and hope that he at least came through for Pickles. She called to Pickles before turning out the light. The cat didn't come but that wasn't a surprise. "Just doing her cat things." Amelia said aloud. She settled in and promptly fell asleep. Decorating was exhausting.
Pickles was exactly where Amelia didn't want her - attempting to climb the tree. She knew she could wait until it was light out but Pickles felt she did her greatest work at night when her keen eyesight was at its best. She decided to approach her climb from under the tree; she could climb up and hopefully avoid as many of the balls and toys on her ascent. If she was successful tonight she'd do it again during the day so that her human could see her.
She started her climb with the skill of all of her cat ancestors, lithely moving from one branch to the next. She stopped about midway up to peer out from the branches. The living room looked different from this height. Pickles felt powerful and more catlike than she normally felt. She could just see the open door of her human's room. She had to move even more carefully as she moved closer to the summit of the tree. Pickles could see the top and it was beautiful. The star was so close she could almost touch it. Just as she was about to emerge from the tree to her triumphant perch at the top, Pickles began to feel the tree move and sway. It hadn't done that as she climbed but now that she was at the top, the tree couldn't take the weight. Pickles was only eight pounds but those eight pounds were throwing off the tree's balance. Pickles took one last look at her living room kingdom and held on as the tree crashed to the floor.
Amelia bolted out of bed at the sound of the crash. She immediately noticed that Pickles was not in the room and knew exactly what had happened. She turned on the living room light and found her tree on the floor and Pickles struggling to free herself of the tree and decorations.
"Pickles! You just can't help yourself can you?" Amelia picked up the cat and took her into the bedroom. She was ready to scold Pickles but the cat looked sort of guilty and sad. "You'll have to stay in here at night until after the holidays. You can't be trusted." She closed the door behind her and the one from the bathroom so Pickles couldn't escape that way. Amelia went back into the living room and began cleaning up the mess. She was able to put the tree back up and fix the few ornaments that had fallen off. Miraculously, nothing had broken. She straightened the lights and placed the star back on top of the tree.
"Please let Pickles behave through the rest of the holiday. Please keep her from knocking over the tree again especially during the party. Please let her be the good cat I know she is." Amelia turned off the lights and returned to bed where she found Pickles curled up on the end of her bed.
"You have to behave for the rest of the holiday or no box fort for you, Pickles. Or treats." Amelia rubbed the cat's ears and slowly feel back to sleep.
Pickles curled up next to her human. She was proud of herself for making it to the top of the tree even if the tree fell down. She would wait awhile before her next attempt. She didn't know what a box fort was but she knew what treats were. She wanted her treats so she would try to behave.
Next up: Does Pickles keep her promise of behaving for the holidays? Will she get her box fort? Find out in Holidays with Pickles, Part Two coming before the end of 2014.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
You're Doing Everything Wrong: Furniture Shopping Edition
I'm not a big shopper. A person looking at my closet and listening to me talk about Target might think differently but I've never been big on malls and shopping. I like to think of myself as a stealth shopper - I know exactly what I want/need, go into the mall at the closest entrance, buy, and leave. I don't stop for free samples of pretzels and I rarely wander beyond a three store radius if possible. I'm the type of shopper that online shopping was designed for. I think that this stems from two reoccurring shopping experiences from my childhood: car shopping and furniture shopping.
Shopping for cars and furniture are the height of adult consumer responsibility. You do research, you test drive, you test sit, you haggle, you shop around. All of these steps are designed to make you a better informed consumer and to make sure you purchase the car/sofa/bedroom set of your dreams. And to annoy salespeople. I can only imagine the thoughts going through a car salesperson's head when someone comes in with all this "research" they did on the interwebs before buying a Kia Soul. In this situation, the research probably amounted to watching the hamster commercial and deciding you had a new desire to drive a box. To each his own.
Both car and furniture shopping are boring activities when you're a kid. The two most important aspects of car shopping for me were the quality of candy the dealership made available and the amount of real estate that would be between me and my brother in the back seat. Our two-tone blue Ford Aerostar was the best for real estate; we both had our own row. At furniture stores, it's even more mind-numbing. You're not supposed to put your feet on things or jump on the beds but there is an entire room devoted to new mattresses. It's right there! And you don't want a 10 year old to jump on them? Furniture stores always had bad candy (peppermints and butterscotch - amateurs) and it always took years for my parents to pick something and buy it. Of course, by "years" I mean an hour or two. It wasted valuable kid time.
My dad is a car guy. He was the type (and still is to some extent) of car buyer who traded in his car regularly, waited for the latest release information from Ford (we're a Ford family), and will occasionally opine about the color options for interiors and how the body colors have been crap since 1978. He has very strong opinions on weird paint colors (please don't ever bring up orange Mustangs). In all the times I experienced car shopping with my dad, I could always tell that the salesperson enjoyed working with him. He knows his stuff and is a decent enough negotiator. When I bought my first car I felt like a feral child who had just been brought back to civilization. I'm not entirely sure I formed a coherent sentence during the entire process. I felt overwhelmed by the experience and like the Ford dealership was judging me despite the fact that they were super nice and patient with me. Apparently, I did not learn anything about car shopping from my father.
As for furniture shopping, I never really had to do any actual furniture shopping until I was in my early twenties and settling into my first apartment without roommates. Up until that I time, I was in college furniture mode which is comprised of "inheriting" furniture from older friends who graduate or from parents who decide to redecorate after their children leave home. My roommates and I were excellent at what I'll call "Wal-Mart chic" (Target didn't come to Louisiana until after I graduated around the time of my need for solo expression in decor). We could make those crappy particle board bookcases and dressers look fancy and expensive. We were theatre design majors so our entire world was thrift stores and making something out of whatever was around. Our apartment was cozy and comfortable. It resembled the nicer furniture section at a thrift store. Most importantly, it was ours. That was what was significant. We were forging identity and responsibility one coffee table at a time.
When I moved to northern Virginia in the summer of 2006, I made a decision to buy a real couch (no more futon for me) and invest in some actual furniture. I went to where every person in their early to mid-20s goes to buy furniture...Ikea. I bought a nice loveseat from the Ektorp line. Ektorp has survived several moves and was all I needed for this stage in my life. However, Ektorp and I are at a point in our relationship where I need to move on and he needs to find a new home. I often fall asleep on my couch at say 9:30 and Ektorp is no longer that comfortable.
And this brings us to why I'm doing everything wrong when it comes to furniture shopping. Like Corky in Waiting for Guffman, I have a vision when it comes to my new living room. I want classic and modern and comfortable. When I watch television, I see all these apartments of characters my age (or younger) who don't have jobs and yet have fabulously decorated apartments. That's what I want in my life. What's difficult is realizing this vision since I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on my living room. I have to work within a budget and that is cramping my vision's style. Did everyone else know how expensive coffee tables are? For real, I've only found a handful that will A. fit in my small apartment and B. don't cost $400. It's insane. Then there's the couch. You could buy a car for what some of these couches go for. It's astounding. One site, that will remain nameless, had a price meter that went from $80 to $3500. I quickly closed the window and returned to my less expensive options.
Another thing that I was troubled by was the number of sites that listed no prices at all. This made me uncomfortable on many levels. Was the price for the couch so astronomical that simply listing it would cause my eyes to burn and the Internet to explode? What I learned from the helpful salesman at Ashley Furniture was that the no price policy existed for one of two reasons (typically): 1. the item could be customized so the price might depend on fabric choice or some other option or 2. each store location is independently owned so pricing while suggested is often controlled by the franchise owner rather than the chain itself. This is actually the case with Ashley; not listing prices allowed the location to offer additional discounts and special offers. I appreciated this as I continued the search to complete my vision.
I went to several places and sat on many couches. I dragged my brother along for several of these research trips. He put up with my questions ranging from the bizarre to the practical: "Do you think Pumpkin will like it?" and "Do you think it will fit through the door?" I didn't purchase anything that first weekend. I went back home and remeasured everything (including the front door). I went back online and read reviews and looked at countless ways in which people had arranged the two finalists (pictured here).
As much as I would have loved a couch with a chaise lounge for my living room, the reality of my apartment is that I need a normal sized couch with no wild and crazy accoutrements. I opted for bold color instead. A red couch is statement of a different kind. It'll make my mildly drab apartment more vibrant and fun. I can have fun with rearranging my photos and pictures and whatever else makes sense. I'll finally hang curtains. My apartment will become more of a home and I will fall asleep at 9:30 on my new couch like a real adult.
What I've been doing wrong when it comes to furniture shopping is neglecting to take into consideration that I do not have a set dresser and unlimited funds. You can still have a nice place to come home to without breaking the bank. I can still have a vision; I just have to have the vision that fits into my apartment.
Shopping for cars and furniture are the height of adult consumer responsibility. You do research, you test drive, you test sit, you haggle, you shop around. All of these steps are designed to make you a better informed consumer and to make sure you purchase the car/sofa/bedroom set of your dreams. And to annoy salespeople. I can only imagine the thoughts going through a car salesperson's head when someone comes in with all this "research" they did on the interwebs before buying a Kia Soul. In this situation, the research probably amounted to watching the hamster commercial and deciding you had a new desire to drive a box. To each his own.
Both car and furniture shopping are boring activities when you're a kid. The two most important aspects of car shopping for me were the quality of candy the dealership made available and the amount of real estate that would be between me and my brother in the back seat. Our two-tone blue Ford Aerostar was the best for real estate; we both had our own row. At furniture stores, it's even more mind-numbing. You're not supposed to put your feet on things or jump on the beds but there is an entire room devoted to new mattresses. It's right there! And you don't want a 10 year old to jump on them? Furniture stores always had bad candy (peppermints and butterscotch - amateurs) and it always took years for my parents to pick something and buy it. Of course, by "years" I mean an hour or two. It wasted valuable kid time.
My dad is a car guy. He was the type (and still is to some extent) of car buyer who traded in his car regularly, waited for the latest release information from Ford (we're a Ford family), and will occasionally opine about the color options for interiors and how the body colors have been crap since 1978. He has very strong opinions on weird paint colors (please don't ever bring up orange Mustangs). In all the times I experienced car shopping with my dad, I could always tell that the salesperson enjoyed working with him. He knows his stuff and is a decent enough negotiator. When I bought my first car I felt like a feral child who had just been brought back to civilization. I'm not entirely sure I formed a coherent sentence during the entire process. I felt overwhelmed by the experience and like the Ford dealership was judging me despite the fact that they were super nice and patient with me. Apparently, I did not learn anything about car shopping from my father.
As for furniture shopping, I never really had to do any actual furniture shopping until I was in my early twenties and settling into my first apartment without roommates. Up until that I time, I was in college furniture mode which is comprised of "inheriting" furniture from older friends who graduate or from parents who decide to redecorate after their children leave home. My roommates and I were excellent at what I'll call "Wal-Mart chic" (Target didn't come to Louisiana until after I graduated around the time of my need for solo expression in decor). We could make those crappy particle board bookcases and dressers look fancy and expensive. We were theatre design majors so our entire world was thrift stores and making something out of whatever was around. Our apartment was cozy and comfortable. It resembled the nicer furniture section at a thrift store. Most importantly, it was ours. That was what was significant. We were forging identity and responsibility one coffee table at a time.
When I moved to northern Virginia in the summer of 2006, I made a decision to buy a real couch (no more futon for me) and invest in some actual furniture. I went to where every person in their early to mid-20s goes to buy furniture...Ikea. I bought a nice loveseat from the Ektorp line. Ektorp has survived several moves and was all I needed for this stage in my life. However, Ektorp and I are at a point in our relationship where I need to move on and he needs to find a new home. I often fall asleep on my couch at say 9:30 and Ektorp is no longer that comfortable.
And this brings us to why I'm doing everything wrong when it comes to furniture shopping. Like Corky in Waiting for Guffman, I have a vision when it comes to my new living room. I want classic and modern and comfortable. When I watch television, I see all these apartments of characters my age (or younger) who don't have jobs and yet have fabulously decorated apartments. That's what I want in my life. What's difficult is realizing this vision since I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on my living room. I have to work within a budget and that is cramping my vision's style. Did everyone else know how expensive coffee tables are? For real, I've only found a handful that will A. fit in my small apartment and B. don't cost $400. It's insane. Then there's the couch. You could buy a car for what some of these couches go for. It's astounding. One site, that will remain nameless, had a price meter that went from $80 to $3500. I quickly closed the window and returned to my less expensive options.
Another thing that I was troubled by was the number of sites that listed no prices at all. This made me uncomfortable on many levels. Was the price for the couch so astronomical that simply listing it would cause my eyes to burn and the Internet to explode? What I learned from the helpful salesman at Ashley Furniture was that the no price policy existed for one of two reasons (typically): 1. the item could be customized so the price might depend on fabric choice or some other option or 2. each store location is independently owned so pricing while suggested is often controlled by the franchise owner rather than the chain itself. This is actually the case with Ashley; not listing prices allowed the location to offer additional discounts and special offers. I appreciated this as I continued the search to complete my vision.
I went to several places and sat on many couches. I dragged my brother along for several of these research trips. He put up with my questions ranging from the bizarre to the practical: "Do you think Pumpkin will like it?" and "Do you think it will fit through the door?" I didn't purchase anything that first weekend. I went back home and remeasured everything (including the front door). I went back online and read reviews and looked at countless ways in which people had arranged the two finalists (pictured here).
As much as I would have loved a couch with a chaise lounge for my living room, the reality of my apartment is that I need a normal sized couch with no wild and crazy accoutrements. I opted for bold color instead. A red couch is statement of a different kind. It'll make my mildly drab apartment more vibrant and fun. I can have fun with rearranging my photos and pictures and whatever else makes sense. I'll finally hang curtains. My apartment will become more of a home and I will fall asleep at 9:30 on my new couch like a real adult.
What I've been doing wrong when it comes to furniture shopping is neglecting to take into consideration that I do not have a set dresser and unlimited funds. You can still have a nice place to come home to without breaking the bank. I can still have a vision; I just have to have the vision that fits into my apartment.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Lazy Movie Weekend: Extortion, Larceny, and Women on Fire - A True Family Christmas
Happy Holidays! I hope that everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving holidays and the marathon of food and guilt that I'm sure ran rampant across the world. Hopefully you also spent some quality time with loved ones (I certainly did) and learned the true meaning of the holiday. Or something. I realized that I'm super awkward at holding babies. I'm not sure how marketable that skill is but it's mine and I like to focus on those things in which I excel.
I thought we'd return to Lazy Movie Weekend with an often overlooked holiday film that should really be part of your regular rotation. Throw it in somewhere between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Jim Carrey version of The Grinch. Or maybe hold off until the kids are in bed; there's a lot of adult language in this one. This movie has everything a holiday movie should have: larceny, extortion, Christine Baranski, sarcasm, and women on fire.
Slice up the orange marzipan cake with creme de menthe and lime zest and let's settle in for The Ref.
Dinner picture
The trio
I thought we'd return to Lazy Movie Weekend with an often overlooked holiday film that should really be part of your regular rotation. Throw it in somewhere between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Jim Carrey version of The Grinch. Or maybe hold off until the kids are in bed; there's a lot of adult language in this one. This movie has everything a holiday movie should have: larceny, extortion, Christine Baranski, sarcasm, and women on fire.Slice up the orange marzipan cake with creme de menthe and lime zest and let's settle in for The Ref.
- What is it about odd movies from the mid-1990s that make me feel comforted and like life makes sense? Is it the pleated pants and shapeless dresses? Maybe it's the fact that so many very good actors were in these little gems so it's like hanging out with old friends before they become incredibly famous.
- The town of Old Baybrook looks like Christmas threw up on it. This is probably why I avoid small towns and Connecticut during the holidays.
- The entire opening sequence is meant to introduce us to characters and plot points that will become important later - the chief of police, two bumbling police officers, George, the town Santa who will be responsible for the ending of the movie (in a way), and the missing Baby Jesus. I never realized this until this viewing.
- Does B.D. Wong ever play anything but a doctor or psychologist? He's Dr. Wong (so creative) in this movie, a marriage counselor that our protagonists, Caroline (Judy David) and Lloyd (Kevin Spacey) visit at the beginning of the film. He will also be important later.
- I love the quick pace of the dialogue and the movement between Caroline and Lloyd and Gus (Denis Leary), our thief. The pace of the movie is great.
- Confession: I have had a huge crush on Kevin Spacey since around 1994. I love him. But I don't watch House of Cards since I don't have Netflix. I prefer to watch this movie, The Usual Suspects, and every other movie he's in instead. Except for Horrible Bosses - nothing good can come out of either of those movies. He's perfect and amazing and awesome.
- I love movies that came out before cell phones were part of our daily lives. We also get to see some cool 1994 computer technology that Gus uses to break into the Willard mansion. So advanced. So amazing.
- Let's talk about Murray, my third favorite secondary character in the movie (we'll talk about numbers one and two shortly). Murray is like that drunk relative in so many other holiday movies; he provides an odd amount of comic relief mixed in with a little sadness. He's Gus's partner in crime (in a literal sense) and probably should not be responsible for things like driving the getaway car and stealing a boat. But he is since Gus gets stuck in the fifth ring of hell otherwise known as the Chasseur home on Christmas Eve. Murray is the best and I sort of wish we knew what happened to him after this movie. I want to believe that he ended up in a nice comfy home after this and is able to watch Happy Days reruns forever.
- Who waits until Christmas Eve to buy eggnog when they know they have 25 people coming over? Who does that and then gets into an argument with the cashier at the tiny grocery store about there only being one carton? Don't people in small towns (in movies) know how to plan ahead? This bothers me more than it should I'm sure.
- Let's talk Denis Leary for a moment: does anyone else want to be around him all the time just because there's the hope that he'll just go off on one of his wild, stand up rants? This movie is basically a vehicle for him to do just that. He's just so good in this movie that you want him to win no matter what. He's not a bad guy, just not a great citizen.
- "Don't annoy me. It's Christmas." Connie (Christine Baranski) has so many excellent one liners in this movie, I lost count and couldn't write them all down. Her amount of awesome lines rivals the number of times Gus says the f-word. Connie is my second favorite side character - she is the stereotypical annoying relative in a holiday movie. It's a long tradition and she plays her part beautifully.
- Did anyone else not know what a mudroom was until they say this movie?
- "So that means you, too, are a liar. Capital "L", small "i", small "a", small "r", period." I used this line of Gus's for years. It still creeps into my head along with, "What are we? Girlfriends here?"
- Jesse and Lt. Siskel - we finally get to meet Lloyd and Caroline's delinquent son, Jesse at military school where he happens to blackmailing Lt. Siskel over some naughty photos. You know, like all 15 year olds do.
- Connie: Who would catch a criminal and then let him go free? Mary: Republicans?
- "You know what this family needs? A mute." Gus is the best.
- Does every town in Connecticut have an eccentric millionaire? I'm just curious.
- I also realized on this re-watching that Gus is Jesse's criminal Yoda. Let that sink in for a bit as you watch.
- "Why do you get strange at family gatherings? Finally, Lloyd's Satan mom arrives in the form of Rose played by Glynis Johns. Rose is my favorite side character in this movie. Keep in mind that Glynis Johns is Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins. Mrs. Banks! Seriously, how great is that? And she's Mary Katherine Gallagher's grandma in the movie Superstar. Just bask in the awesomeness that is Rose for the entire rest of this movie.
- I believe that we all need to invest in some Lucia wreaths and bring the story of St. Lucia into all of our homes this holiday season.
- Caroline at dinner is the absolute greatest. I realized that I am Mary in my family - just listening to the adults gossip and talk about life. Watching Mary and John through the rest of the movie is so much fun. You also have to appreciate that they jump in and help save Gus too.
- The best line in the entire movie from Lloyd: "You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it."
- Remember George, the town Santa? Throughout the movie we're treated to scenes of George getting increasingly intoxicated as he visits homes for Christmas. He arrives back at the Chasseur house just in time for everything to go to hell as the army arrives (Lt. Siskel to talk about the blackmail), the state police begin house to house searches looking for Gus, and Mary and John help tie up the rest of the family. Ultimately, George saves the day even if he's passed out when it happens.
- Does Gus get away? I'll let you watch the movie to find our for yourself. I can tell you that both endings exist.
Dinner picture
The trio
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