Lazy Movie Weekend: I went to the movie theater and all I got was a box of Red Vines

Back in April, I posed a question on my Facebook newsfeed that I'm not sure was ever fully answered. Here it is:

"When did we get to the point in the universe where we require a sixth Fast & Furious and a third Hangover to exist?"

There was some discussion about Paul Walker's need for employment (since Vin Disel has, you know, range),  the fact that we live in a world where Firefly was canceled, and that I'm ultimately a dream crusher (which is totally true). However, we never decided why these movies exist and I'm still perplexed and a bit disappointed in the movie viewing habits of everyone. If we continue at the sequel rate for the  Fast & Furious franchise alone, for those of you who had children this year, when your child is 13 (since the current F&F is PG-13) we'll be at in its 19th installment, Vin Diesel will be almost 60, Paul Walker will be in his mid-50s, and none of the actresses in the film will be allowed to be on screen because they'll be "too old" and will have been replaced by 19 year olds. This is how summer movies work - who's ready for 2026?

In theory, I should love the F&F franchise because I grew up watching terribly ridiculous action movies on cable. These movies are made for summer because they're loud, contain lots of explosions, and the dialogue is awful. When it's too hot to go outside and you just want to sit in air conditioning, these movies and their cineplex brethren are the perfect way to enjoy the laziness of summer. This is not great acting by any means. I can even agree with some of the points made into this brilliant piece of Buzzfeed movie criticism about F&F (and I would like to befriend both of these guys). I mean let's be honest, there was an entire period of time in the early 2000s where we all watched a lot of terrible action movies because Vin Diesel's arms happened to be cast. It's just how life worked.

Anyway, some people would argue that summer really begins with the start of summer movie releases. If that's the case it's been summer for three weeks already and someone should really tell Mother Nature. I can't say that I have seen any of the movies that have been released since the beginning of May. I've missed Iron Man 3, The Great Gatsby, and Star Trek Into Darkness. I am not sad about missing two of these (I'll let you guess which ones). I guess there's still time to see them if I really wanted to. However, I feel like if you don't keep up and make it to the theater every weekend, you'll just get behind and never make it to September.

Summer movies fit into the following categories (and yes, there can be cross-categorization):

• Action movies, non-superhero
• Action movies, superhero
• Action movies where the Earth or the White House is completely destroyed
• Horror movies, usually reboots or "sequels" but occasionally something creative and inventive 
• Latest literary franchise installment
• Reboot of a classic television series
• Possible literary classic that has the potential to be awful but you hope is really amazing
• Romantic comedies
• Terrible comedies starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, or both
• Bizarre comedies starring Simon Pegg
• Quiet indie films or documentaries

I wish I could say that recent summers have wowed me but I'd be lying. I enjoyed last summer's The Avengers and Dark Shadows (although I shouldn't have liked Dark Shadows). I could watch Moonrise Kingdom every day and not get tired of it. I didn't see Ted or Brave until they came on cable so those don't count. But there was no anticipation with any of these movies. Does the anticipation of summer movie season have anything to do with actual summer vacation? Since I rarely take a real vacation, maybe my enjoyment of summer movies has been impacted because there's no expectation of anything anymore.

Or maybe it's that my summer movie viewing habits have changed. I used to watch lots of comedies and romantic comedies (and still do) and even a large number of action movies but I find that I have less tolerance for most of the movies that come out these days. It seems like movies are being made for some demographic that I can't find words to describe. Yes, I could join the ranks of critics and moviegoers that say everything is dumbed down (there's truth to that) and that nothing is original anymore (more truth to that) but I think this is one more sign that I'm becoming a little old lady and now movies make me cranky. It's also possible that I'm more of a fall or winter movie kind of girl. You know how I love sad things and sad movies are not part of summer.

I have a subscription to Rolling Stone and the recent issue featured their summer movie preview. I only want to see seven of the movies listed and many of them are not particularly summer movie-y. They also failed to include the only movie I truly care about this summer, Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing. Who cares about anything else when this movie is right around the corner? Joss Whedon is my only hope.

June 7 - who's with me for some Shakespeare, Joss Whedon, and the possible redemption of summer movies? 

Coming Soon to the Island: I'm introducing a new regular feature on the Island (like Lazy Movie Weekend) entitled "You're Doing Everything Wrong". In this semi-regular feature (probably monthly but who knows at this point), I'll discuss something that I'm "doing wrong" by some bizarre standard and discuss. Up first: You're Doing Everything Wrong: 1949 Called - Here's How to Land a Man. Thank you to Jessica for encouraging these random ideas I have and listening to my ramblings about this first post in particular.

You're doing everything wrong

I'm going to confess something - I don't use Pinterest. I know you're shocked and possibly even disappointed. I signed up for account ages ago but can't recall the password and don't know the last time I logged in. Pinterest allows you to "re-pin" images and you can create boards for themes, events, and whatever you want to save. I suppose it's meant to help foster creativity and give people ideas for how to do cool DIY projects. This blog has even been pinned on the site by someone who liked the pictures I took of houses in Alameda. Maybe she's restoring a Victorian home?

But I've never gotten into pinning. From my limited time on the site I realized I didn't fall into the following categories:

• I'm not planning a wedding so I have no use for mason jar art/lighting ideas and have no plans to ever get married in a barn (and neither do you so stop it)
• I'm not having a baby nor do I have children so no need for cute knitting projects or homemade baby food or rainy day craft ideas
• Pumpkin doesn't wear clothes and I'm not going to make her (although she would be cute as a ladybug but then she would kill me in my sleep)
• I'm not renovating a house so no need for weird DIY bookcase projects that involve upcycled wood (which I'm in support of) and some plant based resin I have to make in my kitchen (which probably smells like garbage rotting because that's always what happens with these things)
• I'm not into pickling produce, making my own beer or other alcohol, or curing meat

I even tried to get into the baking boards of Pinterest because I love to bake and I love to find challenging things to bake. I found some cool stuff but to be honest, I knew I would never make any of it so I stopped. It would be fun to try but ultimately I'd rather be on PinterestFail than on the real site.

I don't think my dislike of Pinterest has anything to do with the site itself or why people use the site or enjoy making boards and re-pinning things. Pinterest, like most forms of social media, is designed to make us all feel bad. Think about your Facebook newsfeed for a moment (if you're on FB). Aren't there days when everyone seems to be having a baby, getting married, adopting a puppy, getting a promotion, and going on an exciting vacation? On those days don't you feel like telling everyone to shut the eff up even though you're super excited for all of them (in all sincerity)? Pinterest insecurity is apparently a thing now and we're all feeling it in some way. Social media has the ability to make us all feel like lonely, uncreative, narcissistic, boring people.

Of course that's not true. I mean, it might be true for some people but overall, most of us are not uncreative or boring. Sir Ken Robinson talks about this all the time. We're all creative in different ways and we have to focus on how to best express that creativity. For some people, it's pickling homegrown vegetables and using beet ink to label your mason jars for storage. For others, it's using post-it notes to decorate an office mate's cube for their birthday. Creativity can be taught and we all have the capacity to be creative. It's just different for each one of us.

I would love to say that I feel most creative in my job since then I would be the adult person that I dream of being. But I don't feel most creative at work although I try to be as creative as possible and sometimes I achieve great things or at least things that don't make my colleagues want to gouge their eyes out to end the pain of the meeting or training I'm conducting.

I guess I would say that I feel most creative when writing and baking (but not at the same time - that could be dangerous). I love writing this blog because it gives me an outlet to share ideas and photos and tell stories (which I love to do). I started the blog because I felt disconnected from things when I moved to Alameda. It was hard to adjust and it was a way to connect outside my apartment. While others enjoy the blog, it's mostly for me. That's not to say that I'm not glad people enjoy the Island and find me amusing; I am and I appreciate that people take the time to read it. I imagine this is what therapy is like.

Baking is also very therapeutic for me. It's a lot of work whether you're making something from a mix or from scratch. Don't ever let anyone tell you that making something from a mix isn't baking - it is. I prefer from scratch in terms of process but sometimes I need to get something done quickly and a brownie mix works just fine. I like the order of baking and the process. That's why I prefer baking to cooking - I'm not as good at throwing ingredients together and having something awesome happen. I'd rather spend two days making an Italian Orange cake - that's more my style. I made this cake 5 years ago (ish) for Christmas and my family still talks about it. It was that good and is probably my favorite cake. With baking, not only am I satisfying my need for process (the type A part of my personality), I'm also making others happy (the Erin Counselor part of my personality).

So my new goal is just do those things that make me feel creative and happy and leave the rest behind. I'm trying hard not to compare myself to everyone else. It's not healthy or fun. This is all part of the process of being the leading lady of my own life.

By the way, my next baking project actually came from Buzzfeed (providing all the cat photos and 90s nostalgia you'll ever need). Bourbon marshmallows s'mores are happening sooner than you think. The bacon is optional.

Facebook was designed for cats and embarassing comments from your mother

Happy Mother's Day! To all the moms who read the Island, I hope you're having a lovely day with your children. Hopefully there was some awkwardly prepared breakfast food waiting for you along with some new additions to your fridge art collection. And maybe you got to sleep in - until 7.

From Buzzfeed

A few weeks ago, I was out running errands for a party I was planning. I work in an office that occasionally resembles The Office in its ability to have random things occur that no one really believes are happening but totally are. In this case, a group of us were throwing a "shower" to celebrate a co-worker's name change (not related to marriage or divorce). My goal for the day was to find prizes for the game and some additional gifts for the guest of honor. I was heading to Target when my phone whistled at me. This is the sound it makes when I get a text message. I figured it was my brother since we had plans for lunch/dinner later in the day. It was not my brother.

It was my mom. My mom figured out how to text.

At first, I thought my brother was messing with me. He was not - he had no idea this was even happening. The text included use of "r" and "u" instead of "are" and "you." I sent a text in response but still had to call because I didn't believe it was her. She thought this was funny (aren't texts supposed to eliminate the need for calls?) and explained that she decided that she wanted to try out texting and figured it out on her own. I was so proud.

My mom and her cell phone have a complicated relationship. She has had a cell phone for years but rarely leaves it on so actually trying to reach her on it is an exercise in frustration. I get why she has a cell phone but it always seemed like a wasted expense for her. However, she's trying to be better about using her phone and has started to leave it on during the day and call me from even when she's not out of the house. I'm not entirely sure what kind of plan she's on now but I guess she has to use all the minutes or text options or she loses what she paid. Anyway, with her new phone my mom decided to embrace using it more and so she has discovered texting. She's also started using the alarm clock and I believe she's been taking pictures. She read the user manual too. Because that's how my mom rolls.

I'll admit that I have kept texting to myself figuring that she didn't really need one more way to get in touch with me. Maybe this was a selfish thing to do (probably) but she didn't seem to miss it either. Mom has evolved her use of technology over the years. When I went to college, email was not a thing so we talked on the phone a lot. Not everyday but most days. When email became more important and easier to use, my mom got an account. It was a slightly larger leap technology-wise but it has kept us connected and is obviously a great way to tell me about her day and send funny ecards to one another (since that's what the Internet is for). Mom admits to not being the most tech savvy person but it's not her generation's thing. I'm impressed with her online abilities.

And then I sort of convinced her to join Facebook. Gone are the days of moms just being able to embarrass their children in front of their friends/relatives/significant others in person. Now Facebook lets that happen whenever mom feels like signing on and commenting on something you've written, posted, or a photo. My mom on Facebook is one of my favorite things. I remember a comment on my birthday a few years back that referenced rainbows. She sometimes types in all caps even though she's not shouting. Several of my friends have commented that they'd like to hang out with my mom based on her posts and comments. One friend would like to come over to make egg rolls with us the next time we have a Garland family egg roll making party. Apparently, her posts make us sounds like a wacky family (there is some truth to that statement) who are fun to hang out with for specific food related events (even more truth to that). Mom has said on numerous occasions that she's going to close her account but she hasn't done it yet. I think she secretly loves Facebook but doesn't want to admit it. Because then Mark Zuckerberg wins.

I've always considered texting the last frontier for my mom so I'm not really sure what's left for her. Does she get a Twitter account and start tweeting random things? What about a Tumblr blog for her women's club? Or maybe she'll get a YouTube channel and feature videos the adventures of Mack the corgi and make him an Internet star. After all, corgis are the new cats.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

I'm not like a real mom, I'm a pet mom

Mother's Day is fast approaching. I still haven't figured out what to get my mom but I'm sure I'll think of something before next weekend (helpful reminder for those of you who forgot). Buzzfeed has not helped at all.

There's a lesser recognized group of moms in the world that I think we should discuss - pet moms. Yes, pet moms. I want to be clear: I am not equating your child to my pet (especially if you have a child with actual medical needs). What you do is different from what I do and I understand that. I think moms are awesome so I am in no way trying to diminish motherhood and all its challenges and rewards.

Moving on.

As a pet mom, I have a responsibility for a living being. I take that responsibility very seriously. I have to make sure on a daily basis that she's fed, has water, litter box access, and most importantly, places to nap. In return, I get to have a tiny cat in my apartment who occasionally sits on my lap, allows me to pet her, and does incredibly entertaining things. Additionally, I get head-butted at 4 am when she would like to be fed and receive looks that may imply that she intends to kill me in my sleep. Having a cat can be an intense experience but Pumpkin is super cute and awesome so it's worth it. My favorite thing about Pumpkin: when she plays with her toys because no one is paying attention to her. It's like having a one performer circus in my living room.

Like an actual mom, I worry that I'm raising her right and making good choices when it comes to her well being. When I moved back to Virginia last summer I brought Pumpkin to my parents' house for the 2 months before my move. I was concerned she wouldn't do well on another cross-country drive. It was really hard to make the decision. Was I being a bad pet mom for leaving her for 2 months with "strangers" (they're not strangers but you know what I mean) and the dog? Was she going to remember me? Would she exact some kind of bizarre cat revenge for leaving her?

She was fine and I'm not a bad pet mom. However, she did pick up some bad habits while staying with her "grandparents." My mom took to feeding Pumpkin treats from her hand on a daily basis. I have no patience for this but I think Pumpkin returned home with some sort of daily treat expectation that I have slowly broken down. Pumpkin also seemed to think being on top of the fridge or cabinets was more acceptable presumably since she had been staying in a house with a dog and needed the advantage of height. I've been less inclined to care about this one since she seems to be able to get down on her own (which wasn't always the case).

I think I was most concerned about something happening to her and my not being there to take care of her (not that my parents wouldn't have done an excellent job). Pumpkin has had three major medical issues since I adopted her - an abscess on the left side of her face, major dental work (related to the abscess which required me to give her kitty morphine), and that time she swallowed a needle and thread. Each one was awful and made me feel like I was the worst pet mom ever. I could have prevented the last one but only if I had realized that she grabbed the thread when I had my sewing box out. I only realized it when I saw it hanging out of her mouth.


My friend, Amy, had a similar experience this week with her dog. Amy has visited the Island before and is a good sport when it comes to me randomly talking about her in blog form. Amy has two lovely pups, Dixie and Muddi. I met them on my move back to Virginia last summer. They are super friendly and Amy is a great pet mom. Earlier this week Dixie ate some socks (since that's what dogs do) and one got caught in her stomach. She was in the hospital most of the week and had to have surgery to remove the sock. Poor Dixie and poor Amy. I know Amy was anxious about Dixie and it's hard to focus when something like this happens. There's not much you can do but wait. And of course, there are always people who won't get it or think "it's just a dog or a cat." I can't be friends with those people. Thankfully, Dixie is recovering and got to come home last night - just look at that happy face!

Here are some things you can do to celebrate the pet moms in your life:

• At the dog park, compliment how well her dog(s) plays and socializes with other dogs. This is especially important if the dog shared its toy.
• Compliment the awesome way in which her cat can squeeze itself into the tiniest box or surprise you with being in that shopping bag you left on the floor. That takes skill. Cats are ninjas.
• When shown a picture of the pet, you can honestly say, "Oh he's so cute and hamsterish" because the pet is, in fact, a hamster.
• Send your pet mom friend a card from her pet. She'll appreciate it even more if you draw a paw print on the card like a signature.
• Don't ask her when she's going to have actual children. You're not helping.

Here's the best thing about having a pet: it doesn't matter if you're gone for two minutes or two months, your pet will always be happy to see you because they love you unconditionally and like you at the same time.

Or it's the cat treats in my hand.

Dixie's photo by Amy - thanks for being part of today's post!