Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 2: Come for the aliens, stay for the bromances?

I love action movies. Always have. Car chases are fun to watch, explosions are pretty great, and who doesn't love a good fight? The thing about action movies is that there's a spectrum when it comes to quality. Independence Day: Resurgence skirts the line between adequate, not terrible alien movie and super cheesy, terrible alien mess. Did I love it? Not really but I didn't hate it either. Is it the worst movie I've ever seen? Absolutely not and people who are saying this obviously didn't see Rocky & Bullwinkle (seriously Robert DeNiro?) or the Matthew Broderick remake of Godzilla. Those are the types of movies that make me want my money back. Broderick, I'm still waiting on my $7 (unless I charge interest).

Since I don't write reviews I thought instead I'd talk about the movie focusing on three areas: What's Missing, Things I Loved/Need More Of, and WTF Moments. And yes, there will be spoilers. Because I'm terrible. Grab some popcorn because this movie is the very definition of popcorn flick.

What's Missing (Really, Who's Missing)

• Will Smith: Let's just get this one out of the way. Will Smith didn't return to play Captain Steven Hiller. I'm sure he realized that this was not going to be a great movie and didn't really need him. He's busy being part of the Suicide Squad so there's that. I have zero problems with his absence; I don't think he's a great actor and the original character made me irrationally annoyed. I did enjoy the oil painting of him hanging in the White House - a tribute to a true American hero.
• Margaret Colin: Who is Margaret Colin? Only the love of David Levinson's (Jeff Goldblum) life in the first movie. Colin's Constance worked for President Whitmore and was a wonderful counter to David throughout the movie. They got back together at the end. I expected Constance to be here but there is no mention of her at any point in the 2 hour movie. Not even David's meddling and lovable father, Julius, mentions her. What happened to Constance? If someone knows what happened to her, please let me know. Maybe I missed it but I really don't think that I did.
• Adam Baldwin: I love Adam Baldwin. Frankly, the original movie could have benefited from more Adam Baldwin so I'm sad that there's zero Adam Baldwin in the sequel. I'll admit that the addition of William Fitchner in the sequel helps (more on this shortly) but it's not the same.
• Mae Whitman: Mae Whitman played President Whitmore's daughter in the original movie. She was adorable and everything we could ever want from a little girl in an alien movie. Apparently, her character's name in ID was Patricia but I don't recall her ever being referred to in this way. Everyone calls her "munchkin" and it's perfection. Whitman is a very talented actor, most recently starring in the high school rom-com The DUFF. Anyway, she's been replaced by Maika Monroe. Monroe just isn't Patricia Whitmore and it's sad that Whitman is missing. There have been lots of articles about why she's not here; I hope this isn't true but I'm not naive enough to believe that Hollywood isn't the terrible place we all think it is. 

Things I Loved/Need More Of 

•  Vivica A. Fox: At least Jasmine is back to make us remember what was good about the first movie. I always considered her the heart of the first movie; she's a good person, a good mom, a good friend, and also happens to be a stripper. In the sequel, she's become a doctor (obviously) and selflessly puts herself in harm's way. I wanted more of her in this movie because frankly, heart is just one of the things missing from Resurgence. Also, the only movie Vivica A. Fox should die in is Kill Bill Vol. 1 because she had it coming.
• Julius Levinson: If you don't love Judd Hirsch's meddling dad, Julius, you don't like funny things. He's in a significant amount of the movie but it's not as much fun as the first one. He does get saved by some kids and then drives them into the middle of an all out alien war so that's something. 
• Jeff Goldblum in a tank top: Let's all admit it: Jeff Goldblum is the sexy/nerdy older dude we all love. He's been that way since early movies like Earth Girls Are Easy and The Fly and only got better in the original Jurassic Park and the original ID. There's something missing in this version of David Levinson; maybe it's Constance's absence. Or possibly more tank tops.
• General Adams: Confession: I watch the only okay Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard whenever it's on tv because of William Fitchner. He's not even in that much of the movie but it's worth it. Fitchner is a super talented actor and has one of those faces that's interesting and handsome all at the same time so you just sort of stare at him. Like Adam Baldwin in the first movie, this movie could have used 100% more General Adams and he's already in most of the movie. Honestly, you could get rid of the whole Jake/Dylan story line and just give us more General Adams.
  
  
• Jake's backstory: We get that he almost killed Dylan Hiller in a training exercise and that they "hate" one another. We also get that he's super dreamy and engaged to Patricia Whitmore. But what's the deal with the story of being left at a camp during the War of 1996 (that's a thing)? Was he one of those other children hanging out with Dylan and Munchkin at Area 51? I need to know more even if I don't particularly care for him as a character.
• President Whitmore channeling Lone Starr: I have loved Bill Pullman since the first time I saw the movie Spaceballs. He was a great leading man president in the first ID and I was glad to see him back in the sequel. At the beginning of the movie, he's the crazy, old man version of himself but by the climatic end, we see the true President Whitmore and he looks the way I imagine Lone Starr would have looked had we ever gotten a Spaceballs sequel.
  
• Warlord Umbutu/Floyd the Accountant buddy comedy: These are, by far, two of the weirdest characters added to the mix of this movie. At the beginning, when we meet both, they barely talk to one another and Floyd is intimidated by the warlord. By the end of the movie, they're killing aliens side by side like they were born to do so. I think these guys deserve a spinoff buddy comedy movie. I'd watch that.
• Brent Spiner as Dr. Brakish Okun: I only add him here because I didn't think he was going to be in the movie...I thought he died in the first one. Always trust the crazy guy in movies like this.

 And finally...

WTF Moments, Or Things I Could Do Without/Don't Understand

•  Science apparently doesn't exist in this movie: I get that this movie is set in a future time where we have used the technology and knowledge left behind by our alien invaders. I don't believe that all that technology would have been able to solve this issue: the Earth and the moon don't have the same atmosphere. If David and Jake need spacesuits to walk around on the moon, how is it possible for all of them and the fighter pilots to move between Earth and the moon with no visible signs that they were impacted by the change in atmosphere? #sciencedoesntmatterinscifiactionmovies
• The Bromances: Why are there so many bromances? Is it the mid-2000s and we're watching a movie starring Jason Segel and I don't know, Jonah Hill? We've got Charlie and Jake, Jake and Dylan, Jake and David, Warlord Umbutu and Floyd, Whitmore and Levinson, Dr. Okun and Dr. Isaacs, and even Whitmore and retired General Grey. I like that dudes are being confident in their friendships in movies and pop culture but this seems like way too much bromance for one movie.
  
• Charlotte Gainsbourg: I have no problem with her being in this movie EXCEPT that if we're going to not cast Mae Whitman because she's not considered "conventionally beautiful" (bullshit) than how did we get to Charlotte Gainsbourg? She's a talented and beautiful actress as well but doesn't scream "alien popcorn flick actress" even if she's playing a psychologist. There's something really off about her being in this movie. I want to like her but I don't.
• Sela Ward as President Lanford: You just can't rally behind this President. There's nothing inspiring about her. No rallying speech, no woman of the people vibe; she's just there. I was not sad when the safe location where she was located was destroyed by aliens. I was excited by the person who ended up being sworn in as President. I'll let this one be a surprise.
• Patricia Whitmore: It's not that Maika Monroe is a bad actor; she's fine but I don't believe her/ It ruins the plots she's involved in. Not a fighter pilot, not the daughter of the President who saved us all, not a member of the current president's staff. She's just boring even in the scenes with the lesser Hemsworth. Patricia gets some terrible dialogue so it's really not her fault. I just wish she was...more. 
• Smug dudes: The first ID had Will Smith, this one has Liam Hemsworth as Jake Morrison. He's kind of like a combination of Will Smith and Harry Connick, Jr. from the first one; he mugs a lot, is sort of funny, and you don't wish for his death. However, you do hope he'll stop talking and just kill the damn alien queen already.

While the new President (again, I can't tell you who it is) has a rather rousing speech to the world right before the end battle with the aliens (that is of course resolved before the 2 minute countdown runs out), it does not hold a candle to the original. 

 Happy Birthday America! 

Make smart life choices this weekend - don't set things on fire, drive responsibly, and remember to hydrate and wear sunscreen.

Images:
Fab Four
Bromance 1
Whitmore

Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 1: A Shark Tried to Eat Gossip Girl

I have a love/hate relationship with summer movies. Back in the day (which I'm allowed to say because I'm over 25), I used to go to every summer movie regardless of how terrible it might end up being. I feel like summer movie season was a simpler time back then too; Michael Bay didn't spew crap versions of cherished childhood favorites and there wasn't the same horror movie every summer with a rotating cast of the latest teen movie sensations. I like action movies, love a sappy romance (or five), enjoy animated movies every now and then, and can even get into a well made horror movie but I've been sorely disappointed the last few summers by movies. So I go to the movies less and I watch my favorites at home more. Life goes on. Hollywood is not broken because I don't go to the movies.

This summer I vowed to try a bit more to go to the movies; there are at least eleven movies that I want to see (I've seen two of them as of today; most are not out yet) and have enjoyed them in my way. I thought we'd focus this Lazy Movie Weekend on two movies that have nothing to do with one another except that I saw them within a few days of each other. Originally, I was going to combine them into one post but it's too much so you get two LMW posts this week! Consider it my birthday present to America.

Let's dive into our first feature The Shallows (pun absolutely intended). Spoilers ahead - just an FYI although I legit don't care if I ruin it for you because seriously this is a movie about a shark and a woman trying to survive. You know exactly what's going to happen.

Sharks are not my thing. I've seen the first Jaws movie since it's a requirement as a fan of movies and I've watched all three of the Sharknado movies so you don't have to (part four will be here very soon). I don't watch "Shark Week" and I've never seen any of the other well regarded movies involving a sharks vs. man plot (I'm told Deep Blue Sea and Open Water are both very good). However, the previews The Shallows intrigued me; Gossip Girl surfs and then battles a Great White. Totally plausible and obviously means someone made some excellent life choices. What could be better than that combination?

It's not a bad movie at all. The scenery is beautiful; as a non-beach person watching Gossip Girl (as I will refer to Blake Lively's character, Nancy, because that's how I think of her; she's not a Nancy) take in the secret beach for the first time, I had an overwhelming desire to go to the beach, just not a secret one. Where there are sharks. Additionally, there is a wonderful version of the Lou Reed classic "Walk on the Wild Side" playing as Gossip Girl and Carlos drive out to the beach. After he leaves her on the beach with some warnings about not staying out too late, we meet Gossip Girl's family who want her to go back to med school, realize she's come to the beach to commune with her dead mother, and watch her get ready to surf. She joins two dudes in the water and we're treated to a great sequence of them all catching waves and enjoying the thrill of the secret beach.

Then Gossip Girl ignores all of the smarts we know she has and decides to try for one more wave despite the fact that she's now alone, it's past 5 pm, and all of the other sea creatures are going away from her. Oh and there's a dead whale just chilling in the ocean not that far from her. How did any of them miss a rotting whale? Then the shark arrives. Gossip Girl is in the middle of his feeding area (or whatever one calls it) and now she is a target. The remainder of the 87 minute movie is a test of wills between Gossip Girl and the shark, who I'll refer to as Barry. She makes it to a rock and uses earrings in a way they were never meant to be used (this is the only part of the movie I had to look away during), befriends an injured seagull, watches three people get eaten by Barry, and devises a plan to make it to the buoy once high tide comes in. Barry, who has already taken a chunk out of Gossip Girl's leg, circles between her and the dead whale, with occasional forays into partially eating the other two surfers and a random guy on the beach (who sort of deserves what he gets for being a terrible human). I won't tell you how it all ends, although I'm sure you can guess, but I will say that Barry doesn't fair well and Gossip Girl shows us all what moxie really means.

The Shallows does raise a lot of questions:

• Why does no one ever say the name of the beach? Is it because it's Spanish name translates to Shark Beach or You Will Die If You Stay Past 5 pm Beach? Suspicious.
• Did anyone else want more Carlos in this movie? I really enjoyed him and was sad to see that he only has a little bit of screen time at the start and end of the movie. 
• Wouldn't it have been better if Gossip Girl wore a full wet suit? I know nothing about surfing or water sports but I feel like she would have been better served if she'd had a full suit on.
• Why didn't Gossip Girl leave with the other surfers? How was she planning on getting back from the secret beach? Did she not have an exit strategy? How did Gossip Girl all of the sudden become my cat when she jumps on top of the refrigerator and can't figure out how to get down?
• We're all aware that Great Whites are not native to or ever seen in Mexico right? How did Barry even get there?
• Isn't Barry stuffed? By the middle of the movie he's eaten part of a dead whale, probably some seagulls and other fish, and portions of at least three grown men. I wonder if Barry has an eating disorder or something.
• If he's not hungry, what did Gossip Girl do to Barry to provoke such hatred? Was it because she's married to Deadpool and they have an impossibly adorable child and seem really happy? Is Barry all of our collective dislike of her because of this? (Aside: I like Blake Lively.)
• Or maybe Barry is a metaphor for poor life choices - is that what we're being told? Gossip Girl shouldn't be on that beach in the first place; she's supposed to be in medical school. She's supposed to be teaching her younger sister how to surf. She's not supposed to be on this secret beach communing with her dead mom. 
• Where did the oil come from? I won't say why this is important but where's the source? Is it the dead whale or is this also a treatise on pollution and our rape of the environment?
• Is anyone else thinking that if this happened to them the arm of their wet suit would not fit around their leg? 
• Who else wears that much jewelry when surfing? Obviously this helped Gossip Girl immensely, probably more than the flare gun but not as much as the Go Pro camera, but is that normal? 
• How did she finish medical school so quickly? The epilogue of this movie troubles me more than any of what transpired in the previous 80 minutes.

Should you go see The Shallows? If you like sun while also being stressed when movie watching, enjoy pretty landscapes that are eventually marred by Barry's appearance, and like seeing improbable things happen to bring about the conclusion of this caper, then yes, you should see The Shallows. If you hate fun and summer and seagulls, go ahead and skip this one.

Shark image
Gossip Girl on the buoy
Steven Seagull

Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 2: And Then There Were Aliens coming at you on Friday. Don't miss it!

Everyone else is doing yoga, so should I?

This post has literally nothing to do with The Cranberries but I've always liked this song and haven't listened to it recently. Musical introductions to a post should be a thing.*

A few weeks ago, I shared my thoughts on my fitness regime and what wellness means to me. I've spent a lot of my life listening to others tell me how they thought I should get in shape or diets that I should go on or dozens of other "helpful" tips for being a better me...in their eyes. I have struggled with this most of my life as have most people who are "too fat" or "too thin" or "too (fill in the blank)" for whatever societal norms we've created. There are a lot of great writers out there who talk about these "standards" in more concise and eloquent ways than I ever will be able to do. Check out Lindy West, Caitlin Moran, Roxane Gay, Lena Dunham, Jessica Valenti, Rebecca Solnit, to name a few. The body positive movement is great (when it doesn't turn on itself which is often) and I'm glad to see retailers embracing diversity in body type as much as they have ethnicity or gender identity in recent years. It's refreshing and gives me hope for the universe (most days).

When I got back from my cousin's wedding in Detroit, I made the decision to add some new activities to my workouts. I go to the gym five to six days a week and as much as I like my treadmill routine (y'all, I've read so many books this year), I realized that it was time to mix it up. My gym time works really well for the work week since I naturally get up early and I have a finite amount of time in the morning before I need to be at work. The convenience factor of having a fitness center in my building means I don't have to go anywhere but downstairs, sweat it out, and come back to my apartment to get ready. I know myself well enough to know that adding travel time into this mix would mean I wouldn't actually do it. However, I also know I need the variety to stay dedicated to this plan. One of the areas I want to focus on is toning my arms so I'm currently looking for some arm workouts I can either do in my apartment or in the fitness center since there are already weights there. The other choice I made was to try yoga.

I've never done yoga before. As a theatre major, I had to take a movement class in college and there were what I'll call "yoga adjacent" sections within the course. Frankly, yoga always seemed to be one of those things that bored, entitled 20 somethings do mostly so they can buy cute clothes and be able to say "I have yoga and then a detox facial. Can we move that to 2:30?" Yes, that's stereotypical and mean of me but sometimes I'm mean. I'm sorry. Anyway, being "yoga adjacent" in class sort of turned me off from yoga as a whole. Honestly, I think my yoga aversion had more to do with not feeling comfortable in my own skin than yoga itself. There's something about being in a class in public, whether it be yoga or Zumba or something else, that raises my anxiety and self-consciousness.

Anyway, I decided that this is stupid and I need to get over it and give yoga an actual try. My friend, Emily, recently started taking classes at a studio in Crystal City that she raved about. With this recommendation, I signed myself up for a month-long pass to take as many classes at the studio as I'd like. I figured I could try a few different types of classes and see if any of them would stick. I bought a yoga mat, a yoga towel, and prepared for my first class. Emily, being the pal that she is, accompanied me to the first (and second) class to be my yoga sherpa.

I had no expectations, not really, going into that first class. I set up my mat and then Emily gave me a bunch of props (blocks, blankets, pillows) as directed by our instructor. I get the blocks but all the other stuff was foreign to me; I had no idea yoga had so much equipment. My first class was a bit rocky; I didn't really know what I was doing, the instructor was good but seemed a little scattered (she was subbing and late that day so I get it), and it hurt. I realized I have muscles I didn't even know existed and every single one of them hated me so much on that day (and the day after). If muscles could secede from a body, mine would have that weekend. By the end of the class, I was a little sweaty and finally getting the hang of different asanas, the poses or postures of yoga. There are 84 classical asanas said to have been revealed by the god Shiva, founder of hatha yoga (what most of us just call yoga). I'm going to stop my history of yoga there because that's as far as it goes. I admit that my research into yoga has been limited which is a little weird for me. I'll probably remedy that sometime in the future.

I didn't love the first two classes but I liked some aspects of both. The biggest takeaway was the idea of focus for my yoga practice. Both of the instructors started class by having everyone focus on the goal of their practice for the day; it could be a personal goal or something that you want to send out to the world or another person. I liked the idea of focusing a class or the larger practice of yoga on a goal. I'm not doing yoga to appropriate another culture nor am I on some sort of spiritual journey. For me, the practice of yoga is about focus, strength, and balance. I like being able to not think about anything but being in the moment of my yoga practice. Focus can be hard sometimes and being able to just breath and focus for an hour or is really magical.

My first two classes were not the classes for me. The instructors were good but neither class filled the yoga void. My third class, Warm Gentle Hatha, would be the game changer. Both hot and warm yoga use increased temperature to help increase flexibility (or so I've read). In warm yoga, the studio is heated to 90-95 degrees (hot yoga is usually 100 degrees). I figured I spent a large portion of my life in New Orleans so 90 degrees would be nothing. I was pleasantly surprised that I was right. Here's what I learned in my first warm yoga class:

• 90 degrees is really not that bad - I didn't focus on the heat as much as learning the poses. It was hot but not unbearable.
• Glasses and warm yoga do not mix. Hell, glasses and yoga are challenging in general. I don't see well without them so I make it work. 
• Drinking when the instructor says to is a must as is coming to class hydrated. 
• Yoga makes me hungry (this is probably because my class ends at 12:30). I make better lunch/snack choices when I come out of yoga so that's a plus. 
• Listening to orchestra/yoga appropriate versions of "Shake It Off" and "Livin' On a Prayer" makes the class even better. 
• The instructor makes all the difference. I didn't dislike my first two instructors but I love my third. She gives clear instructions, models the pose well, gives options to the group since we're at various levels, and made yoga accessible to me.

I left the class feeling exactly how I wanted - strong, more balanced, and in control. The second I thought "my body can't do that," it just did. Boom - here's the millionth Downward-Dog pose of class. What? Did I just do five planks in a row and not die? Yes, yes I did. Why is it called Awkward Chair? Because it's awkward and chair-like. Let's Warrior it up some more because I'm amazing at Warrior I and II. I also realized that I've been doing two poses forever - Shavasana (Corpse pose) and Vriksasna (Tree pose). When I'm stressed or have any sort of back or neck pain, I lay on my floor with everything relaxed which is Shavasana without the intention. Shavasana is about resetting at the end of practice, giving the body time to reset and rest after the workout you've just gone through. It's meant to focus a person and reduce tension. I love Shavasana both in class and at home. I sleep in Tree pose. Obviously it's not the same but that's what it is. I've always described sleeping in a four or nine when I sleep on my back but it's basically Tree pose. I also tend to stand this way when I'm chopping vegetables or cooking so there's that. Tree pose is all about balance, posture, and concentration. It's one pose I really need to work on since I do tend to lose my balance after a few seconds. I need to follow my instructor's advice and focus on a fixed point (called drishthe) which should help with this.

All in all, I've loved the first month of my yoga practice. I figured out what the intention of my practice is and found a class that works for me. I even own three pairs of yoga pants I don't sleep in! I feel like I'm improving; I'm able to hold poses for longer, am more aware of my breath in and out of class, and I was able to do more complex combinations of poses in my last class. I may not stay with the studio long term (yoga is expensive) but I feel like by the time I get to that point, I will be able to do the things I need to do at home without the heated studio but with the same intention in my practice.

One important observation: Even if I hadn't found my class and had given up after my month, I'm comforted by the idea that for 75 minutes 10-15 people in arguably one of the busiest, high stress regions in the country, come together and shut off their lives. For that time we are quiet and still (meaning not bustling about being busy). I'm fascinated by this idea and hold onto to it when I'm not in the studio and need a moment of calm.

*This song appeared on the band's debut album Everyone Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We? which is the inspiration for this post's title. #90sgirl

Summer Fun: Pumpkin's Guide to Getting the Most Out of Summer

Whether you are a firm believer that summer begins on Memorial Day (so approximately meteorological summer) or if you're a strict adherent to the belief that summer begins on June 20th with the solstice (astronomical summer), your season has finally arrived. You're out there living your best summer life (this has become a phrase I'm partial to these days), soaking up the sun, reveling in the heat, and I assume, enjoying a frosty adult beverage. You probably have your pool/beach time scheduled and probably a summer vacation planned. But have you stopped and considered whether or not you're truly getting the most out of your summer? What could possibly make your summer even better?

I'll tell you what - Pumpkin's advice on how to get the most out of summer. She knows a lot about enjoying the sun and just as her helpful advice got us all through Snowzilla this winter; she'll make sure your summer is the absolute best it can be.

Pumpkin's Guide to Getting the Most Out of Summer

Tip 1: Moderation is the key to enjoying the sun.
Pumpkin is the literal queen of the sun patch. I once watched her sit in the same sun patch for over an hour without moving or blinking. I had to check to see if she was still breathing at one point. Sun is an essential part of summer enjoyment; we need the vitamin D after months in cold, cold weather and here in DC, fifteen straight days of rain at the end of May. Get out there an soak up the sun but do so with some care and caution. It's all about moderation since summer is a marathon not a sprint. Ways to balance enjoyment and moderation:

• Sunscreen - Pumpkin recommends a minimum SPF of 30 but I like to take it a step further and bump that up to 45. She has fur; I'm a very white woman who "lobsters" when the sun is even mentioned. Make sure you reapply your sunscreen if you're outside for longs periods of time swimming or sweating profusely (which will always happen).
• Shade - Find a nice tree, fancy umbrella, or building to hide in every now and then. It's cooler and may even involve finding a frosty beverage or two.
• Invest in one of those tiny fans. Tiny fans make a lot of sense.

Tip 2: Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate!
Hydration is essential when spending more time outside in the broiling sun. We're all going to be sweaty messes this summer and staying hydrated will help in so many ways. Pumpkin is a master at staying hydrated whether it's drinking from her actual water bowl or finding other sources of water like the bathroom sink, unattended water glasses, or the bathtub after I've gotten out of the shower. Sometimes she doesn't even wait until I'm done brushing my teeth to get in on the sink action in the bathroom. She needs her water and will get it in whatever fashion she can.

Tip 3: Rooftop bars (or the top of the refrigerator) are great places to enjoy a cold beverage when the weather gets hot.
Pumpkin loves hanging out on top of the refrigerator. Bonus: when she stays at my parents' house, they put a water bowl on top of the fridge for her so it's exactly like her own rooftop bar. The height gives her a great view of the apartment or their kitchen. The same can be said about hanging out at a rooftop bar after work or on a sunny weekend day. Arlington and DC have some wonderful rooftop bars with great views. Be prepared to wait in line to get upstairs but it's absolutely worth the wait. Make sure that you have an exit plan; Pumpkin doesn't always remember to have one when she jumps on top of the fridge. She prefers the "meow until someone helps me" method of exiting. Doing this at a rooftop bar is not recommended but knowing your limits and having a DD or Uber on your phone are always a good idea.

Tip 4: When in doubt, take a nap.

Sun and nap - priceless.

Being outside maybe fun but it's also exhausting. Pumpkin is a master at all things napping from location to length of nap to sleeping with her eyes open. It's a skill and one that we should all learn how to do. I don't nap often but something about summer and the sun and lazy afternoons makes me want to nap all the time.

Napping by Pumpkin:

• Comfort is in the eye of the beholder. If perching yourself on the back of the couch or one someone's arm while they're trying to read or do other things is comfortable for you, embrace it.
• 18 hours a day is the ideal amount of time one should nap. Pumpkin is a beast when she doesn't get this much nap time in. 
• If you want to creep out a person and nap at the same time, learn to nap with your eyes open. It's definitely a skill worth cultivating. 
• Let your people know when they've intruded into your napping time. This can come in the form of meowing at them in disgust, scratching them for no reason, or maybe staring at them as if you're plotting a way to keep them up all night. Because they deserve to be tortured for disturbing your sleep.

Tip 5: Get your summer reading list together
Pumpkin has been a reader since way back. She loves books of all types; histories, memoirs, novels, art books. She is an equal opportunity reader and you should be too. Books are great for napping on, lounging by the pool or on the beach, or if you're stuck inside on a rainy day. Check out The Washington Post's summer book recommendations to plan your reading list. I just picked up The Girls by Emma Cline because nothing says summer quite like a book about a cult.

From her kitten days.

 

Tip 6: Outdoor activities can be turned into indoor activities if you get a little creative. 
So many of Pumpkin's tips involved the great outdoors but she realizes that the outside is not for everyone; she doesn't even like it that much. Pumpkin spent the first few weeks of her life on the mean streets of Honolulu before I adopted her and the outdoors did her no good. Apparently she fought with other animals and was bitten by one one of them. This resulted in her having an abscess that eventually burst and she spent several weeks with one side of her face shaved. A cat with half of a shaved face is a sad sight. There are plenty of outdoor activities that you can/should enjoy this summer but Pumpkin would also like to provide alternatives in case you're more of an indoor kid and/or want to avoid fighting with other neighbor animals:

• Visit a winery. Sure they're pretty and picturesque and wine is delicious but you could also sit home and drink wine while wearing yoga pants and hanging out with Pumpkin. There's also less of a chance that you'll have to hang out with pretentious wine guy if you drink at home.
• Go to a theme park. Roller coasters are amazing and awkward moments with theme park characters make for great Instagram photos but lines are the worst and the sun can be punishing. Pumpkin's alternative: make an at home obstacle course. Climb on top of your furniture, jump over the stuff everyone leaves out everywhere that you don't want to pick up, the possibilities are endless.
• Attend an outdoor movie event. Outdoor movies sound like a great idea but they lack the one thing that Pumpkin feels is essential for movie watching: air conditioning. How are you supposed to watch a movie if your Junior Mints are melting all over the place? It's easy to replicate the big screen at home and as a bonus, you can wear your pajamas and cuddle with your pets. Pumpkin approves. 
• Catch a baseball game at your favorite stadium. Actually, you should do this one. Pumpkin can attest that nothing is more boring than watching baseball on television except watching golf on television. Sometimes outside wins.

Get out there an live your best summer life! Pumpkin will be here, indoors, napping, occasionally moving from sun patch to sun patch, and staring at me in a mildly creepy way.

 

Next week: My fitness adventures continue with my first month adding yoga to my routine. There's that saying that you should be wary of endeavors that involve buying new clothes but I rather like my new yoga pants. Check it out next weekend on the Island!

Your Resident Single Friend: You're not the cat's pajamas

Today is both Hug Your Cat Day and Old Maid's Day. I'll let that sink in for a moment.

Old Maid. Spinster. Cat Lady. To say that these phrases make me rage-ful would be an understatement. I've never been fond of the idea that the only way to value women is by their marriageability or fertility; this is not a new story just another day in the life of being female.

I've been called a spinster before. Not by anyone I knew personally but by the government of Hong Kong. Yes, the government of Hong Kong. A few years ago I traveled to Hong Kong to conduct training for a school district in the city. Based on the length on my stay and the work I was doing, the school recommended that I apply for a work visa. The application included a field for marital status. I most places, the options are usually "single/unmarried", "married', "divorced", and maybe "widowed." Not Hong Kong.

This is from my actual visa application.

They couldn't just use "unmarried" or "single" which would cover both of the options included in the box I had to check. I was told that it has to do with British forms still being used but I don't know that I actually believe this explanation. I'm pretty sure there's something else here. At the time I opted to make fun of it on the Island and move on because I was going to Hong Kong and that was pretty cool. It was the first and only time I've ever had to use that word to describe myself and it will be the last.

I've been reading Rebecca Traister's book All the Single Ladies. The book takes a look at the political and social power of single women. While Traister focuses on current events and 21st century women to tell their stories, she also presents a historical look at the evolution of single women and social change in the US. It's a great read; I recommend it to everyone, not just the single ladies out there. In one section early on, Traister mentions the historical meaning of the word spinster. In its original use, from roughly the 16th-18th centuries, it was used to describe women who were employed as spinners. These were women who spun fabric and thread for home and commercial use. Many were unmarried but their status was not as important as their profession. During the 18th century, the definition shifted, mostly focusing on women who remained unmarried and were beyond the socially acceptable age for marriage (their early 20s). And of course, from there, it becomes a terrible way to describe an unmarried woman. "Old Maid" is a sister term, coming about in the Victorian era and is also the name of a card game where players are supposed to get as many paired cards as possible. Unpopped popcorn kernels are also referred to as old maids. Traister discusses the more successful spinsters in one chapter, women like Mary Cassatt, Emily Bronte, and even Elizabeth I.

What I appreciate about Traister's book is her look at how women have bucked against these limiting terms, creating single lives and married or partnered lives, on their own terms. It's satisfying to read of the experiences of other women my age (or younger or older), famous and not, who feel the same as I do: that marriage and family is not the goal; it's one of may possible options that exist out there in the world. In my post last week, I mentioned how it bothered me that Muriel only thought she was worth something and successful if she got married. What Muriel failed to realize is that she was amazing regardless of her martial status. We need to be okay with this idea and teach this girls and young women (and boys and young men too).

I was thinking about all of these things as I returned to my apartment after a fire alarm forced us all out into the night. I was getting ready to go to bed when the fire alarm went off. Not knowing if it was a false alarm or an actual emergency, I quickly threw on shoes, packed Pumpkin into her carrier, and walked down seven flights of stairs to the front of the building with everyone else. As you can imagine, Pumpkin was not amused. It turned out to be a false alarm; someone hit the alarm on accident. Once we got the okay, we all made our way back into the building. That was when Pumpkin began meowing like she was being tortured (or singing the song of her people as I like to describe it). People were staring and making comments about there being a cat. Why wouldn't someone have a cat? Other people brought their dogs with them; it's the natural thing to do in the face of a possible emergency. One of my neighbors even asked me why I brought her downstairs with me. Those of you who know me well can probably picture the face I made at this guy. I politely responded that I wouldn't leave a living being to suffer in a fire or some other emergency. I heard him say "cat lady" under his breath as we walked our separate ways. Admittedly, I was shocked by that; no one has ever called me a cat lady in a vicious way before either. Had I not had Pumpkin in her carrier and was actually wearing real clothes (I too was in my pajamas), I would have followed him to ask this: What the fuck is your problem and why don't you like cats?

This experience made me realize several things:

1. I have now seen a fair number of my neighbors in their pajamas. I can never, ever unsee this. 
2. This is the reason most people who live in large apartment buildings don't know their neighbors. 
3. The words "spinster", "old maid", and "cat lady" need to be struck from our vocabulary just as "#(insert any word here)goals" and "bandwidth" need to be struck from our vocabulary.

This would be Pumpkin & my neighbor

I want to believe my neighbor is living the best life he can live and is a truly awesome human being. I want to believe that he was mad at the situation and the fact that he had to evacuate the building in his pajamas (again, can't unsee that) so he took it out on me. But I don't. I don't even think he was trying to be funny. By the time I got upstairs I was as mad as the time a guy standing outside the National Museum of Women in the Arts tried to grab my ass as I walked past. Outside of a women's art museum!

Yes, being called a "cat lady" is not the worst thing he could have done but that absolutely 100% does not excuse the behavior. I wish I had done something at the time to tell him that wasn't okay but I didn't. I forgot Ms. Norbury's words to us in Means Girls: You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores. Never forget Mrs. Norbury's advice.

Up next on the Island: I'm taking next weekend off to celebrate my entry into my 37th year (my birthday is next Saturday). I'll be back the following week with a new UT Recipe and later this month I'll be sharing my adventures in yoga. You read that right - yoga. There might even be a new chapter from my novel to share. June is going to be one busy month!

Awkward Hug
Hug Your Cat Day
Old Maid's Day