Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 2: Come for the aliens, stay for the bromances?

I love action movies. Always have. Car chases are fun to watch, explosions are pretty great, and who doesn't love a good fight? The thing about action movies is that there's a spectrum when it comes to quality. Independence Day: Resurgence skirts the line between adequate, not terrible alien movie and super cheesy, terrible alien mess. Did I love it? Not really but I didn't hate it either. Is it the worst movie I've ever seen? Absolutely not and people who are saying this obviously didn't see Rocky & Bullwinkle (seriously Robert DeNiro?) or the Matthew Broderick remake of Godzilla. Those are the types of movies that make me want my money back. Broderick, I'm still waiting on my $7 (unless I charge interest).

Since I don't write reviews I thought instead I'd talk about the movie focusing on three areas: What's Missing, Things I Loved/Need More Of, and WTF Moments. And yes, there will be spoilers. Because I'm terrible. Grab some popcorn because this movie is the very definition of popcorn flick.

What's Missing (Really, Who's Missing)

• Will Smith: Let's just get this one out of the way. Will Smith didn't return to play Captain Steven Hiller. I'm sure he realized that this was not going to be a great movie and didn't really need him. He's busy being part of the Suicide Squad so there's that. I have zero problems with his absence; I don't think he's a great actor and the original character made me irrationally annoyed. I did enjoy the oil painting of him hanging in the White House - a tribute to a true American hero.
• Margaret Colin: Who is Margaret Colin? Only the love of David Levinson's (Jeff Goldblum) life in the first movie. Colin's Constance worked for President Whitmore and was a wonderful counter to David throughout the movie. They got back together at the end. I expected Constance to be here but there is no mention of her at any point in the 2 hour movie. Not even David's meddling and lovable father, Julius, mentions her. What happened to Constance? If someone knows what happened to her, please let me know. Maybe I missed it but I really don't think that I did.
• Adam Baldwin: I love Adam Baldwin. Frankly, the original movie could have benefited from more Adam Baldwin so I'm sad that there's zero Adam Baldwin in the sequel. I'll admit that the addition of William Fitchner in the sequel helps (more on this shortly) but it's not the same.
• Mae Whitman: Mae Whitman played President Whitmore's daughter in the original movie. She was adorable and everything we could ever want from a little girl in an alien movie. Apparently, her character's name in ID was Patricia but I don't recall her ever being referred to in this way. Everyone calls her "munchkin" and it's perfection. Whitman is a very talented actor, most recently starring in the high school rom-com The DUFF. Anyway, she's been replaced by Maika Monroe. Monroe just isn't Patricia Whitmore and it's sad that Whitman is missing. There have been lots of articles about why she's not here; I hope this isn't true but I'm not naive enough to believe that Hollywood isn't the terrible place we all think it is. 

Things I Loved/Need More Of 

•  Vivica A. Fox: At least Jasmine is back to make us remember what was good about the first movie. I always considered her the heart of the first movie; she's a good person, a good mom, a good friend, and also happens to be a stripper. In the sequel, she's become a doctor (obviously) and selflessly puts herself in harm's way. I wanted more of her in this movie because frankly, heart is just one of the things missing from Resurgence. Also, the only movie Vivica A. Fox should die in is Kill Bill Vol. 1 because she had it coming.
• Julius Levinson: If you don't love Judd Hirsch's meddling dad, Julius, you don't like funny things. He's in a significant amount of the movie but it's not as much fun as the first one. He does get saved by some kids and then drives them into the middle of an all out alien war so that's something. 
• Jeff Goldblum in a tank top: Let's all admit it: Jeff Goldblum is the sexy/nerdy older dude we all love. He's been that way since early movies like Earth Girls Are Easy and The Fly and only got better in the original Jurassic Park and the original ID. There's something missing in this version of David Levinson; maybe it's Constance's absence. Or possibly more tank tops.
• General Adams: Confession: I watch the only okay Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard whenever it's on tv because of William Fitchner. He's not even in that much of the movie but it's worth it. Fitchner is a super talented actor and has one of those faces that's interesting and handsome all at the same time so you just sort of stare at him. Like Adam Baldwin in the first movie, this movie could have used 100% more General Adams and he's already in most of the movie. Honestly, you could get rid of the whole Jake/Dylan story line and just give us more General Adams.
  
  
• Jake's backstory: We get that he almost killed Dylan Hiller in a training exercise and that they "hate" one another. We also get that he's super dreamy and engaged to Patricia Whitmore. But what's the deal with the story of being left at a camp during the War of 1996 (that's a thing)? Was he one of those other children hanging out with Dylan and Munchkin at Area 51? I need to know more even if I don't particularly care for him as a character.
• President Whitmore channeling Lone Starr: I have loved Bill Pullman since the first time I saw the movie Spaceballs. He was a great leading man president in the first ID and I was glad to see him back in the sequel. At the beginning of the movie, he's the crazy, old man version of himself but by the climatic end, we see the true President Whitmore and he looks the way I imagine Lone Starr would have looked had we ever gotten a Spaceballs sequel.
  
• Warlord Umbutu/Floyd the Accountant buddy comedy: These are, by far, two of the weirdest characters added to the mix of this movie. At the beginning, when we meet both, they barely talk to one another and Floyd is intimidated by the warlord. By the end of the movie, they're killing aliens side by side like they were born to do so. I think these guys deserve a spinoff buddy comedy movie. I'd watch that.
• Brent Spiner as Dr. Brakish Okun: I only add him here because I didn't think he was going to be in the movie...I thought he died in the first one. Always trust the crazy guy in movies like this.

 And finally...

WTF Moments, Or Things I Could Do Without/Don't Understand

•  Science apparently doesn't exist in this movie: I get that this movie is set in a future time where we have used the technology and knowledge left behind by our alien invaders. I don't believe that all that technology would have been able to solve this issue: the Earth and the moon don't have the same atmosphere. If David and Jake need spacesuits to walk around on the moon, how is it possible for all of them and the fighter pilots to move between Earth and the moon with no visible signs that they were impacted by the change in atmosphere? #sciencedoesntmatterinscifiactionmovies
• The Bromances: Why are there so many bromances? Is it the mid-2000s and we're watching a movie starring Jason Segel and I don't know, Jonah Hill? We've got Charlie and Jake, Jake and Dylan, Jake and David, Warlord Umbutu and Floyd, Whitmore and Levinson, Dr. Okun and Dr. Isaacs, and even Whitmore and retired General Grey. I like that dudes are being confident in their friendships in movies and pop culture but this seems like way too much bromance for one movie.
  
• Charlotte Gainsbourg: I have no problem with her being in this movie EXCEPT that if we're going to not cast Mae Whitman because she's not considered "conventionally beautiful" (bullshit) than how did we get to Charlotte Gainsbourg? She's a talented and beautiful actress as well but doesn't scream "alien popcorn flick actress" even if she's playing a psychologist. There's something really off about her being in this movie. I want to like her but I don't.
• Sela Ward as President Lanford: You just can't rally behind this President. There's nothing inspiring about her. No rallying speech, no woman of the people vibe; she's just there. I was not sad when the safe location where she was located was destroyed by aliens. I was excited by the person who ended up being sworn in as President. I'll let this one be a surprise.
• Patricia Whitmore: It's not that Maika Monroe is a bad actor; she's fine but I don't believe her/ It ruins the plots she's involved in. Not a fighter pilot, not the daughter of the President who saved us all, not a member of the current president's staff. She's just boring even in the scenes with the lesser Hemsworth. Patricia gets some terrible dialogue so it's really not her fault. I just wish she was...more. 
• Smug dudes: The first ID had Will Smith, this one has Liam Hemsworth as Jake Morrison. He's kind of like a combination of Will Smith and Harry Connick, Jr. from the first one; he mugs a lot, is sort of funny, and you don't wish for his death. However, you do hope he'll stop talking and just kill the damn alien queen already.

While the new President (again, I can't tell you who it is) has a rather rousing speech to the world right before the end battle with the aliens (that is of course resolved before the 2 minute countdown runs out), it does not hold a candle to the original. 

 Happy Birthday America! 

Make smart life choices this weekend - don't set things on fire, drive responsibly, and remember to hydrate and wear sunscreen.

Images:
Fab Four
Bromance 1
Whitmore

Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 1: A Shark Tried to Eat Gossip Girl

I have a love/hate relationship with summer movies. Back in the day (which I'm allowed to say because I'm over 25), I used to go to every summer movie regardless of how terrible it might end up being. I feel like summer movie season was a simpler time back then too; Michael Bay didn't spew crap versions of cherished childhood favorites and there wasn't the same horror movie every summer with a rotating cast of the latest teen movie sensations. I like action movies, love a sappy romance (or five), enjoy animated movies every now and then, and can even get into a well made horror movie but I've been sorely disappointed the last few summers by movies. So I go to the movies less and I watch my favorites at home more. Life goes on. Hollywood is not broken because I don't go to the movies.

This summer I vowed to try a bit more to go to the movies; there are at least eleven movies that I want to see (I've seen two of them as of today; most are not out yet) and have enjoyed them in my way. I thought we'd focus this Lazy Movie Weekend on two movies that have nothing to do with one another except that I saw them within a few days of each other. Originally, I was going to combine them into one post but it's too much so you get two LMW posts this week! Consider it my birthday present to America.

Let's dive into our first feature The Shallows (pun absolutely intended). Spoilers ahead - just an FYI although I legit don't care if I ruin it for you because seriously this is a movie about a shark and a woman trying to survive. You know exactly what's going to happen.

Sharks are not my thing. I've seen the first Jaws movie since it's a requirement as a fan of movies and I've watched all three of the Sharknado movies so you don't have to (part four will be here very soon). I don't watch "Shark Week" and I've never seen any of the other well regarded movies involving a sharks vs. man plot (I'm told Deep Blue Sea and Open Water are both very good). However, the previews The Shallows intrigued me; Gossip Girl surfs and then battles a Great White. Totally plausible and obviously means someone made some excellent life choices. What could be better than that combination?

It's not a bad movie at all. The scenery is beautiful; as a non-beach person watching Gossip Girl (as I will refer to Blake Lively's character, Nancy, because that's how I think of her; she's not a Nancy) take in the secret beach for the first time, I had an overwhelming desire to go to the beach, just not a secret one. Where there are sharks. Additionally, there is a wonderful version of the Lou Reed classic "Walk on the Wild Side" playing as Gossip Girl and Carlos drive out to the beach. After he leaves her on the beach with some warnings about not staying out too late, we meet Gossip Girl's family who want her to go back to med school, realize she's come to the beach to commune with her dead mother, and watch her get ready to surf. She joins two dudes in the water and we're treated to a great sequence of them all catching waves and enjoying the thrill of the secret beach.

Then Gossip Girl ignores all of the smarts we know she has and decides to try for one more wave despite the fact that she's now alone, it's past 5 pm, and all of the other sea creatures are going away from her. Oh and there's a dead whale just chilling in the ocean not that far from her. How did any of them miss a rotting whale? Then the shark arrives. Gossip Girl is in the middle of his feeding area (or whatever one calls it) and now she is a target. The remainder of the 87 minute movie is a test of wills between Gossip Girl and the shark, who I'll refer to as Barry. She makes it to a rock and uses earrings in a way they were never meant to be used (this is the only part of the movie I had to look away during), befriends an injured seagull, watches three people get eaten by Barry, and devises a plan to make it to the buoy once high tide comes in. Barry, who has already taken a chunk out of Gossip Girl's leg, circles between her and the dead whale, with occasional forays into partially eating the other two surfers and a random guy on the beach (who sort of deserves what he gets for being a terrible human). I won't tell you how it all ends, although I'm sure you can guess, but I will say that Barry doesn't fair well and Gossip Girl shows us all what moxie really means.

The Shallows does raise a lot of questions:

• Why does no one ever say the name of the beach? Is it because it's Spanish name translates to Shark Beach or You Will Die If You Stay Past 5 pm Beach? Suspicious.
• Did anyone else want more Carlos in this movie? I really enjoyed him and was sad to see that he only has a little bit of screen time at the start and end of the movie. 
• Wouldn't it have been better if Gossip Girl wore a full wet suit? I know nothing about surfing or water sports but I feel like she would have been better served if she'd had a full suit on.
• Why didn't Gossip Girl leave with the other surfers? How was she planning on getting back from the secret beach? Did she not have an exit strategy? How did Gossip Girl all of the sudden become my cat when she jumps on top of the refrigerator and can't figure out how to get down?
• We're all aware that Great Whites are not native to or ever seen in Mexico right? How did Barry even get there?
• Isn't Barry stuffed? By the middle of the movie he's eaten part of a dead whale, probably some seagulls and other fish, and portions of at least three grown men. I wonder if Barry has an eating disorder or something.
• If he's not hungry, what did Gossip Girl do to Barry to provoke such hatred? Was it because she's married to Deadpool and they have an impossibly adorable child and seem really happy? Is Barry all of our collective dislike of her because of this? (Aside: I like Blake Lively.)
• Or maybe Barry is a metaphor for poor life choices - is that what we're being told? Gossip Girl shouldn't be on that beach in the first place; she's supposed to be in medical school. She's supposed to be teaching her younger sister how to surf. She's not supposed to be on this secret beach communing with her dead mom. 
• Where did the oil come from? I won't say why this is important but where's the source? Is it the dead whale or is this also a treatise on pollution and our rape of the environment?
• Is anyone else thinking that if this happened to them the arm of their wet suit would not fit around their leg? 
• Who else wears that much jewelry when surfing? Obviously this helped Gossip Girl immensely, probably more than the flare gun but not as much as the Go Pro camera, but is that normal? 
• How did she finish medical school so quickly? The epilogue of this movie troubles me more than any of what transpired in the previous 80 minutes.

Should you go see The Shallows? If you like sun while also being stressed when movie watching, enjoy pretty landscapes that are eventually marred by Barry's appearance, and like seeing improbable things happen to bring about the conclusion of this caper, then yes, you should see The Shallows. If you hate fun and summer and seagulls, go ahead and skip this one.

Shark image
Gossip Girl on the buoy
Steven Seagull

Lazy Movie Weekend Double Feature, Part 2: And Then There Were Aliens coming at you on Friday. Don't miss it!

Lazy Movie Weekend: This movie has everything

We live in a world where we have become used to the idea that our favorite fictional characters can be killed without warning and for no reason but that the creators of these characters seem to enjoy the agony that these deaths cause across the fandoms. I have still not come to terms with Buffy's mom's death and half expected a character to actually die in the film version of Much Ado About Nothing. That's how Joss Whedon rolls. Now that I've started watching Game of Thrones, I have decided not to care about any character. That way, I can't be sad when they die.

It's with this idea in mind that I began my first full viewing of the 1996 classic Independence Day in probably five years. I usually come in somewhere in the middle whenever it's on TBS for the four hundredth time during the month of July. The late 90s where an excellent time for action movies especially if you liked volcanoes, asteroids, and plots that only had one or two differences. Independence Day was unique-ish at least at the time. The movie is patriotic without being nationalistic and uplifting while still having some sad moments. The pace is quick so while you like the characters and empathize with them, you don't get attached. You expect that some of them are not going to make it and it's okay. When aliens are attempting to exterminate the human race causalities can't be avoided.

This movie has everything: explosions, science, aliens, Harry Connick, Jr., the White House, comedy, tacky dolphin jewelry, Robert Loggia, cute kids, Data from Next Generation. Everything.

So with a week left until Independence Day, toast some marshmallows and make a s'more or two and enjoy the most patriotic movie of the 1990s Independence Day.

1. I don't know the last time I watched the movie from the beginning. I did not remember that the movie started on the moon. The entire invasion is obviously retribution for astronauts walking on the moon. Thanks Neil Armstrong.
2. Excellent use of R.E.M's "It's the End of the World As We Know It". Do you remember when it was a badge of coolness to actually know all of the lyrics?
3. Literally everyone is in this movie: the guy who plays the museum director in The Mummy (Erick Avari), Jim Piddock (from several Christopher Guest movies), the older daughter from Mrs. Doubtfire, the cute guy from Detroit Rock City oh and Will Smith, Robert Loggia, Bill Pullman, Mae Whitman, and Jeff Goldblum. And Harvey Fierstein.
4. Bill Pullman is the President! I think we should all dream hard for a world where this is the truth. Lone Starr should be President.
5. "Daddy let me watch Letterman." "Traitor." Mae Whitman is so adorable as the first child. 
6. I've never reconciled the fact that the women in the film are pretty stereotypical: the graceful, smart First Lady, the uptight communications director, and the stripper with a heart of gold. Couldn't we have done a little better?
7. If you didn't have a crush on Jeff Goldblum when this movie came out, you did after you saw it. He's nerdy and funny and still in love with his wife who happens to be the President's communications director. And he's nice to his dad and is an excellent chess player. Of course he also saves the day. No big thing.
8. OMG Harvey Fierstein is in this movie! I forgot he was in this movie. We're only fifteen minutes in and if the movie ended right now, it would be worth it.
9. Randy Quaid has built a career on playing idiots and this movie doesn't disappoint in that department (at least in the beginning). I like his character's story arc and his family. More on his alien abduction later on.
10. I like the special effects in this movie. They're classic and wonderful and not overwhelming even when the monuments and significant American symbols are being destroyed.
11. Mae Whitman doesn't actually cry in this movie but I feel like this movie was another great place for her to hone her crying skills. Don't believe me? Check out this Buzzfeed article on her epic cries.
12. The pacing of this movie is one of my favorite parts of the experience. The run time clocks at 2:25 and the aliens make their first move 24 minutes into the movie. You'd think that you'd get bored but you don't the movie moves between the connected stories at an excellent pace and actually moves. I have been to more movies in the last 3 years that should be a good 45 minutes shorter than they are. We could learn a lot from ID.
13. We finally meet our two doomed characters: the First Lady (Mary McDonnell) and Harry Connick, Jr.. You know that the First Lady is doomed in her delivery of the line "I love you" when the President tells her to come back home. Something bad is going to happen to her and it's okay. Not okay that she's doomed but okay because you have time to process that it will happen. Same for HCJ: he's comic relief that might interfere with Will Smith's mugging so he has to go. He does deliver one of my favorite lines, "You're never gonna get to fly on the space shuttle if you marry a stripper."
14. Fun fact: the White House interior scenes were filmed on the set that was built for The American President. This is my dad's favorite movie (it's his You've Got Mail). It was also used for Mars Attacks!. 
15. "You punched the President?" I love Judd Hirsch in this movie too. Literally, everyone is in this movie.
16. If you're trying to disaster plan for alien invasions, move to Des Moines. L.A., New York, and DC will go first so move to Iowa. 
17. Jasmine's dog is awesome. 
18. So let's discuss Will Smith: this is the only Will Smith movie that I enjoy him in. He's one of those actors who annoys me because he has little to no range and yet is in every movie (or at least was in every movie). Ali and Six Degrees of Separation were pleasant surprises but everything else is terrible. He's smug and mugs the entire time. At least in this movie he plays a pilot so I expect the smugness. Like Tom Cruise, I never willingly go see Will Smith movies. I only saw the first Men in Black because I adore Tommy Lee Jones. I do enjoy him in this movie especially the scene where he's dragging the alien through the desert and talking to it. And his "Welcome to Earth" before punching the alien. Beyond that, Will Smith in a movie makes me irrational. I want to punch him in the face because than he would stop being so freaking smug.
19. Jasmine (the amazing Vivica A. Fox) drives a huge truck through destroyed L.A. and finds the First Lady. Of course, Jasmine voted for the other guy.
20. Y'all it's Adam Baldwin. This movie should have 100% more Adam Baldwin. Basically, there should be a movie within a movie just about Adam Baldwin's character. I would totally watch that. And never be bored.
21. And then Data, I mean, Brent Spiner, appears as the creepiest scientist who is not really a bad guy. He's just lived at Area 51 (yes that Area 51) forever and is really into aliens. Of course, this isn't going to end well. Shady.
22. Fun fact: the US military was originally on board to provide technical advisement on the film UNTIL it was revealed that part of the plot involved Area 51.
23. "You just have to get through their technology." So basically getting to the actual alien is a lot like helping one of my clients navigate the internet?
24. Helpful tip: Don't dissect an alien if you don't know if it's dead or not. Bad things will happen.
25. You know what this movie could use? Harvey Keitel. I don't know what he'd do in this movie but I feel like he'd be really awesome in it. 
26. The President tries to convince the alien that peace is the answer. The alien declines. Obviously the only answer is to have Adam Baldwin kill it.
27. I like the four love stories in the movie: Connie and David, Jasmine and Will Smith, the President and First Lady, and Randy Quaid (Russell) and his family. They all make sense.
28. I find it incredibly amusing that Houston is where they decide to launch a nuclear attack against the aliens. Houston - just let that sink in for a minute.
29. Have I mentioned how much I love Jeff Goldblum in this movie? He figures out how to give the mothership a "cold" and saves the day again (this is the second time so far). Connie's comment, "Now he gets ambitious" is also perfect. 
30. This is the greatest speech of all time:

 

31. And then he suits up and joins the other pilots on their mission. Because he's a former combat pilot and the best president ever.
32. "I picked a hell of day to quit drinking." Russell - the unexpected hero of this movie. Again another great story element to this movie. I like everyone. Except the aliens.
33. Did I mention that they use morse code as a way to communicate with armies around the world? Take that aliens wiping our our technology. We've got morse code.
34. "Didn't I promise you fireworks?" Will Smith ends it for us with a mildly smug comment while we watch alien ships burn. Thanks Will Smith. Just keep smoking that cigar.

And that's Jenga. (Bonus points if you get that movie reference.) There you have it - one of my favorite movies from 1996. I was still in high school and did not yet feel like suspending disbelief while watching movies was for the weak. If you just can't help yourself and need to question the believability of this movie, check out this video (courtesy of Jessica).

Poster image
IMBD
Gratuitous Adam Baldwin photo

Don't rain on my parade

Hello patriots and Happy Fourth of July! I hope that you're all enjoying celebrating America. If you're planning on setting anything on fire today (grills, sparklers, fireworks, your deck), please make sure to keep a fire extinguisher handy.

I've been watching a lot of presidential/America rocks movies this week. Every station seems to be airing a thematic movie. I've re-watched Independence Day and The American President and watched the G.I. Joe movie for the first time. That was a mistake. Seriously, who thought that movie was a good idea? Honestly, I would have preferred a camp themed movie marathon. I never went to camp but I love movies about camp. My ideal camp movie marathon would include Camp, Ernest Goes to Camp, Camp Nowhere, and Wet Hot American Summer. I love any movie with a really good "end of camp talent show" sequence. Let's work on making this happen next year.

I consider myself a civics geek (or maybe neek as my friend Jessica would say). Not a government geek but a civics geek. Don't get me wrong, I love to talk politics and get involved in debates and I read  a lot about legislation, policy, and government history. The main difference (to me) is that I don't let my politics interfere with my love of participation in the great civics experiment that is America. People forget about participation. Democracies really don't work if you don't participate. Or rather, they work but they don't work for pretty much anyone. We tend to let other people participate for us and then we complain about it and wonder why things aren't working the way we wanted them to work. And yes, it's also very American to complain about the President and Congress and anything else government related but that's sort of the point. Your complaints have more meaning if you actually participate in the process.

I taught 9th and 12th grade Civics which should have been a dream come true for me. Teaching young people about the American government system and how exciting it is to participate, count me in! Clearly, I underestimated my students' enthusiasm for this topic. Seniors don't care about anything. They are ready to graduate and move on to the next exciting chapter of their lives. It doesn't matter that they're all of age to do things like vote, sign up for Selective Services, pay taxes, and serve on a jury. And the freshmen? It's not that they don't care, it's that none of it makes a lot of sense yet because their participation is rather limited. Fourteen year olds can't participate in ways that older Americans can so it was a struggle to make it relatable for them too. I spent a lot of time talking about what they could do - volunteer in their community, be responsible for their actions and words, be informed, and generally be nice to people. I also showed movies and recordings of important speeches in hopes that they'd get it. I'm sure at least one of them did.

Today is not about politics or about healthcare or education reform or about the President's personal life. It's about the spirit of the nation and its people. It's about participating in whatever way you'd like to participate. You and I might not agree on things politically but I'm certain we agree on several important things about today:

1. Parades are awesome
2. Fireworks are pretty (loud, but pretty)
3. Everything tastes better from a grill
4. It's okay to get a little weepy when you hear patriotic music
5. Mid-week holidays are slightly surreal but sort of awesome all at the same time

I got to celebrate that today by going to the second largest Fourth of July parade in the US right here in Alameda (according to Wikipedia and seven people who live in or have lived in Alameda-so it is clearly true). This particular event encapsulates civic pride in so many ways. I think photos would be a better way to illustrate this. Enjoy!

I have no idea why the first paragraph is being weird. Oh well...