Sunday, May 13, 2012

We don't have to be Lorelei and Rory

"I can't be making mistakes when I'm a mother. I'm not the person I need to be to be able to do this. I'm not perfect yet. I'm so not perfect... Yeah. I'm scared."
        - Lane, The Gilmore Girls

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there! Whether you’re a mom (and you can define mom however you want) to an actual child or to a pet child, I hope you enjoy your day. Today marks my second day without Pumpkin in the house (she’s already moved to Virginia) and I miss her perfect mix of affection and aloofness (she’s the ideal cat). She seems to be adjusting to her new environment. She has reportedly been seen walking around the upstairs hallway, playing with her toys, and not scratching people when they come to check on her. I will call this progress and stop thinking I'm a terrible pet mom.

But I'm not going to talk about Pumpkin anymore today. Instead we're going to talk about the best mom of all, my mom. She is the absolute greatest. I not only love my mother but I LIKE her. Not everyone can say that about their mother (or most of their relatives). I like to hang out with my mom and talk to her on the phone. I'm only sort of mortified by some of the posts she writes on Facebook (usually on my birthday, usually involving rainbows). This past week when I was staying at their house, she had my brother text me to see when I was coming home. I was out late with friends and she was worried. My friends found this both amusing and endearing. I would 100% agree.

By no means are my mom and I like Lorelei and Rory on my favorite tv show The Gilmore Girls.  We are not freakishly in one another's lives and I don't think my mom enjoys pop culture references in everyday conversation as much as I do. Much has been written about this mother/daughter duo and there is definitely something unrealistic about their relationship despite the fact that I love everything about it. However, we don't need to be Lorelei and Rory to enjoy spending time together. I do not tell my mother everything (I have friends for a reason) and I don't expect her to be my friend all the time. Moms are moms and I occasionally need a reminder that I am not the only person in the universe or that the decision I'm about to make is a bad one. She is the person I would prefer to hear that from even when I don't want to hear any of it at all. My mother isn't perfect either and I appreciate her honestly about that.

I know that I am extremely lucky to have such a great mom. Lots of people have complicated and unpleasant relationships with their mothers and I'm glad I'm not one of them. I hope that one day if I have a daughter she'll love and like me too.  I hope that she and I will make Christmas cookies together and get the giggles for no apparent reason and then not be able to stop for 10 minutes (while the men in the family look on in bemusement like my dad and brother do now). I hope that I will like her haircut (or at least keep it to myself if I don't) and be okay with her tattoos or piercings or whatever the kids are doing by then. Or at least pretend I'm okay with it. I hope she will tell her friends that I'm a cool mom and truly mean it because I mean it every time I say it about my mom.

-->This is my absolute favorite photo of my mother ever. My Aunt Pat took it a few years ago. My mom was visiting our family in Michigan and went to see my cousins and my uncle (Pat’s family) play at a club in Ann Arbor. My cousins are/were in a punk rock band with their dad, called The Muldoons, and they have/had a pretty loyal following (see girl in yellow shirt in the front of the photo).

I’m obsessed with the 1960s/1970s New York rock scene. I can’t imagine a more perfect time for music, personalities, fashion, and art than that particular era. When I first saw this photo, I immediately thought of several photos I’ve seen of Lou Reed and Iggy Pop and the Warhol Factory gang hanging out at CBGB’s or Max’s Kansas City. My aunt is a great photographer and I think she captured the moment beautifully. My mom is both perfectly in place and perfectly out of place at this club. She's super cool and probably annoyed that she has to stand. And incredibly proud of my talented younger cousins. I'm also hoping that she was thinking something slightly snarky about the dancing girl (because I probably would have been). I like the motion around her and her stillness and awareness that she’s being photographed. Mom isn't a fan of having her picture taken - but isn't it great when you capture a moment like this? I have this framed and next to a picture of both my parents on my bookshelf.

Happy Mother's Day Mom! Love you much and hope you're having a wonderful day!

Spend some time with Pumpkin for me.

Top photo by me
Bottom photo by my Aunt Pat

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