A Cottage by the Sea: Epilogue

I recently finished a book called The Little Cafe in Copenhagen. It's one of the countless rom-com/chick lit books I read while at the gym. I like to rotate between these books, mysteries involving a baker who solves crime with the help of a meddling ghost, and memoirs by former cult members. Sometimes I throw in a biography or historical novel for giggles. Anyway, this particular novel was about a young woman responsible for taking a group of British journalists to Copenhagen to learn about the art of hygge. It's all part of a campaign she's working on, promoting a Danish department store opening in London. The owner believes this group of journalists would benefit from experiencing hygge in person. Along the way, our heroine learns about herself, what she really wants to do with her life, the true meaning of hygge, and of course, she falls in love. It's a very typical example of one of these books with some Danish culture thrown in for good measure. Reading the book made me want to buy some cozy sweaters and drink copious amounts of tea. Oh, and make cinnamon rolls everyday. Imagine what my house would smell like if I made cinnamon rolls everyday.

What I also realized upon completing this book was that it's been a full year, almost to the day, since I declared myself your resident chick-lit heroine in my series A Cottage by the Sea. You can read the original posts here (scroll to the end to start with the first entry). Yes, I celebrated Rex Manning Day as I always do with a viewing of Empire Records, but I was also devastated with the reality of being laid off, dealing with my aunt's death, and generally feeling awful. I felt unmoored, not quite prepared for a job search (although I recovered on this one pretty quickly) and certainly not prepared to be so fucking angry and defeated at the same time. Like a crappy boyfriend or a terrible friend, a toxic work environment eventually gets the best of you and you may not even realize it until you're no longer part of it. That's where I was and it wasn't pretty.

If I think about it now, I was lucky. I found a job relatively quickly (two months) and have an awesome group of friends and a super supportive family who were all there through this. I've been in my new job for about ten months now. This past week, I hosted the "graduation" event for the leadership development program I was hired to manage. Despite a recurring dream about not inviting the CEO to the event (I did, he attended and thoroughly enjoyed the event), it went smoothly. The presentations were successful and the participants seemed to genuinely enjoy the experience despite it being intense and a lot of work. It was satisfying to see the conclusion of something I've worked so hard on go well. Honestly, it's helped me feel more like me. It made me feel more accomplished and capable, something that I wasn't feeling a year ago.

Has it been easy? Absolutely not. It's hard to start a new job. Yes, it's exciting and new, but it's also terrifying and uncomfortable. In my experience, not just with this job, everyone wants to focus on the excitement and the fact that something new is starting. You have to be grateful that you even have a job. These are all true things, but they're also 100% devoid of reality. It's exciting, yes, but it's also stressful and scary. First, there's the new job stuff: learning new responsibilities, new technology, new processes. Then you have to build relationships with team members and other co-workers. Add to all of this navigating the hierarchy of an organization and the politics, which you probably have to figure out on your own, even if your manager is well-meaning and helpful. Everyday is a mix of being vulnerable and confident, making mistakes and being awesome. It's exhausting. Exciting, sure, but exhausting.

Like any chick-lit heroine worth her own series, I've spent the last year thinking a lot about what I want in my life. That's what always happens in these books; the heroine rethinks her life plans, her ambitions, her views on love and family. This year has led me back to my novel (finally wrote a new chapter and have at least two more in progress). I started my creative practice again, mostly with my embroidery projects. I've embraced learning new things, like my upcoming drum lessons and learning to make croissants from scratch. I have a new big goal, which I'm not ready to discuss yet, but it's been forming this last year and I'm excited about making it a reality. It's taken a year, but I finally feel like me again.


Coming soon to the Island: a new Lazy Movie Weekend involving the potato of injustice, I finally make croissants from scratch, and we celebrate Record Store Day 2018! It's going to be an exciting April!

Ballerina Lawyer

One of my co-workers has a sign on the window of her office asking passers-by what they wanted to be when they were children. I don't remember all of the responses but I'm pretty sure "superhero", "Dallas Cowboy cheerleader", and "Princess Leia" were all posted by my colleagues. It's a fun question to think about especially since so many people probably aren't what they wanted to be when they were children. Some of the jobs we have today weren't even realities back then.

I haven't filled out a post-it note yet but if I did it would say "Ballerina Lawyer."

A ballerina lawyer isn't a lawyer for ballerinas but a ballerina who happens to also be a lawyer. Every time I tell people this is what I wanted to be, they always ask me to elaborate on what exactly a ballerina lawyer would do. Obviously practice the law and dance like a bad ass. This is not challenging if you think about it. I've also had several people suggest that this has all the makings of an excellent television show. Maybe I've stumbled on the next edition of Law & Order. I'd watch marathons of this show on USA.

If I'm honest with myself I've never really known what I wanted to be, career-wise, when I grow up. I feel like I've had what I'd call a "stumble upon career" pathway. I started teaching because I could and I had skills and a background (theater) that the school was looking for at the time. That led me to admissions in a roundabout way which led me to working for my current company. Since I joined at the time it was more startup than corporation, I did a little bit of everything and found that I'm a teacher and writer at heart. That's mostly what I do these days but I can tell you that none of this was on the this when I was five or fifteen or twenty.

If I continue to be honest with myself, I know that I've always wanted to be a writer. I like telling stories and entertaining people. Creating characters and the worlds and places makes me happy. I love words and putting them together in ways that make sense. This is partially why I have dutifully kept this blog going for the past five years. I've written all sorts of things on the Island; some more successful than others. Y'all really like Pumpkin. From what I can tell there needs to be 80% more Pumpkin on the Island. I'm not sure I agree with that but I'll try to give the people what they want more frequently. I feel a "Pumpkin's Guide to Summer" coming soon (she did help you survive a blizzard earlier this year).

But does this make me a writer? I've never really had anything "published" although I have been featured on my company's blog a few times and I tried posting on LinkedIn this summer (more coming soon). Something I wrote was featured in another author's book but I don't know if that counts either. I don't really want to get into a philosophical discussion/debate on what it means to be a writer or an artist. I believe I am one and that has to be enough.

This year I decided to focus my attention on getting my first novel published or at least on the road to being published. I wrote Transient Suburbia for 2014's National Novel Writing Month. I was able, in 23 days, to write a novel just over 50K words (meeting the requirements of NaNoWriMo). It has a beginning, middle, and end. I wasn't able to do everything I wanted to do given the constraints of the month but I ended up with a really great story and characters I love. I've been editing, revising, and adding since December 2015. With the exception of one thing, I feel like I've done as much as I can without getting actual feedback from other people. I'm finally ready to let other people read it completely. I gave myself until the end of the April to get the draft to a place I felt comfortable with sharing. I enlisted four of my friends to be readers.

I have sent the novel out into the world and I cannot take it back.

On one hand, I relieved and excited to see what they think. I need feedback in order to move forward. A certain amount of stress has been lifted. It's readable, funny, and I think a good story. On the other hand, I'm terrified at the prospect of them reading it. Yes, I posted portions of the novel here on the Island so it's not a secret but it's also not the same thing. I'm nervous and I don't get nervous that easily.What if they hate it? What if they think every character is terrible? What if it's predictable? So many negative thoughts go through my head when I think of them reading through the story. I can't help myself. I assume this is why #hemingwaywasadrunk. 

More to come on the adventure that is Transient Suburbia.


Next week the UT Recipe book opens again! This time we'll try a cake recipe many affectionately call "Secret Ingredient Cake" because revealing one of the ingredients may not inspire a desire to enjoy it as one should. Curious? Check back next week to find out what the secret ingredient is.