Around this time last year, I was formulating my goals for 2013 since I don't make resolutions since they are, in fact, for chumps. Some might argue that a goal and a resolution are the same thing. Those people are crazy and annoying. Goals have moving parts and can be broken down so that you actually can accomplish what you plan to do. Resolutions always seem more like ultimatums - "I resolve not to do something" (or to do something) doesn't make me jump out of my chair to do it. I've always felt like there's a lot of judgement and pressure on a person when they resolve to do or not do something. As I explained last year, resolutions carry a certain amount of guilt with them. I prefer to keep my guilt limited to the times my mom brings up not going to church and when I tell people at work that something works that way by design.
Anyway, with just sixteen days left in the year it's probably a good time to check in on how I'm doing on this year's goal: to be the leading lady of my own life. The goal is based loosely on the character of Iris in the movie The Holiday. I'm not Iris but I have a lot of Iris tendencies: pining (artistically of course), self-deprecating behavior, thoughtfulness, a propensity for wearing comfy sweaters, and I live alone with a pet (she has a dog, I have a cat). I'm not English, don't wear blazers or accessorize as well as Iris, and have not discovered my Miles yet. I also don't have an elderly gentleman as a friend and motivator as Iris does. We all need an Arthur in our lives.
My last checkpoint was back in July. I did make a minor adjustment to my original list of ways I would achieve my goal and replaced taking a class with completely National Novel Writing Month. I did that so the only thing left to really focus on is dating. Yep, I left the most challenging item on my list to the very end. And frankly, I'm not really sure that I'm going to achieve this one anyway. I don't consider myself very good at dating. I didn't date pretty much at all in high school and very minimally in college and beyond. Occasionally when I discuss this with friends, I feel like I missed out on things in my younger years. Their dating stories are so colorful and interesting; mine are less although sometimes entertaining.
I have tried to be better at dating. When I turned 30, I tried online dating as a way to kick start a new decade of my life. I went on several terrible first dates and one that seemed promising but didn't go anywhere after a few more dates. Best moment of my online dating experience: running into one of the bad dates at a DC Rollergirls match while with my parents. This was the guy who didn't like his family and was amazed that I enjoyed spending time with mine. Yeah, that one wasn't going to work out at all.
I think that part of my problem is that I'm your typical introvert. I'm fine with doing things by myself (going to the movies alone is my favorite). I tend to let silences happen. I'm fine once I know you but I'm terrible at small talk and asking questions so I'm sure I'm not at my best on first dates. I also tend to ramble and I have a lot of odd interests so who know what people think. This is probably just me making excuses. Because of my introversion, I don't do things like talk to guys at bars or locations that would be perfect for "meet cutes."
Since embarking on this leading lady quest, I have done my best to up my fashion game (and done so successfully), be more social and spontaneous (getting better at both), I finished a 50,000 word novel in one month, and I went to Paris by myself. The long and short of it is that I feel like a leading lady so I should not let the fact that I am probably not going to fulfill this one part of my list bother me so much. Things happen when they are supposed to happen. Or something.
If all else fails, at least I have Pumpkin.
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