I forgot that anything can happen on Halloween...

I know I said last week that the Island was on a break until after the election, BUT I had a realization this morning about this weekend, so you get a bonus post. You're welcome.  

Halloween is this Saturday. I know, Halloween is on a Saturday! Additionally, there's a full moon, Mercury is in retrograde (I guess), and daylight savings time is this weekend. That's a lot of stuff in one weekend. Normally, I like to post a video from the 1986 classic The Worst Witch on Halloween. It's a little song called "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" performed by Tim Curry. I've always felt this section was the weirdest part of the movie, but I also love it because it's Tim Curry. In a normal year, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with me posting this video and encouraging y'all to get out there any enjoy Halloween. 

But...it's 2020. Posting a video of a song called "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" is a terrible idea. I don't trust whatever forces are controlling this year. They/It/Whatever might decide my posting of the video means that they/it/whatever can unleash murder gerbils or broken glass hail. I can't risk it. This got me thinking: if I shouldn't post this video, what other things shouldn't any of you do this Halloween? 

Because I care about you, I put together a list of ten things you should avoid doing at all costs this Halloween. This year, which is legitimately the longest year on record, is not the year to leave anything to chance. I'm also not a monster, so I've thrown in ten alternative activities to get you through the weekend. 

Ten Things to Avoid This Halloween

1. Don't accept anything, candy, directions, voting advice, from a stranger. This is good advice normally, but it's particularly helpful this year. Check your sources, and only eat candy you've personally purchased or you steal from your kid's stash.
2. If you happen upon a woodland creature or a very majestic forest cat who seems to want you to go on a quest, DO NOT GO ON THE QUEST. 
3. Are you excavating something right now? Stop. Put down the tools. Step away from the large hole you dug. If you continue to dig and find a skull, jars, the GOP's spine, put it back, cover it up, and move. You can't live on top of that mess. 
4. Related: don not open any tombs, graves, or other ancient sealed locations. They were sealed for a reason. 
5. This is mostly for my friends in Louisiana, but everyone should still listen. If you find an old bottle buried near the river (or other body of water), leave it there. Don't move it. Don't add it to your weird antique bottle collection. Leave it be and maybe leave something to appease who/what was watching over that bottle. If you really need antique bottles, go on Etsy and buy that shit like a normal person. 
6. Avoid any type of abandoned institution, particularly hospitals, prisons, and asylums. They were abandoned for a reason.
7. Don't buy a wreck of a car from an old man on a whim. That car is haunted. It will kill your friends. 
8. While tempting, there is no reason to go anywhere near the site of "unspeakable horrors" in the town where you live. It may sound innocent to go visit the birthplace of Mitch McConnell, but you're only feeding his weird turtle energy. Stay home!
9. Don't be rude to your elders. This is how curses happen. 
10. No Ouija boards of other summoning devices. There is no reason for you to summon a demon or open a hellmouth this Halloween. I would even avoid Scrabble; you don't know if spelling an innocent word like "oxyphenbutazone" will cause the end of the world. Don't tempt the fates. (Fun fact: oxyphenbutazone is the highest scoring word in Scrabble, coming in at 1778 points. It's an obsolete anti-inflammatory drug.) 

Ten Things to Do on Halloween

1. Stay home! I know your house is getting old, but all of this will be over so much sooner if we all stay home. 
2. Wear a mask. It's Halloween so you can really go to town with this one. Break out that hockey mask and do your best Jason Voorhes impression. This is your moment. 
3. Enjoy all of the candy you bought because no one is trick or treating this year. Pair it with wine! If you really want to imbibe, I suggest pairing bourbon with any chocolate/peanut butter candy. It's delicious.
4. Watch scary movies. Check out Pumpkin's 2016 recommendations. She was a smart cat. 
5. Carve a pumpkin. Bonus points if it's voting themed.
6. Go to bed early. The time change is about to happen, and that screws us all up. Get some extra sleep while you can. 
7. Tell scary stories or read a scary novel. I've recently finished Mexican Gothic and Stephen King's new short story collection, If It Bleeds. Highly recommend both. 
8. Dress up your pet! You spend 24 hours a day (basically) with your pet now attending to their whims, the least they can do for you is allow you to put them in a costume for one day without plotting your demise.
9. Make a "a meteor may hit the Earth the day before the election" kit. I don't really know what would go in this kit, but it would be fun to see what everyone comes up with. Bourbon? Would that be a good thing to include?
10. Finalize your voting plan! Election Day is just days away. If you haven't voted yet, use this time to get your voting plan in order. Check out I Will Vote for resources. Already voted? Awesome - you are doing your part! Submit your voting story to my Be a Good Citizen Project so you can get some free original art for being a good citizen. 

Happy Halloween! Let's all do our part to stave off the end of the world for at least a few more days. 

As an added bonus, please enjoy this photo from last year when I made Keely wear a Halloween tie. He hated it. I thought he was adorable. 

Reminder: Show your good citizenry! Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. The deadline for submissions has been extended until December 1. I'm like the Oprah of rewarding good citizenship: "You get a piece of original art! And you get a piece of original art.