I came for tires, I stayed for the crackers

I bought an unnecessarily large box of crackers.

I didn't set out to buy an unnecessarily large box of crackers. My day was focused on buying four new tires (don't be jealous) and going out to dinner and a gallery opening with my parents. Nowhere in the planning of the day did I stop and think to myself, "You need an unnecessarily large box of crackers. These crackers will make your life better. For $4.49 you will not want for crackers for months as long as you properly store them once the package is open. This is an exceptionally good deal."

I've been Costco-ed.

I can't remember the last time I visited a Costco. I'm one individual who lives in a moderately sized apartment. I don't have space for bulk anything. Even when the tiny orange cat was still with us, buying in bulk wasn't a thing I participated in because of limited space. Storing a 45 pound container of cat litter is impossible in most apartments in the area. And frankly, I don't have the upper body strength for carrying that item anywhere. I believe during my last visit to a Costco I was with my parents and I bought a bottle of vitamins. I did not finish that bottle of vitamins.

Let's celebrate...with crackers! Not only can I select from one of five variety of crackers, there are helpful recipes on the back of the box so I can get the most out of my celebration experience. Will I try cream cheese and cucumbers on a GrainsFirst? I might. How about some bacon and brie on a Cabaret? Everything is better with bacon. I don't even know what I'm going to try on the Vintas; maybe it's time to get some of the fancy Cowgirl Creamery cheese and really celebrate. So many options.

I understand that going to Costco is a chore for the vast majority of people shopping much like my monthly big shops at Target. For me, Costco is an experience. I don't come here very often and it's a fascinating place to explore. I had two hours to kill and needed to get some steps in so I did what I always do: I made Costco into an adventure. My dad was with me as I needed him to gain entry into this wonderland. My dad loves a deal so Costco is definitely for him. I've distilled the experience down to my four favorite things about Costco.

1. The volume and variety of what you can purchase at a Costco. The number of items you can purchase at Costco is staggering. Want an electric heater? Costco has you covered in two sizes (although only one was available at the Woodbridge location). Do you have an army of teenagers living in your home who consume more food than you could imagine a human could consume? You should check out Costco; I'm sure whatever you buy will last two days rather than one. How about a piano? Look no further than Costco. I need to find someone who has purchased a piano at Costco; I have lots of questions. Actually, I'd like to find two people who purchased a piano at Costco; one who planned to do so and the other who walked into buy toilet paper and bottled water and walked out with a baby grand. It has to happen. I mean, I came in to buy tires and walked out with an unnecessarily large box of crackers. It's the same thing just on a different scale. 
   
   
   
   
   
   

   

   Beer Advent calendar - my dad & I thought it was funny. My mom thought it was sacrilegious.

2. It's really a community. You have to be a member or with a member to enter a Costco. There are millions of Costco members in the world so we're not really talking of the exclusivity of say a country club or a cult, but you have to make a choice to spend $60 (or more) a year just to walk in the door. What I noticed during my time in the store this weekend was how pleasant everyone seemed. Target is often an exercise in trying not to punch people in the throat while navigating aisles that don't always accommodate the cart. Maybe it's the free samples. Of course, Costco is also associated with a very specific slice of suburbia, the word disdainfully dripping off the tongues of people who great up in the suburbs but now have very expensive haircuts and judge the place from which they sprung. I don't find this accurate at all. Yes, the majority of people shopping this weekend were suburbanites from around Prince William County, but I also saw a big biker dude (no idea where that 20 pack of coconut water is going on his bike which was parked outside), a hipster cool kid couple buying beer, almonds, and frozen hors d'oeuvres, and a woman wearing head to toe designer clothing who was buying paper products, a sheet cake, and water. Everyone loves a deal.
3. Costco is an experience beyond shopping. Yes, shopping is the reason we were all there but the experience cannot be ignored. My dad and I had about 2 hours to kill while we waited for my car. During that time, we were able to make two full rotations of the store, finding new items on each time around. My dad did a little comparison shopping, making a note of a few things for future purchasing. We bought four items (toilet paper, vanilla extract, and two boxes of crackers). We tried samples all over the store (more on this shortly). After paying for our items, we had a drink in the cafe to wait out the last 20 minutes. We people watched because everyone makes a stop at the cafe. It's part of the experience, like eating Swedish meatballs or a hot dog at Ikea. I'm not suggesting you plan your next date night at Costco but I would not judge you if you did. Make an experience out of buying that economy sized bottle of olive oil. It's worth it.
4. SAMPLES! I expected a much longer wait for my tires but it ended up being just under two hours. My dad's response to this: Let's gets some samples. Clearly, my dad knows what's up at the Costco. We sampled seven items: cranberry walnut bread, ciabatta bread, Bischoff cookies ("airplane cookies" according to my dad), a pumpkin pancake, chicken potstickers, chicken teriyaki meatballs, and yogurt (only my dad had the yogurt). We could have tried a cheeseburger, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, apples, a vitamin (which seems weird), and at least two pastries. Had we not had Sugar Shack donuts earlier we would have tried the pastries. Hands down, the chicken potstickers were the best. I would have bought some but I don't know enough people to have a party in which we would consume the entire bag of potstickers. The second best was the pumpkin pancake and I don't like pumpkin flavored food all that much. My dad, on the other, loves pumpkin food like a 20 year white girl. I'm still surprised he didn't buy a box. Remember what we learned in Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping: "Costco samples like a motherfucker" should be everyone's catch phrase.

Am I going to run out and get a membership. No, I'm not. However, I will have to visit Costco every 7000 miles or so for a free tire rotation. Costco has an excellent warranty/tire service package when you buy tires if you're in the market for a new set. My dad will have to join me so we can hang out, find new weird things to purchase, try some new samples, and talk about work. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday morning.

I did not buy this but I really wanted to.