Saturday, March 16, 2013

I'm terrible at being an adult...

I've had one of those weeks where I just felt off. Everywhere I look it's people having babies and getting married and buying houses and inventing something awesome and going on a road trip to figure out their lives. Friends who are dong all these thing: I love you and am happy for you - please don't be offended. Sometimes, it's just a bit much. And the time changed too - why do we even still do this?

To top it all off, I had a realization: I suck at being an adult. Now mind you, I'm super responsible, highly organized, try to make smart life choices, and am a good citizen but there are certain things that I'm terrible at and don't ever believe that this will change. I had this realization while sitting in a health care benefits session at work. It had absolutely nothing to do with the presentation itself or our benefits (which are awesome). I had this moment where I just didn't care so I started making a list of the reasons I suck at being an adult. Because that seemed like the right thing do to.

So here are reasons I suck at being an adult:
  • I can't do my own taxes. Math is not my thing and taxes are like math on amphetamines so I get nervous.
  • I don't really understand health insurance. I mean, I get why one needs it. I understand what a deductible is but I really don't get it. There were people in this meeting that got it and they asked these complicated questions. My only thought was if I get scurvy, it'll be okay.
  • I haven't been saving for retirement as well as I should be. Again, I have a retirement fund and I make contributions but I don't actively engage with it. I know, I'm terrible.
  • I don't take vitamins. Not even in gummy form. 
  • I'm terrible at scheduling "wellness" doctor's appointments. I have an aversion to doctors and dentists (although I did go to the dentist this year and have a follow up appointment on April 2).
  • I loathe the gym. This is not so much me sucking at being an adult as me hating the gym on general principle. Like most people (don't act like you like it because you don't).
  •  When people use phrases like "action item", "bandwidth", "pain point", and "white space" I don't just want to punch them, I want to give them the appropriate punk rock beat down that they deserve.
  • Car maintenance makes my head hurt. Sorry Dad.
  • My lip gloss collection consists primarily of Lip Smackers. My favorites are Dr. Pepper, Vanilla, and Strawberry. Because I'm 10. Did you know they have Girl Scout cookie flavored ones?
  • I swear like a sailor - not the captain of the ship but a sailor. 
  • I don't own a vacuum. I'm borrowing one from my parents (yes, they have two because they're adults).
  • I don't floss.
  • I don't own property. Yes, I "own" my car but making car payments isn't really ownership.
  • I'd rather watch reruns of Jem and the Holograms than the news. Last year when a counselor called me a "gem" during a training, I wanted to respond that I am truly, truly outrageous.
  • I probably overuse the words "awesome" and "whatever". 
  • I haven't balanced my checkbook in years.
  • I wear socks with owls, hedgehogs, and foxes unironically.
  • Occasionally I like to have what I call "eat like an 8 year old" day(s). The menu includes Kraft mac and cheese, applesauce, Cap N Crunch, Goldfish crackers, chicken and stars soup, and strawberry pop tarts - not all at one time but usually within the same day. There's comfort in eating like an 8 year old.
When I got home from work the movie Overboard was on. I happened to turn it on exactly when Goldie Hawn says to Kurt Russell: "I want you to take up some of your grown-up responsibility." His response is something about earning money. I have grown-up responsibility but that doesn't make me the best adult. As I've said before, I know there's not one thing that makes a person an adult. (And PS - I lied in this previous post. See if you can find the lie.) Some people would say it's age or experience. Others might say that it has to do with feeling grounded in your career or life. I currently feel none of these things. I still haven't figured out being an adult or a grown-up. I guess I have to decide if I care anymore.

I think I'll blame it all on the time change. 

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