Put the celery down and walk away

It's almost Thanksgiving! I hope that you're prepared for the next several days of eating, football watching, shopping, awkward conversations about your love life, and holiday drinking. Just remember that if you do drink, have a DD or stay where you are. Make smart life choices, Island readers.

I've spent the last two Thanksgivings in California so I'm looking forward to enjoying the day with my parents and brother. Last year, I had Chinese food and watched Hallmark and Lifetime holiday movies while I packed to move to my new apartment. I don't understand why neither network has contacted me about my idea for a new movie. I thought it was pretty great and would go over well with their target audience. Hallmark and Lifetime, I'm still waiting. Let's plan a time to talk over hazelnut coffee and homemade scones. We can also talk about our feelings and how we make lists about love. And how Annabeth Gish would make a phenomenal leading lady for the movie.

Moving on.

I can never decide if Halloween or Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Both have so much to offer in holiday awesomeness. Halloween has candy, scary movies, costumes, and the crisp cool air of fall. Thanksgiving has stuffing, giving thanks, and pie. I could use Charlie Brown cartoons to decide this but I love It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown as much as I love A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll just have to leave them tied for first. This balances out the fact that I loathe New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day equally. Order restored to the universe.

Usually, Thanksgiving is just the four of us (my parents, brother, and me). Over the years, we've adopted "Thanksgiving orphans" (usually my brother's friends) and sometimes we get wild and don't cook a traditional meal (last year the three of them had homemade lemon chicken - get right out of town Garland family). But normally, we're pretty traditional at Thanksgiving: mom's stuffing, Scott's pumpkin pie, dad's cranberry relish and/or pecan pie. I usually help with the stuffing and the rolls. We watch the parade, the dog show, some football, and Charlie Brown. Sometimes we get really rowdy and watch a James Bond movie or two. I don't nap so I normally end up reading while everyone else takes a nap before dessert. My parents like to send me home with a healthy amount of leftovers; my mom and I actually discussed them on the phone today (we're "making" my dad make double the cranberry relish so I can take more home for leftover sandwiches - that's how we roll).

Thanksgiving is usually fairly uneventful. I don't remember any major food mishaps although Mack, the dog, did eat an entire loaf of bread today. It was intended for stuffing but I got a replacement so it  should be fine. Since it's usually just the four of us there aren't any awkward/inappropriate conversations about my love life (although my mom does sometimes drop hints about it without being mean or anything). The craziest thing I've ever witnessed on Thanksgiving was two women fighting (physically had to be separated kind of fighting) over the last celery at a grocery store in Hawaii. It was not pretty.

So really I guess my favorite thing about Thanksgiving it's that it's quiet and normal and nice. There's not a lot of stress and everyone seems happy to be together and there's time to enjoy pie (with real whipped cream). The only thing anyone ever complains about is that the dog show doesn't give enough screen time to the corgi. Do they even understand how adorable corgis are? Have they heard of the internet?

A final thought: if you're going shopping on Black Friday, please remember the following:

• You're missing awesome holiday movies on tv because you're in line at a store.
• Shopping online involves staying in your pjs for much longer on a Friday. Staying in your pjs on a weekday is decadent so I don't understand why you'd want to throw that away to shop.
• Be nice to the clerks and other people working on the holiday. It's not their fault that their store only got two of the monster sized tvs (you should read the fine print my friend).
• Remember where you parked. 

Happy Thanksgiving from the Island of Misfit Toys! Hope you have a celery-fight free day.