I love random holidays. You know, donut day or National Hug Day (which also happens to fall on Squirrel Appreciation Day—I would not combine the two). For years, my dad has sent me emails about these random days (usually food related) and it always makes my day. My friend, Jessica, also loves random holidays. She keeps a little calendar of them. I love that if I’m having a bad day or just need a laugh, I can ask Jessica and she usually has a random holiday to share. It might not be that exact day but then I can at least be prepared for what’s coming up next.
Yesterday, I emailed Jessica to let her know that today, January 21, is Squirrel Appreciation Day. I found this out because I follow Pee-Wee Herman on Twitter. (I also found out about National Soup Day from him—and I had eaten soup that day!) Jessica replied to my email that tomorrow is Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day. What? I have never heard of this but it sounds awesome. I looked it up and there are a lot of websites out there devoted to answering your cat’s questions. I thought I spend some time this weekend answering Pumpkin’s questions or at least the questions I imagine she would ask me if she could talk. And don’t act like I’m crazy; anyone with a pet secretly wishes their pet could talk so that you wouldn’t feel so stupid talking to her when you’re home alone. Admit it.
Question: Why do you insist on keeping closets and cabinets closed? I know how to open them or will wake you up trying.
Answer: Contrary to your belief, this is not actually your apartment and the items in the closets and cabinets are not yours. I would like some of my things to remain cat hair free. Also, I don’t want you to get stuck or for something to fall on you when you insist on climbing up shelves you don’t belong on.
Question: I’m sitting on your lap. My tail is swishing. Don’t you know me well enough to realize you should stop what you’re doing because I’m going to scratch you?
Answer: This seems unfair. You sat on my lap and wanted me to pet you. I’m paying attention to you and you’re purring. You shouldn’t be so mean.
Question: Where you reading/working on that?
Answer: Yes, I was. But clearly you are more important and adorable than whatever it was that I was doing so I will stop for a few minutes, pet you and then return to what I was doing. Especially if your tail starts to swish.
Question: It’s 4:30 am on a Saturday. Why aren’t you up yet? I’m hungry. Don’t you love me?
Answer: Of course I love you but I don’t get up at 4:30 am on Saturdays. Some of us don’t get to sleep 18 hours a day so we need the hours we do get. And you won’t starve I promise.
Question: Where you sitting there? The space was open and warm so I figured you were just being nice but didn’t actually want to sit there anymore.
Answer: Yes, I was sitting there and no, I wasn’t just warming the space for you. There’s plenty of couch space for us both. You should learn to share.
Question: Are those boxes in the hall for me to play in?
Answer: Not really but I’m too lazy to take them to the recycling bins so for now they’re all yours. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
Question: I’m not allowed on the refrigerator or the counters—really? What if it’s an emergency?
Answer: It’s dangerous for you to be up so high especially since you don’t seem to ever have a plan for how to get back down again (other than to cry so that I can come help you). We don’t live close enough to the dog anymore so there is no “emergency” situation that would necessitate you climbing on either the refrigerator or the counters.
Question: How many Lifetime/Hallmark movies are you planning on watching this weekend?
Answer: Are you judging me? When I stay home and watch tv, I spend more time with you. You should like that. And the answer is none: I have lots to do this weekend and a Netflix movie so I’m all set.
Question: Aren’t I adorable?
Answer: Yes you’re adorable but that doesn’t mean you can climb on top of the refrigerator or the shelves in either of the closed closets. It does mean that I will take a large number of pictures of you and post them on Facebook. And I’ll devote a blog post to you even though it makes me sound like a crazy cat lady. That’s love my friend.