Concert Buddy Chronicles: Closer I Am to Fine

Old Lady Concert Rule #12 (probably): Always have a concert buddy.

Concert buddies are an important part of the concert going experience. Even for me, a person who enjoys doing things by myself, concerts don't fall into the group of activities that are more enjoyable alone. I would add sporting events, protests, holiday parties (particularly for work), and weddings to the list of things you should never attend alone. The safety factor is one part of this, but honestly, concerts are just more fun when you go with other people.

I've attended a few concerts by myself over the years and it's not nearly as much fun as it should be. Most of the shows have been at places like Ram's Head in Baltimore and the 9:30 Club in DC, which are both standing room only venues. Take the fun factor out of the mix for a second, logistical items like getting a drink or going to the bathroom are much more difficult because there's no one to protect your space. Despite my height, I prefer to stand at the back of the club, so it's a little better for me, but it's still annoying. If you don't make friends with your neighbors, you're out of luck. I lucked out at the last show I saw alone and made friends with the two people standing next to me. They protected my space and I did the same for them. We were all wearing the same shoes, which is why we started talking. Granted, it was a Green Day show so the odds were in my favor that at least half of the crowd would be wearing the same shoes as me, but they could have been jerks and then I would have been out of luck.

That's been my experience at most of the other shows I've gone to by myself. People around me weren't the most pleasant or just kept to themselves, which is 100% acceptable. At a Patti Smith show a few years ago, I got into an uncomfortable discussion with two drunk, older dudes next to me about how everything was better before I was born. They had seen her in the 70s in New York and it was so much better (obviously) and I was so unlucky to be born when I was born. I told them to stop talking like a bunch of elitist concert-going assholes. They were one step away from telling kids to get off their lawns and turn that racket down. This could have gone very bad, very quickly, but instead they apologized and offered to protect my space if I wanted to go get a drink or anything. They were polite to me the rest of the night. I could tell they were also annoyed; such is the delicate ego of a 70s "punk" dude.

These experiences aside, going to concerts with friends is funner. There's no other word to describe it. From the waiting to get in or in the parking lot to the people watching to the actual concert itself, the experience is better with other people. Having a concert buddy is actually how the Old Lady Concert rules became a thing; I started complaining about people standing at a seated show, which led to me discussing my old lady tendencies with Anita. The rules were born and we must abide.

My older brother, Scott, and my friend Anita are my concert buddies. I could add my dad here as well since he did take me to my first two concerts, but I'm not sure that counts. Both Scott and Anita are ideal concert buddies: we like a lot of the same music, but also like different musicians so we all get exposed to new bands because of the other person. I took both of them to their first Decemberists concert (different shows) and Anita went with me to Wilco last summer. Scott and I tend to go to metal shows or we travel for shows. He's the kind of concert buddy that replies, "Memphis" when you ask where he wants to see the Foo Fighters.

This brings me to the Indigo Girls.

I have to admit something about my life as a 90s girl: I only know three songs by the Indigo Girls. Not only do I only know three songs by the band, they're the songs that everyone knows, "Closer to Fine", "Galileo", and "Elizabeth." I'm sure I know other songs by the band, but I couldn't name them if you paid me a million dollars. They're just not my jam. However, it doesn't mean I don't appreciate their music or their talent. Amy and Emily are amazingly talented and also happen to be exceptionally cool human beings. They're activists and have been successful both as a duo and as solo artists. They were also hugely popular at a time in my life where so much good music was coming out. As I always tell people, you can't listen to everything. While I never disliked them, I was more into Tori Amos, Liz Phair, Riot Grrrl bands like Bikini Kill and Sleater-Kinney, grunge bands, Green Day, and hard rock from the 70s. I listened to R.E.M. and 10,000 Maniacs and Fiona Apple. I was "discovering" Big Star and the Velvet Underground and enjoying a bunch of really terrible one-hit wonder songs from bands whose names I can't remember. The 1990s were an amazing time for music.

Anita, on the other hand, is a huge Indigo Girls fan. She's now seen them in concert 15 times. She knows all the words and all the guitars. So when she asked me to go with her to the concert (which was last week), of course I said yes. That's what concert buddies do. I'm also never going to say no to going to Wolf Trap, except for live theatre and the Grease sing-a-long. Trust me on both of these things.

It was a great show. The opening act, The War and Treaty, were super fun. They reminded me of a few bands I used to go see in New Orleans. They're a husband and wife duo and are maybe the most adorable human beings I've ever seen on stage together. They came out later to join the Indigo Girls for "Closer to Fine," which closed out the encore. The Indigo Girls tour with a band sometimes; this is not that tour. It's the two of them and a violinist (Lyris Hung). They switch out guitars for almost every song. Anita told me it's a system the band has had in place for years. She told that there was a time in her Indigo Girls fan life where she could have told me the song they were about to play because of the guitars. That is a true fan.

What I enjoyed most about this concert was that I had no expectations at all. Normally when I go see a show, I stress about whether the band is going to play my favorite song or if they're going to be play too many new songs. With few exceptions, new songs aren't always the best songs (I'm looking at you, Bob Dylan on the Modern Times tour). Concert anticipation is both a blessing and a curse; it can often lead to a horrible let down. I didn't have to experience that at all with the Indigo Girls. I figured they'd play "Closer to Fine" and "Galileo." I wasn't going to be disappointed if they didn't play "Elizabeth" or if they only played "Closer to Fine." My stake in the concert game was low, and it was amazing. I spent time watching Anita and other fans experience their favorite (or a favorite) band. It was nice to just listen to very talented musicians do their thing and fans enjoying themselves.

If that's not a perfect summer concert, I don't know what is.

 Next time on the Island: Another concert, the song of the summer, and why sometimes you need to follow really innocent accounts on Twitter.

Set list photo

Baseball cats

Back in August 2017, a kitten ran onto the field at Busch Stadium during a game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals. The cat ran onto the field right before Yadier Molina hit a grand slam, and a poor member of the grounds crew ran out to get the cat. You can watch him get clawed here. The Cardinals nicknamed the cat Rally Cat, and were interested in adopting him/her as a clubhouse pet. They lost the custody war with a local humane society, Feral Cat Outreach, who felt the team was more interested in publicity than the welfare of the animal. I don't know if the Cardinals had the cat's best interest at heart, but I do know were I a resident of the greater St. Louis area, I would go to a heck of a lot more baseball games if I knew the team has a clubhouse cat. It's the sort of thing cat people like. I mean, Rally Cat did his own bobblehead, so it can't be all that bad.

In addition to running his way into the hearts of baseball fans, Rally Cat's appearance at the game led to the creation of Rally Cat Appreciation Day and many other baseball stadiums have followed suit, holding their own themed nights for cat lovers. I attended my first "Caturday" event at Nationals Park yesterday. While I have some feedback for the event planners, overall, I enjoyed my first Caturday. As a cat mom, I often feel left out of public celebrations for my pet, so I appreciate an opportunity to come to a game, hang out with some cat/baseball fans, and enjoy cats puns alongside of a baseball game. It makes me feel validated as a pet owner. It has also led me to discover a community of cat lovers I had no idea existed.

This is the look I got when I arrived home last night. Full of #catitude.

When I first started working at my new job last summer, I spotted a coffee mug in one of the kitchens.

I didn't meet the owner of the mug for another few weeks.We met one morning in the kitchen as we both prepared our morning coffees. She's a lovely human and the proud cat mom of three cats. She told me about them and gave me a baseball card of one of her cats...because her cats are rally cats. She has the most delightful Twitter account featuring her rally cats. It's through this account that I discovered an entire world of rally cat Twitter accounts. I had no idea this was a thing, but it seems like every MLB team has at least one fan who has devoted an account to his/her cat and favorite team. I truly believe this is why Twitter was invented.

I love many things about the rally cat community (and it is a community). They take care of one another and seem genuinely supportive of one another. One of the cats is sick and the parent is trying to raise money for care, so all of the rally cat accounts rallied to spread the message. The accounts are funny and creative, from cat-astic puns to fun promos for teams. Some of the cats will even let their owners put them in team clothing, something that Keely is never going to be into. The cats provide excellent color commentary on games. Honestly, I'd rather listen to a cat "tell" me what's happening than some of the broadcasters who call baseball games professionally. Of course, I follow my co-worker's account on Twitter and whenever she interacts with other rally cat accounts (I don't know that they actually describe themselves as such, but it's easier for my purposes here), it makes my heart happy. It's delightful.

Now some of the accounts are political too. Not overtly so, but the cats lean way more to the left than not and have taken some pretty firm stands on topics like gun control, immigration, and women's healthcare. Not all of these accounts are run by women, but they're all pretty unified in their dislike of the 45 and their desire for us to not be a dumpster fire country. I came for the cats and I stayed for the politics.

I didn't get to see my co-worker at Caturday, although I know she was there (she posted in the Facebook group and on Twitter). This might be one of the fails of Caturday: it didn't really feel like an event as much as a marketing moment. Yes, we got a Catitude t-shirt and were treated to some delightful cat puns throughout the evening, but other than that, it felt flat. Our seats were in the section under the scoreboard, so any fun thing that was posted, we didn't get to see, including the cat photos that were running before the game. I submitted a photo of Keely, but I have no idea if it was used. The Presidents Race featured a cat (Teddy had a lot of pets) and that was sort of fun. I wanted more. This is an organization that allowed Bryce Harper to come up with Rat Pack Night as a theme (which was terrible; I was at the first one) and does a great Star Wars Day, so I expected more.

Money from each of the special tickets benefits the Humane Rescue Alliance, a local rescue group supported by the Nationals. They were on hand yesterday for the event; we didn't go into their mobile adoption van. It looked busy, so I hope some lucky cats and kittens got adopted yesterday too. The Nats won the game 18-4; Mark Reynolds had 10 RBI in the game (tying Anthony Rendon's record from last season) and Trea Turner had eight. It was a good night for baseball.

Here's the photo of Keely I submitted. He's doing his best Derek Zoolander. I don't know if he can turn left.

Isn't he handsome? You know he was on the scoreboard because of his handsomeness. Hopefully, the Nats have another Caturday and I'll submit another photo of him and actually get to see it on the scoreboard. Until then, I'll be over here enjoying the rally cat community and trying to get Keely to turn left.

Lazy Movie Weekend: Comfort Movies

I never thought that I'd feel the way I feel about January about the month of June. June is my birth month, peonies are in bloom, and a hint of summer is in the air. If we lived in a normal world, June would be the absolute best. But seriously, it seems like June is going on forever. Every day some other terrible thing happens and just when you think people can't get worse, they do. It's overwhelming and depressing. I try not to get caught in the dumpster fire that is Twitter, but I follow a lot of political figures, activists, and regular humans who comment and I can't look away. It's not healthy; I know, but I can't help myself.

It's in times like these that I find myself turning to my old standby to make myself feel better: I watch funny movies and shows that make me feel better. I like to call these movies "comfort movies." A comfort movie (or show) is like mac and cheese or warm brownies; they make you feel loved and cared for no how you really feel.

I encourage you to enjoy some mac and cheese or brownies while watching my Comfort Movie Marathon. You'll thank me for this later.

1. To Wong Foo,Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995) Admittedly, I could write an entire post about this movie, but I feel strongly that it should be included here first. This movie has everything: drag queens, Robin Williams, small towns, strawberries, Chris Penn at his Chris Penniest, RuPaul. In 1995, a movie starring Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo as drag queens seemed revolutionary and odd, but in a great way. I will watch this movie anytime it's on and laugh as much as I did the first time. Swayze and Snipes play Vida and Noxxema, two queens on their way to a national drag competition in Los Angeles. They take Leguizamo's Chi-Chi, a less experienced queen, under their wings. On the drive to L.A., they come up with the four rules to becoming a drag queen, look flawless even with the top down, and change the lives of an entire town. There are some wonderful moments and also some problematic things (particularly the racist language toward Chi-Chi and the gay man savior plot line), but all in all, it's a fun movie. Blink and you'll miss Lady Bunny. 
2. Waitress (2007) I saw the musical version of this charming movie back in May and have been thinking about the movie ever since. If you haven't seen Adrienne Shelly's quirky comedy, stop what you're doing right now and watch it. Shelly was an indie movie staple in the late 90s and early 2000s; Waitress was her final film (she was murdered during the film's production) and she wrote the script while pregnant with her daughter, Sophie. The film centers on Jenna, a small town waitress and baker with a terrible husband, who finds out she's pregnant. She spends much of the movie making up pies and writing letters to her unborn baby. She's less than thrilled about becoming a mom. Even if you've never had a baby or a bad husband, there's something so relatable about Jenna and her situation. Shelly plays Dawn, another waitress, who almost steals the movie from Keri Russell (post-Felicity). Andy Griffith plays Old Joe and Nathan Fillion is Jenna's doctor. 
3. Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) Diane Lane stars as Frances Mayes in the movie adaptation of Mayes' memoir. After a horrible divorce, Frances goes to Italy at the encouragement of her best friend (the wonderful Sandra Oh) and ends up buying a villa in Tuscany. You know, as one does. She sets about renovating the villa with the help of a rag tag group of Polish workers, learns about olives from her neighbor, helps two star-crossed lovers find happiness, buys a white dress, and creates a family for herself in Tuscany. One of my favorite characters is Katherine, an aging actress who evokes the elegance and beauty of 1960s Italian cinema and inspires Frances to live her life. I'm not usually a fan of the whole "woman makes over her life in another country" genre (I'm looking at you Eat, Pray, Love), but I can't help loving this movie.
4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) The first of the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy movies, Shaun of the Dead is one of my favorite zombie comedies. It has the creepiness and gore of a traditional zombie movie, paired with the humor of every British comedy I love. This is the movie that gave the world Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Edgar Wright. Pegg plays Shaun, a lovable loser, who has to save his sort of ex-girlfriend, his mum, and his friends when a zombie plague hits London. One of my favorite parts of the movie is the fight sequence set to Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now." It's genius. The whole Cornetto Trilogy is worth watching over and over, but Shaun of the Dead will always be my favorite. 
5. GLOW (2017) Season two of the Netflix series just dropped this week, so I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I loved the first season and the documentary about the actual Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling show. It's funny, empowering, and has just enough nostalgia. Come for Alison Brie, stay for Marc Maron. My plan is to binge watch season two this week. The neon is calling.
6. Thor: Ragnorak (2017) I'm a big Thor fan. The Thor movies are my favorite standalone Marvel Universe movies. The first movie of the three is the best one, even if Natalie Portman is the worst. Dark World isn't as terrible as everyone makes it out to be; the Viking funeral is one of the most beautiful scenes and scores in all of the Marvel movies combined. Anyway, Thor: Ragnorak is like living in a 1980s arcade game; it's bright and loud and super fun. The movie was directed by Taika Waititi, the genius behind What They Do in the Shadows. In addition to Thor and Loki, we get a Valkyrie, a bizarre Jeff Goldblum, and the return of the Hulk. Oh, and Hela arrives and destroys everything, as she does. This movie is a set up for Avengers: Infinity War, but what movie in the MCU isn't these days?
7. Queer Eye (2017) If you didn't watch the original Bravo show back in the day, get yourself over to Netflix and watch the new series (seasons one and two are available now). The premise is the same: five gay men spend a week helping a nominated man (in all but one case) turn his life around. This includes a makeover, life coaching, and home renovation. I liked the original show, but love the reboot. There's an emotional element to the new series that didn't exist as strongly in the first series. This show is doing more to help combat toxic masculinity than I ever imagine it could do. The men the Fab Five help show emotions and open up in a way that's powerful and uplifting. There are moments that are stressful, like in season one when the group is pulled over and it doesn't seemed planned and moments that are hilarious (basically anything involving Jonathan). It's a power show on many levels; one of my favorite episodes focuses on a transgender male, who underwent top surgery six weeks before the Fab Five appear. It's an unexpected episode on many levels. Make sure you have Kleenex handy when you watch the show. 
8. Best Worst Movie (2009) Summer is the time to watch a documentary, right? Best Worst Movie is a documentary about the making of the cult movie Troll 2. Troll 2, like most cult movies, is terrible. The plot centers around a family who moves to the country and becomes the target of vegetarian goblins who want to turn them into plants so the goblins can eat them. I saw Troll 2 when I was 11 or 12 and thought it was hilarious, but terrible. The documentary is directed by Michael Stephenson, who starred in the movie as Joshua, the youngest son and hero of the movie. Despite its cult following, Stephenson was embarrassed by the movie, but came to love it after discovering the rabid fan following the movie has. You don't have to watch Troll 2 in order to watch Best Worst Movie, but I would highly recommend watching them together.
9. Brooklyn (2015) I'm going to admit that I have not read the book this movie is based on, although I do own it. It's currently sitting in one of my stacks of books to read around my apartment. I love the fashion of this movie (it's set in the 1950s) and it's beautifully filmed. Eillis comes to America from Ireland to work in a department store and find a new life. She meets a young man and falls in love. Brooklyn is comfort and love and possibility.
10. Girls Trip (2017) I love this movie so much. I missed it in the theatre when it originally came out, and regret that immensely. It's hilarious and raunchy and fabulous. It's everything wonderful and painful about female friendship. And it takes place in New Orleans! Tiffany Haddish is life in this movie; I don't know how they made it through filming some of her scenes without laughing the whole time. Four college friends reunite during Essence Festival under the guise of a girls trip. Of course, they're all going through things in life and need one another to make it through. Queen Latifah, Jada Pickett-Smith, and Regina Hall round out the group and they are amazing. If you want to laugh out loud a lot, this is the movie for you.

We all need to take a break from the news and being part of the resistance every now and then. Comfort movies (and shows) will always be there for you. Embrace the comfort movies!

Coming soon to the Island: more from the front line of being a good citizen, I attempt to get back into writing at work, and the old lady concert rules come out in full effect. Summer is the greatest!

Summer Mix

I love listening to music in my car. There's something truly wonderful about driving around listening to songs I love, singing along and car dancing. Music sounds better and certain songs sound absolutely magical in my car. I'm sure some of this is a holdover from my childhood when we drove everywhere (like between states when we moved or from Louisiana to Michigan to visit family). My parents were teens/young adults when Motown and muscle car music ruled the airwaves so we listened to a little bit of everything on those car trips. My brother and I are similar; we like a lot of music that spans all sorts of genres and artists although we both have our favorites. I can't go on a road trip without spending a considerable amount of time thinking about and planning my music. When I went to Ocracoke in April, I spent more time deciding which CDs to bring than I did deciding what I wanted to pack clothing-wise. If I didn't plan my road trip music, it would be like not picking up Twizzlers and Doritos for the road...unacceptable.

Three songs are particular favorites of mine to listen to in the car: "More Than a Feeling" by Boston, "Low Rider" by War (complete with my Matthew McConaughey impression), and "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass. These songs came out in the 1970s (1974, 1976, and 1972 respectively) and seem designed for peak enjoyment while sitting in your car. Of the three, "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" is my favorite. When I was little I had this image of what I thought Brandy looked like. She was a 70s folk singer type with long red hair who wore peasant blouses and her braided chain made from the finest silver from the North of Spain. I loved the story of the song; it's romantic but not overly sentimental. It doesn't gut me the way so many of the sad songs I love do. It's a perfect summer song.

I haven't listened to "Brandy" in a long time so to say I was pleasantly surprised by its inclusion on the soundtrack for Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 is an understatement. It's one of my favorite parts of a movie in a movie where I loved many, many things (y'all, Groot is a baby). James Gunn, like Quentin Tarantino, is skilled at using music in his films. The first Guardians movie and its soundtrack were absolutely delightful. They worked together perfectly; I can't imagine the first Guardians without the songs. I loved the idea that Peter's mother would make him mix tapes of songs she loved so he would be able to share them with her even after she's gone. I like Meredith Quill's taste in music a lot. She and I would be music friends given the variety of music she liked. Gunn has described her as an oddball and a music lover in recent interviews about the music. We'd totally be pals.

Anyway, the second Guardians movie opens with a flashback of Meredith as a young woman riding in a convertible with a man we come to find out is Peter's father, Ego. They're listening to "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" exactly in the manner the song's writer, Elliot Lurie, intended it; driving around on a beautiful day with the top down with your best girl/guy, having a great time. That's it. The song never had any heavy meaning as Lurie has shared since the movie's release. There is no story behind it: he wrote some chords, then some lyrics, and used an ex-girlfriend's name as inspiration for Brandy's name. It was the band's one hit and has been featured in a ton of movies and tv shows. It also served as inspiration for the KISS song "Hard Luck Woman."

What's cool about the use of the song in the film is the importance it's given in the plot. Since I don't want to spoil everything for those of you who haven't seen it yet (Seriously? What have you been doing for the last month?), I'll keep it brief. Ego uses the song to explain his relationship with Meredith when he and Peter finally meet. The song becomes this grander metaphor for the choices Ego has made and the ones he wants Peter to help him realize. Peter can opt for the girl (his mother or maybe his Guardians family) or he can opt for the sea (helping his father realize a rather insane plan). Listening to the song, it is the exact same story but without the fate of the universe hanging in the balance. AND the sailor in the song is not nearly as terrible as Ego ends up being (for reasons I can't tell you without spoiling everything).

This is what I love about movies and music. I've written about this before, particularly about the music of David Bowie. When a person writes a song, he or she has a reason for doing so or an inspiration for the story told in the song (usually). When the song gets released into the world and people start to listen to it, they begin to ascribe their own meaning to songs whether the writer likes it or not. Songs take on the personal very quickly. A song fills in when you can't find the words yourself. That's why the soundtracks for the two Guardians movies are so perfect. These song are more than fun to fill in around fight sequences and explosions or background; the soundtracks are a character too. Don't get me started on the use of "Father and Son" (my second favorite Cat Stevens song) in Vol. 2; I'd rather not starting weeping again.

"Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" is an oddly beautiful song about love but the kind of love that's never realized in the way that we want it to be. Adult me is happy that the sailor in the story was up front with Brandy about the fact that his life, his lover, and his lady is the sea because not everyone would be that truthful (like Ego). Adult me also wants to shake Brandy and tell her to move on with her life especially since this dude assumes Brandy only wants to be a wife (you know that lyric in the chorus). Maybe Brandy didn't want to be a wife, she only wanted her man to be present and not just bring her fancy gifts from Spain. Hopeless romantic me (she makes an appearance every now and then) totally gets why Brandy continues the life she's living. Adding the Ego/Meredith/Peter story on top of my own feelings about this song makes it even better.

As my birthday is next weekend, I've begun work on my annual birthday mix tape to be listened to for the remainder of the summer. "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" is definitely on there as it should be. If anyone has a convertible I can borrow, let me know.

Next week: We'll talk Wonder Woman and how the men of the world will still be fine even though I'm going to see a women's only screening.

Groot GIF
Mix tape image

Summer Fun: Pumpkin's Guide to Getting the Most Out of Summer

Whether you are a firm believer that summer begins on Memorial Day (so approximately meteorological summer) or if you're a strict adherent to the belief that summer begins on June 20th with the solstice (astronomical summer), your season has finally arrived. You're out there living your best summer life (this has become a phrase I'm partial to these days), soaking up the sun, reveling in the heat, and I assume, enjoying a frosty adult beverage. You probably have your pool/beach time scheduled and probably a summer vacation planned. But have you stopped and considered whether or not you're truly getting the most out of your summer? What could possibly make your summer even better?

I'll tell you what - Pumpkin's advice on how to get the most out of summer. She knows a lot about enjoying the sun and just as her helpful advice got us all through Snowzilla this winter; she'll make sure your summer is the absolute best it can be.

Pumpkin's Guide to Getting the Most Out of Summer

Tip 1: Moderation is the key to enjoying the sun.
Pumpkin is the literal queen of the sun patch. I once watched her sit in the same sun patch for over an hour without moving or blinking. I had to check to see if she was still breathing at one point. Sun is an essential part of summer enjoyment; we need the vitamin D after months in cold, cold weather and here in DC, fifteen straight days of rain at the end of May. Get out there an soak up the sun but do so with some care and caution. It's all about moderation since summer is a marathon not a sprint. Ways to balance enjoyment and moderation:

• Sunscreen - Pumpkin recommends a minimum SPF of 30 but I like to take it a step further and bump that up to 45. She has fur; I'm a very white woman who "lobsters" when the sun is even mentioned. Make sure you reapply your sunscreen if you're outside for longs periods of time swimming or sweating profusely (which will always happen).
• Shade - Find a nice tree, fancy umbrella, or building to hide in every now and then. It's cooler and may even involve finding a frosty beverage or two.
• Invest in one of those tiny fans. Tiny fans make a lot of sense.

Tip 2: Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate!
Hydration is essential when spending more time outside in the broiling sun. We're all going to be sweaty messes this summer and staying hydrated will help in so many ways. Pumpkin is a master at staying hydrated whether it's drinking from her actual water bowl or finding other sources of water like the bathroom sink, unattended water glasses, or the bathtub after I've gotten out of the shower. Sometimes she doesn't even wait until I'm done brushing my teeth to get in on the sink action in the bathroom. She needs her water and will get it in whatever fashion she can.

Tip 3: Rooftop bars (or the top of the refrigerator) are great places to enjoy a cold beverage when the weather gets hot.
Pumpkin loves hanging out on top of the refrigerator. Bonus: when she stays at my parents' house, they put a water bowl on top of the fridge for her so it's exactly like her own rooftop bar. The height gives her a great view of the apartment or their kitchen. The same can be said about hanging out at a rooftop bar after work or on a sunny weekend day. Arlington and DC have some wonderful rooftop bars with great views. Be prepared to wait in line to get upstairs but it's absolutely worth the wait. Make sure that you have an exit plan; Pumpkin doesn't always remember to have one when she jumps on top of the fridge. She prefers the "meow until someone helps me" method of exiting. Doing this at a rooftop bar is not recommended but knowing your limits and having a DD or Uber on your phone are always a good idea.

Tip 4: When in doubt, take a nap.

Sun and nap - priceless.

Being outside maybe fun but it's also exhausting. Pumpkin is a master at all things napping from location to length of nap to sleeping with her eyes open. It's a skill and one that we should all learn how to do. I don't nap often but something about summer and the sun and lazy afternoons makes me want to nap all the time.

Napping by Pumpkin:

• Comfort is in the eye of the beholder. If perching yourself on the back of the couch or one someone's arm while they're trying to read or do other things is comfortable for you, embrace it.
• 18 hours a day is the ideal amount of time one should nap. Pumpkin is a beast when she doesn't get this much nap time in. 
• If you want to creep out a person and nap at the same time, learn to nap with your eyes open. It's definitely a skill worth cultivating. 
• Let your people know when they've intruded into your napping time. This can come in the form of meowing at them in disgust, scratching them for no reason, or maybe staring at them as if you're plotting a way to keep them up all night. Because they deserve to be tortured for disturbing your sleep.

Tip 5: Get your summer reading list together
Pumpkin has been a reader since way back. She loves books of all types; histories, memoirs, novels, art books. She is an equal opportunity reader and you should be too. Books are great for napping on, lounging by the pool or on the beach, or if you're stuck inside on a rainy day. Check out The Washington Post's summer book recommendations to plan your reading list. I just picked up The Girls by Emma Cline because nothing says summer quite like a book about a cult.

From her kitten days.

 

Tip 6: Outdoor activities can be turned into indoor activities if you get a little creative. 
So many of Pumpkin's tips involved the great outdoors but she realizes that the outside is not for everyone; she doesn't even like it that much. Pumpkin spent the first few weeks of her life on the mean streets of Honolulu before I adopted her and the outdoors did her no good. Apparently she fought with other animals and was bitten by one one of them. This resulted in her having an abscess that eventually burst and she spent several weeks with one side of her face shaved. A cat with half of a shaved face is a sad sight. There are plenty of outdoor activities that you can/should enjoy this summer but Pumpkin would also like to provide alternatives in case you're more of an indoor kid and/or want to avoid fighting with other neighbor animals:

• Visit a winery. Sure they're pretty and picturesque and wine is delicious but you could also sit home and drink wine while wearing yoga pants and hanging out with Pumpkin. There's also less of a chance that you'll have to hang out with pretentious wine guy if you drink at home.
• Go to a theme park. Roller coasters are amazing and awkward moments with theme park characters make for great Instagram photos but lines are the worst and the sun can be punishing. Pumpkin's alternative: make an at home obstacle course. Climb on top of your furniture, jump over the stuff everyone leaves out everywhere that you don't want to pick up, the possibilities are endless.
• Attend an outdoor movie event. Outdoor movies sound like a great idea but they lack the one thing that Pumpkin feels is essential for movie watching: air conditioning. How are you supposed to watch a movie if your Junior Mints are melting all over the place? It's easy to replicate the big screen at home and as a bonus, you can wear your pajamas and cuddle with your pets. Pumpkin approves. 
• Catch a baseball game at your favorite stadium. Actually, you should do this one. Pumpkin can attest that nothing is more boring than watching baseball on television except watching golf on television. Sometimes outside wins.

Get out there an live your best summer life! Pumpkin will be here, indoors, napping, occasionally moving from sun patch to sun patch, and staring at me in a mildly creepy way.

 

Next week: My fitness adventures continue with my first month adding yoga to my routine. There's that saying that you should be wary of endeavors that involve buying new clothes but I rather like my new yoga pants. Check it out next weekend on the Island!

Roller Coasters

There is a ride at Cedar Point called the maXair. It's what's known as a giant frisbee in the amusement park business (I looked it up). The one at Cedar Point is one of only two in the world (the other is at Kings Island). It's not a roller coaster so there are no loops or crazy drops but it is one of the most addicting rides I've ever been on. There are 50 seats on the giant frisbee and at the peak of the two minute ride, it soars to 180 feet and twists and turns at 70 mph. There are several moments when you're upside down and several more when you think you might hit one of the large orange poles that support the ride. Mostly, it's the sensation of soaring and not having any control over the air or the motion. You can close your eyes (it's cool if you do at least for a little while) or watch people on the ground watching you. On a sunny day, you can see the beautiful blue sky and fluffy perfect clouds It's peaceful despite the risk involved in being that high in the air, spinning at that speed, and the only thing holding you in is a small seat beat and a plastic shoulder harness. I rode the maXair twice on my recent (and first) visit to Cedar Point. I could have ridden forty more.

I love roller coasters and thrill rides. I can't remember my first real roller coaster (although I believe it may have been Space Mountain at Disney World) but I know that I've always loved them. It's amazing to me that large groups of people will wait in line for hours (sometimes) to ride something that is usually over in less than three minutes. There is a definite rush when riding on a roller coaster; the climb to the top followed by what is normally a crazy drop that segues right into a twist that takes you upside down and around is thrilling. Even old school wooden coasters pack a certain type of punch with their drops, usually in quick succession, and the realization that wooden tracks maybe shouldn't curve the way they do. I imagine it's like what descending into a gold mine was like back in the day.

Lake Erie

            My brother and I try to go to an amusement park each summer. We don't always make it and obviously there was that whole period of time that I lived in other states where this didn't happen as frequently either. Last summer we took a random weekday off in August and went to Kings Dominion. It was a perfectly overcast day and we basically had the run of the park. This summer we decided to visit Cedar Point on our way to Detroit. I've never been to Cedar Point and Scott can't remember when he was there last. Cedar Point is right on Lake Erie and I've been told that you can see Canada from the top of the Millennium Force. I don't know if that's true because I was too busy screaming as we dropped from 300 feet. We visited on a picture perfect day, blue skies, temperatures in the 70s. It was windy though and a few rides were closed because of this.

Neither of us are particularly chatty when it comes to strangers but we did end up talking to two groups, one in line at the Raptor and the other on the Gemini. The wait for the Raptor was about an hour, the longest wait we had all day. In front of us was a little boy sporting a Darth Vader shirt ("Chillin' Like A Villain" it read), bright red hair, and the kind of enthusiasm only children under 12 have for anything. He was with his grandparents and was excited to be riding the Raptor for the first time. His grandmother started the conversation with me asking if I had ridden the Raptor before and when her grandson heard me say no, he asked me if I was scared and if I thought it was going to be cool. Yes, I told him to both questions. We talked about the park a bit and she told me he had recently ridden Space Mountain for the first time. We didn't get to ride the Raptor at the same time; they went before us. I saw them a little later on heading towards the Blue Streak and the little boy looked perfectly content and excited to be on another roller coaster. He made me wonder if any of my grandparents would have ever ridden giant roller coasters with me.

The other conversation we had occurred on the Gemini (and I do mean on the ride). A brother and sister were sitting in the car in front of us. She was probably 11 or so and he was 8 or 9 (so my brother and I except Scott is older than me). As we ascended to the start of the ride, the two of them turned to us and started telling us how awesome Gemini was and that the blue car always cheated (it's a dual run coaster so the cars leave at the same time and run on parallel tracks - we were on the orange car) and that we should ride Millennium Force and to avoid the Slingshot (which you have to pay extra for anyway). I can barely say anything other than "This was a bad life choice" or "Are you f-ing joking" when experiencing the first drop or extreme loop on a ride (these are exact quotes by the way) so I was impressed and slightly uncomfortable with their conversation skills. These two were just chatting with us like it was no big thing. They had absolutely no fear of what was about to occur. Their excitement was so awesome; it made me realize that I want to be like them every day. When the ride ended, we exited and moved on to other rides. They got right back in line for the Gemini. I assume they're still there hoping that this one time the blue car won't cheat and the orange car will win.

Our favorite rides of the day were the Millennium Force, Magnum XL-200, and the Gatekeeper. The Magnum was the surprise of the day; we got through the line quickly both times we rode it and it was a shocker. When it was built in the late 80s, it was the tallest, fastest, and steepest coaster in the world. I can absolutely agree with all of these things. During our second ride, the woman in front of us almost lost the small purse she had after a drop and a turn. Impressive. It also includes tunnels; I love tunnels and roller coasters that take place in the dark. Not actually being able to see what's coming makes a roller coaster even better in my opinion.

We finished our day enjoying ice cream in the breeze of Lake Erie. I was able to accomplish on of my summer goals by enjoying my first Superman ice cream in probably twenty years. It tasted exactly as I remember it from my childhood...delicious.

Waiting in line for the Millennium Force - finally a picture where Scott is making a face not me.

You're Doing Everything Wrong: Summer Edition

First a musical interlude:

I suck at summer. I admit this openly and without hesitation. While I love summer (it's my second favorite season), I stopped being good at summer in high school. My favorite summer activities include:

• Getting sunburned (despite using appropriate sunscreen)
• Feeling sweaty all the time
• Reading
• Going to the movies
• Drinking iced beverages
• Happy hour (as long as it's not at a rooftop bar; see second bullet point)
• Going to concerts, even outdoors, despite the second bullet point 
• Eating junk food at baseball games
• Avoiding pools

I feel like I was better at summer when I was younger. I spent more time outdoors (and even sort of tanned except that one time my ears got sunburned) and while we were not a traditional summer vacation kind of family, we did go on a lot of road trips. Most of these road trips were to Detroit or from one military posting to another but they were always an adventure. When we lived in Alabama and Louisiana, we did go to the beach pretty frequently. I also recall thrill-filled amusement park adventures with my cousins and brother. The summers of childhood are about freedom and fun and exploration and imagination. And staying up really, really late. That's what I remember.

I'm guessing that it was late high school and into college where my summers turned from summers of fun and frivolity to work and work and some fun on the side. I spent summers working in theatres; my high school theatre, Summer Lyric Theatre at Tulane, and various little theatres and weird performance spaces around New Orleans. I never went anywhere or really did "summer" things but I had the best time. Some of my fondest memories from college (in particular) are from those summers working the box office at the Lyric (as our older patrons called it), trying to figure out where a patron left her tickets (answer: in the freezer next to her jewelry) and hanging out with my friends. Theatre parties are the best parties; don't let anyone tell you differently.

Joining the workforce has meant that my summers are just a continuation of the rest of the year. There's not a natural break anymore. I'm always doing some project or planning something at work and don't seem to have the time to really take off and enjoy myself. Even when I taught, I worked over the summer both at school and at a theatre so there was never the break that most people believe teachers have. Many of the summers of my early/mid-twenties involved friends' weddings so I tended to make the destination wedding my vacation by spending a day or two wherever it was rather than doing something separate. So really, summer just became a hotter, more humid version of the rest of the year.

I should be experiencing the type of summer that I sometimes dream about: concerts, vacation at the beach, trips to the winery, baseball games, and relaxing with a good book. This is the first summer in eight years that I don't have a large user conference in an uncomfortably hot location (think Phoenix in July) to plan and attend. I don't have to be concerned with seating arrangements at the awards breakfast (hint: it doesn't really matter where people sit at these things) nor do I have to prepare myself for product questions while I'm waiting in the restroom line. No work polos to pack (rust? gray? blue? some new weird teal shade?) and no lengthy discussion with other co-workers about what is and is not appropriate to wear at a professional event held in the summer. I have my summer back but I have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

A few months back I wrote about the difference between doing things by yourself and being lonely. They're not the same thing; doing things by yourself is fun but sometimes you don't want to be by yourself. Some things lend themselves to being done in groups or at least with a few other people. Summer, for me, is not a solitary season. It's about being outside and soaking up the warmth of the weather and of others. I think that's why I like going to outdoor concerts so much. A summer concert combines my love of good music, being outside for a very specific time period (in the pavilion of course; no lawn seats for this girl), and being around others who enjoy/love the band. It's a temporary community that I can get behind even when that temporary community stands at inappropriate times during the show or gets into fights in the parking lot (true story).

Not my photo but from another devotee.

What it comes down to is that I need to reclaim my summer. It's not that I'm doing everything wrong when it comes to summer; I'm just not really doing summer. I didn't prepare enough to take a big vacation but I can spend my weekends doing summer things. I can take Fridays or Mondays (or both) off to extend the fun if I want to. I need to rally the troops (my friends and family) to join me on adventures. I must go outside more despite the heat and potential for sunburn. I should probably invest in a hat. I can stay up late and not feel terrible about it in the morning although I may have to redefine what "late" actually is. I will find Superman ice cream in Northern Virginia if it takes all summer.

I need to rediscover the summers of my childhood and the joy of slowing down while still participating in adventures.

To a summer of small adventures!

Lazy Movie Weekend: This one time at camp...

It's official - summer is over. I'm ready for fall; pretty leaves, sweaters, candy corn, pumpkin spice lattes, online dating. Fall is a magical time that doesn't last long enough. That's why it needs to start now.

I would, however, be remiss if I did not give summer a proper send off. I never went to sleep away camp and I only went to day camp once (it was a theatre camp when I was in the 8th grade). I thank my parents everyday that they knew me well enough to never consider sending me into the woods with ill-equipped teenage camp counselors and some notion that I would enjoy being outdoors for long periods of time, playing sports, and generally being in close proximity to bugs. Instead, we spent most summers in Detroit (for at least a few weeks). I learned survival skills like how to eavesdrop on adults while they gossiped, how to make mud pies, the Chicken Dance (but only at Detroit Tigers games), and how to tell the difference between gunfire and fireworks. These are all skills I use to this day.

For me a successful summer (as a child/teen) included the following:

• Finishing my summer reading list early so the librarian could recommend other books to me that were not necessarily age appropriate but were reading level appropriate for me
• Taping songs off the radio
• Watching a bunch of movies and in high school, re-watching The Stand miniseries at least once
• Working at the theatre (this was also in high school)
• Getting sunburned and being annoyed by it BUT not wanting to admit that I was at fault for not reapplying sunscreen
• Going to a theme park (preferably Kings Dominion when the Wayne's World themed section still existed)
• Staying in air conditioning as much as humanly possible
• Eating Superman ice cream - it's a Michigan thing

If I ever decided to open my own camp I would include all of these things and focus on cabins designed for optimal reading comfort, crafts that include Lego art and unironic needlepoint, movie nights featuring movies I feel every child/teen should know, and lessons on how to be a good rock and roll citizens. Useful skills that the kids these days need to know.

Despite never going to camp, I love movies about camp. Ernest Goes to Camp, Camp, Meatballs, SpaceCamp, the Sleepaway Camp series, Camp Nowhere, Friday the 13th are some of my favorites. Camp seemed cool and fun and not as dirty as I imagined. And this brings me to the subject of today's Lazy Movie Weekend post, Wet Hot American Summer. 

Normally when I write about a movie on LMW, I want everyone to watch it immediately. While I do believe everyone should watch this movie, I will admit that it may not be for everyone. If you don't like absurd genre parody, this movie is not for you. If you don't like every camp movie trope squashed into one movie AND then either ignored or made fun of of, this movie is not for you. It's weird and while it may seem like a long form improv sketch it's actually completely scripted...by two guys who are geniuses at improv and sketch comedy. A ton of really great actors are in the movie and most of them weren't famous at the time so it's a great opportunity to see them early in their careers.

With that in mind, let's gather round the campfire and settle in for Wet Hot American Summer.

• The movie takes place on August 18, 1981 - the last day of camp. I didn't know but people celebrate WHAS day on this date. Maybe next year I'll celebrate too.
• Every possible camp counselor stereotype is here: the stoner, the slutty girl, the couple who only are a couple at camp, the nerdy guy, the guy that brags about sleeping with all the girls but is actually a virgin, the genuinely nice guy who should get the girl but won't, and the cool guy.
• If you love Janeane Garofalo than you do need to watch this movie. She's so hilarious and awkward and perfect. There are some moments in this movie when I think to myself, "I'm Beth. Beth is me." Sometimes at work I just randomly say, "You're in trouble" and expect nothing to happen. Just like Beth.
• Paul Rudd is the literal worst in this movie but you can't help but love him to death and want to date Andy for the exact reasons that Katie is with him. I loved Rudd's description of Andy in "The Ultimate Oral History of Wet Hot American Summer" - "You just try and have fun within those parameters of douchebaggery and bandanna-ism."
• Remember all of the information about astrophysics provided by David Hyde Pearce throughout the film. It will all be important later.
• The indoor kids! These are my people! David Hyde Pearce's Henry actually calls them that when he makes his way back to camp to teach them about science and stuff. And save the day.
• OMG Christopher Meloni! Imagine if you will a character that is the complete opposite of his character on SVU. He says the most bizarre things ("I'm going to go fondle my sweaters.") and has an epic monologue towards the end of the movie about being proud of who you are. Gene has to be experienced to be fully appreciated.
• "We're soul mates right?" Yes, Katie, you're camp soul mates.
• Let's talk about Coop aka Michael Showalter. Showalter wrote the movie with director David Wain. He plays Coop, the camper turned counselor who is in love with Katie (unrequited of course). He also plays the Catskills comic at the talent show. He's so goofy and endearing. And weird. And inappropriate. I think this photo is Coop in a nutshell:

• Amy Poehler is divine. There are so many priceless Susie moments in this movie: the "Hey you guys" at breakfast to drum up interest in the talent show, her pan-pipe playing at the commitment ceremony, and this quote to her drama kids that is perfect: "OK, stop. I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys. God! Am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it. Take a break; think about what you've done."
• I had no idea that asking someone if they would like a piece of gum and then both chewing a piece of gum equals that you want to make out. I have been living my life incorrectly.
• "It's your job to make sure kids don't drown." Camper to Andy after said camper's swimming buddy goes missing.
• Ken Marino has the greatest hair and the shortest shorts. After you've watched him win this movie so hard, go online and catch up on Burning Love and Party Down. He was even in a Hallmark movie called Falling in Love with the Girl Next Door that isn't terrible.
• We haven't talked about Bradley Cooper and Michael Ian Black. I don't want to ruin this particular part of the story for you. I sort of wish Bradley was in the movie more but he's excellent when he is. You should follow Michael Ian Black on Twitter if you like really inappropriate comedy.
• And then there's Molly Shannon. That is all.
• When Katie breaks Coop's heart, he and Gene and the other counselor that works in the kitchen go through an epic training so that Coop can be the best Coop he can be montage complete with inspirational music and dancing. You can watch it here. The hawk sound effect is my favorite part.
•  Of course the talent show goes on as the camp is threatened with total obliteration by remnants of Skylab on its way into the Earth's atmosphere. The drama kids give a rousing performance of "Day by Day" (of course), the robot kid performs his talent, Coop sort of wins Katie over, and the indoor kids "save" the day with a plot that involves a twenty-sided D&D die. You know, exactly like that one time at camp.

With tearful goodbyes, campers and counselors leave Camp Firewood to return to Bethesda or New Jersey until next summer. Maybe in ten years they'll find themselves back at Camp Firewood at 9:30 (even though we said 9 and we should be on time). Maybe they'll find themselves on Netflix. Wherever they end up, you know it's going to be weird.

Paul Rudd pic

Christopher Meloni pic
Coop picture

Return of the Old Lady Concert Rules

There is nothing I like more than going to summer concerts. There's something about listening to music, usually outdoors, on a warm summer evening that makes me feel young and invincible. I remember my first outdoor concert was Huey Lewis & the News one summer in Detroit when I was 12 or 13. I even remember wearing these really ridiculous earrings to that concert. I have no idea why it was important that I wear them but I know it was a big deal. Anyway, I don't remember much else about that concert except that I got to stay up late and hang out with my older brother. Ever since that show, I've made a habit of seeing several shows over the summer months and this summer is no exception.

This year's lineup:

• Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds (July 23 at Constitution Hall)
• KISS & Def Leppard (July 25 at Jiffy Lube Live)
• Heart (July 29 at Wolf Trap)
• Santana & Rod Stewart (August 19 at the Verizon Center)
• Motely Crue & Alice Cooper (August 22 at Jiffy Lube Live)

It's sort of a random group of concerts but in my head it makes absolute sense. I'm hoping that KISS plays this song although I'm sure they won't.

I have two go-to concert buddies: my brother, Scott and my friend, Anita. I've gone to many concerts with them both over the years including the time all three of us went to see They Might Be Giants at Ram's Head in Baltimore. They're both ideal concert buddies in that they'll go to just about any concert if asked even if they're not familiar with the band. Scott had never even heard of The Decemberists prior to seeing them with the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra a few years ago. He liked them enough to go see them with me again the following year. And Anita - she knows exactly four songs by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds but is going to see them with me on Wednesday anyway. I'm hopeful that she'll enjoy the band as much as I do.

What makes Scott and Anita exceptional concert buddies is their adherence to and support of my Old Lady Concert Rules. In fact, they've both helped to create some of these rules over the years. Just to be clear; just because I have concert rules does not mean that I am a killer of fun. I love fun and love concerts and the Rules help to ensure that we all do, in fact, have fun. Going to see live music is one of my favorite things to do and I enjoy it more when people around me aren't acting like morons or like we're sitting in their living room. Yes, we all enjoy live shows in our own ways but I feel like we need a social contract we can all agree to when we enter the arena or auditorium. That way, we all have fun and no one gets punched in the throat.

So in the interest of fun, let's review the Old Lady Concert Rules.

1. Don't wear the shirt of the band you're going to see. Don't be that guy. (Thank you Jeremy Piven in PCU for this one.)
2. No large bags or backpacks in the pit or other standing room shows. I get that in DC most of us come from work to shows during the week but do you really need that backpack while standing at the 9:30 Club? Doesn't your office allow you to lock up your laptop or something? I'm pretty short so your backpack and my face are probably at the same level so if you do have to bring it at least be aware of the people around you when you're dancing or whatever.
3. I don't like to stand at concerts. This is why I buy seats whenever possible. I don't sit on the lawn and I don't buy tickets in the pit when there are perfectly good seats to be had. If you also spent the money for a seat, SIT IN IT. Unless every other human in the arena is standing, sit down.
4. More pit/standing room etiquette: If you are late, stay to the back of the room. I got here at a reasonable time to get close to the stage and you should have too. This is especially jerky if the show has already started and you're elbowing your way to the front with your stupid backpack. Don't tell me your friend is at the front; she's not. You're lying. Show me your friend and I'll let you pass as long as I have confirmation that you know the person you've sort of gestured at. 
5. Someone has to be the DD for most shows. If you are that friend, congratulations you are a genuinely good person. I hope your friends do you a solid and take their turns at some point. However, being the DD isn't just about driving and making sure they get home safely. You have now been elected the babysitter of the group. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but it's true. So when your dudes start spilling beer on people and generally being jerks in public, as the sober one, people are going to look to you to rein them in. It's not fair but know that you have a special place in concertgoer heaven reserved for you. 
6. If you aren't the DD of your group and you've decided to imbibe at the show, please make sure to respect those around you by apologizing if you spill beer on them (especially in their hair - not that this has ever happened to me), know your limits (you don't need that fifth shot of Fireball and a beer chaser), and most importantly watch for stairs. Concerts don't need to end in a trip to the emergency room and a broken nose.
7. Respect the space around you. Even at outdoor shows, it's still not Woodstock and most people aren't interested in your dancing and space invasion. Dance all you want and dance like no one is watching but be respectful of those around you who are also dancing like no one is watching.
8. Don't use words like "merch" and "gig"- you're not with the band. And even if you are it makes you sound pretentious. 
9. Let's keep our cell phone use to a minimum. I like taking pictures of the shows I go to see as much as the next person but I also like watching the show that I'm seeing. So get your pictures done, take a selfie or two, and then put it away. Cell phones and lighters are not the same thing.
10. Don't yell "Freebird." It's not funny, the band doesn't appreciate it, and chances are the vast majority of the audience doesn't get the reference anyway (depending on the show).
11. Control the volume of your voice. This is especially true when you're at indoor shows at smaller venues; your voice carries and we can all hear you during breaks or softer songs. Listen to The Velvet Underground Live at Max's Kansas City for the perfect example of why this is a terrible thing to do at shows. Even if you're famous.
12. And finally, I get that I missed all the great music because it was all made before I was born or when I was small but you know what, these bands and musicians are still playing and we can watch them right now. And it's awesome that we can. Don't ruin that experience just because you think the band has "sold out" or has new members or whatever. Remember what it was like the first time you saw that band and let people have their own version of that experience. 

There you have it - the Old Lady Concert Rules. None of these rules are difficult or impede on your fun.Y'all know I like being a good citizen so these rules are just an extension of my love of civil societies and being nice to one another. That's it - I'm not here to ruin your fun.

I leave you with the immortal words of AC/DC. Get out there and be a good rock and roll citizen!

There's a con for that

This weekend marks the official end of summer. I hope that you spent this summer doing all the things that people do in the summer: sweating, complaining about the heat, getting sunburned, day drinking, making asinine comments about how it's not hot it's just the humidity. Maybe you went on vacation, maybe you stayed home. As long as you had some fun, saw at least one movie featuring an explosion, and took at least one day off work you have won summer. We're not eight anymore so that has to be enough.

I was supposed to be spending this last weekend of summer in Atlanta at DragonCon, one of the hundreds (at least it seems like there are hundreds) sci-fi/comic/pop culture conventions that happen throughout the year. My friend Jessica and I have been planning to go to DragonCon for two summers now and failed miserably both times. We want to practice at smaller cons before we go to the big show - Comic-Con. At the rate we're going now, we'll probably make it to Comic-Con by the time we're in our sixties. Last year was entirely my fault: I moved back to Virginia at the end of July and couldn't do a trip so soon after a cross-country move. This year, I blame work for our missing out on the con. Both of us work for the same company and we've just hit our busy season. We agreed that we'd try again next year. I think we're both also going to try smaller cons in our areas this year too. I intend to go to Awesome Con DC this April.

Like heavy metal, cons are not a thing most people associate with me but I have some very geeky/nerdy tendencies and cons are made for people to revel in all their geekdom. Historically, most cons were tied to comic books, animation, anime, and the worlds of different sci-fi/fantasy franchises. In more recent years, pop culture has taken over at most cons so now many of the larger cons are home to all sorts of fandoms from your typical DC or Marvel Comics fans to Star Wars and Star Trek to video games to horror movies and AMC shows (but not my favorite Hell on Wheels - make this happen Comic-Con). There seems to be a little bit of everything and there seems to be a con for just about everything. I like Marvel Comics (although I'm not a rabid reader by any means), Star Wars, Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright/Nick Frost movies, books like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galazy and The Hunger Games, and anything that involves Joss Whedon. For me, going to something like Comic-Con or DragonCon will probably be more about the phenomenon itself and less about the fandom which probably means everyone there will hate me.

What I'm getting at is that I need to make my own cons for the things that I'm truly and completely obsessed with. I'm certain that there are others out there that would agree and would attend. So here is my top five list of the cons I wish existed (and if they do, please let me know so I can attend):

1. Pegg/Wright/Frost Con, or the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy Con: Yes, these gentlemen have found a home amongst the fans at Comic-Con but I would prefer a separate event devoted only to the works of Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright, and Nick Frost. We can include the excellent tv show Spaced, the trilogy, and some of their other efforts that are worthy enough (Paul, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and Simon Pegg's book Nerd Do Well). Maybe it could be held in various pubs named for the pubs in the three films. Also, I'd like to hang out with Paddy Considine (because I love him) so this might be the only way that would happen.
2. It's Rex Manning Day: Empire Records is one of my all time favorite movies and I believe it deserves an event so that we can all come together to ask one of the most important questions of our time (and by "our time" I mean the mid-1990s) "What's with today today?" This particular con would take place on April 8 (the date on the poster for Rex Manning Day in the film) and would take place in Delaware since that's where the film was made. The day would end with us dancing on the roof of the abandoned record store where we'll meet to the song "This Is the Day" by The The. Magic.
3. C-O-O-L R-I-D-E-R: This has absolutely nothing to do with transportation of any form but of course my obsession with Grease 2. Since Maxwell Caufield is also in this movie, in theory, we could combine this con with It's Rex Manning Day (it would save on the convention center space). I envision booths for buying the epic reversible Pink Lady jacket that Stephanie wears and food stands that never run out of ketchup. Panel discussions would include topics as Adrian Zmed's hair; Who's That Guy?: Deconstruction of the Mystery Man in Film and TV; Do It For Our Country: A Discussion of Sex, Teenagers, and Patriotism.
4. All I Needed to Know About Love I Learned from John Hughes: Do I really need to explain this one? When I went to Molly Ringwald's book talk last year, half the people in attendance (mostly women my age or just slightly older) were there because Molly Ringwald's characters in the big three Hughes films were incredibly influential in their lives (I heard this over and over again as I waited in line to get my book signed) so wouldn't it be awesome to come together and celebrate the man and the movies that got it so right? We could expand to the other Hughes films too (since there are many between his writing and directing credits).  Maybe one of the events could be a "Make a Better Dress for Andie" contest because seriously, that dress is the worst.
5. Our Little Corner of the World - A Gathering of Gilmore Girls: For real, why doesn't this exist? Think of all the themed events we could have - Firelight Festival, the Festival of Living Art, the holiday themed festivals - there are so many. There could be a town troubadour contest. I'd love to see a panel on the great Rory boyfriend debate as well as one on of the importance of the character of Jason Stiles in season four. Lane's band could perform. There could be a mother/daughter fashion show. We could buy stuff that Lorelai and Rory have in their home. I have so many feelings about this con that I don't even know where to start. The show may have  ended but the magic doesn't have to.

Maybe I've missed my calling in life. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a trainer but a niche fandom convention planner. This idea and "job" appeals to my love of lists and my obsessive attachment to fictional characters. I mean, if dude fans of My Little Pony get their own cons (and I have strong feelings about Bronies but there's a time to discuss that and today is not that time), why can't I get one for Gilmore Girls or John Hughes movies?

What do I have to do to make this happen?

Lazy Weekend Movie Marathon

Labor Day - a day to celebration the contributions of the workers of America. Let's celebrate by taking the day off, buying a car, some furniture, and a new refrigerator. That's the only way to celebrate the American worker. And by the way, it's also the official end of summer. No more summer parties, pools close, and no more summer movie releases.

Since I have Monday off and I have a cold, I figured I would spend my 3 day weekend on my couch watching movies. I love movies. I love going to the movies, watching movies at home, talking about movies, quoting movies, reading movie gossip. Occasionally I think that I should have gone into the movie business but then I realize that this is a crazy, crazy idea. I would hate movies if I worked in the movies.

One of my favorite things to do is create my own movie marathons. I could spend the time watching made for TV movies or reruns of America's Next Top Model but that seems like a waste of valuable viewing time. Making up my own movie marathons is a great way to combine my love of movies, themes, and my love of lists. So let's talk about some ways to make your own movie marathon:

• Focus on an actor, actress, writer, or director. This makes it easier to pick movies AND you can play one of my favorite games "Spot the Stock Actors." This is really easy to do with John Hughes's and Savage Steve Holland's movies. The brother-in-law in Sixteen Candles is the janitor in The Breakfast Club. (I got a million of these.)
• Focus on a genre. Say you like zombie movies (which I do), you can create a balanced marathon of classics, modern interpretations, and unexpected gems. This works with most genres and sub-genres.
• Pick a theme - road trip movies, camp movies, movies where everyone dies, movies made before the star was famous (this is a super fun theme), movies featuring 80s teen idols that probably shouldn't have been made. The list goes on.
• Don't select a theme or genre if you don't like that particular type of movie. If you don't like horror movies, don't plan a marathon of horror movies. You will spend the day hiding behind a pillow being scared. Marathons are not the time to experiment with movies you don't normally watch.
• Once you've picked your theme, you should also pick themed snacks and drinks. If you're going to watch James Bond movies the clear option is martinis (shaken, not stirred) and fancy h'orderves. Camp movies? S'mores, hotdogs, and Dr. Pepper. 
• If you're having people over for this marathon, you can also extend your theme to dress/costumes. I really want to throw the John Hughes marathon listed below as a costume party - dress as your favorite John Hughes character. I call Allison from The Breakfast Club.
• Create a drinking game around your movie marathon. This is more fun if you're having friends over to watch with you but I won't judge if you want to do this and you're watching movies by yourself. If I wasn't on cold medicine already I'd probably center my drinking game on how many times Molly Ringwald says something isn't fair or rolls her eyes. If we were playing a Rhinestone drinking game, we'd have to take a shot every time Dolly Parton said something sassy (which is always). 

Here are some of my favorite marathons:

John Hughes Taught Me Everything I Needed to Know About High School (and Possibly Love)

• Sixteen Candles
• Weird Science
• Pretty in Pink
• The Breakfast Club
• Some Kind of Wonderful 
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Girls Who Rock

• Satisfaction
• Mystic Pizza
• Desperately Seeking Susan
• Girls Just Want to Have Fun
• Heathers
• Modern Girls
• Night of the Comet
• Just One of the Guys

Feeling Presidential? (Get in the mood for the election without having to watch the news)

• Frost/Nixon
• Dave
• Primary Colors
• The American President
• Dick
• All The President's Men
• JFK
• Game Change (If you don't have HBO, find a friend who does. This was a really good movie and Julianne Moore was amazing as Sarah Palin.)

Random Things That Make No Sense When You Think About Them but Perfect Sense After Viewing

• Rhinestone (Fun fact: The DVD of this movie costs $98 on Amazon. I want a copy badly but not $98 badly.)
• Xanadu
• UHF
• The Neverending Story
• Cat People
• Red Dawn
• Howard the Duck
• Killer Klowns from Outer Space
• Labyrinth
• Breakin' and Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo

This is just a starting point. I haven't even started on 80s horror movies (the Sleepaway Camp series, Prom Night-amazing), John Candy movies, musicals, movies featuring the Coreys, zombie movies, action movies for people who don't like action movies, and movies that I probably never should have watched as a child. 

Now if you don't own all or any of the movies on your list remember that you can usually find a handful of them on VH1, Oxygen, Comedy Central, and ABC Family on the weekends. Check on the free movies on demand through your cable provider (if only Comcast would have Rhinestone, Night of the Comet, and the Breakin' movies available this weekend). I'm fairly certain you can watch most of them online too or through Netflix. Basically there's no excuse not to watch movies and spend an entire weekend sitting on your couch. 

I haven't decided on my weekend movie marathon yet. Any suggestions?