Lazy Movie Weekend: There's Something About Jessica

In the last year or so, I've witnessed two different people stop along the side of a busy county parkway to pick up a bag of garbage someone else left on the side of the road (or maybe it fell out of the bed of a truck). Both people put the bag of garbage in the truck of their car, and drove off to dispose of the garbage and feel good about doing their part to help keep our lovely county nice and clean. Being a good citizen is a beautiful thing.

Both times, my brain went in the exact opposite direction when I witnessed both of these good citizens being good citizens. Because I have consumed a steady television diet of procedural dramas and true crime documentaries, I immediately thought to myself, "What if there's a body or body parts in those bags? They just put body part garbage bags in their trunks AND their fingerprints are all over the bags, so if the bag is found in the dump and the police analyze it, they're going to be a suspect in a murder all because they were being good citizens." This is legitimately how my brain works. I would never, ever pick up a bag of trash on the side of the road because I've seen every episode of CSI at least three times and I know better. Marg Helgenberger has taught me well.

I know, I know. My brain is a weird place to exist. Just last week, one of my co-workers asked me something and when I answered in an oddly specific way, he looked at me like I was an alien. Everyone has their own way of thinking, and apparently, my brain likes to go the true crime route in most situations. I don't know why, but that's how it works. The most recent incident happened not too long after I started watching season one of Murder, She Wrote on Amazon Prime. My inner Jessica Fletcher, because we all have one, is on overdrive.

Murder, She Wrote was a drama series that ran on CBS from 1984-1996, back when tv shows had over twenty episodes each season and you had to be home in time to watch or tape a show so you wouldn't miss out. It starred international treasure Angela Lansbury as a retired English teacher from a small Maine town who becomes a famous mystery writer and helps whatever local police force solve murders whenever she happens to stumble into a situation where a murder occurs. And one occurs all the time. It doesn't matter if she's in her little hometown of Cabot Cove or jet-setting around the world, murder seems to follow Jessica everywhere. And she's always a step ahead of the police and always unmasks the killer.

I haven't watched an episode of Murder, She Wrote since the early 1990s. I used to watch it with my grandma when we'd visit Detroit. She liked mysteries and horror fiction (me and my brother got into horror fiction because of her). I decided not to get cable when I moved, so I've been relying on Netflix and Amazon Prime for my entertainment. I've binged Schitt's Creek, AJ & the Queen, the Aaron Hernandez docuseries, and the Netflix docuseries about the cat killer who internet sleuths tracked online after he killed an actual person. I stumbled upon Murder, She Wrote as I was building my watchlist on Prime, and decided to dive in last week. I know how to rock a Friday night - Murder, She Wrote, wine, and a cat snoring. Perfection.

Anyway, I'm not even done with season one and I'm completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of famous people who were on this show. There's an entire Wikipedia page devoted to guest stars of the show. Here's a quick sample of the guest stars so far (I'm on episode 14):

• Jose Ferrer
• Martin Landau
• Lynn Redgrave
• Lorna Luft 
• Genie Francis
• Jerry Orbach
• Leslie Nielson
• Gabe Kaplan (there was another guy from Welcome Back, Kotter on a separate episode)
• Milton Berle
• Jeff Conway
• Vickie Lawrence 
• Andy Garcia
• Robert Goulet
• Jo Anne Worley

Depending on how many seasons I decide to watch, I'll be treated to guest appearances by Armand Assante, Michael Beck, George Clooney, Maxwell Caufield (freaking Rex Manning), Piper Laurie, and Janet Leigh. Was appearing on Murder, She Wrote the hot, hip thing to do in the 1980s? I don't know, but I'm 100% behind this.

Guest star awesomeness aside, I'm intrigued by the overall concept of Jessica Fletcher. One fan theory posits that Jessica is, in fact, a serial killer. If you only look at the Cabot Cove episodes, over 200 murders occur over the course of the series in town with a population under 4000 people. Does death just follow this woman or is she really a devious serial killer, leaving death and destruction in her wake? If she's not the killer, it's very possible her nieces and nephews are. Her nephew, Grady, is involved in two cases in season one and would go on to be a recurring character throughout the rest of the series. Two of her nieces and a cousin are also involved in cases. How does so much murder find one family?

Jessica is a lady about the world. She's a widow and doesn't have any children of her own, so she travels all over the place. After her writing career takes off, she goes to New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston, New Orleans, and some random island in the Mediterranean. She has friends and family everywhere and is such a jet-setter. She helps two Russian ballerinas defect to the US, and ends up in Congress after the congressman from her state ends up dead. She also solves his murder, and helps the other congressman (who just so happens to be the dad from The Monster Squad) from Maine pass a bill to protect the cove.

Did I also mention that all the old, rich dudes on this show want to get together with Jessica? Her energy, her smarts, and her quick wit are like catnip to these dudes. I admire her ability to flirt without being awkward (not my skill set). She's never prim, but always proper and it's so much fun to watch her let go in her very Jessica Fletcher sort of way. She never loses her cool, and never gives too much away. There's something very feminist about her, although I doubt she'd be the first person to come to mind when you think feminist heroes, but the pieces are all there. Smarts, a photographic memory, awesomeness, nerves of steel, crime solving skills - Jessica Fletcher is my hero. She would appreciate my apprehension at picking up garbage bags on the side of the road. And if we followed those body part containing garbage bags to the dump, Jessica would find the killer in no time, putting the local police to shame with her mad skills.

Do yourself a favor, and spend your weekend solving mysteries with Jessica Fletcher. You'll be glad you did.

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You're Doing Everything Wrong: Procedural Drama Edition

I thought we'd end January on a pop culture note. What better way to mindlessly check out for a as long as it takes you to read this than to talk about procedural dramas? How many of you are settling in for a whole Saturday (or weekend) of watching Law & Order: SVU or NCIS reruns during a USA network marathon? You don't have to answer but always remember: I would never, ever judge you for that. Ever.

I was a huge procedural drama fan when I was younger (say 8th-11th grades, followed by right after college). Give me an episode of L.A. Law, the Mike Logan years of Law & Order, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, or even old school Hill Street Blues and I will be a happy person. My early love of these shows came from the fact that in my early high school years I really wanted to be a criminologist. I thought that was a cool sounding job and I read everything I could about being one. I even got to interview an FBI criminologist who went to our church for a school project. Somewhere between developing my crush on Mike Logan and getting the high school theatre bug, I slowed down on my viewing and my career goal. Later on, when I was working as an admissions counselor at Loyola, I would realize that like every teenager who came to my table at a college fair asking about our forensic chemistry program because they wanted to be a "CSI," I really didn't have the heart for the science part of this world. I know I chose the right path.

Another quality of procedural dramas have that I admire is the structure of the show. Much like a Hallmark holiday movie, there's a certain formula to procedurals. Law & Order (the whole franchise except Conviction) is a perfect example of clear structure: the police detectives (Law) have approximately 22 minutes to track the clues, interview witnesses, and find a suspect, all while smirking a bit and talking unlike any police detective you might actually know. If we're lucky, a suspect will run so Logan has to chase him and we get a little extra drama. Then the district attorneys (Order) have another 22 minutes to criticize police work, question witnesses, deal with slimy (mostly) defense attorneys, and have perfect hair. I'm sold especially if it involves a young Chris Noth (pre-Mr. Big), Jerry Orbach, Sam Waterston, and S. Epatha Merkerson.

If you move away from the highly structured universe of the Law & Order shows, procedural dramas are still structured in a way that most scripted television is not: bad guy/girl commits a crime, detectives/CSI/NCIS/FBI agents follow the clues, lawyers do lawyer-y things, and the case is solved. There can be completely shocking and awful and gruesome moments on these shows but even those moments fit within the very defined structure of the universe of whichever show you're watching. Key characters die (I'm looking at you, Lenny Briscoe), serial killers get away (the Miniature Killer on CSI is one of my favorite continuous plots), but there's nothing compared to many of the fantasy/sci-fi shows that are so popular now. No dragon swoops in and carries off Gil Grissom in any episode of CSI. No zombies chase the Criminal Minds agents through Mardi Gras while they track a killer. (Seriously, they tracked a killer in New Orleans once and it looked like it was Mardi Gras the entire episode and there was a New Orleans-y cop who really had more of a Cajun accent. I don't understand either.) Procedural dramas are completely grounded in reality regardless of the fact that a crime is solved (usually) in 44 minutes or less (an hour long tv show is actually only 44-45 minutes in length because of commercial breaks).

That's probably the other joy of a procedural drama: crime solving is super easy on these shows. We all know there is no way that any crime is going to be solved in 44 minutes or less UNLESS the criminal wrote a big "I did it" note for us to find. In theory, the episode is taking place over the course of a few days but it's always a little hard to tell since no one ever seems to go home and they all keep extra clothes in their lockers so how would you know the actual passage of time? On all of these shows, the very attractive cast finds the clues, uses really advanced technology and science, and occasionally they even have to do experiments to recreate conditions for things like decomposition or something else involving a fetal pig. It's almost always perfect; there's usually one episode a season where evidence is compromised and science is questioned but it always works out in the end. Grissom always figures something out to prove he's the best. I've never been able to figure out the wardrobe and styling on these shows; the women always look somewhere in the middle of casual Friday and business casual and the men are either completely suited up or look like they're heading to a club later. And everyone has perfect hair. Even when they're waist deep in a dumpster looking for clues, their hair is perfect and shiny.

I stopped watching procedural dramas in 2006 and it's all Tim Curry's fault. He started a two episode story arc on Criminal Minds at the end of the 2005 season. He played a serial killer who used a blackout to sneak into the homes of his victims and then kill them. Eventually, he would kidnap the daughter of one of the agents but it's in his first crimes that I completely could not deal with these shows anymore. He waited for his victims to do something like leave a window open a little bit or leave the front door open to go back to get something from the car to sneak into their home to kill them. He also hid in the shower in one part of the show. It was so simple: everyone closes their shower curtain when they leave the house. You wouldn't notice anything amiss because you closed the curtain. It creeped me out so much that I now leave the shower curtain open whenever I leave the house. This was the man who brought the most terrifying clown ever, Pennywise, to life. Now he's playing a serial killer who sneaks into someone's shower? I cannot do this anymore.

I didn't need procedural dramas. I had Gilmore Girls and RuPaul's Drag Race and Project Runway and Face/Off. Eventually I would start hate-watching Girls and Vinyl. Then Westworld would enter my life. And God bless Ryan Murphy and American Horror Story (except seasons 2 and 6). The only exception to this rule is NCIS reruns. My dad is a big fan so I tend to watch it with him when I'm over and I can't help but watch a marathon every now and then on USA. It's not the same level of creepy that the other shows fall into and who doesn't love Mark Harmon? I replaced procedurals with fast dialogue, pop culture references, and drag queens. If television watching is a game, I believe I'm winning.

Then I moved. Here's what happens when I move: I can't help myself with unpacking. I need to get as much done in the immediate 2-3 days after moving into a new place as I possibly can. I don't like boxes hanging around. I don't like not having my stuff where it belongs. I want to be settled in as quickly as possible. I used to listen to music while unpacking but with this move, for whatever reason, music wasn't helping with my unpacking. I didn't want to watch a new show in Netflix (of which I have many in my queue) and I've been slowly re-watching Gilmore Girls again but that's more of an after work "I need me time" kind of show. I happened to find a CSI marathon on the Esquire Network (yes, it's both a magazine and a tv network). The episodes were from the Grissom years (the only years that matter on this show) so I kept it on in the background as I unpacked my kitchen and my books and organized my closet. I remembered many of the episodes from when I originally watched the show and even some of the creepier ones didn't have the same effect on me now as they did when they originally aired. I didn't stop watching the mini-marathons on Esquire or WE Network (both show it during the week). Since moving into my new place, I come home from work and watch an episode or two while I make dinner and decompress from my day.

Then it dawned on me: I've been doing everything wrong when it comes to procedural dramas. The only way to watch them is to binge watch. On general principle, I don't binge watch television shows (Stranger Things and the Gilmore Girls revival being recent exceptions) because I like the idea of a show unfolding over time. That's the way I grew up watching tv shows since we didn't have DVRs or Netflix. I had to wait week after week to see what would happen next. Cliffhanger season finales were the best and worst thing to happen. Coming back to CSI and watching multiple episodes in one sitting has given me a new perspective on the procedural drama. I don't focus so much on the crimes occurring but the personalities and the interactions between the main cast. Sure, the crime they're investigating could be super gross (like the body soup in a bag in desert) or weird (the furry convention episode or the vampire/werewolf convention murder) or totally creepy (the Miniature Killer or the episode with the judge who might be planning to kill Grissom) or bizarre and a little funny (Lady Heather in the original few episodes she was in) but it all sort of blends together in one sitting.

I also know stuff about this show (like Sarah and Grissom are a thing or Warrick has a gambling problem that will eventually lead to his death) so I can watch for those plot lines in a way I didn't when I originally watched the show one episode at a time. Back then, it was about the grisly crime and the amped up science not so much about the characters. Now, I sit back and wait for a a joke about the case and some awkward interactions between at least two of the characters (because they're all so awkward) and I'm set. I count the number of times any of the women wear clothing that might be deemed inappropriate for the line of work they're in (mostly Catherine but it makes sense in the larger world of the show) and I wonder if poor Nick ever decided to get a dog because he always seemed so lonely. And the side characters? The police detectives and the lab techs; they're all so good. I still think there should be a Lady Heather/Gil Grissom spinoff show. I have no idea what it would be about but I'd watch it.

Thank you original CSI cast for your perfect hair, mildly inappropriate wardrobes, and awkward interactions. You've helped me see the error of my ways when it comes to procedural dramas. It's not about watching over time but watching in bulk. It's not really about the gruesome crime but the people solving said crime. Thank you for helping me to stop doing everything wrong.


Coming in February: Stuff I Love is coming back! This February, each weekend's post will focus on something I love in honor of the month of love.

Law & Order image
Grissom
Catherine Willows
Tim Curry meme 
CSI cast

Road to 300: For those about to rock

AC/DC is not my band. That's not to say that I don't enjoy AC/DC's music. They're just not my band. I've been thinking a lot about this concept since the third from last episode (is there a term for that?) of Showtime's Roadies. The episode, "The All Night Bus Ride," was probably my favorite episode of the season followed closely by the last episode. You might think that means I didn't enjoy Roadies but the exact opposite is true. I enjoyed this show more than I thought I would and more than it might deserve. And yes, I know Showtime agreed and the show will not be back for another season. Their decision doesn't lessen my Roadies love; I totally understand why the show is not coming back. I might even agree with some of the reasons. But at the end of the day, Roadies hit me hard so I have to at least talk a little bit about it.

In the episode "The All Night Bus Ride," the crew is on the bus to the next gig, a long overnight drive perfect for storytelling and music. I have zero idea of what happens on tour buses; I suspect this is part of the charm of this show for me. I'm in the middle of finishing my novel. Part of the plot revolves around my protagonist, a travel writer who writes about music, joining a famous rock band on the road for the last part of their tour. Band tour buses fascinate me and this episode of the show is the only one where we really spend time on the bus. Phil, the band's road manager, settles in to tell the group the story about how he became "King of the Road." He wasn't always in music but a chance encounter with Ronnie Van Zant from Lynyrd Skynryd changed his whole life. As Cameron Crowe, the show's creator, tells it Phil soon becomes the road manager for the band. He sees them through tough times, getting clean, and opening for The Rolling Stones. The story is based on the actual band (Crowe covered them when he worked for Rolling Stone). Throughout the story, Phil is able to humanize a rock band in a way that makes you wish for a different ending for Ronnie Van Zant (he die in a plane crash in 1977) but you know it's not going to happen.

Phil describes Skynyrd as "his band." The way he talks about them is not the way that a casual fan or even a very involved fan talks about a band. It's the way a religious person talks about their beliefs or their deity. The story leads up to two events: the band opening for The Rolling Stones and Phil's last stand with the band on tour in Japan. In describing the band opening for The Rolling Stones (which is one of the hardest jobs in music), Phil describes a band who was so passionate about what they were doing and the music they were singing that they went for it. They were better than the headliner.
As Phil puts it, "On any one day, any band can be the greatest band in the world."

There's a lot of other stuff happening as Phil tells his tale. I won't go into any of these things since it's worth it to watch the season and let this episode unfold where it does. The episode includes an acoustic version of the Skynyrd song "Simple Man" by the road crew. I don't know that Phil convinces us that The Stanton House Band (the show's band we barely see) is anyone's Lynyrd Skynyrd but I'm fine with that.

I've listened to the original version of this song on repeat pretty heavily since the episode. Lynyrd Skynyrd is also not my band, by the way, but I'm digging this song right now. I think a lot about music and I like to talk about music even if no one wants to listen. So who is my band? How does one figure out who their band is? Phil doesn't give us a list of things that have to occur in order to determine if a band is your band. I sort of wish he had as I love a list. But that's not particularly rock and roll. Maybe it's because the experience is different for everyone. Not all of us meet famous rock stars by chance and end up as their road manager. This isn't the 1970s when things like this actually did happen (at least according to Cameron Crowe and he knows). What makes a band yours?

I could think of it in terms of physical things: seen them in concert (multiple times), own their entire catalog, own and/or read a biography about them, follow them on social media but these things all seem like the things any fan could do. Do you have to be a Band-Aid like Penny Lane in Almost Famous or a groupie like Natalie on Roadies? I don't think so. Is it that you can't imagine a day going by where you wouldn't listen to their music? Maybe you don't listen to them everyday but the idea that you could and that you would is there or that the music just sort of goes around with you at all times. As Phil describes it on Roadies, it just happens so he's totally unhelpful in my quest to figure this out. 

Maybe it has to do with the way in which a person discovers a band. In Phil's case, he meets Ronnie Van Zant and the rest of the band at a time in his life where he thought he knew what he was going to do (work for his dad, stay in his small town, raise a family). It's not just the lifestyle of the band but he gets the message behind their music and sees how hard they work to produce their albums. The band starts to feel like family to him; you can see it even more when he talks about walking away from the band and the eventual death of Van Zant and others on that plane. This was my favorite hour of television in a very long time (not counting my experience with Stranger Things this summer). If finding your band is about actually finding them, I guess I'd have to say Big Star or The Smiths would by my band. They're two bands that I "discovered" entirely on my own rather than liking them because my older brother or someone else (usually my aunt or one of my uncles) said, "hey you might like this."  Of the two, I'd say Big Star is the one. Not because it's cool to be a Big Star fan but I truly love them. I rarely go a day without listening to at least one Big Star song (at least in the last five years) and I get excited when I hear one of their songs out in public or referenced somewhere unexpected. I was super excited when my tweet of Pumpkin and a recent release of a live album was retweeted by their account (run by their studio and the sole living member of the band, Jody Stephens). 

As Paul Westerberg sings in "Alex Chilton", "I never travel far without a little Big Star" which is 100% true in my case. I think that's really what Phil is talking about with finding your band; you carry the band around with you no matter where you are. They're just a part of the person you are. That's true for Phil and Lynyrd Skynryd and it's true for me and Big Star.

While I'm sad Roadies won't be back for another season, I'm glad I had this summer with them. The whole season felt like a summer concert; breezy, slightly dizzying like you've been out in the sun too long and maybe had one two many concert beers, and a little maudlin when you realize all good things, including summer tv and concerts, must come to an end. 

PS: I thoroughly enjoyed the AC/DC concert this weekend. While Axl Rose wouldn't have been my first choice to fill in on vocals, he didn't suck AND created one of the weirdest onstage dynamics I've ever seen. I don't know if he and Angus Young don't get along or if their personalities are just too big to be on the same level of the stage at the same time but something was up with them. Axl did his famous shimmy and also spent time dancing like Claire and Allison in The Breakfast Club; it was odd. It was also very exciting to see Dave Grohl in the audience, air drumming away as God or whichever higher power you ascribe to intended. So AC/DC may not be my band but they put on a good show (which includes cannons) and I'm pretty certain more than half of the people in attendance would tell you that AC/DC is their band.

We Need a Hero

To get you in the mood for today's post, we begin with a song...

Or maybe you'd prefer the spoken word version...

If you haven't seen The Way Way Back, check it out sometime when you're not binge watching whatever it is you have to binge watch to keep yourself entertained before the Gilmore Girls revival begins.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't watch television. That's not entirely true; I probably shouldn't watch television in which I will become attached to one or more of the characters on the show. I can't help myself with certain shows. I become so invested with a character or characters that watching the show becomes stressful. Or I get irrationally irritated with a character because he or she makes a choice I deem is a bad one. My poor neighbors have heard me yell "Make smart life choices!" at my television more times than I care to admit. And when a character dies? No thank you. This is the worst part of watching any halfway decent show; a favorite character will always die. I believe this is related to being a very dedicated reader; the same thing happens to me when I read a book or series. I become so invested in characters that I don't want the story to end OR I want them to be real. Such is the life of a fan.

Among my invested characters we have Rory Gilmore (seriously wanted to shake her most of seasons 5 and 6), Lane and Zach from also Gilmore Girls, Terry and LP from Treme, everyone on Firefly, Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Detective Mike Logan from Law & Order (before he was Mr. Big). I love Detective Logan so much I watched the movie NBC did featuring him trying to redeem himself or some such nonsense. Mike Logan was and always will be Law & Order. Everyone else is just an imitation.

There are others but these are really my go-to list of fictional friends. I have very specific opinions about them (#TeamLogan) and will argue with other people for hours about minutia within the universe of the show. I would like to believe that these opinions will serve some purpose for me later in life but I'm not entirely sure how that will work. More than likely, it'll just be more information to store away for trivia or when I go to an Escape Room with interns who weren't born in the 1980s and I need to use my knowledge of the era to solve the puzzle to get us out of the room. This is how the world works.

I recently finished watching the Netflix series Stranger Things. I don't normally binge watch television shows even on Netflix. Sometimes I get into a Gilmore Girls binge but that's about my level of tolerance for the practice. I like the unfolding of a show over the course of season. I like looking forward to something each week as I anticipate a new episode. To me, that is the beauty of watching serialized television. I realize I'm in the minority on this. However, with Stranger Things I definitely binge watched the show. I watched four episodes last Friday and the second four episodes last Saturday. It is a remarkable and enjoyable show, made better by watching it all at once.

I don't want to talk about Eleven (who is amazing and badass) or the boys (also wonderful) or Barb (#justiceforbarb) or even the fact that I want to smack the smug off Steve Harrington's face so badly every time he's on screen. No, we have more important things to discuss. And by more important things, I mean Chief Jim Hopper.

Chief Hopper is the true hero of Stranger Things. He is the glue that binds this crazy town together and he is the man that gets shit done. No one else broke into a secret government facility with the cool and attitude he did...multiple times. No one stared down the creepy blonde government agent and dared her to disagree with terms of his plan. No one else faked his way into the morgue to make sure that his suspicions about "Will" were right (this was a hard scene to watch). No one else didn't call the librarian after they hooked up and then thought she'd help him with research for the case. No one else agreed to go with Joyce to multiple locations that could have gotten him killed. And frankly, no one else really believed Joyce until Chief Hopper did. I don't know where that car was taking him in the last episode but you can bet he handled whatever it was like a boss.

Side note: The actor who plays Chief Hopper, David Harbour, is a fantastic actor and is so perfect in this role. He also feels really bad about Barb according to this Buzzfeed post.

If I lived in Hawkins, which I would never do because it is truly a terrifying place to live, I would want Chief Hopper to be in charge and protect our town. Despite his drinking and other poor life choices, he gets into the investigation and gets into some real police work. I love shows and movies set in a pre-cell phone age; everyone manages to live their life and accomplish things. One of my favorite scenes with Chief Hopper involves him and Officer Powell sitting in the library scanning through microfiche. Microfiche!? There are people reading this blog who don't know what that is and probably had to look it up while watching the show. That's just sad. And what about the hat? Normally, I have ambivalent feelings about hats in terms of men's fashion, but the hat is as much a part of the character of Chief Hopper as his cigarette, his sense of humor, and his perpetual hangover.

And let's admit it, he's hot. Chief Hopper is, by far, the hottest dude in Hawkins. I'll give you the cute factor of Officer Callahan; he's cute in a "nerdy boy you date in your first year of college" sort of way. Hopper is the older gentleman you move onto after you realize nerdy college boys will always be a disappointment. Yes, he's a womanizer but I'm okay with this for some reason (normally I would not be) and I've come to terms with it as a part of his character. I want to sit around with Chief Hopper listening to Big Star records and talking about life and love. I don't know why Big Star because I don't actually think Chief Hopper would be a Big Star fan but that's how I feel. 

I don't condone smoking but I approve this image:

Or maybe this is better:

Of course because Chief Hopper is my new television show crush (Is a Netflix show considered a television show? I don't know how that works.), I spent a large portion of every episode suffering anxious feelings because I thought that he was going to die. (Spoiler: he doesn't.). This is what a good character does to us. We get so wrapped up in their life, we can't help but only want good things for them. Television (or a movie or book) becomes stressful. It's not normal. I never felt this way about any television character before I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Was it the shows that changed or was it me?

Chief Hopper & the boys
Smoking Chief Hopper
Hopper and Indy
My Dream Man
Someecard 

What's the big commotion? Finding your television soul mate

Recently I had a conversation with one of my trusted guy friends, Matt, about the possibility of setting up an online dating profile. This is something that I've been hemming and hawing about for some time now and I decided that 2015 is as good a time as any to actually do this. Again. I have to try harder this time or something. Matt sort of agreed to provide his opinion on my profile should I actually go through with this. This is why all women should have a handful of trusted male friends and all men should have a handful of trusted female friends. I'm sure we serve other purposes (I'm excellent at reminding people to make smart life choices, assisting guys with shoe purchases, and serving as a fill in date to weddings) but really it's to make sure that we don't embarrass ourselves in front of people we may or may not have some form of romantic relationship with at some point in the future.

One of the other things we discussed was my criteria for guys - did I want to be with someone who was exactly like me or incredibly different? Was a more middle of the road guy my speed? My response to this question was simple: I would like to be able to watch television with my significant other. I'd like us to have a few shows in common; not every show but enough. Additionally, the guy would have to be someone who would occasionally watch a stupid Hallmark movie with me and I would in turn, watch something that I hate like basketball or procedural dramas. I don't think this is too much to ask but as dating profiles tend to be loaded with garbage and words I hate, I have a feeling this will be more difficult than it should be. I dream of a day when I can be honest in a dating profile in a way that doesn't make me sound like a spinster cat lady or a weirdo who has too many interests.

I'm not helping matters by re-watching my favorite television show of all time, Gilmore Girls. Anytime I re-watch this show, I reevaluate the way I view relationships and what I envision my future manfriend (is that more grown-up than boyfriend?) will be like. I started re-watching over the holidays and have not been able to stop (although I did pause long enough to hate watch the season premiere of Girls - we all need something to hate watch). I started with season four, my favorite season, and finished up season six, my least favorite season, last weekend. Lots of very significant things happen during these three seasons: the Dragonfly opens, Jason Stiles appears, Rory loses her virginity to Dean (sorry for the spoilers but seriously binge watch faster), Jess makes an appearance or two, Luke and Lorelei happen, and Logan enters Rory's life. I am firmly Team Logan and nothing will ever change that.

Both Lorelei and Rory have a lot of stuff going on in their love lives during these seasons so it's easy to lose focus and neglect a very important relationship going on in the background. No, I'm not talking about Kirk and Lulu but Lane and Zach. It's through re-watching the romance of Lane and Zach that I came to my criteria of wanting to be able to watch television with my significant other. Lane and Zach start off as bandmates in Hep Alien and eventually become much more. Lane and Zach are musical soul mates but have enough sense to have a few things that are just theirs (bluegrass music for Zach; Fleetwood Mac for Lane). I wouldn't be able to do that; I have in the past and it's meant having to listen to way more Kid Rock and Enya than anyone should ever have to listen to in their lives. I have learned that I can't make compromises when it comes to music but I am willing to be more open about television shows. It's weird I know, but it's me.

In season five there is an episode entitled "To Live and Let Diorama." During this episode, Lane, Rory, and Paris all enjoy a little too much of the Founders' Punch and end up lamenting their love lives to one another. Lane suspects Zach of having some sort of relationship with Sophie, the owner of the music store, played by Carole King (who is awesome in this role). Lane's suspects this because Zach declines to go with her to buy cleaning supplies, a chore they like to do together. This is how a drunken Lane confronts Sophie:

"You've not only been to New York; you've lived there, so you know where the best coffee and bagels are. But you don't know him like I know him. For instance I know what cleaning products he likes, do you?"

It's in this moment of this episode that it dawned on me that it is something small like knowing the favorite cleaning supplies of a person or being able to watch a television show together even if you don't love it completely that you find love actually. I, and most women my age, have been raised to believe that it is in the grand gesture, the song about them, the elaborate scheme to get your attention that one finds love. We neglect the little things and are disappointed when no one shows up at our house with a boombox to play our favorite song outside our window. Romantic comedies and sitcoms have made it hard out there for a single lady.

At minute 2:07 in the below video, Zach writes a "hit song" with Mrs. Kim (Lane's mom). I've had this song in my head for six days. I hope one day Todd Lowe will be on another television show playing a guy who used to be in a rock band and he makes plans for a comeback. He dusts off this song and it becomes the hit song Mrs. Kim asked him to write.

I plan to be watching that show and maybe, just maybe someone will be sitting next to me enjoying the show not because it's his thing but because it's something we do together.

Lorelei image
Lane and Zach image
Video

Welcome to Star's Hollow, Population Awesome

Sometimes the world works in the most perfect way. You miss all of the traffic and hit all of the green lights. Dunkin' Donuts doesn't take away the butter pecan flavored iced coffee that you love. No one annoys you the entire day. Netflix finally grants you access to a magical television show, Gilmore Girls. 

I hope, dear Island readers, that those of you who have Netflix have dived into the wonderful world of Stars Hallow. I watched the show when it originally aired and own all seven seasons on DVD. I have re-watched the show in its entirety (since watching it on television) at least four times. If you haven't added it to your queue or started watching it already, I implore you to do so right after you finish reading this post. You won't be disappointed with the experience.

The release of the show on Netflix has unleashed a flurry of articles and Buzzfeed quizzes and posts about the show. The show aired in 2000 on the WB and ended seven years later on the CW. It chronicles the adventures of the dynamic mother-daughter duo of Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Rory (Alexis Bledel) Gilmore. The Gilmore girls live in the quirky town of Stars Hollow, CT and are surrounded by a cast of amazingly funny and interesting characters. Lorelai was a teen mom who left her affluent family after giving birth to Rory and found a life for herself. Over the course of seven seasons, we follow Lorelai and Rory through their many loves, private high schools, getting into an Ivy League college, opening an inn, and so many town festivals. The fast-paced dialogue and pop culture references are worth the time. Amy Sherman-Palladino, the series creator, injects the right amount of weird and normal to the world of Gilmore Girls.

One of the things that I most enjoy about the world of Stars Hollow (and Chilton, Yale, etc.) is the secondary characters. These are the people that truly bring the show to life. The best shows are the ones in which the world of the show seems real (even if it's a bit quirky). Stars Hollow and the other locations of the show only make sense if you add in all the secondary and tertiary characters. I thought that for my first Gilmore Girls Island post, I'd talk about my favorite side characters. They may not appear in every episode or even make it to the end of the series but they are important in our little corner of the world. Grab some takeout from Al's Pancake World or some dessert sushi and let's talk Gilmore Girls.

1. The Trifecta - Miss Patty, Babette, and Taylor.
You can't have Stars Hollow without these three. Miss Patty and Babette know everything about everyone in town and are some of the sassiest women you will ever meet. Babette is the neighbor that I hope I have if I ever buy a house. I'd trust her to collect my mail and call the embassies in the countries I was visiting if I didn't return from my European vacation on the day she thought I was returning. Did I mention that Babette is portrayed by Sally Struthers? That voice! No Stars Hollow festival (and there are lots of them) would be the same without the choreography skills of Miss Patty. Her stories are the greatest and I want her one woman show to be a real thing that I can go see. Now. What's even more wonderful is that they provide balance to Taylor, the town selectman.Taylor truly cares about Stars Hollow but he's also crazy. His brand of particularness is overwhelming but is also what keeps Stars Hollow going. His scenes with Kirk (who we'll discuss shortly) are some of my favorites on the show. I want to attend a town meeting, volunteer to be a pilgrim at the food drive, and invest in some sweaters with elbow patches so Taylor will be happy.


2. The Love Interest No One Understands - Jason Stiles
I have to confess that part of my love for Jason Stiles comes from the fact that I have the biggest crush on Chris Eigeman. I first saw him in Whit Stillman's 1990 debut Metropolitan and was immediately hooked. I will watch anything that he's in and I was sad that his role on Bunheads was so limited. He is every preppy boy that I've crushed on in my life (which is so not my type but I can't help it). Popped collars make me rageful but deal with popped collar/uncomfortable suit Jason Stiles.

Jason "Digger" Stiles appears in season four which is one of my favorite seasons to watch when I'm in a state of transition or uncertainty. He and Lorelai grew up together and he becomes business partners with Mr. Gilmore. He and Lorelai also start a secret relationship (a frequent Lorelai relationship tactic). Jason is not the great love of Lorelai's life but he's an important part of Lorelai's life as she's working on opening the Dragonfly Inn and she's not quite ready to be with Luke (she's almost there). Jason is unexpected, weird, has a lot neuroses, and is not the kind of guy she should be with and that is exactly why she should be with him. He helps her reflect on the parts of her past that she needs to move forward with her life. Also, he basically calls Emily Gilmore obsolete (he actually says it about cocktail parties but same difference). I was glad to see Jason go but I'm super glad he was there.

3.The Nemesis (but not really) - Paris Geller
Let's be honest, I could write an entire post on Paris. She is the quintessential mean super smart girl when we meet her on Rory's first day at Chilton. These first days would set the stage for a long friendship that has a lot of ups and downs over seven seasons (just like a real friendship). Paris needs Rory and Rory needs Paris. They might not want to admit it but it's the truth. The Yale years are my favorite of her episodes. She has an affair with a professor, becomes editor/dictator of the newspaper, and provides her own brand of Paris tough love to Rory when she needs it. Paris is another extreme character but is at the same time, incredibly relatable. I remember feeling bad for Paris...a lot. Her family life was not ideal (despite the privilege) and she's the kind of person that's had her life mapped out since she could write her name. She has a hard time being flexible and I totally feel for her on that one. One of my favorite non-Yale episodes featuring Paris was the one in season three when she and Rory are both giving speeches at the Chilton bicentennial and right before, Paris finds out that she didn't get into Harvard. And she's crushed. This particular episode showed us that Paris was indeed human and had feelings. I tear up every time I re-watch this one.

Like Lorelai, we all come to love Paris in the end.

4. Why You Hide Music in the Floorboards - Mrs. Kim
"Boys don't like funny girls." And so begins my adoration of Mrs. Kim (Emily Kuroda), Lane's mom and Lorelai's complete parenting opposite. In the hands of less skilled writers and a less skilled actor, Mrs. Kim could have become a terrible stereotype of a Korean parent. Mrs. Kim is traditional and wants Lane to marry a nice Korean boy who happens to be a doctor and who Mrs. Kim picks for her BUT Mrs. Kim is also incredibly honest and forgiving. She's a realist and a perfect counter to Lorelai. Every time Lorelai tries to explain about teenagers, Mrs. Kim just gives her a look and the conversation ends. Mrs. Kim understands teenagers and young women, but she also believes in rules and respect. When Lane finally does break away, you can see the influence of her mother in her despite her desire to rebel. My favorite Mrs. Kim moment of all time is when she takes over as manager of Hep Alien and books them on a tour...that takes them to Seventh Day Adventist church groups and college campuses. I'd book Mrs. Kim to be my band's manager any day.

5. The Everyman - Kirk Gleason
If you've seen Guardians of the Galaxy than you know Sean Gunn, the actor who portrayed Kirk. He played Raglin, one of Yondu's gang. More importantly, he was the actor who performed the motion capture for Rocket. I had a hard time not imagining Kirk in any scene featuring Rocket. I couldn't help it.

Kirk appears in 137 episodes of Gilmore Girls. There are 154 total episodes - that's a lot of time on the show. Kirk has probably that many jobs during the series. Everyone should have a Kirk in their life; he's odd and endearing and funny. He truly cares about the people in his life (like that time that he installed a security system for Lorelai because she was now by herself and he followed her home in a golf cart to make sure she got there safely); he just has to show it in his very Kirk way. I wish we had gotten to meet his mother (whom he lives with). That probably would have explained a lot more. His scenes with Luke are an excellent study in contrasts and one of my favorite Kirk moments is when he opened a diner in the square called Duke's. Was I the only one who cheered when he finally got a girlfriend? Kirk is the sidekick of the entire town and without him Stars Hollow would not be the place it is.

I could go on for days about all of these characters and the many that I left out (I didn't get to talk about Sebastian Bach or Max or Francie, one of two characters on the show that I actually hate). Maybe one day we'll finally get to see a Gilmore Girls movie (I would wait in line at the midnight show). Or maybe Kirk will get his own show. Or maybe I'll figure out how to organize the first ever con devoted entirely to the show. Until then, I'll just plan on re-watching the series again and again.

Who's your favorite Gilmore Girls side character?

More Gilmore Girls coming soon to the Island! This fall/winter I'll be re-watching the series and writing about it. We'll talk Dean v. Jess v. Logan; why Sookie is the greatest character of all; and we'll breakdown all the junk food that Lorelai and Rory eat without ever having to go to the gym.

Photos:
Miss Patty & Babette
Taylor
Jason Stiles
Paris 
Mrs. Kim 
Kirk 

Crossover Bonanza: Where you lead, I will follow...but not to a dark place

Around this time last year, my friend Bad Shakespeare and I decided to periodically switch blogs to try new things and reach new audiences. We both share a love of Gilmore Girls so enjoy Bad Shakespeare's take on my favorite show of all time. I'm over on his blog writing about Breaking Bad. Your regularly scheduled Island post will return on Monday (I know it's crazy) with a look a how to make a purse out of legos for a formal event. Enjoy!

Hi, I’m not your usual blogger. I usually blog over at Bad Shakespeare (tell your friends... if you hate it, tell your enemies) and today, Erin and I have decided to cross over for a very special episode of the Island and Bad Shakespeare. For those of you who don’t follow my blog, I’ve been discussing a little television show called Breaking Bad within the context of it as a Shakespearean Tragedy It’s a very obscure show. You may not have heard of it). Today, Erin is discussing it, and I’m going to talk about a show called Gilmore Girls in the context of it being a Shakespearean Tragedy. Wait... what? It’s funny? Maybe I should rewatch a little bit of it before I type this up...

I was first introduced to Gilmore Girls towards the end of it’s first season. At that point I’d heard about the show, but at the time I was more interested in not watching a show about a mother/daughter relationship because it didn’t appeal to me. It just didn’t at the time, what can I say? I’m glad I eventually did, because it turned out to be one of the best shows on television, and gone way before it’s time. But I digress. My first memory of the show was watching how a deer hit Rory’s car on the way to her finals. Then I met the people who made up Stars Hallow, and I never really wanted to leave.

It was difficult catching up on Gilmore Girls at the time of it’s first viewing, mostly because Netflix wasn’t readily available or yet invented. (on that note, why isn’t this and Smallville not yet on Netflix streaming? I can watch all of Rules of Engagement, but God forbid I want to watch Gilmore Girls. **ahem**) Yes, this was a dark time in American History, kids. I had to watch the first season of the show in reruns... RERUNS, like an animal, or someone who only has dial up and rabbit ears.

What appealed to me most about Gilmore Girls was the writing. Not just the rapid fire/pop culture reference machine that a lot of people have made it famous for. It was the fact that for the most part, these people acted like real people. Yes, Lorelai was all cute, but people got annoyed with her antics from time to time. Rory was a brain, but she didn’t always get it right, and she has the same rebellious streak as her mother (she just shows it different ways. Like when she chooses a college. Or a boyfriend. Or steals a yacht. Wow. I guess Rory was a bad girl.) But the show, while entertaining really sucked you in with it’s relationships.

Too often with television series they tend to focus on the wrong things. Maybe it’s making sure a character has enough lines, or the breakout character gets the right storylines, even if it is him acting out of character. (I’m looking at YOU New Girl.) But Gilmore Girls focused on the core relationships of the characters, not just the family you have, but the family you develop along the way. Stars Hollow was a family like that... whether it was Sookie (pre-famous Melissa McCarthy... real quick show of hands, who thought she would be the breakout on that show? If I see any, I know you’re lying.) or Jackson, or even Taylor, the insane... sorta mayor slash grocer slash the closest thing the show really had to an antagonist.

Yes, it reveled in the drama. The will they or won’t they of Luke and Lorelai. Dean and Rory, then Jess and Rory, then married Dean and Rory... (she got around.) but the stakes were never so high. No one was going to get shot. The world wasn’t going to be destroyed. (No Dean would go on to avoid all that in his next series. Supernatural reference. Nailed it!)

So, why, in a week that a show ended that I referred to as modern literature showed us it’s final act, did I want to talk about the Gilmore Girls? Sort of as a reminder. Yeah. Breaking Bad was pretty freaking awesome. (You can read all about it in my series break down: Breaking Bad Shakespeare over at www.badshakespeare.blogspot.com. Shameless plug. Nailed it!) But it’s important that we don’t forget about the other things along the way. Yeah, the darkest Gilmore Girls ever really got was the dreaded feud between Rory and Lorelai that lasted a few episodes. (And sometimes with the reminder that Lorelai, for all her pluckiness and self assuredness, was a pregnant teenage runaway.) But not all shows have to be dark to include some great writing.

I think, in our quest to classify the next great TV Show, “Dark and disturbed” has become the shorthand for great writing. The doctor is only intriguing if he manages to kill a few people along the way. Hey, this Chemistry Teacher... once he has Cancer, let’s have him cook meth and then kill a few people, that oughta darken him up a little bit. And while those are good examples (the first one I just made up. I was going with a House reference, then lost it. My bad.) it’s important that we remember that good, intriguing characters can pop up anywhere. Hey, Shakespeare did it. One of his most famous, so famous that he got written into the plot of another play, was the very comedic John Falstaff (the fat knight!)

So let’s fondly remember the Gilmore Girls, and their relationships, their quips. Let’s remember that sometimes, good writing and literature is a place that we can call home, a place that we’d want to walk through. Let’s remember that if you lead... I will follow... anywhere.

Quick PS - I couldn’t fit this in anywhere organically, but the character of Kirk is a character the likes of which will not be seen on television. He was just awesome, and perfect. He had “big storylines” but never really anything that overwhelmed the show. He showed up, did something Kirk-like, then left. He filled any role that the show needed. Shakespeare... Shakespeare would be proud at this character.