We Need a Hero

To get you in the mood for today's post, we begin with a song...

Or maybe you'd prefer the spoken word version...

If you haven't seen The Way Way Back, check it out sometime when you're not binge watching whatever it is you have to binge watch to keep yourself entertained before the Gilmore Girls revival begins.

Anyway, I probably shouldn't watch television. That's not entirely true; I probably shouldn't watch television in which I will become attached to one or more of the characters on the show. I can't help myself with certain shows. I become so invested with a character or characters that watching the show becomes stressful. Or I get irrationally irritated with a character because he or she makes a choice I deem is a bad one. My poor neighbors have heard me yell "Make smart life choices!" at my television more times than I care to admit. And when a character dies? No thank you. This is the worst part of watching any halfway decent show; a favorite character will always die. I believe this is related to being a very dedicated reader; the same thing happens to me when I read a book or series. I become so invested in characters that I don't want the story to end OR I want them to be real. Such is the life of a fan.

Among my invested characters we have Rory Gilmore (seriously wanted to shake her most of seasons 5 and 6), Lane and Zach from also Gilmore Girls, Terry and LP from Treme, everyone on Firefly, Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Detective Mike Logan from Law & Order (before he was Mr. Big). I love Detective Logan so much I watched the movie NBC did featuring him trying to redeem himself or some such nonsense. Mike Logan was and always will be Law & Order. Everyone else is just an imitation.

There are others but these are really my go-to list of fictional friends. I have very specific opinions about them (#TeamLogan) and will argue with other people for hours about minutia within the universe of the show. I would like to believe that these opinions will serve some purpose for me later in life but I'm not entirely sure how that will work. More than likely, it'll just be more information to store away for trivia or when I go to an Escape Room with interns who weren't born in the 1980s and I need to use my knowledge of the era to solve the puzzle to get us out of the room. This is how the world works.

I recently finished watching the Netflix series Stranger Things. I don't normally binge watch television shows even on Netflix. Sometimes I get into a Gilmore Girls binge but that's about my level of tolerance for the practice. I like the unfolding of a show over the course of season. I like looking forward to something each week as I anticipate a new episode. To me, that is the beauty of watching serialized television. I realize I'm in the minority on this. However, with Stranger Things I definitely binge watched the show. I watched four episodes last Friday and the second four episodes last Saturday. It is a remarkable and enjoyable show, made better by watching it all at once.

I don't want to talk about Eleven (who is amazing and badass) or the boys (also wonderful) or Barb (#justiceforbarb) or even the fact that I want to smack the smug off Steve Harrington's face so badly every time he's on screen. No, we have more important things to discuss. And by more important things, I mean Chief Jim Hopper.

Chief Hopper is the true hero of Stranger Things. He is the glue that binds this crazy town together and he is the man that gets shit done. No one else broke into a secret government facility with the cool and attitude he did...multiple times. No one stared down the creepy blonde government agent and dared her to disagree with terms of his plan. No one else faked his way into the morgue to make sure that his suspicions about "Will" were right (this was a hard scene to watch). No one else didn't call the librarian after they hooked up and then thought she'd help him with research for the case. No one else agreed to go with Joyce to multiple locations that could have gotten him killed. And frankly, no one else really believed Joyce until Chief Hopper did. I don't know where that car was taking him in the last episode but you can bet he handled whatever it was like a boss.

Side note: The actor who plays Chief Hopper, David Harbour, is a fantastic actor and is so perfect in this role. He also feels really bad about Barb according to this Buzzfeed post.

If I lived in Hawkins, which I would never do because it is truly a terrifying place to live, I would want Chief Hopper to be in charge and protect our town. Despite his drinking and other poor life choices, he gets into the investigation and gets into some real police work. I love shows and movies set in a pre-cell phone age; everyone manages to live their life and accomplish things. One of my favorite scenes with Chief Hopper involves him and Officer Powell sitting in the library scanning through microfiche. Microfiche!? There are people reading this blog who don't know what that is and probably had to look it up while watching the show. That's just sad. And what about the hat? Normally, I have ambivalent feelings about hats in terms of men's fashion, but the hat is as much a part of the character of Chief Hopper as his cigarette, his sense of humor, and his perpetual hangover.

And let's admit it, he's hot. Chief Hopper is, by far, the hottest dude in Hawkins. I'll give you the cute factor of Officer Callahan; he's cute in a "nerdy boy you date in your first year of college" sort of way. Hopper is the older gentleman you move onto after you realize nerdy college boys will always be a disappointment. Yes, he's a womanizer but I'm okay with this for some reason (normally I would not be) and I've come to terms with it as a part of his character. I want to sit around with Chief Hopper listening to Big Star records and talking about life and love. I don't know why Big Star because I don't actually think Chief Hopper would be a Big Star fan but that's how I feel. 

I don't condone smoking but I approve this image:

Or maybe this is better:

Of course because Chief Hopper is my new television show crush (Is a Netflix show considered a television show? I don't know how that works.), I spent a large portion of every episode suffering anxious feelings because I thought that he was going to die. (Spoiler: he doesn't.). This is what a good character does to us. We get so wrapped up in their life, we can't help but only want good things for them. Television (or a movie or book) becomes stressful. It's not normal. I never felt this way about any television character before I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Was it the shows that changed or was it me?

Chief Hopper & the boys
Smoking Chief Hopper
Hopper and Indy
My Dream Man
Someecard 

My main character is probably me

I didn't realize how much I would enjoy the process of writing a novel. In the space of one day of writing the story I had in my head actually changed pretty dramatically with the addition of one character. I had not intended for there to be a love story nor had I intended for Oliver to exist. But exist he does. I wrote the ending yesterday, longhand, while riding on the Metro.

Stats: Day 4, Word Count 8048, Chapters: 4 (almost 5)

Here's chapter one. I think I like Marnie a lot. And now there's Oliver. Sigh.

Chapter One – Always Early

Marnie was early. Not a few minutes early but an hour early. It wasn’t shocking to her anymore. She was a punctual person. It annoyed her when people were late especially when it was related to work. It was a skill that she thought all professionals should have. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case in her last office. She was one of the few punctual people on the team. She often wondered how they did on the road by themselves. She would have been mortified to arrive late to a school visit.

Sometimes she wished she could just be on time. Marnie tended to be early for things and that could be problematic. In her last job as an admissions counselor, if she arrived early she had three options: sit awkwardly in her car and wait until it was acceptable to go in, drive around and hope there was a coffee shop or shopping center parking lot she could sit in, or go in early and annoy the counseling staff. She usually opted for driving around. Sitting in a school parking lot like a creep was not a great idea; school security usually didn’t appreciate it. And she didn’t want to annoy or anger any college or school counselor. These are the people that helped her get students interested in her college. They needed to be “friends” or at least cordial to one another.

Marnie didn’t have her car today. She had taken the Metro so she was stuck with whatever was nearby. Today must be her lucky day because there was a coffee shop on the corner opposite the building that housed her new office. And it wasn’t a Starbucks. Marnie felt like she had won the lottery. Starbucks was fine but it wasn’t her favorite. She liked local places with a little character. She always hoped she’d become a regular and she’d be able to walk in and they’d just know her order. And of course, she’d have her meet cute here too. There’d by that guy writing across the shop from her window table. Isn’t that how it worked in movies? Today was not about meet cutes. Today was about starting her new job.

As she walked across the street, Marnie realized that she’d be able to watch the building from the window table. She could see who walked in and maybe get a sense of what this company was all about.

The coffee shop, Joe’s, was on the small side but was very welcoming. Lou Reed’s “Satellite of Love” was playing as Marnie walked up to the bar to order. “This is one of my favorite songs,” she said to the barista. The guy smiled and replied, “Mine too. But I’ve always liked Berlin best. I know, it’s cool to say that but I really do like that album.” Marnie laughed. She knew what he meant. People were always trying to out cool one another with stuff like Lou Reed albums.

“I believe you. “Lady Day” and “How Do You Think It Feels” are great. It has such a musical quality.” It was shaping up to be a good first day if it started with Lou Reed.

“Thanks. What can I get you?”

“Medium latte and a croissant.”

“That’ll be $5.60. And I’ll keep the Lou Reed on while you’re here.”

Marnie paid and thanked him for the music. He gave her the croissant and went about making her coffee. He was cute and liked Lou Reed. Marnie could get used to starting her mornings this way. She took her pastry to a seat near the window and began watching the building across the street. It was a just an office building. It wasn’t remarkable in any way. Honestly, had she not been here weeks ago for her interview, Marnie probably would have walked passed it. From her vantage point across the street, it actually looked like the building was hiding. It seemed further back from the sidewalk than the other buildings and it wasn’t as tall as the buildings it sat between. It was unobtrusive. The buildings unobtrusiveness made sense. It was a place dedicated to teaching people how to be Metro Counselors. Metro Counselors were supposed to be unobtrusive or invisible. No one was supposed to know who you were or really that Metro Counselors even existed.

This was one of the aspects of the new job that troubled Marnie. She wasn’t sure how to deal with being invisible. In her previous profession, she was the face of the university. For many students, she was the first person they met and she had worked hard at being the best first impression she could be. Marnie was a great with crowds but also adept at listening and connecting with individuals. She suspected these were also skills that made a great Metro Counselor. But how did one learn to be invisible? And did she want to be? How would she explain what it was that she did for a living? In this city, a person is their job. What if no one could know what your job was?

The barista put her coffee on the table. The noise jolted her out of her thoughts and almost caused him to spill the drink. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“That’s okay. You looked lost in thought so I decided to bring it over to you instead of calling out. I figured you wouldn’t hear me anyway.”

Marnie knew he was right. She wouldn’t have heard him. Even the music, some of her favorite songs, had faded into the background.

“It’s my first day at a new job and I’m super early and a little nervous.” Marnie started to fidget and play with her spoon.

“I’m sure you’ll be great. You’re a Lou Reed fan; you’re already ahead of the game.”

“Thanks. I’m Marnie. I’ll probably be in here a lot since I just work across the street. It’s always good to know another Lou Reed fan.”

“I’m Oliver. Nice to meet you. Do you work in the little building?”

“I do or I will be working in the little building. I was just thinking that it looks like it’s trying to hide from the other buildings on the street,” Marnie replied.

“It’s sort of shrinking from the street. I’ve always thought it was out of place. But there are a lot of old buildings in the city so I guess it fits into the character of the city. What is it that you do?”

Marnie paused. How was she supposed to answer? She was supposed to be invisible but no one had really told her how to respond if she was asked about her job. She had told her family she was moving to a different field of counseling; they were fine with that answer. She suspected that they actually had no idea what it was she did anyway. So she decided to keep with that line for now.

“I’m a counselor. I used to be in college admissions and now I’m moving into more personal counseling.”

“Like a shrink?”

“Not really. More like a life coach.” Marnie thought she sounded like a moron.

“Oh. I didn’t realize that was really a thing. Well, I hope your first day goes well. Make sure you find someone to have lunch with. You don’t want to be the kid who sits by herself on the first day.”

“Good point. I will do my best to find a lunch table.” They both laughed and Oliver returned to the coffee bar. Two men walked in and he started on their orders. It was getting closer to normal morning traffic hours. Marnie’s quiet morning was about to end.

Marnie checked her phone. She still had thirty minutes to kill. She needed to forget about her doubts about this new job and just look forward to this new experience. No travel season, no crazy parents, no applications to read. Her time would finally be her own (or so she hoped). She would be able to take vacations again. Maybe have a semblance of a personal life.

For now, she would just enjoy her latte (it was exceptional) and watch the building for signs. And then she’d walk across the street and start the next phase of her professional life.

Oy with the poodles already

I own all seven seasons of the Gilmore Girls on DVD. This is one of my all-time favorite television shows. I'm still pretty emotional about the fact that it ended. In 2007 - time does not heal all wounds. I have a problem with getting attached to amazing fictional characters. It's particularly difficult not to get attached when the characters are so well written and so much of what happens to them is so relatable. Any true fan of anything will tell you this. I may not be freakishly attached to my mother as Rory is to Lorelai but I understand what having a strong mother-daughter relationship is like. I also know a lot about being quirky and I like rapid fire dialogue, pop culture references, and coffee (so much coffee).

I tend to re-watch seasons of Gilmore Girls when I'm in a rut or stressed about something. I was thinking about this earlier in the week when I started watching season 4 again; I can pinpoint the last three times I've re-watched a season and it's always around a stressful time in my life. Season 4 is my favorite season and I had this moment of clarity about why this is - this is the season of significant change for almost every character. Change is hard and it's an entire season of change so everyone is a little off. Some of the change is positive (Sookie's baby!) but most of it is just hard. I think this is why I like this season so much.

Here are the highlights:

• Rory begins her freshman year at Yale
• Lorelai and Sookie finally break ground on the Dragonfly Inn
• Luke gets married but then decides to get divorced but then other stuff happens
• Dean gets married but admits he still loves Rory (they'll make some bad choices together later on - not appropriate)
• Richard embarks on a new business venture with Jason Stiles, who is also a temporary love interest for Lorelai
• Emily is "replaced" in Richard's new business by Jason's more modern approach to clients
• Sookie and Jackson have their first baby
• Paris starts an affair with a professor (and it happens to be Michael York)
• Lane and the band add Sebastian Bach to the line up AND Lane finally stands up to Mrs. Kim (and it does not go well)

I could go on but I think you get the point. Nothing is easy in this season. Rory has to adjust to being in college and having to figure out how to do things like date and not kill her roommates. Lorelai is B-R-O-K-E once the inn construction begins so she and Sookie have to find temporary gigs (like their catering company) to bring in some income. Sookie freaks out about being a first time mother. And what about that time Rory saw her first love get married? Devastating. So it makes sense to me that I would find comfort in the hectic, stressed filled season when my own life is in flux or whatever it is right now. I feel their pain and spending a little time with old friends is soothing.

I've been working for the same company for seven years. In that time, I've had eight different job titles but I've basically done some variation of the same thing for the entire time I've worked here (support and training). This is not a terrible thing and I know that I'm lucky to have a job and a mostly supportive work environment. That's why I feel awful about my current predicament - I don't really know if I'm doing what I should be doing with my life. I don't wake up in the morning excited about the prospect of going to work. I feel selfish and silly complaining about this (first world problems and all) but it's something that's been gnawing at me for quite some time. Yes, I am good at what I do and yes, I enjoy working with my colleagues and friends and clients. Is being good at something enough to be fulfilling? Is this some "I'm on the edge of the millennial generation" complaint that I shouldn't say out loud? I work with counselors and teachers daily and a lot times our conversations turn to student engagement and encouraging students to find their path - do we do the same thing? Is it wrong to want to follow that advice even if it were to take me out of the safety of what I currently do? How do you even go about figuring out that path?

I don't think fulfillment was something that my grandparents thought much of when they were in the work world. Auto factory jobs, the military, working at a potato chip factory were ways to pay the bills and provide for their families. And that was enough. I can't recall a conversation I ever had with any of my grandparents about careers and jobs. It was just something that they did and it didn't make them who they are. I don't think either of my parents thought much about fulfillment either. They always seemed to like their jobs but I'm not really sure that's what made their lives. We've never talked about it so I don't really know.

So why is it different for me? If it was good enough for my grandpa to wake up every morning and go to work and just do his job, why can't I do the same thing? Why do I need to wake up and be excited to go to work? To feel connected to what I do? Part of the problem (I think) is that we focus too much on what people do as a way of describing who they are. For me, that ends up meaning always being helpful and sunny and polite since that's what Erin Counselor would be like.

I figured that by now I would have figured it out. But I'm finding that I haven't. And so here we are, re-watching season 4 of Gilmore Girls and laughing and being a little sad when things don't go their way. If Lorelai and Sookie can open their inn then what can I do? Leading ladies figure stuff out so I guess that's what I have to do.

If I don't I guess I could sell all of my possessions and spend the rest of my days wandering around the world helping people with a hug and smile.

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