That's not how this works...

It's hard to explain the allure of movies like Sharknado or Sharknado 2. Neither film was particularly good but both were so bad that they were amusing. Two hours of ridiculous is sometimes exactly what I need in my life. I've written three posts about the movies and experienced my first true live tweeting event last year during the sequel's premiere. To say that I was excited about the third installment would be an understatement. I planned to live tweet with the wonderful Jessica (check out her blog Neek Confessional when you're done here) and was excited that the third movie was taking place at least partially in DC. What could be better?

I'll tell you what - the other two Sharknado movies. The third movie was many things: a long-form commercial for NBC and all of its holdings, ridiculous (in a less than good way), sort of funny, but ultimately just boring. It didn't have the same humor as the first two. Basically Sharknado 3 was trying too hard. It was too Sharknado-y if such a thing is possible. More importantly, it left me with way too many unanswered questions and none of them are about the science of these movies. If you have questions about the science of the Sharknado movies you should not be watching.

Let's dive in (see what I did there?) to the twelve questions left unanswered by Sharknado 3:

1. At the start of the movie after an inexplicable run through DC (more on this in a moment), Fin shows up at the White House to receive the Medal of Freedom from President Mark Cuban. Why is April, his wife who apparently loves him very much, not with him for this very important event? Sugar Ray is there (he played April's brother in the second movie) but she's not. Now she is pregnant and travel could be an issue but the woman gets on a space shuttle later in the movie with no mind to her unborn child so she couldn't have taken a train? I don't understand.
2. The entire sequence in DC is confusing. I've lived in the area a total of 12 years and I could not for the life of me figure out where Fin was for most of the section. It was filmed here so obviously they used real streets and scenery but none of it makes any sense. Is this how everyone views DC? Do all non-residents (and I'm grouping the DMV as residents) believe that the White House is next door to the Capitol? Do you think that the Secret Service just knows where a person would be and is automatically able to just be there?
   
3.  Why would the nation blame April and Fin for all the sharknadoes? Are they wizards? Do people believe in magic now? In the first movie, there's this bit of dialogue towards the end about government conspiracies being responsible for the sharknado so I get the paranoia but I don't get this. Is the movie trying to make a statement about fame and blame? 
4. What happened to Fin and April's son? The daughter, Claudia, is a central figure in this movie (she's 18 now, totally knows her way around a gun, and watches a sort of dorky guy die after kissing her - you know, normal teenage girl stuff) but no son. There is a quick line about him after Nova reappears ("Still not a stripper.") but that's it. And then the decision is made to make Nova seem like she's going after Fin...a lot. And in a creepy way. If the fourth movie does not bring this guy back and let him finish the sharknadoes once and for all, I quit all further Sharknado movies.
5. Has Frankie Muniz aged? Or is he living in some sort of environment that preserves his youthful appearance? He's 30 years old. 
   
6. As in the first two movies, cameos abound in Sharknado 3. However, the third movie moves beyond musicians, NBC personalities, and original Mtv VJs. There seemed to be more political figures and pundits in this movie than any of the previous ones. Is appearing in Sharknado 3 (or future movies) the new way to maintain political relevance? Michele Bachmann, Anthony Weiner, Ann Coulter, and Jerry Springer (technically a politician) all make appearances. 
7. While we're on the subject of cameos, do you want to know why the next Game of Thrones book isn't done? It's because George R.R. Martin is too busy making a cameo in Sharknado 3. He dies just like all of your dreams about finding out what actually happens in the book.
8. We've established that no one knows how the White House or DC works, but I have to ask do you really think this is how military bases work? There is no way in any version of the universe that these clowns would be allowed on a military base because Fin's the guy that saved New York from a sharknado. I don't care who he knows and who his dad ends up being (more on this in a moment) that's not how this works.
9. Nova was a favorite character of mine from the first movie. It was disappointing that she was not in the second one; April is boring and terrible. Nova is a better lead. My question is this: why did she and Fin end up in their underwear after the first plane crash? Is there some phenomena surrounding a crashing plane that sucks the clothes off of a person? Furthermore, where did they get their new outfits once they got out of the water?
   
10. The cameo you've all been waiting for: David Hasselhoff! Actually, I wasn't waiting for this at all but I can totally see him as Fin's dad. Makes absolute sense. But let's be honest, who would trust David Hasselhoff to pilot a space shuttle? 

    

    PS - Benefit Cosmetics was on of the favorites on this tweet. Day made.

11. Sharknado 3 is one big commercial for NBCUniversal from the move to Orlando to the other properties like the "Today" show and NASCAR but what about the fact that the mission control center for NASA was really a Comcast call center? I have no proof of this whatsoever but seriously this is the only thing in the entire movie that makes any bit of sense.
    
12. Lots of improbable things happen at the end of the movie involving a space mission, sharks living in space (a rejected Muppets title - probably), April in space, and April giving birth in the belly of a shark as it plummets from space back to Earth. As I'm not concerned with the science of this movie, the only important question to ask is this: Should April live or die? The makers of the franchise want us, the viewing public, to decide her fate. You can vote over at SyFy if you're so inclined. I would counter this question with this: Does it even matter and do we care? April is my least favorite character so I wouldn't be sad if she wasn't part of the next movie. I think the missing Shepard son needs to own the fourth movie and maybe take on the mantle of sharknado slayer from his dad. He and Nova can reunite and they'll both have a reason to continue the shark revenge plan Nova has had since the first movie. That's the only thing that makes sense in the grand scheme of these movies. 

There you go; I watched Sharknado 3 so you don't have to. You can thank me later.


Esurance meme
Frankie Muniz
Other images by me

Aren't there enough things to feel guilty about in the world?

I love The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I bet you just judged me a little. Or a lot depending on your personal opinions on RHONJ or any of the Housewives shows. It's also possible that you let me off the hook for liking the show because you also know that Anna Karenina is my favorite novel. They cancel each other out in some form of socially acceptable judgmental math. 

It's possible that you too love the ladies of New Jersey especially since Dina Manzo is back this season which means more Grandma Wrinkles and great combinations of Zen-like phrases and shade. You're probably excited that someone else publicly admitted liking the show before you did. I'm going to hazard a guess that you're probably a firm believer in the concept of guilty pleasures and you only admit to liking a show like The Real Housewives of New Jersey if someone else does it first. Or maybe you're in the trust tree of happy hour and have had one more glass of whatever than you would normally have and you decide to bust out your best Melissa Gorga impression. There's absolutely no judgment here. I'm also going to take this opportunity to encourage the producers of RHONJ to institute the "trust tree of happy hour" on every episode.

I'm here to tell you that guilty pleasures are crap. It's a crap idea and we need to strike if from our vocabulary. If you're unfamiliar with the concept of a guilty pleasure, it's something that a person enjoys but feels guilty that they enjoy it because whatever it is (music, tv shows, movies, books, etc.) is somehow considered more lowbrow or are embarrassing. Guilty pleasures are often found in pop culture - the Housewives franchises, most reality tv shows, certain types of pop music, reading People magazine. Other people get their joy from making fun of you for your likes or maybe taking some form of joy in your embarrassment at liking whatever in the first place. The German term for this idea of joy at the expense of others is "schadenfreude" which sounds very unfun and serious.

This idea of implied guilt drives me absolutely crazy. I have never understood why I should feel guilty or embarrassed about liking certain tv shows, books, movies, or music. You don't have to like what I like and I don't have to like what you like but neither of us should feel guilty about liking what we like. I don't like Fifty Shades of Grey for a whole host of reasons but if you enjoyed reading it and plan to see the movie, just own that. Be okay with the fact that you like the book and enjoyed it. Owning what you enjoy is part of being the best you that you can be. Don't apologize for what makes you happy. There is enough unhappiness in the world why add more?

Which brings me to what I what I really want to talk about today - Sharknado 2. 

That's Pumpkin judging me. Because that's what cats do.

If you're a regular reader of the Island you may remember that I wrote two posts about the first Sharknado. You can read them here and here. No one was expecting the kind of reaction to Sharknado that actually occurred. The fact that a ridiculous movie like this took over Twitter when it originally aired was shocking. The SyFy channel appeals to a very specific fan and I have a feeling even the creators of the movie didn't anticipate it's popularity or the social media frenzy that occurred.


It is by no means a great or even particularly good movie but it's entertaining in its badness. So many improbable and bizarre things happen in this movie that you can't help but love it. I also happen to enjoy the unexpected use of a chainsaw towards the end - good stuff. The basic premise is that super tornadoes somehow suck up sharks into their funnel and then the sharks drop on the unsuspecting people below, killing them. Because science.

I missed out on the Twitter party during the first Sharknado. I was at a work event when it premiered and didn't get to watch the movie until a few days later. I was not disappointed in my experience. When I heard that SyFy was already planning a sequel, I was excited. Where would the sharknadoes hit next? And would America be prepared?

Sharknado 2: The Second One was pretty much everything I didn't know I wanted in a sequel to a ridiculous made for tv movie. I'm still astounded by the sheer number of celebrities that participated in this film. There are random musicians (Biz Markie is my favorite), original MTV VJs, Matt Lauer and Al Roker, an Osbourne, Pepa from Salt N Pepa, Robert Hayes, and two members of the cast of Independence Day. Judd Hirsch and Vivica A. Fox helped defeat aliens so I'm sure they're up to the task of taking care of some sharknadoes. Ian Ziering and Tara Reid are back, reprising their roles of Fin and April. Fin has become a national hero and April has written a book about how to survive a sharknado (I like what you did there movie makers). They're on their way to New York for a book tour and to visit Fin's sister and her incredibly awkward family (her husband is Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray - no joke). They don't even make it off the plane before the sharknadoes start again, April loses a hand, and Wil Wheaton (surprise!) dies. Also, Robert Hayes is the pilot. So many things happened in the first ten minutes of the movie it was almost hard to keep up.

Not only did I watch Sharknado 2 as it premiered but I also got to participate in the Twitter event which was so much fun that I want to do it all again. It just so happened that wonderful Neek Confessional, Jessica, joined Twitter just in time for us to watch it together (virtually). I really wanted to get #sharknadosurvivaltips going but that didn't happen (maybe with Sharknado 3 - yep, it's happening). My Twitter habits are typically limited to retweeting celebrities I follow and adorable cat videos. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed live tweeting the movie. I'm sure there are other more clever tweeters out there but I held my own. I'm particularly proud of my MC Hammer "Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em" reference in reply to a friend's query about the casting choice of Biz Markie. He suggested that MC Hammer would have been good too. People I don't know favorited and re-tweeted me. And we all need a little social media love every now and then.

My point with all of this is that millions of people participated in the viewing and tweeting of Sharknado 2. No one, at least to my knowledge, was mean to one another. People didn't act like jerkfaces just because they were behind their keyboards or tried to make people feel bad about enjoying Sharknado 2. The Internet love was strong; for two whole hours we all got along. This rarely happens in life. Let's relish in the harmony that SyFy brought to the world even if it was short-lived. Rarely does a day go by when I don't read about some horrible incident of online trolling so I like the fact that this event had none of that negativity.

I refuse to call this a "guilty pleasure" - I feel no guilt in genuinely having fun watching a ridiculous movie. I'm eagerly awaiting Sharknado 3. Please let it take place somewhere insane like Des Moines.