Stuff I Love/Lazy Movie Weekend: New Steps, New Steps, New Steps!

I miss Blockbuster. I don't mean this in a "woe is me, things were so much better in the 1990s" sort of way, although we could argue that the 1990s were a magical time. I say this exact phrase during one of the tours at the museum, seconds before talking about the fashion disaster known as the "whale-tail" and calling myself a feminist killjoy. I love volunteering.

No, I miss Blockbuster for the browsing. Yes, I know I can browse titles on Netflix or On Demand, but it's not the same as browsing the aisles at the video store. Going to Blockbuster (or Hollywood Video or any of the other video store chains that existed) was about the browsing. Sure, I might come in with a plan to rent The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles for the millionth time this month, but I'd always leave with at least one unexpected item in my movie pile. Something about the cover of a video would catch my eye or maybe it'd be an employee pick (there as always an employee pick section) or some other special category like "Indie Comedies Featuring a 70s Icon" or "Movies with a Girl Gang." Oddly specific categories are my jam. The more odd and specific you can be with telling me why I might enjoy a movie tells me you're paying attention and maybe stalking me online (I'm looking at you, Netflix).

It's because of Blockbuster that I watched Party Girl, most of Quentin Taratino's movies before I was able to see them in the theatre, and it's how I "discovered" today's Lazy Movie Weekend entry, Strictly Ballroom.

Think about the 1990s in terms of the movies: independent movies were the thing everyone wanted to watch, people beyond Hollywood starting paying attention to film festivals, delightful ensemble movies were popping up left and right, foreign films moved outside of the art house, and weird was cool in movies. Like the music of the time, there was something for everyone and most of it was really amazing. This was my peak movie time; I watched movies all the time and went to the movies as much as I could. I don't know what was going on in Australia at this time, but there was a very specific interest in Australian movies in the mid-late 1990s. In quick succession, you had Strictly Ballroom, Muriel's Wedding, Cosi, Shine, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, The Piano, The Sum of Us, Sirens, and Flirting. We introduced to Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Rachel Griffiths, and Toni Collette. Australia seemed like the weirdest and most magical place.

Strictly Ballroom was my Australia gateway movie (yes, that's a thing). It led me to Muriel's Wedding and Cosi and the rest is history. It let me believe that despite my aversion to his version of Romeo + Juliet, I could still get behind a Baz Luhrmann movie. Strictly Ballroom is the first movie in his "Red Curtain Trilogy" and it's my favorite of the three. It's odd and funny and heartwarming and I love it. It's now streaming on Netflix, which is awesome. I've watched it twice since I found this out, and it was magical both times. So, grab some popcorn and maybe a glass of wine, and let's rumba our way through Strictly Ballroom.

• Hey, there's that red curtain. It pops up throughout the whole movie. 
• Baz Luhrmann wrote Strictly Ballroom as a stage play. It debuted in 1984 and was based on his experience participating in ballroom dancing competitions. 
•  Based on the opening sequence of this movie alone, ballroom dancing seems like the weirdest, but funnest world to inhabit. Everything's so sparkly and pretty, if not a little over the top. The personalities are big and brassy. I feel like I missed out on some fun.
• The movie is sort of set up like a documentary at first. We meet the key players and they're all talking about a controversy we haven't yet seen - Scott Hastings, the coolest ballroom dancer ever, using non-federation steps. The nightmare!
• Scott, played by Paul Mecurio, is every leading man of this era, trying to channel cool guy-ness and edginess while ballroom dancing. Like you do.
• That yellow sequin jumpsuit is life! It is something else. I hate a deep V-neck collar on a dude, but this takes things to a whole new level.
• Let's all take a moment to bask in the glory of every single suit Les Kendall appears in during this movie. They're pastel or shiny in a way that no one else could ever pull off.
• 
• Scott's mom, Shirley (played by Pat Thomson), is the greatest stage mom of Australian cinema. "Did I fail him as a mother?" - such delivery. I love every moment is on screen. Sadly, Thomson died before the film was released.
•  A new realization I had during this version of the movie was that Barry Fife (Bill Hunter), the president of the dance federation, is the Donald Trump of the fake Australian competitive ballroom dancing world. From the hair to the shady dealings to his manner towards women, Fife and Trump are the same. Hunter seems to play all Australian bad guys during this period and he's so good. Seriously though, I had a hard time watching him as I made this comparison. 
• The bangs! We need to pause and talk about everyone's bangs in this movie. I used to tease and spray my bangs within an inch of their life too, but these women take it to a whole new level. There's sequins and it all matches whatever they're wearing. Exactly how much hairspray was used during the making of this movie?
• I still don't know what the Bogo Pogo is, even though I've seen this movie a ton. I know it's supposed to be a dance step, but in my heart, it's a really great 90s era Australian synth pop band.
• "You've got a light in you, boy. Let it shine." Just hold onto this phrase if you ever need a pick up for yourself. Also, foreshadowing.
• Liz (Gia Carides) and Scott matching clothing even off the dance floor is a thing of weird beauty. 
•  Scott's sister, Kylie, and her dance partner, Luke, are the greatest. Netflix recommended a documentary to me called Baby Ballroom and I may need to watch it for Kylie. Is competitive ballroom dancing something you're born into or can anyone sign their kid up for this? I wonder.
•  Doug, Scott's dad, is basically a dad joke wrapped in a delightful human being. I love him so much, including his socks and shorts ensembles. 
• And then we meet Fran, the oddball of the dancing studio. She is so awkward and lovely. 
• Paul Mecurio was one of the trained dancers cast in the movie, although he was a ballet dancer and had to go through six weeks of ballroom training for the role of Scott. Tara Morice, who played Fran in the stage play, almost didn't get cast because she didn't have a background in dance. The guy that plays her dad and Tina Sparkle were some of the other professional dancers cast.
• Fun fact: Morice also sang the version of "Time After Time" featured on the soundtrack.
• "Ken owns Spa-a-Rama." This is basically what I think of whenever anyone brags about something horrible that they do, but that they're super proud of without knowing it's horrible. It's all in Liz's delivery.
• And then Fran takes off her glasses and is beautiful and dances better than anyone else in the movie. Or something.
• I can't stress enough how wonderful Doug is. Just watch him dance on the roof of the building and tell me he's not amazing. I will fight you on this. 
• Tina freaking Sparkle. She is so much to handle. The fruit, the name, the bangs. She so much, but also incredibly normal within the world of this movie.
• I can't apply eye makeup very well since I can't really see without my glasses, but I have to say, Shirley's eye makeup in this movie is horrifying. It's what would happen if a teenage girl and a new drag queen both learning to apply makeup got together and helped one another. Too much.
• The "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" sequence is my favorite part of this entire movie. It's so beautiful and makes me want to learn to ballroom dance. Fun fact: Doris Day requested a private screening of the film because of the use of this song. She loved the movie (apparently).
• The eye contact in ballroom dancing is what keeps me from ever wanting to dance (that and the fact that I'm an awkward dancer). It's so intense to watch.
• And then everyone gangs up on poor Fran and sends her back home with no partner. 
• "What is so wrong with the way I dance?" Nothing, Scott. Nothing.
• Scott picked the wrong dance with Fran's family. His paso doble was a joke. Fran's dad and grandma show him what's what and it is awesome. The paso doble mimics the movements of bull fighting, which you can see very plainly. It was created in France in the 1930s, and is widely associated with Spanish and Portuguese dance.
• Of course, this also means Scott finds his heart and love of dance. And gets a shiny gold jacket (which was the most expensive costume and took six weeks to make).
• "Nothing terrible is going to happen." Shirley, don't say things like that.
• So many lies. So much shadiness. I'm telling you, Barry Fife is Donald Trump. It's so obvious to me now.
• And then Scott and Fran fall in love through the magic of dance. As couples do.
• The flashback sequence! It's a delight in its campiness. Apparently, it was supposed to be more realistic, but the budget wasn't there so it was easier and less costly to create a weird, fever dream version of the 1967 competition. Sure. I believe you.
• The Pan Pacific Finals. Tina is with Ken, Liz and Scott are set to dance together again, and Fran is back in beginners where she belongs. Until Doug shouts, "We lived our lives in fear!" and Scott gets his shit together.
• What is Liz wearing? It's like what would happen if a dominatrix and a space pilot had a very yellow costume baby. I have no words for this outfit.
• And then Scott flies out onto the dance floor and he and Fran dance the greatest paso doble anyone has ever seen, with and without music. It is magical and heals everyone's soul and sets the Australian competitive ballroom dancing world on fire. Yes, I just wrote that sentence.
• The "Love Is in the Air" plays and the red curtain closes. 

Do yourself a favor and spend this weekend with the gang from Strictly Ballroom. Then watch Muriel's Wedding, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and Cosi. You'll thank me for it later. It's not exactly browsing at the Blockbuster, but it's close enough.

Scott & Fran image
Yellow jumpsuit 
Scott & Fran 2

That's not how this works...

It's hard to explain the allure of movies like Sharknado or Sharknado 2. Neither film was particularly good but both were so bad that they were amusing. Two hours of ridiculous is sometimes exactly what I need in my life. I've written three posts about the movies and experienced my first true live tweeting event last year during the sequel's premiere. To say that I was excited about the third installment would be an understatement. I planned to live tweet with the wonderful Jessica (check out her blog Neek Confessional when you're done here) and was excited that the third movie was taking place at least partially in DC. What could be better?

I'll tell you what - the other two Sharknado movies. The third movie was many things: a long-form commercial for NBC and all of its holdings, ridiculous (in a less than good way), sort of funny, but ultimately just boring. It didn't have the same humor as the first two. Basically Sharknado 3 was trying too hard. It was too Sharknado-y if such a thing is possible. More importantly, it left me with way too many unanswered questions and none of them are about the science of these movies. If you have questions about the science of the Sharknado movies you should not be watching.

Let's dive in (see what I did there?) to the twelve questions left unanswered by Sharknado 3:

1. At the start of the movie after an inexplicable run through DC (more on this in a moment), Fin shows up at the White House to receive the Medal of Freedom from President Mark Cuban. Why is April, his wife who apparently loves him very much, not with him for this very important event? Sugar Ray is there (he played April's brother in the second movie) but she's not. Now she is pregnant and travel could be an issue but the woman gets on a space shuttle later in the movie with no mind to her unborn child so she couldn't have taken a train? I don't understand.
2. The entire sequence in DC is confusing. I've lived in the area a total of 12 years and I could not for the life of me figure out where Fin was for most of the section. It was filmed here so obviously they used real streets and scenery but none of it makes any sense. Is this how everyone views DC? Do all non-residents (and I'm grouping the DMV as residents) believe that the White House is next door to the Capitol? Do you think that the Secret Service just knows where a person would be and is automatically able to just be there?
   
3.  Why would the nation blame April and Fin for all the sharknadoes? Are they wizards? Do people believe in magic now? In the first movie, there's this bit of dialogue towards the end about government conspiracies being responsible for the sharknado so I get the paranoia but I don't get this. Is the movie trying to make a statement about fame and blame? 
4. What happened to Fin and April's son? The daughter, Claudia, is a central figure in this movie (she's 18 now, totally knows her way around a gun, and watches a sort of dorky guy die after kissing her - you know, normal teenage girl stuff) but no son. There is a quick line about him after Nova reappears ("Still not a stripper.") but that's it. And then the decision is made to make Nova seem like she's going after Fin...a lot. And in a creepy way. If the fourth movie does not bring this guy back and let him finish the sharknadoes once and for all, I quit all further Sharknado movies.
5. Has Frankie Muniz aged? Or is he living in some sort of environment that preserves his youthful appearance? He's 30 years old. 
   
6. As in the first two movies, cameos abound in Sharknado 3. However, the third movie moves beyond musicians, NBC personalities, and original Mtv VJs. There seemed to be more political figures and pundits in this movie than any of the previous ones. Is appearing in Sharknado 3 (or future movies) the new way to maintain political relevance? Michele Bachmann, Anthony Weiner, Ann Coulter, and Jerry Springer (technically a politician) all make appearances. 
7. While we're on the subject of cameos, do you want to know why the next Game of Thrones book isn't done? It's because George R.R. Martin is too busy making a cameo in Sharknado 3. He dies just like all of your dreams about finding out what actually happens in the book.
8. We've established that no one knows how the White House or DC works, but I have to ask do you really think this is how military bases work? There is no way in any version of the universe that these clowns would be allowed on a military base because Fin's the guy that saved New York from a sharknado. I don't care who he knows and who his dad ends up being (more on this in a moment) that's not how this works.
9. Nova was a favorite character of mine from the first movie. It was disappointing that she was not in the second one; April is boring and terrible. Nova is a better lead. My question is this: why did she and Fin end up in their underwear after the first plane crash? Is there some phenomena surrounding a crashing plane that sucks the clothes off of a person? Furthermore, where did they get their new outfits once they got out of the water?
   
10. The cameo you've all been waiting for: David Hasselhoff! Actually, I wasn't waiting for this at all but I can totally see him as Fin's dad. Makes absolute sense. But let's be honest, who would trust David Hasselhoff to pilot a space shuttle? 

    

    PS - Benefit Cosmetics was on of the favorites on this tweet. Day made.

11. Sharknado 3 is one big commercial for NBCUniversal from the move to Orlando to the other properties like the "Today" show and NASCAR but what about the fact that the mission control center for NASA was really a Comcast call center? I have no proof of this whatsoever but seriously this is the only thing in the entire movie that makes any bit of sense.
    
12. Lots of improbable things happen at the end of the movie involving a space mission, sharks living in space (a rejected Muppets title - probably), April in space, and April giving birth in the belly of a shark as it plummets from space back to Earth. As I'm not concerned with the science of this movie, the only important question to ask is this: Should April live or die? The makers of the franchise want us, the viewing public, to decide her fate. You can vote over at SyFy if you're so inclined. I would counter this question with this: Does it even matter and do we care? April is my least favorite character so I wouldn't be sad if she wasn't part of the next movie. I think the missing Shepard son needs to own the fourth movie and maybe take on the mantle of sharknado slayer from his dad. He and Nova can reunite and they'll both have a reason to continue the shark revenge plan Nova has had since the first movie. That's the only thing that makes sense in the grand scheme of these movies. 

There you go; I watched Sharknado 3 so you don't have to. You can thank me later.


Esurance meme
Frankie Muniz
Other images by me