Lazy Movie Weekend: What Happens in Vegas...

I'm not a Las Vegas person. I've been to Vegas three times, and can safely say it's not my jam. I'm not into gambling, buffets, or overpriced shows. If I want to pay a lot of money to see a musical, I'll go to New York. My favorite Vegas memory would be from my third trip, a work trip. I got in later than planned, so by the time I got to the car rental counter, only two cars were left. Who knew in a 24/7 town like Las Vegas, Enterprise would run out of cars? Anyway, I was first in line with a reservation and priority status in front of two guys who also had a reservation, but not priority status. The rental agent gave me the option of a white minivan or a Toyota Corolla. I, being the really amazing human I am, took the minivan. I hope those guys had a great time and participated in the types of shenanigans that people who drive Toyota Corollas get involved in. I don't know what those shenanigans are, but I'm sure they're super fun. Viva Las Vegas...or something.

While Vegas isn't my vacation jam, I do enjoy watching movies and tv shows set in Vegas. I have been known to spend the better part of day watching reruns of the original CSI. I may or may not have recorded an episode yesterday because it was a Lady Heather episode. She was one of the best featured characters in that show's history. Las Vegas on camera, even on a show like CSI, always looks so full of possibilities. It's shiny and glamorous, despite the fact that people die in very weird ways according to CSI. Anything can happen in Las Vegas, and a very attractive CSI team will be on the case should the thing that happens be terrible and lead to a homicide.

My four favorite Vegas movies are Viva Las Vegas, Casino, Ocean's Eleven (2001), and Ocean's Thirteen. Of these movies, I'll watch the two Ocean's movies anytime they're on. They're part of a small group of movies that I'm incapable of not watching, even if edited for television. Also included in this group are You've Got Mail, Legally Blonde, and Funny Girl. There's a certain comfort in watching these movies, but also now that I've seen them dozens (maybe hundreds) of times, I can do other things while watching. I know what's going to happen, so if I walk away for few minutes, it's okay.

The Steven Soderbergh version of Ocean's Eleven is a remake in that it's a heist movie set in Las Vegas and the leader of the gang is a guy named Danny Ocean. The 1960 version starred Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Dean Martin, Peter Lawton, and the rest of the Rat Pack. To say that it's self-indulgent film would be too nice. The Rat Pack were playing shows in Vegas at night so they decided to make a movie. It's kind of boring; even Julia Roberts has been quoted as saying she fell asleep trying to watch the original. If you really feel the need to watch the original, I might recommend watching the HBO movie The Rat Pack instead. Don Cheadle plays Sammy Davis, Jr., so there's that. The movie is mentioned at some point, and William Peterson plays JFK. His handsomeness far outweighs watching Sinatra and company gallivant around Vegas.

Anyway, there are actually four Ocean's movies in the current series: Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, and Eight. I've made the joke several times that the only way these movies could get better is with a musical version called Ocean's Five, Six, Seven, Eight. I'm still waiting for this to happen.

Part of the allure of Ocean's Eleven is how freaking cool it is. Danny Ocean walks out of prison in a tux. Rusty is teaching poker to teen idols, which is one of the funniest parts of the movie. Carl Reiner and Elliot Gould are part of the crew. Don Cheadle's accent is questionable, but still charming. Tess curates a museum in a casino, which is weird and cool at the same time. They're all super fashionable and handsome. It's a pretty movie to watch. Even Andy Garcia as the bad buy isn't all that bad. I like to imagine Terry Benedict is really just his character from the disastrous Godfather Part III in a different timeline. Just when you think they're going to get caught or the plan is going to fail, you realize it was all part of the plan from the start. Danny knows things. They all work together in a way that is both enviable and dazzling. It just works, and you believe every bit of it. Everything is for sale, and Danny and his crew use that to their advantage time and time again. Despite the fact that they're doing illegal things, I never want Danny and company to get caught. I want them to steal the money from Terry Benedict. Damn the man, save Vegas!

Ocean's Twelve is a garbage movie, so you have my permission to skip it entirely. The magic of Eleven and Thirteen have to do with Vegas. The location makes both movies seem plausible, because you expect ridiculous over the top scams to happen in Vegas. Taking the action to Europe and including Tess as part of the scam just doesn't work. It's boring, and Catherine Zeta-Jones is terrible. The only good thing about Ocean's Twelve is that Eddie Izzard is in the movie. That's it.

Ocean's Thirteen brings us back to where we belong - Vegas. Reuben, played perfectly by Elliot Gould in all four movies, has been wronged by casino owner Willy Bank (Al Pacino). The crew comes back together to pull off one more caper and ruin Bank in the process. The plot of this movie is more implausible than Eleven, but that makes it even more worth watching. The layers of the scam are truly amazing. I can't help but love every minute of this movie, from the ridiculous disguises to the revolution at a dice making plant to Linus's (Matt Damon) fake nose. Again, every time you think they're going to be caught, they make it through and the payoff is amazing. David Paymer is my favorite part of this whole movie; he has a truly Vegas ending. If you haven't seen any of these movies, watch them in order (skipping Twelve). You have to see them in order.

I saw Ocean's Eight with my parents as part of my birthday celebrations last year. I love this movie. It doesn't take place in Vegas, but still works completely. New York is another place that I don't love as much as everyone thinks I should. I love movies set in New York for almost exact same reason I love movies set in Las Vegas; it appears to be a magical place full of dreams and awesomeness. In Ocean's Eight, we meet Debbie Ocean, Danny's younger sister. She walks out of prison in an evening dress, so you know they're related. Debbie gets her gang together, an all female crew, to steal famous jewelry during the Met Gala. If the awesome cast wasn't enough (Cate Blanchett, Mindy Kaling, Helena Bonham Carter, Sarah Paulson, to name a few), the fashion is amazing. We're also treated to the genius that is Awkwafina. I want her to be in every movie. I like my heist movies with a healthy side of revenge, and we get that here in full effect. We also get Cate Blanchett doing her best Bowie, Reuben makes an appearance, and the ladies win in the end.

There's probably some deep psychological reason for why humans watch the same set of movies or tv shows over and over again. All I know is that I like fun things and three of the Oceans movies are super fun. It's nice to see super glamorous people do illegal things and get away with it. I feel no shame in wanting them to win.

If you don't have anything better to do this week, might I suggest my Vegas Movie Marathon? It's best watched while enjoying a cocktail and wearing your fanciest pajamas.

Erin's Vegas Movie Marathon 

1. Ocean's Eleven
2. Viva Las Vegas
3. Ocean's Thirteen
4. Casino 
5. The Rat Pack (this might be available on Netflix)
6. Vegas Vacation
7. Swingers (only a small part of the movie takes place in Vegas, but I group it here anyway)
8. Bonus movie: Ocean's Eight

Next week: We wrap up May with a look at what I did this month in my 40th year on Earth. Coming in June, we'll discuss actually turning 40, wearing a dress with rainbows, and celebrating one year with Keely!