When I was eleven

I'm almost 40 years old and I don't have children. It's not because I don't like kids or didn't at some point want them; I just haven't found anyone I wanted to have children with. All but one of my serious boyfriends were really great humans, but we weren't the right human for me to decide "you should father my kids." I could adopt or have children without a partner, but that's not what I want for me or for these hypothetical kids. So yes, I could do this, but I don't want to. I have a choice. I made a choice not to have children. Every woman should have the ability to make a choice about having children, whether it's having a kid, not having them, having an abortion, or putting a kid up for adoption. I've had friends struggle with infertility, and be told that they couldn't adopt (apparently 35 is too old). I've had two friends decide to have abortions. It took years for both of them to share that information with anyone. And I have friends who are awesome moms, and do the best for their kids every day. I'm not the only childless one either. Women deserve to make these decisions, and to not have to feel like less than or a criminal because we make the decision that is right for us and our family.

The current state laws being passed/considered in places like Alabama, Georgia, and Missouri are creating a no win situation for young girls and women. Most of these laws are being created by men who clearly don't know how the female reproductive system works. They don't understand fertility cycles or how miscarriages happen. They're creating laws that criminalize being female and remove autonomy from women. These laws aren't about religion or morality, as they are often portrayed. These laws are about power. IT'S ABOUT POWER. If we cared about women's health or the health of children, these would not be the laws we'd be focusing on. But it's not about what's best for women. It's about controlling women.

We are at an important place in the history of who we are as a nation. We've been in this place since the 45 took office in 2016. There have been glimmers of hope, from the marches to the new slate of representatives in Congress to the fact that most of the horrible things end up being struck down in courts. This is the exact opposite of who we really are as a country. We, and I mean the collective we, have a responsibility to correct this narrative. If you're not doing your part today, you need to be. You need to get on board now before there is nothing left to save. I get it, this is not an easy topic for anyone. Abortion has been painted as moral problem for decades, not a health issue. These laws threaten to send us back to a place where women have to take their health to dangerous places.

When I was 11 years old, I liked New Kids on the Block, She-Ra, had a Smurf sleeping bag, and spent time choreographing dances with my friends during sleepovers. I really liked rainbows and unicorns. I had five favorite stuffed animal, including a panda who went everywhere with me. I barely liked boys, let alone understood how babies actually worked. I could keep a goldfish alive for a few weeks with adult supervision. I was, in no way, shape, or form, capable of being someone's mother.

I want you to take a few minutes and think about what you were doing when you were 11 years old. What was your favorite thing to do? Who were your friends? What did you do when you came home from school? Maybe some of you have memories similar to mine. Maybe you had to help take care of younger siblings, but you weren't their mom. You didn't have to carry a baby to term and then give birth. You didn't have to deal with what that meant. You didn't have to face jail time for aborting that baby while your rapist got off with a light sentence because he's a "good Christian." I hope you didn't have to continue living in a house with your abuser. What were you doing when you were 11 years old?

If nothing else has propelled you to take action and do something, from voting to volunteering to donating to giving a damn, now is the time to finally do it. Now is the time to take a stand. Now is the time to start having uncomfortable conversations with your family and friends. I've done this a few times with my parents since the election, and it's not great, but it has to be done. They know I will take to the streets and the polls so no woman has to go back to the alleys and basements to make choices about her health. I will not sit quietly by while a male politician talks about the criminality of abortion one day, but then pays for his mistress to have one the next. This is not who we are. We aren't Gilead, but dangerously close to being there.