Keely demands answers

Happy New Year! Is it too late to say that? It's been a few weeks since I last posted; I've been busy launching my new embroidery project, being angry at insurrectionists and weak politicians, and being overjoyed at the fact that functioning adults have returned to the White House. Oh, and I had to work and clean my house and stuff. I know, too many excuses. Forgive me, loyal Island readers. I'll try to do better.

2021 is already shaping up to be another roller coaster year. I was hoping with the return of functional adults to our government, I could return to writing fun and frivolous pieces again. That's partially why I didn't post anything in the last two weeks: I didn't know what to say. I was angry, but writing a post here wasn't  helping with processing like it normally does. So I took a break. 

But I couldn't let my favorite made up holiday pass by without a post. If we don't celebrate "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day," how would Keely get to know things? We may spend 24 hours a day together (basically), but I don't really take the time to answer his questions. A lot of our day is spent with me working in my office nook and him napping somewhere in the house until he decides he "needs" me. This usually happens when I'm on a Zoom call with my manager or a senior leadership team member. It's awesome. I also created an adorable cat for my daily embroidery project to celebrate. #catmomsrock

Let's get started with this year's questions!!

• Why are you home all the time now? Don't you have a job or friends or stuff to do? You're infringing on my doing cat things time. We're currently living in the middle of a pandemic. There's a very contagious and dangerous virus out there, and being around lots of people is one of the chief ways it spreads. Almost a year ago, my work closed the physical office and asked all employees to work from home until further notice. Now, I get to spend all day at home with you! Think of the benefits: you get your dinner on time every night, I'm around for extra treats during the day, and you've fully embraced your life as a lap cat. You can do you cat things at night or when I'm on Zoom calls. 
• Where did the tree go? I like napping under it and rubbing my face on the branches and eating plastic. I love that you love the tree! I haven't put up a Christmas tree since 2013, and wasn't sure how you'd react to a tree being around all the time. Since I was home this year, I figured a tree would be a nice addition to our house. You did look so cute napping under the tree! I don't know why they don't write songs about cats under Christmas trees. It's probably because most cats destroy trees, proving to us time and time again why we can't have nice things.  Christmas only lasts so long, so the tree had to be put away until next year. Between now and then, I'd really like you to think about your choices when it comes to eating plastic. It's not good for you, and if you eat too much, we won't have a tree to love at all. 
• Why does the red dot disappear? Since you've become incredibly needy at the worst possible times (when I'm presenting during Zoom meetings, for example), I bought you a motion activated laser toy to keep you occupied and to make sure you get exercise. The red dot only works for 15 minutes and then it takes a break for an hour. I promise if you can be patient, it'll come back soon. 
• Why did you cry while watching tv in the middle of the day on a Wednesday? Did someone take your favorite toy away? The last four years have been a lot. Ever since He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned took office, it's been one horrible thing after another. He lost re-election (he really did for those of you who are still struggling with this), and on Wednesday, January 20, a new President took office AND the first woman Vice President was sworn in too. It was amazing and emotional and everything I hoped it would be. You're right that I don't normally watch tv in the middle of a workday and I don't normally cry when I watch tv, but it was such a relief to watch the ceremony on Wednesday. My shoulders have relaxed for the first time in a long time. It's important to remember that just because I'm happy about the new administration doesn't mean I'm going to stop holding them accountable and being involved. It just means I might not have to be angry every day for the next four years.
• Did you buy the new comforter for me? It's so fluffy! I did not buy the comforter for you, but let's face it, everything in the house is yours so why pretend it's not. It is so fluffy! I also appreciate the fact that you sleep on my feet every night. I like to pretend it's because you're protecting me, but I know it's really the comforter. 
• When are you going to be done working? I need to sit on your lap. What's that I hear? Are you a lap cat?!? When did this happen? I know you like the attention, but I have to work to provide things like your food and toys and the roof over you precious cat head. You seem to have adjusted to our new routine, and I love that you need me to stop at precisely 4 pm every day so we can get some cuddle time in before your dinner. 
• Do you really think reading a book is going to stop me from trying to eat chicken? It was worth a try. Look, my food is not your food. I know you think it is, and occasionally, when you're a very good boy, you get some chicken or the tuna can to lick (only because you seem to be able to process tuna). But human food isn't good for you, and Kung Pao Chicken definitely isn't good for you. 
• Are the other humans getting a dog? Why do they need a dog? The other humans (my parents and brother) may be getting a dog. Your Uncle Scott really wants a dog, so he's started the process of looking for one to adopt. He has assured me that only dogs who can be around cats will be considered, and more importantly, you're still his favorite cat (named Keely). He won't stop being your dude-bro and the other humans won't stop thinking you're a very good boy. You're one of the family, buddy. We like you. 

Please enjoy a sampling of photos of the world's most photogenic cat (probably, if you exclude Norwegian forest cats). Check out my other blog, An Embroidery a Day, for an adorable salute to today's festivities.

Answer Your Cat's Questions Day: Portrait Series

It's that time of the year again. No, it's not time to feel guilty about breaking resolutions or not going to the gym or some such nonsense. It's time to answer your cat's questions! Cats are very curious creatures, so we should all be excited that there's one day per year that they channel that curiosity into a productive means of communication by asking questions rather than say, climbing the fireplace grate or eating plastic. It's the little things that matter.

Keely's had a pretty busy year since his last question day. He got a new cat bed, moved to a new house, got a Halloween bow tie, sat under a Christmas tree, and watched a hawk for the first time. He's dealt with boxes, a fancy pants sofa, and scaled back on the biting. He's decided he likes our extended family, with my brother being his second favorite and my parents rounding out his top spots because they provide turkey (my dad) and tell him he's handsome (my mom). He also found a new bird nemesis, who he stalks from window to window in our new house (we have 11 windows). So much excitement for a three year old.

As the proud cat mom I am, I post a lot of photos of my cat son on Instagram. He's ridiculously photogenic, so why not? To change things up a bit, I asked Keely to prepare his questions based on some of our (translation: my favorite - he doesn't love having his photo taken, but boy does he pose) favorite portraits from the last year. Let's dive into Keely's questions!

How often do you plan to work from home? The morning cuddles aren't terrible. Did I hear you sort of say you like something related to being a lap cat and showing affection? Are you a pod cat version of Keely or do you just like me now? You like to cuddle? Amazing. I only work from home once a week, but this last week, I had to go to a special event closer to home so I worked from home a few more days than normal. We'll be back to our normal schedule next week, BUT we can still do morning cuddles on the weekends.

You know I can't talk and only understand about 30 actual words you say? I'm very aware you can't talk, but talking to your pet is actually a sign of intelligence. Human brains are a powerful thing, and talking to pets is a sign of that. In our case, I'm actually responding to the fact that you often sit around the house looking like a cat therapist, and a cat therapist seems like a great therapist to me.

Why do you insist on making all the noise with the roar-y pushy thing? I'm napping. The roar-y pushy thing is called a vacuum and I have to run the vacuum to clean our house. You shed, dirt gets tracked in, sometimes we spill things, the floors needs to be cleaned. I'm sorry if the vacuum interrupts your napping time or your sunbathing time. I'll try plan my vacuuming around your running around the house like a wild animal time. That should balance out the noise.

When did your bed get so comfy? It's so comfy. I don't understand why you move your legs or get up. The bed is the same bed we've always had so I don't know that it's gotten more comfortable since we moved. I did put a different comforter on the bed, so maybe that's what you're responding to. It's a little more squishy than the other one. You've also been sleeping on the bed every night (which is new), so it could also be that you're spending more time on the bed so you're noticing it more. I'm glad you're enjoying the bed more, but I do occasionally need to move my legs around. And I do have to go to work and buy groceries and stuff. That's how life works. 

I am majestic AF. Excuse me? Where did you learn "AF" and do you know what that means? Also, not a question. I'm shocked that you would you such language; you're only three years old. I guess I do swear like a sailor and you might have picked up a word or two. How is that one of the 30 words you understand? These things aside, I can't disagree with you. You are majestic AF. Someone should paint your portrait. 

The other lady told me I shouldn't sit on that other couch that isn't our couch. No one else is sitting on it; I figured it was for me. Why can't I sit on it? I look very regal. In the grand tradition of Garland family pets, I'm not surprised you love that sofa. The dogs, Whitney and Mack, loved it, although both of them struggled to jump on it (short legs). Pumpkin sat on that sofa like it was her job. It's a special couch, and you're all very special so that's probably why you want to sit on it. In your case, you don't like being told no, so sitting on that sofa is one thing you're really not supposed to do at my parents' house, so of course, you're going to sit on it. My mom is never really going to make you get off the sofa. Just don't throw up on it.

Why are there so many boxes around? I hate boxes. Why do cats like boxes? What's wrong with them? I think it's fascinating that you don't like boxes. Research has shown that cats like boxes because they serve as a way to hide from predators. I guess for you, the IKEA bag serves a similar purpose. There have been/are so many boxes around because we moved to a new house recently. Boxes are used to move things from one place to another, so we needed them to move. You were a very good boy during the move and I appreciate you good boy behavior. We're almost all unpacked so the boxes should be gone soon, maybe even by next weekend. 

Speaking of IKEA bags, can I have my own? So I bought you your own IKEA bag for Christmas. Every time I leave it out, you ignore it and try to climb up the fireplace grate (which you really need to stop doing). I can give you one of the older IKEA bags since you really seem to love those. I want you to be super happy in our new home, so if an older IKEA bag makes you happy, so be it. Once I get the boxes out of the guest room, I'll leave the IKEA bag out all the time for you. You can permanently live in an IKEA bag down by the river if you decide that's the way you want to live your life. 

How is it possible you don't see the ghost? It was right over your head in the old apartment. I never got a ghost vibe at the old place. It seemed too new and shiny for ghosts. I guess ghosts could be anywhere, but hear me out on this. Do you think it could be outside noises or maybe a squirrel or rodent who lives in the walls? I'm grossed out by the rodent in the walls idea, but it's also a possibility. I guess if it is in fact a ghost, I'm glad I have you to let me know. Keep up the good ghost hunting work in our new place. 

So remember that time we were at those people's house and there was that really big bird outside. What was that? How do I get it? I want to get it. So that bird is called a hawk. Hawks are birds of prey, and the feed on smaller birds and animals, including squirrels. As you know, my dad (the man who makes the turkey) likes to feed birds and squirrels. The backyard is like his own Wild Kingdom. This makes it a prime target for hawks; I'm pretty certain they're going to steal a squirrel one day (and by steal, I mean eat). Anyway, I'm glad you like watching the hawk, but hawks will also go after cats so I don't think you'll ever get to "get it". Sorry buddy.

Why didn't you get me my own chicken sandwich when you got a chicken sandwich? I like chicken sandwiches. Don't you love me? I know you like chicken sandwiches, but you can't have chicken sandwiches especially if they're from Popeye's. Fried food and spicy things aren't good for you. You may have chicken sometimes, but only if I cook it. I promise that I'll make you some chicken soon. Unrelated, but since we're on the topic of chicken sandwiches, the Popeye's sandwich is far superior to that other place and it doesn't come with a side of homophobia. Even cats know you shouldn't support hateful places even if they have waffle fries.

Do you think I'm getting better at hiding? I don't know if better is the word I'd use, but you're trying and that's what really matters. The thing about hiding is that no one is supposed to see you. It creates an element of surprise when jump from your hiding place and attack. You need to work on hiding your whole body, not just a leg or your tail. The cool thing about our new house is that we have really long curtains by one of the windows. You should focus your hiding here because you can use the curtains for camouflage. A skilled hider uses his environment to his advantage.

Do you think Billy Porter would like me? I've been working on my poses. You really loved watching Pose didn't you? I know you've been working on your poses, and I think Billy Porter would be very proud of you. You've also done such a good job working on your side eye that he can't possibly not enjoy you. I bet he'd also really like to see your version of Blue Steel; I know it's your best pose. It's not from his show, but I think he'd love it. Maybe he'll come up with a Keely inspired category next season.

Do I amuse you? Why do you always laugh at me when I sit like this? Did you watch Goodfellas while I was at work one day? This question is very Goodfellas era Joe Pesci. I call this pose your "dude who has just realized he made a very bad life choice, but there's nothing he can do about it" pose. Also that dude's name is Chad. I don't know why, but it is. When you sit like a person it makes me laugh. It's funny and silly and part of your cat charm, and it's even better when you sit on the chair or on the couch. It's one of my favorite things you do.

I really like my bed. Thank you for getting it for me. That was so polite of you, and you're welcome. I'm glad you like the new bed. In the future, let's try not to vomit on this one. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to find another one just like it.

Seriously, I'm freaking handsome. And so humble; we need to work on this a bit more. When is your album going to drop? For real, someone needs to get on this and use your handsomeness for good in the world. It's too much for just me to handle. That's why I post so many photos of you on Instagram.

I hope you enjoyed this year's "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day." Keely came up with some really good questions this year. If you need him for anything, he'll be working on his hiding skills and trying to figure out a way to catch his bird nemesis even though he doesn't go outside. If you have a question for him, drop it in the comments and he'll answer you as soon as his next nap is over.

Coming soon to the Island: I roll along the Avenue in Nyx 2020 (so much glitter) and we'll Lazy Movie Weekend AJ & the Queen. Don't miss it!

The Return of Answer Your Cat's Questions Day

I truly enjoy random holidays. Donut Day - I'll take one! Did you say it was Hug a Ginger Day? I'm a ginger; I'll take a hug. There's a fun Instagram account called "It's a Day Really" you can follow to keep up to date on your random holidays. My favorite of all random holidays is Groundhog Day. Who doesn't love a day that celebrates a weather forecasting rodent? Terrible people, that's who. My second favorite random holiday is "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day." Seven years ago, I stumbled upon this "holiday" because I follow Pee-Wee Herman on Twitter and he shared a post about it. My annual posts answering all of Pumpkin's questions are some of the most popular on the Island. Obviously, with Pumpkin's passing last year, I took a year off. I've been thinking about bringing the post back since I adopted Keely, and decided it's the right thing to do. Pumpkin would want her "brother" to get his questions answered too.

I've been Keely's human for seven months now. It hasn't been an easy seven months; we've gone through a "attack the human" phase, where my legs resembled tenderized meat. Then there was the "sleep on the human's legs" phase, where I developed minor hip issues because I couldn't move at night. Keely's a big dude, so moving him, especially when he's asleep, is a lot. Around month four, we finally hit the "I will cuddle with the human" phase. I don't know what made him decide my lap was his favorite place to nap, but he finds his way to me every evening after work and we cuddle on the couch until he decides he's had enough. More recently, he's moved up to sleep up by my chest rather than on my feet or legs. I think this means he likes me.

This week, Keely got sick for the first time since I adopted him. His left eye got all goopy and he threw up multiple times in one day. I took him to the emergency vet, and left with eye drops, bland cat food, and a cone of shame (which he didn't have to wear thankfully). Watching my big guy suffer and look miserable was stressful; I'm a worrier so I spent the week worrying about him. He used the week to become even more of a cuddle monster and being a very good boy when it came to letting me put his eye drops in (sort of). We need a little fun to end our stressful week, so let's get to Keely's questions.

1. Where did I come from? Do you mean this in a "where do kittens come from" way or a "how did I end up with you, human" way? Or are you being philosophical? I'd rather not have "the talk" with you (you don't really have boy parts anymore so we're good), so let's go with the second one. I can only tell you two things about your first family: they overfed you and had the good sense to take you to a shelter when they decided they didn't want to be your family anymore. Your destiny was not to be their cat, and that's where I came into your life. I visited the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria on a Friday in June and there you were. I stepped into your cage and you let me pet you and you fell asleep on my hand. Once that happened, I couldn't not take you home with me. So, that's where you came from.
   
2. Where do you go all day? Do you get to take naps while you're there? Naps are good, so I hope you get to take naps. I go to a magical place called Herndon. It's where my job is. I have a job so we can afford a place to leave, have health insurance, and you can have treats and toys. I spend my day helping people learn things so they can be the best them at work, going to meetings, and creating the document of the corporate world, the Power Point. No, no napping occurs. Napping at work is generally frowned upon, but I'll let me boss know your concern and see if we can't get some nap time added to the day. 
3. Why am I not allowed on the counters? You know you're not my real mom. Thank you for reminding me I'm not your real mom; that's cool, although not very polite of you. You're not allowed on the counters for one very important reason: the counter you can jump on is right next to the stove. Since my apartment complex thinks a glass top stove is a smart design choice, I don't want you on the counter because you could step on a hot stove if I've been cooking. I don't want you to burn yourself. Also, I prepare my food on those counters, and don't want your hair or your little face in my food. Not everything I own is yours.
4. What's all the shiny stuff on the floor and the table? Why is it here? Can I roll around in it? The shiny stuff not appearing throughout our apartment is called glitter. Glitter is a magical decorative tool, used to make ordinary things extraordinary. Some people don't like glitter. Those people have no souls. I'm a member of the Mystic Krewe of Nyx this year, and will be in a Mardi Gras parade next month (don't worry, no Mardi Gras tie for you this year). We make glitter purses to gently throw/hand to parade goers along the route. That's why there's so much glitter around. Normally, our house isn't so glitterific. It's probably best if you don't roll around in the glitter. You don't need to be sparkly. I do, however, appreciate how helpful you've been while I decorate my purses. 
5. Is everything I rub my face on mine? It really doesn't matter how I respond to this since that won't stop you from rubbing your face on everything I own, so I'll say yes. I would, however, like to ask if you can refrain from rubbing your face on work laptop when I work from home. You always seem to do it when I'm about to send something important, but aren't quite ready to do so. I'm paranoid you're going to hit send before I'm ready. No one will believe, "my cat sent that incomplete email" even if they know you. Related to this: people food is not cat food. I know the kabobs I ordered on Friday smelled delicious (they were), but they're not for you. You can get sick eating certain types of people food. I saw you try to swipe my pita bread; no bread for you!
6. Why do you keep putting squirty things in my eye? It makes me want to bite you. In your first few weeks with me, I feel like everything I did made you want to bite me, so why do you need to make such a big deal out of the eye drops? You have conjunctivitis in your left eye and these drops are supposed to make you feel better and keep away another infection. Can you bring back the good boy who let me put these drops in without injury? I'd really like it if he came back...at least until next Wednesday. (Spoiler: we're going back to the vet on Wednesday.)
7. Where did my treats go? I used to get treats. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you have to go on a diet. Apparently, I didn't reduce your food enough/have been buying your affection with treats. You weighed 14 pounds when I adopted you, and have gained two pounds. I'm pretty sure your vet is going to tell me to put you on a restricted diet. I promise we'll find a low calorie treat and you can have one or two on special occasions. 
8. Don't you get that my "biting" and "attacking" are just my way of showing you I like you? Please tell that to my poor legs. I get it, cats think humans are just big, dumb cats, but we're not. I don't have sharp teeth like you do, or murder mittens. (Sidenote: murder mittens is the greatest description of cat claws of all time.) I think you're only playing/showing me that you like about 75% of the time. The other 25% is just your being a viciously adorable animal. Let's agree that you'll keep the injuries to a minimum, and I'll try my best not to be so sad/angry with you when they occur.
9. Am I a good protector? Should I add to my patrol? Following in your sister's footsteps, you are quite the killer! I was impressed with your fly killing abilities this summer; you're a great jumper and swatter! I was even more impressed when you helped your Uncle Scott dispatch the mouse that snuck into the apartment back in October. Good job! Your patrols seem to be working. Keep in mind the birds and squirrels will be back soon so you'll have to extend your window patrol once they return. 
10. Are you my mom now? It would be a real honor if you thought of me as your mom. I feel like now that we've battled our first illness together and I'm about to be super interested in your weight, it's probably time for you to think of me as your mom, not just your human. But whatever, we don't need labels. I'll love you whether you think of me as your cat mom, human, or that dumb cat who feeds me. You can continue to show your affection however you want and keep the biting to a minimum. However, it is really fun to refer to you as my "cat son" to people who are a little on the judgy side because I don't have human children. It makes me gleeful to watch them not know how to respond when I talk about my cat son. 

For the first time in Answer Your Cat's Questions Day history, we're going to have Keely answer a question from one of his many adoring fans. He has the same affinity for IKEA bags as his sister, but has taken his bag love a step further by also "living" in a Target bag on occasion.

How do you choose between a Target bag and an IKEA bag for your vacation home? One of the best things about being a cat is that I really don't have to make choices. My human worships me because that is the way it's supposed to be. Since she makes both IKEA and Target bags available to me on a regular basis, I can enjoy them both. Cats have the best lives. Since you humans need definitive answers here's mine: IKEA bags are much better for long-term commitments. They're roomier, more crinkly, and are better for hiding. Target bags are more short-term, for a quick nap or a little hide and seek while your human finishes unpacking groceries. Now if you want a spa day experience, try a Vera Bradley quilted bag. I might look a little surprised in this picture, and I was, by how comfortable I was in this bag. You won't be disappointed. 

Next week: I recount my experience taking part in my first Polar Bear Plunge. It's going to be cold and exciting!

Stuff I Love: Weather Forecasting Rodents

It's finally February! January lasted about 700 years so let's all breath a sigh of relief for the end of that mess. The end of January also means it's time for my annual February tradition: Stuff I Love! I guess you argue this entire blog is about stuff I love, but in February I focus on special things I love.

I love random holidays. Give me a food themed holiday or a holiday that celebrates being nice to people and my day is made. February includes one of the greatest animal themed random holidays ever - Groundhog Day. If you don't know about Groundhog Day, I'll give you a quick overview. Groundhog Day was first celebrated in the US within German immigrant communities in Pennsylvania. The first recorded celebration was February 2, 1840. It's derived from German traditions where groundhogs and badgers were used as weather predicting animals (as one does). If the groundhog sees his shadow when he emerges from his hole, we'll have six more weeks of winter and Phil goes back in his hole to go back to napping for six more weeks. If doesn't see his shadow, spring will arrive early.

The Punxsutawney, PA has become the hub of Groundhog Day activity. The first Punxsutawney celebration was in 1886. According to the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club website, their resident groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The town celebrates in a huge way and it sounds amazing. I have never visited, but it's a future winter trip.

I don't know when my fascination with Groundhog Day began, but I love it. I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, despite my very successful turn as the first "E" in my third grade Valentine's Day concert, and I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. As winter holidays go, Groundhog Day is my more my speed. Ultimately, it's about a surly rodent who holds the weight of the winter forecast on his tiny shoulders. Little dude just wants to continue sleeping for the rest of February, but no, we need him to tell us whether we have to suffer through more of winter. Punxsutawney Phil is all of us on a bitter cold morning; we'd rather stay under the covers rather than walking to the gym in 19 degree weather. I feel you, Phil.

The 1993 gem of a movie Groundhog Day also plays a role in my love of this holiday. If you haven't seen the movie, do yourself a favor and check it out this year. AMC usually runs a marathon every year (which is funny). Bill Murray stars as Phil Connors, a weatherman who travels with his crew to Punxsutawney to cover the festivities. Phil is a jerk to everyone and has zero interest in rodent-based weather forecasting. Phil finds himself caught in a time loop, where he relives Groundhog Day over and over. He spends the bulk of the movie doing everything from learning new things like how to play the piano, committing crimes, saving people, being nice to his cameraman, Chris Elliott, and falling in love with his producer, played by Andie MacDowell. The time loop keeps going until Phil learns a lesson because that's the way movies work. One of the greatest scenes in the movie is when weatherman Phil kidnaps Punxsutawney Phil and they drive angry. It's magical.

I hit peak Groundhog Day love in 2011 when my wonderful mom sent me a Groundhog Day care package. I was living in California at the time and my mom found all sorts of goodies for me to enjoy. The box included Punxsutawney Phil postcards, a DVD about the magical day, chocolate, and the pièce de résistance, a groundhog cookie cutter. My mom gets me...or indulges my weirdness. I'll let you decide which. The cookie cutter led to my creation of a new Groundhog Day tradition, baking groundhog cookies.

My first batch:

Who doesn't love jaunty scarves and bow ties on weather forecasting rodents? Then there was the year I made top hats:

Edible paper still tastes like paper. Adorable, but still paper.

This year, I decided to go all out for the big day. I made Groundhog Day cards and sent them to my friends and family. People have been enjoying them which makes me happy. A little whimsy in the mail never hurt anyone. Surprisingly (or maybe not), there are a ton of groundhog stamps available online. I'm not the only one who loves this little guy.

I also continued my tradition of making the cookies. I'm almost eight months into my new job and I haven't really done much baking for work. I admit I haven't felt like baking all that much in the last few months, but my croissant class last week was an inspiration. I'm not going to bake something every week, but I feel like I have my baking groove back. Hopefully, my new co-workers enjoy whimsy in their day and eating delicious cookies shaped like weather forecasting rodents. 

Here's hoping that Punxsutawney Phil doesn't see his shadow and we get an early spring. It's the least Phil can do for us.

Movie meme

The Sixth Annual Answer Your Cat's Questions Day or Why I'm Still Single (probably)

There are fewer things truer than the fact that y'all love Pumpkin. I get it; she's adorable, she's equal parts cuddly and affectionate AND throws shade like she took a master class from RuPaul, and she's hilarious. As I've said before, if Pumpkin were a person she'd be Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls.

So much cuteness. So much sass. Some days, it's overwhelming to live with such a creature. As has been the practice here on the Island for the past five years, I like to pause every January and let Pumpkin ask me whatever compelling questions she has in celebration of Answer Your Cat's Questions Day. I don't make up these holidays, I simply provide the information you need to move forward in your life and celebrate said holidays. Normally, we'd be celebrating next week but I'll be at the Women's March on Washington so I'm moving this up a week.With that, we begin this year's questions.

1. Where is my heater? Why is it gone? I don't understand. Well, little one, we moved to a brand new apartment that was built after 1965 so we don't have an ancient heating/air conditioning system. I know you really enjoyed laying on the radiator but we don't have one anymore. What we do have is the cable box (your second favorite place for napping), two huge windows, and a brand new scratch post. The closet is also huge so have fun hiding in there when you're feeling antisocial.
2. Why does everything smell so new? Where did our house smell go? We've only been in our new apartment for a week and it was renovated right before we moved in so it definitely smells like fresh paint, new appliances, and brand new carpet. I know you've been trying really hard to rub your little face on everything since you arrived last Saturday but it takes time to make everything I own yours again. In between napping for 18 hours, sitting on my lap, and eating, I'm sure you'll get to everything by the end of the month. Even the new stuff I had to buy because new apartment = obligatory trip to Ikea.
3. What is that noise? Where the hell are we? Paris? When did you watch Spaceballs? Are you changing your sense of humor to align more closely with Mel Brooks? I always thought your sense of humor was more of a feline version of Daria. That sound is what humans call a fire alarm. I don't know if someone pulled the alarm or if it went off for a real reason, but sometimes fire alarms go off and our job is to bundle up, get you in the carrier, and evacuate. Hopefully, it's warmer than 20 degrees and the fire department shows up promptly. 
4. So I "understand" that we moved so I'll move on to more pressing matters. Did you keep my box? I really liked that box. Which box would that be? I feel like you were attached to multiple boxes during the move. Was that the one you sat in on occasion or the one where you sort of looked like either Gmork from The Neverending Story or like a boss telling an employee some bad news? Also, when did you learn about air quotes? I don't remember teaching you about air quotes. Side eye, yes. Air quotes, no. I know you love boxes but we really can't have them around forever. Most have been recycled and the rest are waiting on our little balcony to be recycled when I feel less lazy and like I want to carry more boxes downstairs. Or we get our fancy concierge trash service recycling box. Yes, that's a thing.
   
5. Current events question: Now that Joe Biden is no longer the Vice President, do you think he'll be friends with us? He's my favorite. That is a really great question! He is a national treasure and we need to do everything we can to become friends with him. I don't know that our favorite VP will be in DC much once he leaves office. I have it on good authority that he'll be setting up shop at the University of Pennsylvania doing good things and carrying on his work in cancer research and generally being awesome. Lucky for us, we have an in at Penn so we might just get a picture of him from time to time. If you need a Joe Biden fix, we can re-watch the surprise Medal of Freedom ceremony from earlier this week. We're not crying, not crying at all. 
6. You realize when I said "us" in the above question, I really meant me? You fully embrace your status as an old lady cat by being just a little mean every day don't you? Here's the thing: You're a cat. It'll be much easier for me to meet Joe Biden than you. You should be nice to me and I'll consider putting in a good word for you.
7. When are the flannel sheets coming back? You learned about flannel sheets last year during the blizzard. I agree we need to bust them back out this week as it's supposed to be cold again. You've been doing a pretty good job of worming your way under the covers at night so I think you'll be just fine until I do laundry and put the flannel sheets back on the bed.
8. You bought me a mountain! This isn't so much a question as a statement on you finally realizing that I'm queen of all I see. You like the new scratch post! I admit I was holding out for one with a hammock on top but I couldn't find one of those that would fit in our new apartment without taking all of the space. This new one is pretty good; you do look like you're on a mountain when you sit on top of it. Let's make sure to remember how much you love your mountain when you need to scratch something; I really like our carpet and don't want to replace or repair it anytime soon.
   
9. I'm sorry for having an "accident" in the kitchen the other day. Can you forgive me? Wait, are you apologizing for doing something you shouldn't have done? Someone mark this day down in the history books. All jokes aside, moving is stressful and you were simply telling me that you were upset since you can't talk and apparently like me enough not to use me as a scratching post. These things happen; it's why we invest in paper towels and cleaning products. Hopefully, you're feeling less stressed now and can start to enjoy our new place and find some new napping spots. I promise the rest of the boxes will be gone by the end of the weekend. 
10. Last question: Why can't I go in that other room? Are you keeping secrets in there? Yes, I'm keeping secrets in the laundry room. That's where every human keeps secrets. We store them between the dryer sheets and the stain remover. That's exactly how secrets work. 

If you have more questions that you think Pumpkin would like to know the answers to, post them in the comments and I'll answer them as best as I can. Enjoy some additional photos of Pumpkin in her new home.

Next weekend on the Island: I'm participating in the Women's March on Washington so next week's post will be available on Sunday. I'll recap the march and talk about #WhyIMarch.