Keely's had a pretty busy year since his last question day. He got a new cat bed, moved to a new house, got a Halloween bow tie, sat under a Christmas tree, and watched a hawk for the first time. He's dealt with boxes, a fancy pants sofa, and scaled back on the biting. He's decided he likes our extended family, with my brother being his second favorite and my parents rounding out his top spots because they provide turkey (my dad) and tell him he's handsome (my mom). He also found a new bird nemesis, who he stalks from window to window in our new house (we have 11 windows). So much excitement for a three year old.
As the proud cat mom I am, I post a lot of photos of my cat son on Instagram. He's ridiculously photogenic, so why not? To change things up a bit, I asked Keely to prepare his questions based on some of our (translation: my favorite - he doesn't love having his photo taken, but boy does he pose) favorite portraits from the last year. Let's dive into Keely's questions!
How often do you plan to work from home? The morning cuddles aren't terrible. Did I hear you sort of say you like something related to being a lap cat and showing affection? Are you a pod cat version of Keely or do you just like me now? You like to cuddle? Amazing. I only work from home once a week, but this last week, I had to go to a special event closer to home so I worked from home a few more days than normal. We'll be back to our normal schedule next week, BUT we can still do morning cuddles on the weekends.You know I can't talk and only understand about 30 actual words you say? I'm very aware you can't talk, but talking to your pet is actually a sign of intelligence. Human brains are a powerful thing, and talking to pets is a sign of that. In our case, I'm actually responding to the fact that you often sit around the house looking like a cat therapist, and a cat therapist seems like a great therapist to me.
Why do you insist on making all the noise with the roar-y pushy thing? I'm napping. The roar-y pushy thing is called a vacuum and I have to run the vacuum to clean our house. You shed, dirt gets tracked in, sometimes we spill things, the floors needs to be cleaned. I'm sorry if the vacuum interrupts your napping time or your sunbathing time. I'll try plan my vacuuming around your running around the house like a wild animal time. That should balance out the noise.
When did your bed get so comfy? It's so comfy. I don't understand why you move your legs or get up. The bed is the same bed we've always had so I don't know that it's gotten more comfortable since we moved. I did put a different comforter on the bed, so maybe that's what you're responding to. It's a little more squishy than the other one. You've also been sleeping on the bed every night (which is new), so it could also be that you're spending more time on the bed so you're noticing it more. I'm glad you're enjoying the bed more, but I do occasionally need to move my legs around. And I do have to go to work and buy groceries and stuff. That's how life works.
I am majestic AF. Excuse me? Where did you learn "AF" and do you know what that means? Also, not a question. I'm shocked that you would you such language; you're only three years old. I guess I do swear like a sailor and you might have picked up a word or two. How is that one of the 30 words you understand? These things aside, I can't disagree with you. You are majestic AF. Someone should paint your portrait.
The other lady told me I shouldn't sit on that other couch that isn't our couch. No one else is sitting on it; I figured it was for me. Why can't I sit on it? I look very regal. In the grand tradition of Garland family pets, I'm not surprised you love that sofa. The dogs, Whitney and Mack, loved it, although both of them struggled to jump on it (short legs). Pumpkin sat on that sofa like it was her job. It's a special couch, and you're all very special so that's probably why you want to sit on it. In your case, you don't like being told no, so sitting on that sofa is one thing you're really not supposed to do at my parents' house, so of course, you're going to sit on it. My mom is never really going to make you get off the sofa. Just don't throw up on it.
Why are there so many boxes around? I hate boxes. Why do cats like boxes? What's wrong with them? I think it's fascinating that you don't like boxes. Research has shown that cats like boxes because they serve as a way to hide from predators. I guess for you, the IKEA bag serves a similar purpose. There have been/are so many boxes around because we moved to a new house recently. Boxes are used to move things from one place to another, so we needed them to move. You were a very good boy during the move and I appreciate you good boy behavior. We're almost all unpacked so the boxes should be gone soon, maybe even by next weekend.
Speaking of IKEA bags, can I have my own? So I bought you your own IKEA bag for Christmas. Every time I leave it out, you ignore it and try to climb up the fireplace grate (which you really need to stop doing). I can give you one of the older IKEA bags since you really seem to love those. I want you to be super happy in our new home, so if an older IKEA bag makes you happy, so be it. Once I get the boxes out of the guest room, I'll leave the IKEA bag out all the time for you. You can permanently live in an IKEA bag down by the river if you decide that's the way you want to live your life.
How is it possible you don't see the ghost? It was right over your head in the old apartment. I never got a ghost vibe at the old place. It seemed too new and shiny for ghosts. I guess ghosts could be anywhere, but hear me out on this. Do you think it could be outside noises or maybe a squirrel or rodent who lives in the walls? I'm grossed out by the rodent in the walls idea, but it's also a possibility. I guess if it is in fact a ghost, I'm glad I have you to let me know. Keep up the good ghost hunting work in our new place.
So remember that time we were at those people's house and there was that really big bird outside. What was that? How do I get it? I want to get it. So that bird is called a hawk. Hawks are birds of prey, and the feed on smaller birds and animals, including squirrels. As you know, my dad (the man who makes the turkey) likes to feed birds and squirrels. The backyard is like his own Wild Kingdom. This makes it a prime target for hawks; I'm pretty certain they're going to steal a squirrel one day (and by steal, I mean eat). Anyway, I'm glad you like watching the hawk, but hawks will also go after cats so I don't think you'll ever get to "get it". Sorry buddy.
Why didn't you get me my own chicken sandwich when you got a chicken sandwich? I like chicken sandwiches. Don't you love me? I know you like chicken sandwiches, but you can't have chicken sandwiches especially if they're from Popeye's. Fried food and spicy things aren't good for you. You may have chicken sometimes, but only if I cook it. I promise that I'll make you some chicken soon. Unrelated, but since we're on the topic of chicken sandwiches, the Popeye's sandwich is far superior to that other place and it doesn't come with a side of homophobia. Even cats know you shouldn't support hateful places even if they have waffle fries.
Do you think I'm getting better at hiding? I don't know if better is the word I'd use, but you're trying and that's what really matters. The thing about hiding is that no one is supposed to see you. It creates an element of surprise when jump from your hiding place and attack. You need to work on hiding your whole body, not just a leg or your tail. The cool thing about our new house is that we have really long curtains by one of the windows. You should focus your hiding here because you can use the curtains for camouflage. A skilled hider uses his environment to his advantage.
Do you think Billy Porter would like me? I've been working on my poses. You really loved watching Pose didn't you? I know you've been working on your poses, and I think Billy Porter would be very proud of you. You've also done such a good job working on your side eye that he can't possibly not enjoy you. I bet he'd also really like to see your version of Blue Steel; I know it's your best pose. It's not from his show, but I think he'd love it. Maybe he'll come up with a Keely inspired category next season.
I really like my bed. Thank you for getting it for me. That was so polite of you, and you're welcome. I'm glad you like the new bed. In the future, let's try not to vomit on this one. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to find another one just like it.
Seriously, I'm freaking handsome. And so humble; we need to work on this a bit more. When is your album going to drop? For real, someone needs to get on this and use your handsomeness for good in the world. It's too much for just me to handle. That's why I post so many photos of you on Instagram.
I hope you enjoyed this year's "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day." Keely came up with some really good questions this year. If you need him for anything, he'll be working on his hiding skills and trying to figure out a way to catch his bird nemesis even though he doesn't go outside. If you have a question for him, drop it in the comments and he'll answer you as soon as his next nap is over.
Coming soon to the Island: I roll along the Avenue in Nyx 2020 (so much glitter) and we'll Lazy Movie Weekend AJ & the Queen. Don't miss it!
No comments:
Post a Comment