Answer Your Cat's Questions Day: Portrait Series

It's that time of the year again. No, it's not time to feel guilty about breaking resolutions or not going to the gym or some such nonsense. It's time to answer your cat's questions! Cats are very curious creatures, so we should all be excited that there's one day per year that they channel that curiosity into a productive means of communication by asking questions rather than say, climbing the fireplace grate or eating plastic. It's the little things that matter.

Keely's had a pretty busy year since his last question day. He got a new cat bed, moved to a new house, got a Halloween bow tie, sat under a Christmas tree, and watched a hawk for the first time. He's dealt with boxes, a fancy pants sofa, and scaled back on the biting. He's decided he likes our extended family, with my brother being his second favorite and my parents rounding out his top spots because they provide turkey (my dad) and tell him he's handsome (my mom). He also found a new bird nemesis, who he stalks from window to window in our new house (we have 11 windows). So much excitement for a three year old.

As the proud cat mom I am, I post a lot of photos of my cat son on Instagram. He's ridiculously photogenic, so why not? To change things up a bit, I asked Keely to prepare his questions based on some of our (translation: my favorite - he doesn't love having his photo taken, but boy does he pose) favorite portraits from the last year. Let's dive into Keely's questions!

How often do you plan to work from home? The morning cuddles aren't terrible. Did I hear you sort of say you like something related to being a lap cat and showing affection? Are you a pod cat version of Keely or do you just like me now? You like to cuddle? Amazing. I only work from home once a week, but this last week, I had to go to a special event closer to home so I worked from home a few more days than normal. We'll be back to our normal schedule next week, BUT we can still do morning cuddles on the weekends.

You know I can't talk and only understand about 30 actual words you say? I'm very aware you can't talk, but talking to your pet is actually a sign of intelligence. Human brains are a powerful thing, and talking to pets is a sign of that. In our case, I'm actually responding to the fact that you often sit around the house looking like a cat therapist, and a cat therapist seems like a great therapist to me.

Why do you insist on making all the noise with the roar-y pushy thing? I'm napping. The roar-y pushy thing is called a vacuum and I have to run the vacuum to clean our house. You shed, dirt gets tracked in, sometimes we spill things, the floors needs to be cleaned. I'm sorry if the vacuum interrupts your napping time or your sunbathing time. I'll try plan my vacuuming around your running around the house like a wild animal time. That should balance out the noise.

When did your bed get so comfy? It's so comfy. I don't understand why you move your legs or get up. The bed is the same bed we've always had so I don't know that it's gotten more comfortable since we moved. I did put a different comforter on the bed, so maybe that's what you're responding to. It's a little more squishy than the other one. You've also been sleeping on the bed every night (which is new), so it could also be that you're spending more time on the bed so you're noticing it more. I'm glad you're enjoying the bed more, but I do occasionally need to move my legs around. And I do have to go to work and buy groceries and stuff. That's how life works. 

I am majestic AF. Excuse me? Where did you learn "AF" and do you know what that means? Also, not a question. I'm shocked that you would you such language; you're only three years old. I guess I do swear like a sailor and you might have picked up a word or two. How is that one of the 30 words you understand? These things aside, I can't disagree with you. You are majestic AF. Someone should paint your portrait. 

The other lady told me I shouldn't sit on that other couch that isn't our couch. No one else is sitting on it; I figured it was for me. Why can't I sit on it? I look very regal. In the grand tradition of Garland family pets, I'm not surprised you love that sofa. The dogs, Whitney and Mack, loved it, although both of them struggled to jump on it (short legs). Pumpkin sat on that sofa like it was her job. It's a special couch, and you're all very special so that's probably why you want to sit on it. In your case, you don't like being told no, so sitting on that sofa is one thing you're really not supposed to do at my parents' house, so of course, you're going to sit on it. My mom is never really going to make you get off the sofa. Just don't throw up on it.

Why are there so many boxes around? I hate boxes. Why do cats like boxes? What's wrong with them? I think it's fascinating that you don't like boxes. Research has shown that cats like boxes because they serve as a way to hide from predators. I guess for you, the IKEA bag serves a similar purpose. There have been/are so many boxes around because we moved to a new house recently. Boxes are used to move things from one place to another, so we needed them to move. You were a very good boy during the move and I appreciate you good boy behavior. We're almost all unpacked so the boxes should be gone soon, maybe even by next weekend. 

Speaking of IKEA bags, can I have my own? So I bought you your own IKEA bag for Christmas. Every time I leave it out, you ignore it and try to climb up the fireplace grate (which you really need to stop doing). I can give you one of the older IKEA bags since you really seem to love those. I want you to be super happy in our new home, so if an older IKEA bag makes you happy, so be it. Once I get the boxes out of the guest room, I'll leave the IKEA bag out all the time for you. You can permanently live in an IKEA bag down by the river if you decide that's the way you want to live your life. 

How is it possible you don't see the ghost? It was right over your head in the old apartment. I never got a ghost vibe at the old place. It seemed too new and shiny for ghosts. I guess ghosts could be anywhere, but hear me out on this. Do you think it could be outside noises or maybe a squirrel or rodent who lives in the walls? I'm grossed out by the rodent in the walls idea, but it's also a possibility. I guess if it is in fact a ghost, I'm glad I have you to let me know. Keep up the good ghost hunting work in our new place. 

So remember that time we were at those people's house and there was that really big bird outside. What was that? How do I get it? I want to get it. So that bird is called a hawk. Hawks are birds of prey, and the feed on smaller birds and animals, including squirrels. As you know, my dad (the man who makes the turkey) likes to feed birds and squirrels. The backyard is like his own Wild Kingdom. This makes it a prime target for hawks; I'm pretty certain they're going to steal a squirrel one day (and by steal, I mean eat). Anyway, I'm glad you like watching the hawk, but hawks will also go after cats so I don't think you'll ever get to "get it". Sorry buddy.

Why didn't you get me my own chicken sandwich when you got a chicken sandwich? I like chicken sandwiches. Don't you love me? I know you like chicken sandwiches, but you can't have chicken sandwiches especially if they're from Popeye's. Fried food and spicy things aren't good for you. You may have chicken sometimes, but only if I cook it. I promise that I'll make you some chicken soon. Unrelated, but since we're on the topic of chicken sandwiches, the Popeye's sandwich is far superior to that other place and it doesn't come with a side of homophobia. Even cats know you shouldn't support hateful places even if they have waffle fries.

Do you think I'm getting better at hiding? I don't know if better is the word I'd use, but you're trying and that's what really matters. The thing about hiding is that no one is supposed to see you. It creates an element of surprise when jump from your hiding place and attack. You need to work on hiding your whole body, not just a leg or your tail. The cool thing about our new house is that we have really long curtains by one of the windows. You should focus your hiding here because you can use the curtains for camouflage. A skilled hider uses his environment to his advantage.

Do you think Billy Porter would like me? I've been working on my poses. You really loved watching Pose didn't you? I know you've been working on your poses, and I think Billy Porter would be very proud of you. You've also done such a good job working on your side eye that he can't possibly not enjoy you. I bet he'd also really like to see your version of Blue Steel; I know it's your best pose. It's not from his show, but I think he'd love it. Maybe he'll come up with a Keely inspired category next season.

Do I amuse you? Why do you always laugh at me when I sit like this? Did you watch Goodfellas while I was at work one day? This question is very Goodfellas era Joe Pesci. I call this pose your "dude who has just realized he made a very bad life choice, but there's nothing he can do about it" pose. Also that dude's name is Chad. I don't know why, but it is. When you sit like a person it makes me laugh. It's funny and silly and part of your cat charm, and it's even better when you sit on the chair or on the couch. It's one of my favorite things you do.

I really like my bed. Thank you for getting it for me. That was so polite of you, and you're welcome. I'm glad you like the new bed. In the future, let's try not to vomit on this one. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to find another one just like it.

Seriously, I'm freaking handsome. And so humble; we need to work on this a bit more. When is your album going to drop? For real, someone needs to get on this and use your handsomeness for good in the world. It's too much for just me to handle. That's why I post so many photos of you on Instagram.

I hope you enjoyed this year's "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day." Keely came up with some really good questions this year. If you need him for anything, he'll be working on his hiding skills and trying to figure out a way to catch his bird nemesis even though he doesn't go outside. If you have a question for him, drop it in the comments and he'll answer you as soon as his next nap is over.

Coming soon to the Island: I roll along the Avenue in Nyx 2020 (so much glitter) and we'll Lazy Movie Weekend AJ & the Queen. Don't miss it!

Lazy Movie Weekend: Movies to Be Thankful For

Happy Everyone Goes Crazy and Buys Stuff They Probably Don't Need Which Will Probably Be on Sale Later So Why Did You Get Up So Early Day! That really doesn't roll off the tongue as well as Black Friday. If you did brave the stores and the lines today, I hope you found that television or hot toy of the year or whatever it was that you ventured out into the fray to purchase today. I also hope you were nice to the clerks and the other people in the stores; I really don't want to see anyone I know in some horrible "When Shoppers Attack" video online later today. Let's all try to get along.

I don't participate in Black Friday shopping. I'm not a huge shopper to begin with and I don't like crowded malls or Targets all that much. Any Christmas shopping I'm doing this year will be done at the NMWA museum shop, a few local stores, and the DC Holiday Market. I'll probably get a few things online and I'm making some gifts this year. No need to rush out today to shop. Instead, I'm going to spend the rest of today and parts of tomorrow and Sunday watching some of my favorite movies and enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers. In honor of my second favorite holiday, I've put together a little "Movies to Be Thankful For" movie marathon. Some are more recent releases; others are classics or movies I've featured in a past Lazy Movie Weekend post. So grab a turkey sandwich, maybe some pie, and settle in for this marathon.

1. Home for the Holidays (1995) - By far the best movie about Thanksgiving there is, Home for the Holidays is a 1990s movie treat, featuring Holly Hunter, a pre-Ironman Robert Downey, Jr., Claire Danes at peak My So-Called Life fame, and Mrs. Robinson herself, Anne Bancroft. Let's not forget Charles Durning (a national treasure) and of course, Steve Guttenberg. Please pause to reflect on the fact that at one point in our collective history, Steve Guttenberg was a sex symbol. Just let that sink in. Holly Hunter plays Claudia Larson, who's Thanksgiving holiday has gone from bad (losing her job before the holiday) to worse (her fashionable coat is stolen, her mother is a little maudlin, her sister is awful, and a turkey gets dropped on someone) as she journeys home for the holidays. I can never decide if Anne Bancroft is my favorite part of this movie or if the collective crazy that is Larson family is what makes this whole thing work. I aspire to be Aunt Glady one day.
2. Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 (2017) - I'm a big fan of the first Guardians movie as well, but there's something about the second movie that makes me thankful for superhero movies that both does and doesn't take itself seriously. The sequel is about family and how it doesn't necessarily have to mean people you're related to especially when your dad is a shady dude named Ego. We're also treated to one of the greatest characters of the last few years, Baby Groot. Adult Groot stole most of the first Guardians movie with his odd humanity and his bond with Rocket. But Baby Groot is a completely different story. There's a part towards the end of the movie where Gamora is holding him and he reaches out for Drax like a baby would reach for a parent. So cute. Vin Diesel voices Groot in both films, which is both genius and unexpected. It also leads us to our third entry on this list...
3. Action movies made in the early 2000s featuring Vin Diesel and his arms - Look, we can pretend that we went to see XXX, The Chronicles of Riddick, The Fast and the Furious, and The Pacifier because they all looked like fun, action-packed movies that would entertain us for an hour/hour and a half. This is a lie. Tell the truth; it was because of Vin Diesel's arms. I would start with XXX because it's the most ridiculous of this group of movies. 
4. You've Got Mail (1998) - I will watch this movie anytime it's on television. I can't help myself. It's charming and sometimes, I need a movie that isn't serious or is going to make me regret my life choices or something equally dramatic. I want charming and this movie fulfills that order for me. Technically, it was the first Lazy Movie Weekend post here on the Island. I wouldn't come up with the theme until a few months later when I rewatched Return to Oz for the first time in 10 years (still creepy). Anyway, You've Got Mail is a modern version of The Shop Around the Corner and features a delightful Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks as warring bookstore owners who are secretly chatting with one another (and falling in love) in an online chat room. It's charming and delightful and will make you fall in love with New York and possibility. Also, there is a sequence that takes place over Thanksgiving so technically this is a holiday movie.
5. Harold and Maude (1971) - I dated a guy a few years ago who didn't understand why I love this movie so much. He thought it was morbid and weird (which it is). We were never going to last given his attitude about this movie. There's so much to enjoy about the story of Harold, a young man intrigued with death, who befriends Maude, an almost 80 year old woman who lives life to the fullest. She teaches Harold how to embrace living and live each day to the fullest. They meet at a funeral and Harold does things like stage his death several times to get out of the blind dates his mother sets him up on, but at the end of the day, Harold and Maude is about eccentricity, love, and friendship. It also features a soundtrack by Cat Stevens that becomes a character itself. 
6. Almost Famous (2000) - Say Anything was my favorite Cameron Crowe movie until I saw Almost Famous for the first time. The movie is loosely based on Crowe's on time on the road as a rock journalist in the 1970s, writing for Rolling Stone. Patrick Fugit's William Miller is Crowe's stand-in, a teenage music fan and writer who ends up on tour with the band Stillwater (including Jason Lee and Billy Crudup). He falls in love with one of the Band-Aids, Penny Lane (Kate Hudson), who also happens to be involved with a member of the band. Set to an amazing soundtrack, Almost Famous is everything about 70s rock music I love. It's about fans and bands coming up through the ranks and love (all rock songs are about love). William's mother and sister (Frances McDormand and Zooey Deschanel respectively) are also a treat. If you love music, you should watch this movie.
7. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) - I will always admit to liking hipster things and Wes Anderson movies are probably the most hipster thing I like outside of craft beer and fancy cheese. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and Moonrise Kingdom are my two favorites. I picked this one for three reasons: Bill Murray, the soundtrack, and Bud Cort. Bill Murray appears in many of Anderson's movies, but this is my favorite of his performances. He's like a less nice, heavier drinking Jacques Cousteau so, you know, delightful. The soundtrack is a mix of rock/pop hits from the 70s and 80s and performances of David Bowie songs in Portuguese (performed by the amazing Seu Jorge). I saw him perform these songs earlier this year and it was wonderful; go see him in concert if you have the opportunity. The movie also features Bud Cort, who we met earlier in this list as Harold in Harold and Maude. He plays an accountant who is kidnapped by pirates because that's the kind of movie this is.
8. Amelie (2001) - When I visited Paris in 2013, one of my planned stops was the cafe featured in Amelie. I spent a day in Montmartre and had lunch at Le Café des 2 Moulins. It was a highlight of my trip. The movie is another movie that I can only describe as "charming." Audrey Tautou plays Amelie, a shy waitress who helps her friends, discovers a secret admirer, and has adventures around Paris. There's also a traveling gnome, revenge, and lots of quirk. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. I could tell you more, but that would ruin it so just watch the movie yourself.
9. Hairspray (1988) - This was the first John Waters movie I ever watched and it will always be my favorite. Set in 1962 Baltimore, Hairspray is at first glance, about a teenage girl who wants to be on a local televised dance show. However, it's also about civil rights, being comfortable with who you are, and doing what's right in the world. This was Ricki Lake's first movie role and she is a delight. Divine plays her mother, Edna, and is the best part of the movie. There's great fashion, dancing, and Vitamin C plays the mean girl. I would also recommend the musical movie version that came out a few years ago despite the fact that John Travolta is terrible in it. Queen Latifah and James Marsden make up for his awfulness. 
10. Elf (2003) - I figured I'd end with a Christmas movie since everyone is now welcome to start decorating and listening to Christmas music if that's your thing. If ever there was a person destined to play a human raised by elves, it's Will Ferrell. He's so perfect for the role of Buddy the Elf; my brother doesn't care for Ferrell and he likes this movie. That's saying something. It's one of the most quotable holiday movies ("Smiling is my favorite.). James Caan is very James Caan as Buddy's birth father and Ed Asner should always play Santa. It's also a little weird and quirky which makes it even better. Enjoy while drinking cocoa and enjoying some maple syrup.

I hope ten is enough movies to get through the long weekend. If anyone has any creative uses for leftovers, let me know. I'm thinking of making waffles out of the leftover stuffing to go with my viewing of You've Got Mail. I feel like those two things belong together.

Next weekend: Your Resident Single Friend goes speed dating. Yes, it's really happening. I wouldn't want my mother to worry that I'm going to die alone.

Hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants

 

I re-watch the television show Gilmore Girls when my life is less than settled. I'm not sure why but it's typically my thing. Something stressful happens and I pop in season four and watch The Dragonfly Inn come to life while Rory is making questionable life choices by sleeping with a married man and Lorelai is hiding her boyfriend from her parents like she's the teenager and not the mom. Or maybe it's more of a season six kind of binge, all "I'm leaving Yale and living in the pool house and joining the DAR" and "June 3rd is the perfect day for a wedding until it's not" and "Luke hides a daughter for almost an entire season for no apparent reason." Better yet, what about season two where we meet Jess, the Puffs, and Sookie gets married?

I could literally spend all day talking about my favorite episodes (four Thanksgivings, the opening of the Dragonfly Inn, Rory graduating from high school, the Life & Death Brigade, Lane's baby shower, Michel's dog funeral), the best characters who are not the main characters (Miss Patty, Babette, Kirk, Lane, Zack, Tom, and Lane's little cousin who yells at Zack during a super formal Korean dinner), and who are the worst (Taylor but with affection, April, Dean, Francie, Sherry, and Jackson's weird cousin). I took an informal poll on Facebook (source of all great news and facts; just ask John Oliver) and no one could name just one favorite episode or even one favorite season. To me, that gets to the heart of what was truly magical about this show - everything. It wasn't one character, one event, one location that made it special. It was each detail, each character, each moment.

As we near the premiere of A Year in the Life on Netflix this coming Friday, I thought I'd spend less time reflecting on the seven seasons we've had and focus on what I hope we get in the revival. I haven't read much about the revival; fan theories and potential spoilers are not my thing. I want to go into the new episodes armed with nothing more than the love of this show and maybe some coffee and a pop tart. Here's what I hope we get in these four episodes:

• Team Rory: I'm will forever be #TeamLogan (and I'm not going to spend any time here defending my choice) but I really don't care which guy she ends up with if she ends up with any of the original three boyfriends. Show creator, Amy Sherman-Palladino, doesn't care either. One of the great things about this show was Rory as an independent young woman. She can have a dude in her life but let's not care about it so much. 
• Are Kirk and Lulu still together? They are one of my favorite couples from the show so I hope they are still together and being their weird selves.
• We get to see older versions of all the kids that were babies or toddlers in the last few seasons. Sookie's kids, Steve and Kwan, Gigi - what will they all be like? Are they cool? I hope they're all cool.
• Can we please meet Mr. Kim?
• Is Emily really wearing jeans and concert t-shirt? I saw it in the preview but I don't believe it. I feel like this is actually the equivalent of seeing Emily Gilmore naked. It could supplant that episode where Emily is basically drunk the whole time as the greatest un-Emily episode of the entire series. Apparently, that's Kelly Bishop's favorite episode so there's that. 
• An ugly cry tribute to Richard Gilmore. Let's face it, it's going to happen and we all need to prepare. 
• Sookie's kitchen and her ability to break something or catch stoves on fire. Sookie is one of my favorite characters and I'm glad that Melissa McCarthy was able to be part of the revival. I hope we get to see her in her kitchen but maybe not injured or destroying expensive kitchen equipment.
• Babette and Miss Patty singing. 
• Town Hall meetings! I have missed Town Hall meetings so much. Is Taylor still being insufferable (yes)? How often does Babette interrupt things with an inappropriate story about her and Maury (frequently)? Is Gypsy going to be sassy (yes)? I can't wait!
• Is there a new town troubadour? The regular troubadour came back but did he stay?
• More Hep Alien. I hope that Hep Alien went on to be a famous-ish band. Zack has always been one of my favorite characters and Gil and Brian were awesome. Seriously, getting Sebastian Bach on this show was genius. They did get back together without Bach back in 2015 so it would be great to that the band was successful. Todd Lowe will always be my dream dude (after Chief Hopper from Stranger Things).
• Paris and Doyle's wedding and/or the knowledge that they're engaged. Obviously they make sense together and will eventually take over the world. 
• Quotable moments like this: Mrs. Kim: Boys don't like funny girls.
  Lorelai: I took a bite, and I thought nothing had ever tasted so good. I thought it tasted like freedom. It tasted like I was my own person. The pop-tart tasted like freedom and rebellion and independence.
• Christopher messing up something. It's inevitable that Christopher will be here somewhere messing up something. I'm hoping it's his own life and not Lorelai's. It didn't work twice so let's move on.
• Michel! I've missed Michel so much. His rudeness, his random acts of kindness, his dogs. Do you think he adopted another dog? Will his flawless mother make another appearance? 
• A town festival. Stars Hollow is a town of festivals. It seemed like no matter how out there one festival was (living art for example), the town (and Taylor) would come up with another idea. The Firelight Festival has always been my favorite. 
• More dialogue like this:
  Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish…I’m writing a letter…I can’t write a letter…why can’t I write a letter?…I’m wearing a green dress…I wish I was wearing my blue dress…my blue dress is at the cleaners…the Germans wore grey…you wore blue…Casablanca, Casablanca…such a good movie…Casablanca…the White House…Bush…why don’t I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car…I should really take my bicycle to work…bicycle, unicycle, unitard…hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants.
  Rory: Hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants?
  Lorelai: Exactly! That’s what I’m saying. Its a big bag of weird in there.

No matter what happens, it'll be great to spend a few hours back in the magical world of Gilmore Girls. We all deserve a little something to look forward to these days. 

PS - Team Dean will never win. Dean is the worst. He needs to take his floppy hair and tallness and get the hell out of Rory's life. #sorrynotsorry

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An open letter to Christmas decorations in October

Dear Santa, Rudolph, Mrs. Claus, the Grinch and Max, Angel choir, tree skits, twinkle lights, and all other Christmas decorations,

I wasn't expecting to see you yet so you'll have to excuse my shock and awkwardness upon encountering you at Target earlier today. I was looking for a fall wreath and well, you startled me. I was expecting pretty fall colors and leaves and instead I was assaulted by red and green and silver. It's funny, you were right next to a creepy clown mask. Normally, the clown would bother me but I was more concerned with your presence in the seasonal section.

Do me a favor. Find a calendar and go to October 2014. Take a close look at today. Can you tell me what today is?

IT'S OCTOBER 25TH!!!!!

I'm sorry about the shouting but it's October 25th. That means that's it 6 days until Halloween, 32 days until Thanksgiving, and 60 days until Christmas. Sixty days!!! By my calculations you should not be out in stores yet. Or on people's houses. Or up at the mall. It's not your turn.

I don't want you to think that I'm not a fan. Christmas is a wonderful time of year to be with family and celebrate all the magic of the season. I love holiday baking, especially cookies since when baking cookies I spend the day with my family. We laugh at things that aren't probably all that funny and have found a way to turn a snowman cookie into John Belushi. We have skills. I'm trying to be better about enjoying decorating the tree and my parents' house; they have a lot of decorations so I find it overwhelming. Last year I even made my own tree out of books and twinkle lights and it was wonderful. So I'm not opposed to decorations or the holiday spirit.

But it's not your turn! My two favorite holidays of the year come before you and I feel like you are stealing their thunder. Halloween and Thanksgiving deserve their time in the spotlight. I think it's time that we discuss what happens when you creep your way in before it's time.

The holidays are an event-filled, stressful time of year for many people, myself included. There are so many expectations: Thanksgiving dinner has to be Martha Stewart picture perfect despite the fact that most attendees have been day drinking and may not even make it to dinner; every relative you haven't seen recently will ask you why you're still single or why you don't have babies and make you feel as if you have failed at a significant part of life; your shopping list gets longer every year but you have no idea what to get anyone and they certainly don't want to give you any ideas; baking gets out of control because you just have to make one more batch of snowballs for your mother's sister's cousin's neighbor. I think the feeling can best be summarized by the wonderful Anne Bancroft in the film Home for the Holidays:

"I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us."

You see, Christmas decorations, when you show up sixty full days early you make it worse. We don't have time to enjoy the two best holidays of the year, Halloween and Thanksgiving, because we're already worrying about all the things we have to get done and are already "behind" on because it's October 25th and I haven't made my card list (or maybe made my cards), bought a fake tree off the tv (saw an ad this week), or decided which overpriced electronic device I will buy for my dad this year that he will promptly not use despite telling me that he wanted it. It's too much pressure!

Let's just forget about the stress of the holidays for a moment and think about the joys of fall. I haven't had time to fully settle into pumpkin spice flavored things or to bring out all my sweaters yet (since it's still in the 70s on occasion). I haven't seen the beauty of leaves changing colors and making the world seem like a postcard. I've only made pumpkin cookies with brown sugar icing one time. ONE TIME! That's just not enough. Honey crisp apples have only recently appeared at the grocery. And apple cider is only now warming our souls. Don't even get me started on the number of scary movies I haven't watched yet. And A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is still weeks away.

Can't we all just enjoy the beauty and majesty of fall? Can't we just have one experience at a time?

I know it's not really your fault, Christmas decorations. I'm sure you'd rather spend October and November gearing up for the big show that is December. Or maybe you'd rather reflect on all the meanings that you as a season have for people. That could mean any number of things from religious celebrations and festivities to celebrating the solstice or even the secular side of the season. Whichever path you want to explore, I know you'd rather do it at the appropriate time. Not in October. Not in November.

I want to feel like Jack Skellington when he goes through the tree door and finds himself in Christmastown for the first time. I want to wonder "What is this?" when I see a snowflake or a candy cane and look on in wonder when people gather for carols and to decorate their trees. It's impossible to feel that way when you show up months early and make my Type A personality start spinning with the fear that I am somehow behind on things that I never knew I needed to deal with in the first place. I don't think it's too much to ask to celebrate the holidays during the corresponding month. This is how the world is supposed to work.

Thanks for listening. Maybe we can work together to solve this problem so future generations can bask in the wonder of the season while still enjoying all that October and November have to offer. Maybe we can figure out a way for everyone to get the equal time they deserve.

Love and candy corns,
Erin

Jack in Christmastown

Next week: It's National Novel Writing Month (well it will be next Saturday)! I'll preview this year's novel and what to expect on the Island while I write a 50K word novel in one month.

Put the celery down and walk away

It's almost Thanksgiving! I hope that you're prepared for the next several days of eating, football watching, shopping, awkward conversations about your love life, and holiday drinking. Just remember that if you do drink, have a DD or stay where you are. Make smart life choices, Island readers.

I've spent the last two Thanksgivings in California so I'm looking forward to enjoying the day with my parents and brother. Last year, I had Chinese food and watched Hallmark and Lifetime holiday movies while I packed to move to my new apartment. I don't understand why neither network has contacted me about my idea for a new movie. I thought it was pretty great and would go over well with their target audience. Hallmark and Lifetime, I'm still waiting. Let's plan a time to talk over hazelnut coffee and homemade scones. We can also talk about our feelings and how we make lists about love. And how Annabeth Gish would make a phenomenal leading lady for the movie.

Moving on.

I can never decide if Halloween or Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Both have so much to offer in holiday awesomeness. Halloween has candy, scary movies, costumes, and the crisp cool air of fall. Thanksgiving has stuffing, giving thanks, and pie. I could use Charlie Brown cartoons to decide this but I love It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown as much as I love A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll just have to leave them tied for first. This balances out the fact that I loathe New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day equally. Order restored to the universe.

Usually, Thanksgiving is just the four of us (my parents, brother, and me). Over the years, we've adopted "Thanksgiving orphans" (usually my brother's friends) and sometimes we get wild and don't cook a traditional meal (last year the three of them had homemade lemon chicken - get right out of town Garland family). But normally, we're pretty traditional at Thanksgiving: mom's stuffing, Scott's pumpkin pie, dad's cranberry relish and/or pecan pie. I usually help with the stuffing and the rolls. We watch the parade, the dog show, some football, and Charlie Brown. Sometimes we get really rowdy and watch a James Bond movie or two. I don't nap so I normally end up reading while everyone else takes a nap before dessert. My parents like to send me home with a healthy amount of leftovers; my mom and I actually discussed them on the phone today (we're "making" my dad make double the cranberry relish so I can take more home for leftover sandwiches - that's how we roll).

Thanksgiving is usually fairly uneventful. I don't remember any major food mishaps although Mack, the dog, did eat an entire loaf of bread today. It was intended for stuffing but I got a replacement so it  should be fine. Since it's usually just the four of us there aren't any awkward/inappropriate conversations about my love life (although my mom does sometimes drop hints about it without being mean or anything). The craziest thing I've ever witnessed on Thanksgiving was two women fighting (physically had to be separated kind of fighting) over the last celery at a grocery store in Hawaii. It was not pretty.

So really I guess my favorite thing about Thanksgiving it's that it's quiet and normal and nice. There's not a lot of stress and everyone seems happy to be together and there's time to enjoy pie (with real whipped cream). The only thing anyone ever complains about is that the dog show doesn't give enough screen time to the corgi. Do they even understand how adorable corgis are? Have they heard of the internet?

A final thought: if you're going shopping on Black Friday, please remember the following:

• You're missing awesome holiday movies on tv because you're in line at a store.
• Shopping online involves staying in your pjs for much longer on a Friday. Staying in your pjs on a weekday is decadent so I don't understand why you'd want to throw that away to shop.
• Be nice to the clerks and other people working on the holiday. It's not their fault that their store only got two of the monster sized tvs (you should read the fine print my friend).
• Remember where you parked. 

Happy Thanksgiving from the Island of Misfit Toys! Hope you have a celery-fight free day.