Keely demands answers

Happy New Year! Is it too late to say that? It's been a few weeks since I last posted; I've been busy launching my new embroidery project, being angry at insurrectionists and weak politicians, and being overjoyed at the fact that functioning adults have returned to the White House. Oh, and I had to work and clean my house and stuff. I know, too many excuses. Forgive me, loyal Island readers. I'll try to do better.

2021 is already shaping up to be another roller coaster year. I was hoping with the return of functional adults to our government, I could return to writing fun and frivolous pieces again. That's partially why I didn't post anything in the last two weeks: I didn't know what to say. I was angry, but writing a post here wasn't  helping with processing like it normally does. So I took a break. 

But I couldn't let my favorite made up holiday pass by without a post. If we don't celebrate "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day," how would Keely get to know things? We may spend 24 hours a day together (basically), but I don't really take the time to answer his questions. A lot of our day is spent with me working in my office nook and him napping somewhere in the house until he decides he "needs" me. This usually happens when I'm on a Zoom call with my manager or a senior leadership team member. It's awesome. I also created an adorable cat for my daily embroidery project to celebrate. #catmomsrock

Let's get started with this year's questions!!

• Why are you home all the time now? Don't you have a job or friends or stuff to do? You're infringing on my doing cat things time. We're currently living in the middle of a pandemic. There's a very contagious and dangerous virus out there, and being around lots of people is one of the chief ways it spreads. Almost a year ago, my work closed the physical office and asked all employees to work from home until further notice. Now, I get to spend all day at home with you! Think of the benefits: you get your dinner on time every night, I'm around for extra treats during the day, and you've fully embraced your life as a lap cat. You can do you cat things at night or when I'm on Zoom calls. 
• Where did the tree go? I like napping under it and rubbing my face on the branches and eating plastic. I love that you love the tree! I haven't put up a Christmas tree since 2013, and wasn't sure how you'd react to a tree being around all the time. Since I was home this year, I figured a tree would be a nice addition to our house. You did look so cute napping under the tree! I don't know why they don't write songs about cats under Christmas trees. It's probably because most cats destroy trees, proving to us time and time again why we can't have nice things.  Christmas only lasts so long, so the tree had to be put away until next year. Between now and then, I'd really like you to think about your choices when it comes to eating plastic. It's not good for you, and if you eat too much, we won't have a tree to love at all. 
• Why does the red dot disappear? Since you've become incredibly needy at the worst possible times (when I'm presenting during Zoom meetings, for example), I bought you a motion activated laser toy to keep you occupied and to make sure you get exercise. The red dot only works for 15 minutes and then it takes a break for an hour. I promise if you can be patient, it'll come back soon. 
• Why did you cry while watching tv in the middle of the day on a Wednesday? Did someone take your favorite toy away? The last four years have been a lot. Ever since He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned took office, it's been one horrible thing after another. He lost re-election (he really did for those of you who are still struggling with this), and on Wednesday, January 20, a new President took office AND the first woman Vice President was sworn in too. It was amazing and emotional and everything I hoped it would be. You're right that I don't normally watch tv in the middle of a workday and I don't normally cry when I watch tv, but it was such a relief to watch the ceremony on Wednesday. My shoulders have relaxed for the first time in a long time. It's important to remember that just because I'm happy about the new administration doesn't mean I'm going to stop holding them accountable and being involved. It just means I might not have to be angry every day for the next four years.
• Did you buy the new comforter for me? It's so fluffy! I did not buy the comforter for you, but let's face it, everything in the house is yours so why pretend it's not. It is so fluffy! I also appreciate the fact that you sleep on my feet every night. I like to pretend it's because you're protecting me, but I know it's really the comforter. 
• When are you going to be done working? I need to sit on your lap. What's that I hear? Are you a lap cat?!? When did this happen? I know you like the attention, but I have to work to provide things like your food and toys and the roof over you precious cat head. You seem to have adjusted to our new routine, and I love that you need me to stop at precisely 4 pm every day so we can get some cuddle time in before your dinner. 
• Do you really think reading a book is going to stop me from trying to eat chicken? It was worth a try. Look, my food is not your food. I know you think it is, and occasionally, when you're a very good boy, you get some chicken or the tuna can to lick (only because you seem to be able to process tuna). But human food isn't good for you, and Kung Pao Chicken definitely isn't good for you. 
• Are the other humans getting a dog? Why do they need a dog? The other humans (my parents and brother) may be getting a dog. Your Uncle Scott really wants a dog, so he's started the process of looking for one to adopt. He has assured me that only dogs who can be around cats will be considered, and more importantly, you're still his favorite cat (named Keely). He won't stop being your dude-bro and the other humans won't stop thinking you're a very good boy. You're one of the family, buddy. We like you. 

Please enjoy a sampling of photos of the world's most photogenic cat (probably, if you exclude Norwegian forest cats). Check out my other blog, An Embroidery a Day, for an adorable salute to today's festivities.

Ask a Cat: Keely's Guide to Social Distancing and Staying Inside

It's been a year this week, hasn't it? I hope everyone's being a good citizen and continuing to stay home and binge watch shows on Netflix. If you're like me, this week was your first week working remotely versus working from home once a week. It takes time to adjust to new work and home situations and not being around people as much. While I don't miss commuting, I do miss quick catch-ups over coffee and lunch breaks. I work with some truly wonderful people, so it's no surprise I'm missing the office. I'm on calls with many of them daily, so it's something.

I've been thinking about how to best approach this new normal, and it dawned on me that the best "person" to provide advice on this topic lives right here in my house. He's currently curled up in his bed napping, but I was able to keep his attention long enough to get some real advice on social distancing and living a primarily indoor lifestyle. Keely may be a cat, but he knows things. He has a very active indoor life, and we can learn much from him.

Welcome to the inaugural Ask a Cat post! Let's get right into Keely's advice for living your best indoor life.

Establish a solid routine to keep your days organized. You humans think that because I sleep 16 hours a day, I don't have a routine. That just means you're not paying attention. All pets have highly structured, scheduled days. We allot a certain amount of time for sleeping (16 hours minimum), eating, using the litter box, cuddles, and running around the house for no apparent reason. I also like to include at least 10 minutes for staring at one spot on the ceiling; it makes my human think it's haunted. Stick to a routine. Work when you're supposed to work. Take a lunch break. Workout when you would normally work out. Watch tv. Sticking to your schedule will help you keep calm in an otherwise chaotic universe.

Find a good napping spot. I like to nap. Napping is my favorite. I have three primary napping spots in the house, and at least six secondary spots. I like to use the secondary spots when my human isn't paying attention to me...she has to look for me when I nap in a secondary spot. My favorite spot for a nap is in front of the sliding glass door. It'a AMAZING! The sun comes in just right. There's some kind of pillow my human left there that I love. I can hide. Rest is an important part of indoor living. You can't keep up your schedule if you don't slow down for a nap every now and then. 

Manage your snacks/food. If I had my way, I'd get to eat whatever I want whenever I want. But my human has completely different ideas about how my diet should work, so I don't get to snack all the time. I know you bought some random things when you went to the store last time; don't eat them all on your first day or first week. The human has been sneaking cookies (she thinks I don't see her), and she's going to run out. You probably have more time to cook. Don't forget to eat some vegetables with every meal, and plan for some comfort foods. My human made a casserole this week and it smelled so good. She didn't share with me, but a cat can dream. 

Prepare your work from home space...and assert dominance over those who may also be working/learning from home. Make sure you create some type of dedicated work space for yourself. It's easy to think that you'll roll out of bed and work from your couch in your pjs all day, but that is a terrible idea. Having some separation between work space and living space, however minimal, is ideal. It may not be realistic to have a whole desk or something, but find a way to create some dedicated working space, even if it's temporary each day. If you're sharing a space with others, make sure you assert your dominance early on in the work from home situation; it's the only way to secure the best spot. I find a cold stare the best way to accomplish this. Pushing their stuff off tables while making direct eye contact also works.

Spend time doing the things you love or develop new hobbies. Besides napping and eating, my primary hobbies consist of running around the house, chasing the red dot, and trying to open the front door (I don't know how the round thing works, but I can reach it). It's important to dedicate time to your hobbies now, or discover new ones. My human is doing so much embroidery; it's tiny stitches for days. She's also practicing needle felting (just another excuse to stab something repeatedly), and has baked so many things. 

Write that novel. Paint that picture. Do that thing you've always wanted to do as long as you can remain in your home while doing it.

When in doubt, there's always Netflix.

Stay active. Run around your house at 2 am for no reason. Maybe running around the house isn't your thing, but staying active is an important part of being successful at social distancing. You can still go outside to walk, run, ride a bike. No one said you couldn't leave your house...just do so sparingly and keep at least 6 feet between you and someone else.

My human has started doing something called yoga. I don't know if you know what yoga is, but it seems like she moves her legs around weirdly and then sometimes lays on her back with her eyes closed. I thought I heard the word "down dog," but there was no dog. I've been trying to help her do her yoga, but she usually shoos me away. I'm really good at the laying on the back pose.

Wash your hands. Grooming is my third favorite activity, after eating and sleeping (in that order). I'm particularly fond of laying against my human at night and cleaning my paws. She doesn't know, but I sleep next to her to protect her. That's what cats do for other hairless, large cats who suck at hunting (basically my human). Anyway, wash your hands, especially if you do go outside or interact with other people. I'm shocked by the fact that basic hygiene seems so novel to so many people. I don't remember my real mom much, but she did teach me how to wash my paws. And don't hoard hand sanitizer!

Get dressed. My human made me wear a tie today. I may, on occasion, like to walk in the path of her video camera when she's talking to people who aren't here. She was on one of those calls today, and made me wear a tie. She told me that I needed to dress for work. I didn't like it, but she has a point. Even if you want to work in your pjs or yoga pants, change into clean ones for your work time. It'll make you feel better. My tie makes me feel important.

Check in with your people, especially your extroverted friends. I'm perfectly fine not being around another person or cat for days. My human's cool because she feeds me and lets me nap on her when I need a little cuddle time. But I get it, humans are inherently social creatures. Use all that technology that you designed to put us cats on the internet, and connect with one another instead. Have virtual lunches and parties. My human is having a virtual crafting party this weekend. If you have extroverts in your life, call them. They are not designed to spend this much time away from actual people. Check in on the older people in your life too. Every other day or so, my human talks to the lady and the man who makes the turkey and they're doing just fine. Maybe he'll bring me a turkey when this is all over. Mmmm, turkey.

Document what's going on! I'm told this is a significant historical event, and it's important for us to document what's going on. My human literally takes 20 pictures of me every day. She can't help herself. I get it; I'm a handsome cat and I pose, but she's getting a little out of control. No one cares that I'm napping in the sun again. I mean, I care, but no one else does. Anyway, taking time out to write down your thoughts from the day or vent your frustrations is a good way to get out some of those feelings you're feeling. My human writes in a pink journal while she eats breakfast, and she jots things down throughout the day. I assume it's all about me, but who knows? I'm a cat. I can't read.

Go to things virtually. My human went to a virtual concert earlier this week featuring something called the Dropkick Murphys. I don't know what they are, but she seemed to be having a lot of fun dancing around the house and singing. I think it was singing? I slept through the whole thing. So much stuff is now available online you'd be silly to not take advantage. Just remember to actually go visit museums, concert venues, and other places that gave you free access once things reopen.

Alone time. Some of you have to deal with other people being around all the time now. While I don't love that my human is here all the time, I would be very lost without her. I'd also be annoyed if there were lots of other people with us. Everyone is adjusting to new schedules and so much togetherness. Remember, you still need some alone time. Read a book, take a bath, sit quietly in a room drinking a glass of wine (if that's your thing). Step away from the laptop and the phone. Use the time to reflect on how awesome you are even if you feel like you're not doing everything right or whatever. Cut yourselves a break, humans.

Don't panic. The dolphins haven't gone anywhere. In fact, they've returned to some places in record numbers. If everyone does their part and stays home, we'll get through this. And then you can look back and fondly remember that time you took advice from a cat.

Just in case you need some extra calm, please enjoy this video of me purring and kneading. Those are my fourth and fifth favorite activities.

Do you have a question or a topic for Keely? Send in your "Ask a Cat" questions and topics, and Keely might respond to you in a future post. Keep in mind, he won't answer anything about politics (except to remind you to vote) or inappropriate topics. He's only three years old, people. Keep it clean.