Tell me that part about Metallica again...

A few comments:

1. No one has perfect hair rolling out of bed at such an early hour. No one.
2. Metallica and the Offspring shouldn't be used comparatively since they're not in the same genre. Punk and metal are cousins. What good comes of comparing cousins unless your family is mean spirited and horrible?
3. Christopher was always the wrong choice. Always.

I saw a rerun of this episode the day after I saw Metallica live and thought it was a sign from the musical gods that I needed to write about Metallica this week. What I find most infuriating about this particular clip is Christopher's immediate jump from an adult conversation (one he started about marriage and their relationship) to a childish dig on a band he doesn't like but Lorelai does. A band he probably doesn't think girls should like and therefore, because Lorelai does like said band, she is irrational and wrong about all things not just her choice of music. A woman can't possibly like Metallica. Or Black Sabbath. Or any other loud, aggressive music. Christopher is the worst.

My enjoyment of heavy metal music is one of those things people find amusing about me. When I say "heavy metal" I'm talking about more mainstream metal not the dark, dark stuff some people enjoy but you get my point. When this particular topic comes up in conversation or via the blog, people laugh. I remember a conversation with a male friend that went something like this:

Me: I saw Black Sabbath on tour last summer. It was an odd show; Ozzy looked like he was wearing pjs and he occasionally shuffled around the stage like he didn't know where he was. But the music was solid.
Him: You went to a Black Sabbath concert?
Me: Sure. I hadn't them live before so why wouldn't I go? I've also seen Def Leppard a few times, Metallica, and KISS. (Side note: we can argue levels of metal later.)
Him: Really? That just so weird. You're wearing a sweater with pineapples on it.
Me: I'm not sure what my pineapple sweater and my enjoyment of any type of music has to do with one another. I also really enjoy The Ramones. Is this problematic for you?
Him: I just imagine you like girl bands and I don't know, Beyonce. Girls like that type of music. You probably only like metal because you thought a guy would like you more. 
Me: (Pauses...scene in which I punch guy in the throat flashes in front of me as well as my favorite Clue quote.)

Me: As much as I love when guys explain music to me, we should probably go back to talking about work. There's less of a possibility that I'll punch you in the throat if we talk about work. 

(I'm not friends with this person anymore.)
 
I have a long relationship with Metallica. I grew up in the suburbs and my brother is a metalhead so I was destined to enjoy them. I've listened to this type of music since I was at least 9 years old. My brother is one of my earliest musical influences. It's from him that I learned about Metallica, Motorhead, Megadeth, GNR, Anthrax, Black Sabbath, and all the bands in between. He's also responsible for my spiral into hair metal bands. Face it, hair metal is a gift from the heavens and we should all just admit how much we love it and move on. He's my regular concert buddy when these shows come to town. We've seen Black Sabbath, Metallica, KISS, Motley Crue, Alice Cooper, and Def Leppard together. We are super critical of opening acts. We try to predict what the encore will include (we were half right for Metallica this week). In addition to the music itself, we have very dynamic conversations at shows about things like the psychology of the mosh pit. My brother is my favorite person. 

I've seen Metallica in concert twice (2009 and this past Wednesday). I own four of their albums. I know the lyrics to many of their songs. I follow them on social media. I sat through Some Kind of Monster, the mildly ridiculous documentary about the time the band went through group therapy while working on a new album (and Dave Mustaine from Megadeth probably cried off camera). According to James Hetfield's welcome at the show on Wednesday, I'm part of the Metallica family. And the Metallica family doesn't judge...probably.

Metallica is one of those bands that has always been in the my musical mix; sometimes they move to the front, sometimes they're the background while I enjoy other things. But they're never not there. I was thinking about this at the show this week. There is one song that is always front and center for me when I think about my relationship with Metallica. That song is "One."

My brother had a television in his bedroom when we were kids. He watched a lot of MTV and I remember watching videos with him on the rare occasion I was allowed in his room (we're six years apart) so he was a teenager at the time and I was annoying. In 1989, when "One" debuted, he would have been 15 and I was 9. The song is from the album ...And Justice for All. This album was the first Metallica album to reach any sort of commercial success; they were mostly an underground thrash metal band before this. It's also a fiercely political album; there are songs about the environment, censorship, and inequality. "One" was the considered an antiwar song (which I'll get into in a few minutes) and has the distinction of being the first Metallica song to get a music video. In case you haven't seen it:

There are three versions of the video: the above version (the original, long version), a shortened version, and a version missing the scenes from the movie. The original, with the film scenes, is the one I saw in 1989. The film scenes are from an 1971 antiwar movie called Johnny Got His Gun based on the novel of the same name. The film centers around a young man named Joe Bonham who goes off to fight in World War I and returns home as a quad amputee who also lost his eyes, nose, and ability to speak. He remains conscious of what's happening to him but unable to communicate with anyone. The film goes between hospital scenes and flashbacks of him with his family and in battle (and one where he imagines himself part of a freak show). Eventually, he remembers Morse code and begins to send an "SOS" signal to his nurses and doctors and repeats "kill me" over and over again. No one listens to him and he's left alone to an unknown fate. The film wasn't particularly successful, although Jimmy Carter used to show it to members of his cabinet when he was governor of Georgia, but became something of a cult classic after Metallica used in the "One" video. The band eventually bought the film rather than having to pay royalties every time they used the footage.

The video terrified me when I first saw it. Imagine being 9 years old and watching this. First, it's in black and white which is scarier than color film (it's the way light casts shadows in black and white). Then there's the war imagery, the guy hidden from view, the horrible dialogue from the film. It's a lot to handle. This is also the era of long-haired, scary looking Metallica. They all looked dangerous (yes, we can argue they still might look a bit dangerous). Metal is a very physical form of music and they all fit that part so well. James Hetfield and Jason Newsted (this was his first album with the band) were particularly creepy; they both looked like horror movie villains.

Then there are the lyrics. Now as a 9 year old, I was probably not paying as close attention to the lyrics as I do today but here's a sample:

Verse 1:
I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me
Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now 

Or maybe you're more of a verse 3 kind of person:
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell
Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs 
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

Even if I wasn't paying close attention back then, there are some lines that jump out and my 9 year old self would have heard. Let's not forget the chorus: "Hold my breath as I wish for death/Oh please God, wake me," not exactly the stuff of pop music (which is what I was listening to at the time). I didn't understand why my brother would like such scary things but he did. I didn't understand what it was like to be a teenager and the feelings of alienation and suburban ennui that marked the life of one. Metallica is defiant and that's appealing. They're loud and angry (also appealing). I wasn't a teenager so I didn't get it. I understood this about music later but at that time, I was a little kid who thought it was scary.

Of course, once my brother knew I was scared of the video he would use the information to his advantage, calling me into the room when it was on and singing the lyrics every now and then. Such is the job of a big brother. My fear didn't stop me from being fascinated by the band. I remember borrowing (stealing) my brother's cassette tapes and listening to them when he wasn't home. When other Metallica videos would come on MTV, I'd watch them even when my friends wanted to change the channel. I was hooked but I would never, ever admit it to my brother. I continued listening to my boy bands and pop stars until finally one day, I gave up and embraced my love of all things heavy metal and punk and loud. I credit hair metal for getting me over boy bands; why listen to NKOTB when you can listen to Poison? It was logical at the time.

So there was no boy I was trying to impress because at 9 years old, I didn't care about impressing boys. One day, I saw a really scary music video and I was never able to get it out of my head. I embraced the scary and became a lifelong fan. That's it. I know it's hard to believe that girls and women simply like things because we like things. Our job is not to sit around and think about all the ways to impress a dude with our love of some band. If I did that, I'd have spent more time in my life asking guys to explain Enya and Kid Rock to me than doing anything else, including sleeping. I have zero time for that. I'd rather spend my time listening to "Harvester of Sorrow," my fourth favorite Metallica song, and contemplating the psychology of the mosh pit.

This photo doesn't do the red light on the crowd justice. It was a super cool effect.

Clue meme

Wherever I May Roam...As long as I get to plan the trip

My brother thinks I'm bossy. We have this conversation occasionally and it's usually because I have been the decisive member of our family. It could be about planning my mom's birthday, driving cross country, or going through the basement and getting rid of all the crap that lives there. My brother, if questioned extensively, would probably be able to point to multiple times in our lives where I have bossed him into doing something. Usually, the end result is very positive. My bossiness is a positive trait (at least that's how I see it) and it moves us along and means that we are, as a family, more decisive. I do not believe we should "ban bossy" as some people would like us to do. I love being bossy. Banning the word bossy isn't going to solve the issue of female empowerment. I think it will have the opposite effect. I feel the same way about bossy that I do about slang terms for female anatomy that are used as slurs; if you don't take ownership of the word it allows someone else to do it for you. Own bossy, don't ban it.

I digress. Several years ago I decided to try Netflix. This was back when you could only do the DVD option and no one binge watched television. I believe we had more patience back then (in 2004). My first Netflix delivery was the documentary Some Kind of Monster. If you've never heard of this documentary, it's follows the heavy metal band Metallica and their experience going through therapy as a band, recording their album (the terrible St. Anger), and replacing bassist Jason Newsted. Newsted left the band (for lots of reasons) and as a result, Metallica's management team hires a life coach-y guy to works with the band through their issues so they can deliver the new album. My description is not doing the film justice; you really just have to watch it. You don't even have to be a Metallica fan or a heavy metal fan to enjoy the film. Would it help you if I told you that Dave Mustaine (he was kicked out of the band in the 80s and went on to start Megadeth) almost cries during his confrontation scene with Lars Ulrich? Watch it just for that. My brother and I convinced that there is "lost" footage of Dave crying but since the damage to his psyche has been complete, the filmmakers opted to keep it out of the finished film. Weak.



Anyway, Metallica is one of my brother's favorite bands (he also enjoys Megadeth) so when I finished watching the film I immediately sent him a text that he had to watch it and that I would bring the Netflix DVD to him. I wouldn't say I was being bossy just incredibly enthusiastic about something that I thought my brother would enjoy. My brother might say otherwise. He watched it, agreed that it would have been better if Dave Mustaine had actually cried, and went on with his life. We occasionally talk about the film at odd times and went to see Metallica live during the Death Magnetic tour in 2008 (one of my top five concerts). I genuinely like Metallica. I own several of their albums and the concert was amazing. Lars Ulrich is a phenomenal drummer (and incredibly narcissistic) and James Hetfield is terrifyingly awesome. Kirk Hammett, the guitarist, is a saint (dude puts up with a lot of BS from the others) and the bassist selected during the film, Robert Trujillo, fits in the lineup nicely. I feel sort of bad for Trujillo. Dude probably just wanted to play bass in a heavy metal band (and play he does) but he also inherited a band that is sort of broken (at least at the time) and run somewhat like a corporation. There's even a part in the film where the rest of the band discusses their original bassist, Cliff Burton. You get the sense that no one will ever replace Burton. That's a hard role to be in.

Last week I detailed our adventures on Record Store Day 2014. We could have spent our day in Baltimore waiting in a crowd at The Sound Garden for Robert Trujillo but we did not. My brother admitted that he didn't want to deal with a crowd for the a guy who wasn't part of the original lineup (poor Robert Trujillo). Had it been any other member of the band, he would have done. I did not boss him into going and we had a nice day visiting a few stores and eating tater tots. I did, however, re-watch Some Kind of Monster. And here is the grand realization that I had: I am Lars Ulrich and my brother is Kirk Hammett. Metallica is often described as a band that's existence is fueled by the constant power struggle between Lars and James and that other members, including Kirk, are often left powerless and voiceless in the band. This is probably one of the reasons that Jason Newsted left. In my re-watching of the documentary, I remembered my initial reaction to Kirk's role in the band - poor Kirk. There's even a scene where the band is discussing guitar solos and the guys stop short of calling them unnecessary. Seriously Metallica?

I had actually come to the realization that my brother is the Kirk Hammett of our family earlier in the day when we were discussing the documentary with my friend Anita. She has not seen it nor is she into Metallica so the whole band history was bit foreign to her. As we described the events of the film and the band, she agreed with my comparison. Anita has known my brother forever so she wasn't just following my weirdo theory. Scott, my brother, is fairly unassuming, responsible, likes loud guitar music, keeps to himself, and is pretty quiet. Kirk Hammett is fairly unassuming (for being a member of Metallica), responsible (at least he seems like he is), likes loud guitar music, keeps to himself, and is pretty quiet. Lars, on the other hand, is pretty loud, sort of a jerk, and 100% bossy. Now, I don't think I'm nearly a narcissist like Lars or as much of a jerk (and PS: Lars is my favorite member of Metallica) as he is but when it comes to bossiness and saying things that sound complimentary but maybe aren't, Lars and I are the same person. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist like Lars. I would have probably made Dave Mustaine cry too. 

What's important to keep in mind is that you can't have Metallica without both Kirk and Lars just as you can't have my family without Scott and I. I mean, you could but it wouldn't be our family just like Metallica would never be the same if any of the original lineup left. You need bossy and you need quiet sensibility. That's what keeps the world going round.

Take Back Bossy
Band image
Kirk Hammett

I like heavy metal and sea shanties*

Yes, those are three of the four solo KISS albums. I'm missing Ace Frehley's contribution which also happens to be the only one of the four that won't make your ears bleed. Best song on his album - "New York Groove". Interestingly, it sounds exactly like the many of the disco classics that KISS fans railed against in the seventies. That's probably partially why I like this song as much as I do.

Anyway, people are always a little surprised to find out that I like bands like KISS, Metallica, Black Sabbath, and Guns N' Roses. I know all the words to more Motley Crue songs than most normal people probably will admit to and I can honestly say I prefer Whitesnake over White Lion. I like the sound of Tom Keifer's voice and "Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)" is my favorite Cinderella song. I thought the casting of Sebastian Bach on Gilmore Girls was inspired (and I'm assuming he wore his own leather pants since he paid so much for them when Skid Row hit it big). My metal love leans more towards glam metal bands than speed metal bands (with the notable exception of Metallica). I occasionally make Stryper jokes (that no one finds funny). I've seen Def Leppard in concert twice, Metallica once, and recently saw Black Sabbath for the first time. Ozzy is a strange, little man shuffling around on stage but man, he can wail. And Tony Iommi is a boss.

But I'm not a true metal fan; I'd consider myself a casual fan. I do alright when around other metal fans but eventually they'll figure out I that my favorite Crue song is "Without You" and I'll be laughed out of the room. I will never be like the little girl at the Sabbath show who owned it and has probably listened to Sabbath since she was in the womb. I'm sure she knew more of the songs than I did. I recently re-read Chuck Klosterman's heavy metal opus Fargo Rock City. This was the first Klosterman book I read when I started reading his stuff (it's my second favorite; Killing Yourself to Live is my favorite). In the book, Klosterman recounts how he "discovered" Motely Crue and became a metalhead in rural North Dakota. Like me, Chuck found metal because of his older brother. I can't help but enjoy these songs and appreciate bands that can out-glam David Bowie. I often wonder how much hairspray Poison used in the 80s.

I always think about this when I start to make a mix tape. How much metal (glam or othewise) is too much metal? If I listened to my brother the answer would probably be there is no such thing as enough metal and he'd also tell me I picked the wrong Van Halen song (this was an actual conversation we had over email recently). If I asked either of the members of the album club I belong to, they'd probably say none because neither seems to want to listen to any metal. I mentioned Metallica at one of our meetings and they both visibly shuddered.

There are metal songs and bands for mass consumption and then there are metal songs and bands that are only for the true fans. Def Leppard, although one of the more successful bands of the genre, is often dismissed by true metal fans because they're songs are "too commercial" (which really just means sorority girls know the words and dance to the songs at bars). Bon Jovi, Cinderella, Skid Row, and Whitesnake probably all fit into the same world as Def Leppard. Most of my friends would probably admit to knowing and/or liking a song by one of these bands and might even sing one at karaoke. Even Guns N' Roses could go on this list because most people like "Paradise City" and/or "Patience" (my 2nd and 3rd favorite GNR songs). I am not a true metal fan because I like to many of the commercially successful bands and their radio friendly songs. The crowd at the Sabbath show probably wouldn't have appreciated me bringing up the fact that Twisted Sister was in the first Pee-Wee Herman movie ("Burn in Hell" was playing and it was in the movie towards the end when Pee-Wee is on the film set stealing his bike back). Those are the ways that I enjoy metal bands and for that I will never truly be a member of the KISS army or whatever. My 5th favorite KISS song is "God Gave Rock&Roll To You" from the second Bill and Ted movie so clearly I'm just a girl who likes power guitars and long drum solos.

And this brings me back to the mix tape I'm currently working on for album club. The theme is summer music and I've selected a sub-theme of road trip. I've come up with exactly what I'd want to listen to if I was driving somewhere fun this summer so I guess that the mix works. But I still wonder if it's balanced enough: What is the proper balance of metal to punk to country to pop to The Smiths? So far, the mix includes three metal bands (Metallica, Van Halen, and Guns N' Roses), two punk bands (Rancid and The Stooges), one Smiths song, 70s era Heart, Liz Phair circa 2003, and Dolly Parton. There's also my favorite Bowie song to end the mix and nuggets by Neil Diamond, The Mighty Lemon Drops, and The Replacements. It's a weird road trip but those are the kinds I like best.

*This is a quote from one of my favorite characters, L.P., on the show Treme. I spent all of season three believing that L.P. was going to be killed and was so happy when he wasn't. This was what he told a girl in line at the airport as he left New Orleans.