Tell me that part about Metallica again...

A few comments:

1. No one has perfect hair rolling out of bed at such an early hour. No one.
2. Metallica and the Offspring shouldn't be used comparatively since they're not in the same genre. Punk and metal are cousins. What good comes of comparing cousins unless your family is mean spirited and horrible?
3. Christopher was always the wrong choice. Always.

I saw a rerun of this episode the day after I saw Metallica live and thought it was a sign from the musical gods that I needed to write about Metallica this week. What I find most infuriating about this particular clip is Christopher's immediate jump from an adult conversation (one he started about marriage and their relationship) to a childish dig on a band he doesn't like but Lorelai does. A band he probably doesn't think girls should like and therefore, because Lorelai does like said band, she is irrational and wrong about all things not just her choice of music. A woman can't possibly like Metallica. Or Black Sabbath. Or any other loud, aggressive music. Christopher is the worst.

My enjoyment of heavy metal music is one of those things people find amusing about me. When I say "heavy metal" I'm talking about more mainstream metal not the dark, dark stuff some people enjoy but you get my point. When this particular topic comes up in conversation or via the blog, people laugh. I remember a conversation with a male friend that went something like this:

Me: I saw Black Sabbath on tour last summer. It was an odd show; Ozzy looked like he was wearing pjs and he occasionally shuffled around the stage like he didn't know where he was. But the music was solid.
Him: You went to a Black Sabbath concert?
Me: Sure. I hadn't them live before so why wouldn't I go? I've also seen Def Leppard a few times, Metallica, and KISS. (Side note: we can argue levels of metal later.)
Him: Really? That just so weird. You're wearing a sweater with pineapples on it.
Me: I'm not sure what my pineapple sweater and my enjoyment of any type of music has to do with one another. I also really enjoy The Ramones. Is this problematic for you?
Him: I just imagine you like girl bands and I don't know, Beyonce. Girls like that type of music. You probably only like metal because you thought a guy would like you more. 
Me: (Pauses...scene in which I punch guy in the throat flashes in front of me as well as my favorite Clue quote.)

Me: As much as I love when guys explain music to me, we should probably go back to talking about work. There's less of a possibility that I'll punch you in the throat if we talk about work. 

(I'm not friends with this person anymore.)
 
I have a long relationship with Metallica. I grew up in the suburbs and my brother is a metalhead so I was destined to enjoy them. I've listened to this type of music since I was at least 9 years old. My brother is one of my earliest musical influences. It's from him that I learned about Metallica, Motorhead, Megadeth, GNR, Anthrax, Black Sabbath, and all the bands in between. He's also responsible for my spiral into hair metal bands. Face it, hair metal is a gift from the heavens and we should all just admit how much we love it and move on. He's my regular concert buddy when these shows come to town. We've seen Black Sabbath, Metallica, KISS, Motley Crue, Alice Cooper, and Def Leppard together. We are super critical of opening acts. We try to predict what the encore will include (we were half right for Metallica this week). In addition to the music itself, we have very dynamic conversations at shows about things like the psychology of the mosh pit. My brother is my favorite person. 

I've seen Metallica in concert twice (2009 and this past Wednesday). I own four of their albums. I know the lyrics to many of their songs. I follow them on social media. I sat through Some Kind of Monster, the mildly ridiculous documentary about the time the band went through group therapy while working on a new album (and Dave Mustaine from Megadeth probably cried off camera). According to James Hetfield's welcome at the show on Wednesday, I'm part of the Metallica family. And the Metallica family doesn't judge...probably.

Metallica is one of those bands that has always been in the my musical mix; sometimes they move to the front, sometimes they're the background while I enjoy other things. But they're never not there. I was thinking about this at the show this week. There is one song that is always front and center for me when I think about my relationship with Metallica. That song is "One."

My brother had a television in his bedroom when we were kids. He watched a lot of MTV and I remember watching videos with him on the rare occasion I was allowed in his room (we're six years apart) so he was a teenager at the time and I was annoying. In 1989, when "One" debuted, he would have been 15 and I was 9. The song is from the album ...And Justice for All. This album was the first Metallica album to reach any sort of commercial success; they were mostly an underground thrash metal band before this. It's also a fiercely political album; there are songs about the environment, censorship, and inequality. "One" was the considered an antiwar song (which I'll get into in a few minutes) and has the distinction of being the first Metallica song to get a music video. In case you haven't seen it:

There are three versions of the video: the above version (the original, long version), a shortened version, and a version missing the scenes from the movie. The original, with the film scenes, is the one I saw in 1989. The film scenes are from an 1971 antiwar movie called Johnny Got His Gun based on the novel of the same name. The film centers around a young man named Joe Bonham who goes off to fight in World War I and returns home as a quad amputee who also lost his eyes, nose, and ability to speak. He remains conscious of what's happening to him but unable to communicate with anyone. The film goes between hospital scenes and flashbacks of him with his family and in battle (and one where he imagines himself part of a freak show). Eventually, he remembers Morse code and begins to send an "SOS" signal to his nurses and doctors and repeats "kill me" over and over again. No one listens to him and he's left alone to an unknown fate. The film wasn't particularly successful, although Jimmy Carter used to show it to members of his cabinet when he was governor of Georgia, but became something of a cult classic after Metallica used in the "One" video. The band eventually bought the film rather than having to pay royalties every time they used the footage.

The video terrified me when I first saw it. Imagine being 9 years old and watching this. First, it's in black and white which is scarier than color film (it's the way light casts shadows in black and white). Then there's the war imagery, the guy hidden from view, the horrible dialogue from the film. It's a lot to handle. This is also the era of long-haired, scary looking Metallica. They all looked dangerous (yes, we can argue they still might look a bit dangerous). Metal is a very physical form of music and they all fit that part so well. James Hetfield and Jason Newsted (this was his first album with the band) were particularly creepy; they both looked like horror movie villains.

Then there are the lyrics. Now as a 9 year old, I was probably not paying as close attention to the lyrics as I do today but here's a sample:

Verse 1:
I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me
Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now 

Or maybe you're more of a verse 3 kind of person:
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell
Landmine has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs 
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell

Even if I wasn't paying close attention back then, there are some lines that jump out and my 9 year old self would have heard. Let's not forget the chorus: "Hold my breath as I wish for death/Oh please God, wake me," not exactly the stuff of pop music (which is what I was listening to at the time). I didn't understand why my brother would like such scary things but he did. I didn't understand what it was like to be a teenager and the feelings of alienation and suburban ennui that marked the life of one. Metallica is defiant and that's appealing. They're loud and angry (also appealing). I wasn't a teenager so I didn't get it. I understood this about music later but at that time, I was a little kid who thought it was scary.

Of course, once my brother knew I was scared of the video he would use the information to his advantage, calling me into the room when it was on and singing the lyrics every now and then. Such is the job of a big brother. My fear didn't stop me from being fascinated by the band. I remember borrowing (stealing) my brother's cassette tapes and listening to them when he wasn't home. When other Metallica videos would come on MTV, I'd watch them even when my friends wanted to change the channel. I was hooked but I would never, ever admit it to my brother. I continued listening to my boy bands and pop stars until finally one day, I gave up and embraced my love of all things heavy metal and punk and loud. I credit hair metal for getting me over boy bands; why listen to NKOTB when you can listen to Poison? It was logical at the time.

So there was no boy I was trying to impress because at 9 years old, I didn't care about impressing boys. One day, I saw a really scary music video and I was never able to get it out of my head. I embraced the scary and became a lifelong fan. That's it. I know it's hard to believe that girls and women simply like things because we like things. Our job is not to sit around and think about all the ways to impress a dude with our love of some band. If I did that, I'd have spent more time in my life asking guys to explain Enya and Kid Rock to me than doing anything else, including sleeping. I have zero time for that. I'd rather spend my time listening to "Harvester of Sorrow," my fourth favorite Metallica song, and contemplating the psychology of the mosh pit.

This photo doesn't do the red light on the crowd justice. It was a super cool effect.

Clue meme

Record Store Day 2016: The least metal thing I did today...

Happy Record Store Day! While we should all spend more time at our local record store, it's nice to have a day when we can come together, listen to some music, and buy some records whether they be special releases, collection fillers, or random records that convince you they belong in your life. I'm not saying we all need a Bay City Rollers album but I know where you can get one if you're so inclined.

This year's festivities took us to Richmond, our capital and one of the most hipster cities I've ever been to. This is my third visit to Richmond since I moved back to the area and my first visit for RSD.

The cast of characters:

• Anita, four time RSD buddy
• Scott, my brother, making his second RSD appearance
• Adam, resident Richmondian, Richmondite (I don't know descriptor) who joined us for lunch and our stop at Deep Groove (his favorite record store)
• The delightful and not at all record store-y employees at Plan 9 Records, Deep Groove, and Steady Sounds
• A lady walking a pig down W. Clay Street
• Our waiter at Galaxy Diner, voted Richmond's best diner in 2015
• The waiters at GWARbar
• Me, your resident RSD planner - I wonder if that could be a job? You tell me where you want to go for the day and I plan your itinerary including lunch and bars stops. This could be a thing. I could also match up lone RSD-ers who want a group to hang out with during the day...like the Nick Cave fan I talked to who just wanted to share his beliefs on the Murder Ballads album with someone (which, of course, ended up being me and the shop owner).

This is the first time I've really traveled for RSD; I don't count Baltimore as traveling even though it takes an hour to get there. Going to Richmond feels like going on an adventure and getting out of town. If you haven't visited Richmond I highly recommend it. It's hipster-y in really good ways (bars! coffee shops! neat/weird stores! an apartment building that used to be a dairy!) and beautifully old in ways that matter (original brick streets, gorgeous historic homes). There are colleges in Richmond so be aware of the undergrads who don't know how crosswalks work. Other than that, it's a great place to visit and an even better place to spend a day browsing through lots of records.

This year marks the 9th RSD and my fifth. It's been interesting to watch the growth of RSD over the years; it's gone from a small celebration of independent stores to an international movement connecting people together simply because they love music. In addition to the regular special releases, this year RSD featured some special releases for Disquaire Day, France's version of the day. Money from the sale of some items, like Metallica's Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité, Metallica! - Live at Le Bataclan. Paris, France - June 11th, 2003 go to Give for France. Money goes to help victims of the Paris bombings. Several other releases today were recorded at the Le Bataclan. I had no idea how many bands recorded live sets there over the years. In addition to the Metallica CD, I picked up a Johnny Thunders & the Hearthbreakers album from a 1977 show

I like Metallica a lot; not love but genuine enjoyment. I'm not the fanboy my brother is but they're a great band and seeing them live a few years ago was one of my top concerts of all time. People have a lot of feelings about the band for lots of reasons (they sued their fans, they sold out, they're kind of jerks) and that's all well and good but they are the original indie band. They were the first RSD ambassadors and took up the mantel again this year. You can watch their performance from today on their Facebook page. I don't know if this contributed to my brother coming with us today but I'm sure it played a small role in his interest. It didn't hurt that I also promised we'd go to the GWARbar. Scott has wanted to go to the GWARbar for a while now but driving almost two hours to go to a bar seems silly. Driving almost two hours to record shop AND go to a bar is totally acceptable. This is how things work in my brain.

GWAR is a heavy metal band from Richmond that is known for very elaborate costumes and stage shows that include lots of gore and "violence." The band has come under fire for the violence and skewering of political and pop culture figures. Dave Brockie, original lead vocalist, died in 2014 but the band has continued and the Gwarbar opened in 2015. My knowledge of the band is pretty limited; I mostly know the song featured in Empire Records and that members of the band did pop-up RDS appearances a few years ago. To say that I had expectations about this bar would be an understatement. I wanted the drama of a GWAR show and the deliciousness of a high end bar all wrapped together in a nice blood-stained box.

Instead, we saw a woman walking a pig down the street.

Yep, she was walking a pig and a dog down W. Clay Street. Our waitress was so excited by this she had to go out and pet the pig. This was the highlight of the visit to the bar. It's not that the bar was bad; it wasn't. The beer selection was good (Satan's Pony was an excellent ale), they had tots on the menu, the music was great/thematic (including my third favorite KISS song which now seems weird since it's "God Gave Rock N Roll to You"), the staff was friendly and funny, and there was lots of GWAR paraphernalia adorning the walls but it felt sort of like a theme restaurant that didn't take the theme far enough. Maybe it's because we were there at 4 pm. I don't know; something was just off.

We decided that going to the GWARbar was the least metal thing any of us has ever done. However, it didn't really matter that it was not as we expected; it was still fun and a great way to end a great RSD. More importantly, the experience led to the wonderful conversations that always make RSD so great:

• Deciding what types of animals Adam could walk down the street on a leash or harness. This conversation started before we saw the woman walking a pig but that only made us consider this question more seriously. I think we decided Adam could have a gang of nocturnal animals including a racoon, opossum, and an armadillo.
• The realization that in 3 of the last 4 RSDs, we have gone to a space themed bar or restaurant at some point during the day. This year's addition, Galaxy Diner, was a great addition to the space family. I recommend the Boba Feta Burger.
• We think we figured out that the Virginia rest stop right before Central Park (near Fredericksburg) is the reason traffic is always so terrible going down 95S. My father can finally stop asking us this question...every time we talk.
• Would you take your kids into a bar to go to the bathroom? I guess if it was the only option, the answer would be yes but then would you buy something instead of just being that person who uses the bathroom and bolts?
• What's the most metal thing you've ever done? This can actually be answered in multiple ways ranging from an actual concerts to various lifestyle questions. Talk amongst yourselves on this one.   
• The realization that GWAR is really just KISS taken to its most logical endpoint with more blood. I realize that many GWAR and KISS fans will not like this statement but that's okay; I'm not metal enough for any of them so we'll never have to meet one another and debate this topic. 
• When in doubt of anything in your life, remember this: there is a store in Carytown that sells these wonderful "prayer" candles. I'm sure Saint Iggy will be there for you in your time of need.

Wherever I May Roam...As long as I get to plan the trip

My brother thinks I'm bossy. We have this conversation occasionally and it's usually because I have been the decisive member of our family. It could be about planning my mom's birthday, driving cross country, or going through the basement and getting rid of all the crap that lives there. My brother, if questioned extensively, would probably be able to point to multiple times in our lives where I have bossed him into doing something. Usually, the end result is very positive. My bossiness is a positive trait (at least that's how I see it) and it moves us along and means that we are, as a family, more decisive. I do not believe we should "ban bossy" as some people would like us to do. I love being bossy. Banning the word bossy isn't going to solve the issue of female empowerment. I think it will have the opposite effect. I feel the same way about bossy that I do about slang terms for female anatomy that are used as slurs; if you don't take ownership of the word it allows someone else to do it for you. Own bossy, don't ban it.

I digress. Several years ago I decided to try Netflix. This was back when you could only do the DVD option and no one binge watched television. I believe we had more patience back then (in 2004). My first Netflix delivery was the documentary Some Kind of Monster. If you've never heard of this documentary, it's follows the heavy metal band Metallica and their experience going through therapy as a band, recording their album (the terrible St. Anger), and replacing bassist Jason Newsted. Newsted left the band (for lots of reasons) and as a result, Metallica's management team hires a life coach-y guy to works with the band through their issues so they can deliver the new album. My description is not doing the film justice; you really just have to watch it. You don't even have to be a Metallica fan or a heavy metal fan to enjoy the film. Would it help you if I told you that Dave Mustaine (he was kicked out of the band in the 80s and went on to start Megadeth) almost cries during his confrontation scene with Lars Ulrich? Watch it just for that. My brother and I convinced that there is "lost" footage of Dave crying but since the damage to his psyche has been complete, the filmmakers opted to keep it out of the finished film. Weak.



Anyway, Metallica is one of my brother's favorite bands (he also enjoys Megadeth) so when I finished watching the film I immediately sent him a text that he had to watch it and that I would bring the Netflix DVD to him. I wouldn't say I was being bossy just incredibly enthusiastic about something that I thought my brother would enjoy. My brother might say otherwise. He watched it, agreed that it would have been better if Dave Mustaine had actually cried, and went on with his life. We occasionally talk about the film at odd times and went to see Metallica live during the Death Magnetic tour in 2008 (one of my top five concerts). I genuinely like Metallica. I own several of their albums and the concert was amazing. Lars Ulrich is a phenomenal drummer (and incredibly narcissistic) and James Hetfield is terrifyingly awesome. Kirk Hammett, the guitarist, is a saint (dude puts up with a lot of BS from the others) and the bassist selected during the film, Robert Trujillo, fits in the lineup nicely. I feel sort of bad for Trujillo. Dude probably just wanted to play bass in a heavy metal band (and play he does) but he also inherited a band that is sort of broken (at least at the time) and run somewhat like a corporation. There's even a part in the film where the rest of the band discusses their original bassist, Cliff Burton. You get the sense that no one will ever replace Burton. That's a hard role to be in.

Last week I detailed our adventures on Record Store Day 2014. We could have spent our day in Baltimore waiting in a crowd at The Sound Garden for Robert Trujillo but we did not. My brother admitted that he didn't want to deal with a crowd for the a guy who wasn't part of the original lineup (poor Robert Trujillo). Had it been any other member of the band, he would have done. I did not boss him into going and we had a nice day visiting a few stores and eating tater tots. I did, however, re-watch Some Kind of Monster. And here is the grand realization that I had: I am Lars Ulrich and my brother is Kirk Hammett. Metallica is often described as a band that's existence is fueled by the constant power struggle between Lars and James and that other members, including Kirk, are often left powerless and voiceless in the band. This is probably one of the reasons that Jason Newsted left. In my re-watching of the documentary, I remembered my initial reaction to Kirk's role in the band - poor Kirk. There's even a scene where the band is discussing guitar solos and the guys stop short of calling them unnecessary. Seriously Metallica?

I had actually come to the realization that my brother is the Kirk Hammett of our family earlier in the day when we were discussing the documentary with my friend Anita. She has not seen it nor is she into Metallica so the whole band history was bit foreign to her. As we described the events of the film and the band, she agreed with my comparison. Anita has known my brother forever so she wasn't just following my weirdo theory. Scott, my brother, is fairly unassuming, responsible, likes loud guitar music, keeps to himself, and is pretty quiet. Kirk Hammett is fairly unassuming (for being a member of Metallica), responsible (at least he seems like he is), likes loud guitar music, keeps to himself, and is pretty quiet. Lars, on the other hand, is pretty loud, sort of a jerk, and 100% bossy. Now, I don't think I'm nearly a narcissist like Lars or as much of a jerk (and PS: Lars is my favorite member of Metallica) as he is but when it comes to bossiness and saying things that sound complimentary but maybe aren't, Lars and I are the same person. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist like Lars. I would have probably made Dave Mustaine cry too. 

What's important to keep in mind is that you can't have Metallica without both Kirk and Lars just as you can't have my family without Scott and I. I mean, you could but it wouldn't be our family just like Metallica would never be the same if any of the original lineup left. You need bossy and you need quiet sensibility. That's what keeps the world going round.

Take Back Bossy
Band image
Kirk Hammett

Spring has sprung

Two things really mark the start of spring for me: there is an exponential increase in the possibility that my car and low-flying birds will collide and bird death will occur AND Record Store Day arrives. I have yet to experience any car-bird collisions as of today. Spring is still very young.

Happy Record Store Day 2014! I hope that everyone got out and supported their local record store even if it wasn't participating in the official day. You support music, your local economy, and get to enjoy a beautiful spring day. That's three wins for RSD. This is my fifth RSD (and it's the seventh RSD ever). I didn't start going to RSD because of the special releases (although I have picked up a few over the years) or the in store events. Both of those aspects of the day are awesome and I think they bring people to the event that might not other wise participate. I started going because I like to be around people who like music as much as I do. With the exception of one incident two years ago, I have never once felt judged by a fellow browser or record store clerk. Not every record store clerk is a jerk like Barry in High Fidelity:

Anyway, it's nice to see other people talking about music and shopping for music. These are people who respect liner notes and album art and collecting things. They understand that record stores special and safe. It's a way to feel connected in an otherwise disconnected universe (as I discussed last year). RSD is sort of like a con; people with a shared interest assemble in the same location to enjoy that shared interest free of the judgement of others. At RSD, I don't have to defend my choice to purchase albums and CDs. Yes, there are a lot of hipsters out there who act like they discovered vinyl and cassette tapes but I choose to ignore them and go about my business. And that business is looking for items to fill the gaps in my collection.

There were two options for the day: enjoy the records stores of Northern VA or head to Baltimore to stalk a member of Metallica. We opted to stay in the Commonwealth. Our adventures took us to the suburbs to two stores, Record & Tape Exchange and CD Cellar (Falls Church location). The day ended with tots and beer at Spacebar. This year, my brother, Scott, and my friend, Anita joined me in RSD-ing. It was a much more laid back RSD this year and I liked it a lot. While I didn't buy any vinyl today (I almost went back to get the Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin but I refrained), I did add some CDs to the collection (a little Nick Cave, some Replacements, and some things I didn't even really know I needed but I did). Scott even found something - an Iron Maiden CD that included a listing of all of the equipment the band used on while on their epic 1984-85 tour and a daily schedule. None of us have ever seen liner notes like that before.

I think what I enjoyed today that I missed last year was people watching. Neither store was particularly crowded by the time we got there. Most of the diehards were there when the stores opened so we could browse without having to elbow anyone and I never felt rushed to get out of the store. That's probably why I ended up with a DVD of Pump Up the Volume at CD Cellar. While neither store was crowded there were enough people around to make it interesting. My favorite interaction of the day was between a dad (in his late 40s) and his teenage son (about 16 or 17). They were standing next to me (I was browsing soundtracks, they were in the W-X-Y-Z section of the rock section).

Here is the exchange:

Dad: Do you really want this?
Son: I really want it.
Dad: If I buy this for you, you have to fishing.
Son: (Silence)
Dad: Is that a deal?
Son: (Pause. Sigh.) It's a deal.

I smiled after overhearing this conversation. After the son made the deal, the dad added a copy of The Who's Tommy to their pile (I couldn't see what album was tied to the fishing trip) but I hope it was as good as Tommy. There were a lot of parents out with their kids; I think this is a good thing. Get your kids into buying vinyl and used CDs. It's a good hobby to share with your them. If I have children, I hope (no, I pray) they will have good taste in music. Scratch that - I hope they will come out of the womb knowing all of the lyrics to my top five songs. 

Another successful Record Store Day. I ended my day by reorganizing my CD collection and watching the documentary Some Kind of Monster. Not too shabby.

Coming Soon to the Island: Neek Confessional and I will participate in a conversation about dating and provide some updates to horrible advice columns from the past and I will re-purpose my post about Metallica since it's not all RSD related and my brother will enjoy it. It's possible that I compare the two of us to members of the band.