An existential crisis

As regular Island readers know, I love being a good citizen. When I say "good citizen," I don't mean someone who follows all the rules or never questions why things are the way they are. I mean a person who cares deeply for her community and country, especially when doing so is hard or the motivation is lacking. To me, a good citizen is someone who participates - by voting, protesting, paying taxes, getting involved, getting angry, crying while watching convention speeches and montages. It's also about small things like putting your cart back and not cutting people off in traffic. I'm the type of person who gets excited about jury duty, and then doesn't have to serve (side note: I have now served on a jury and it was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life).  

One of my favorite "good citizen" activities has always been volunteering on various political campaigns. I've been doing this since I was 17 and handed out flyers for Mark Warner's first Senate run. It's fun, despite the horrible things old ladies in Southwest Virginia call you (rhymes with punt), and I like having the backstage look at what happens in state or local campaign offices. I was so excited in 2016 to campaign for Hillary Clinton. I canvassed, I phone banked, I registered voters, and I worked as a poll place greeter. I felt energized in way I hadn't felt since that first campaign 20 years earlier. It wasn't that I didn't feel like part of something bigger in other campaigns (Obama's first term comes to mind), it's that this race felt uniquely personal. 

And then I woke up on November 9th. 

I was gutted. I couldn't believe she didn't win. I knew I it was going to happen before I went to bed on Election Night; I stayed up until Florida was called, but I had this hope that I'd wake up the next morning and it would all be revealed as a horrible joke. And here we are, almost four years later, living in the most messed up timeline in a long time. Trump's America in 2020 is a disaster and he is an embarrassment. Existing in this country at this time is exhausting. As Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham (NM) said during the DNC, Trump's presidency is "an existential crisis." I don't think I've ever agreed with a statement more than this. I feel it in bones how exhausting it is. I have never in my entire life thought about the presidency more than I have since he was elected, and none of it is good. I'd like to return to a life where I don't spend so much time thinking about what disaster is going to happen next. Or what stupid, racist thing he's going to say next. Or worry that the Post Office is going to collapse and one of my neighbors won't get his medication on time (I'd go get if for him if I could, but that's not the point and it comes from the VA). I legitimately can't think about what another four years of this will do to all of us. 

And so I did what good citizen me does, I stayed up late on two school nights and watched nights three and four of the Democratic National Convention. I figured that the convention, which I've watched every presidential election cycle since 1996, would cheer me up a bit, or at least give me some hope. I missed the roll call vote from night two, but watched it on YouTube. It's amazing; take the 40-ish minutes and watch the whole thing. Then go watch Michelle Obama and Jill Biden's speeches from the first two nights. They're wonderful.

I opted to watch nights three and four so I could watch Joe Biden and Kamala Harris accept their nominations. There were times when I was moved to tears: Gabby Giffords's speech, the segment on gun violence victims, young climate change activists, domestic violence survivors discussing Biden's role in getting the Violence Against Women Act (which needs to be reauthorized now), anything about Beau Biden. Other times, the speeches and videos were energizing and made me so proud to be a citizen and a member of this party. Yes, I was annoyed Mike Bloomberg had any time and Julian Castro had none. I understood why some speakers had more time. Elizabeth Warren will always be my candidate (excellent BLM message in background). I loved President Obama's "fiery" (you know, Obama fiery) speech, and cannot wait for Vice President Kamala Harris. 

The moment I was most moved by and have been sitting with since Thursday was during Joe Biden's acceptance speech. It was probably the best speech I've ever seen him give; he wasn't a candidate, he was a President. I forgot what a having an articulate President looks like, what a leader looks like. It was overwhelming to watch (in a very good way). The part of the speech that hit me the hardest was when Biden offered his condolences to those lost to the pandemic. I started crying; that was the moment that did it. We haven't had any sort of national mourning or memorial for those lost. Unlike past national tragedies, we haven't come together as a nation to mourn. I could rationalize that because the pandemic is still raging in the US, it's hard to nationally mourn, but that's only part of it. The problem lies with the person currently occupying the White House. Biden did, in a few minutes, what the president should have done, but hasn't. The contrast between these two men could not be any clearer. 

I know I'm being a bit of a broken record these days, but I can't stress enough how important it is for everyone to vote. It's not just about being a good citizen; it's about fighting for the soul of this nation. I can't stress that enough. Please don't stay home or vote third party because Joe Biden wasn't your candidate. He wasn't mine either, but I understand, and I think a lot of people grumbling about him understand, he's the candidate we need right now. What I saw during the DNC was a unified party, something we haven't had in a long time. We need that to defeat the Impostor in Chief. 

I really want to go back to a time when I wrote about movies, my ridiculously handsome cat, and day trips to Dinosaur Land, but I can't do that right now. I hope that sometime in 2021, maybe around the middle of January, I'll be able to return to our regularly scheduled Island. Until then, this is what you get. Reminders to vote, be decent to one another, and wear your damn mask. 

(This photos are from an embroidery piece I finished a few months ago. One side is a song lyric, the other side is a graphic representation of the lyric. This lyric is from "People Have the Power" by Patti Smith.)

At least I didn't ugly cry when I voted

I don't know who is going to win this election. In my heart and my head, I believe/know that Hillary Rodham Clinton will win. There's always a little hesitation when I say it out loud because this has been a challenging election to say the least and I feel like I might jinx something. This is also the reason I don't always watch Saints football games because my mere presence might somehow make a difference. It's silly and mildly paranoid but there's nothing I can do about that.

I wasn't sure how I would feel when I voted today. I didn't know how I would react to the opportunity to cast my vote for the first major party female candidate and (probably) the next President of the United States. Would I cry? Would I jump for joy? Would I show my ballot to the other voters so they could see the awesomeness? I couldn't predict how I would feel. I've been preparing for this a long time; ever since I first learned about the voting process in school. I've been a fan of voting since elementary school when we got to mock vote in elections; I was a civics geek then and I'm a civics geek now. I worked on my first campaign in high school for Senator Mark Warner. I cast my first vote in the 2000 election for Al Gore. I canvassed and campaigned for the Landrieus (Mitch and Mary), John Kerry, Barack Obama, and scores of local and state representatives. I have gotten out the vote for years and will get out the vote for years to come.

And I love Hillary Rodham Clinton. I do. I've been a fan of hers since way back when she became First Lady. I read her Wellesley commencement speech back then and was captivated by her idealism and her beliefs. She was a strong female voice when my youthful feminism needed direction. She led me to other heroes like Gloria and to start taking notice of female politicians (there weren't a lot in the 1990s). I knew, even back then, that HRC put up with (and continues to put up with) a bunch of crap as First Lady, the least of which came from her husband. I personally believe she's always been too much for people to handle; she didn't sit quietly by even when she was defending her choice to stay with her husband. During her recent opening monologue, Samantha Bee summed up all of my feelings pretty perfectly. You can watch it here.

So how would I actually feel today? It's hard to sum up my feelings in a way that doesn't make me sound like a blubbering crazy person who watches Hallmark movies for fun and talks to her cat (oh wait). I got up this morning feeling better than I've felt since Friday (I'm getting over a cold), I made some tea, had a little breakfast, and started getting ready for my day. I put on my Hillary '16 shirt, my "love trumps hate" button, and my comfy shoes. I walked to my precinct, checked in with my precinct captain (my shift wasn't starting for another hour), and got in line to vote. The line was decent; not long but not short either. Hats off to the election workers who keep the Drew School polling place moving; y'all are the true heroes of the election. I waited about 25 minutes to get my ballot. And then I got to fill it in. There was her name, right at the top, waiting for me to place my mark in the box. I stared at it for a full minute. My heart tightened. I got a little teary. And then I filled in the box. I finished my ballot with hands shaking, shaking from being excited about this moment and angry that it took so long and that this election was so ridiculous. Shaking for all the women who came before me and made it so I could be here today and vote for this woman to lead our country. Shaking for all the women who will come after, who I hope will continue to fight for what is right and important. Then, still shaking a bit, I actually cast my ballot. I put my ballot on the machine and it took it and registered it and the wonderful election worker gave me my "I Voted in Arlington" sticker. And it was done. I voted for Hillary Clinton. I voted for a woman for President.

On a normal Election Day, I would be done at this point. I'd go home or back to work and go through the rest of my day until it was time to go home and watch the returns. However, today was not a normal Election Day. I didn't go home but instead went right back outside, grabbed some sample ballots and worked my shift as a poll place greeter for the Arlington Democrats. I spent several hours with other dedicated volunteers, met voters in my community, and even saw a few of my neighbors (I think they were surprised to see me). I answered questions about ID requirements and connected voters to the outside poll person to report problems or concerns about the process. I saw women in white and pantsuits and families coming to vote so their children could understand what this process is about. I met my State Senator (I'm even on his Twitter feed today) and watched him meet and greet voters (fascinating on so many levels). I finished my shift, told my precinct captain to consider me on call if someone didn't show up, and walked back home. I spent the afternoon enjoying everyone's posts on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. And now I'm watching the returns and waiting.

We won't have a President when I publish this post. It's possible that we won't know the results of this election for several days if certain states are close as some experts believe they will be. I'm not okay with that but I will be okay with it anyway. I'll be okay with it because today, when I cast my vote, it was a moment that I won't ever forget. It was a moment that said for an entire generation of women that we don't have to be pretty, funny, or smart. We can be all of them or none of them. We can be whatever we want. And our sons and daughters can be whatever they want.

Except maybe dinosaurs. They can dress like dinosaurs but I don't think they can actually be dinosaurs.

Twenty-Two Questions

This is not my originally planned post. I sat down last Sunday and wrote a pretty aggressive post slamming the GOP, their candidate, and the people who still support him. There was a lot of the f-word and anger at their garbage person of a candidate. I expressed disappointment in the system, in humanity, in democracy. It was a lot. Then I had a moment of clarity about what I had written. I was having dinner with some of my friends earlier this week. I don't see these ladies all that often (even though I work with two of them). It was fun and we laughed a lot and shared ridiculous stories. During the course of the evening, what I wrote on Sunday popped into my head and I couldn't bring myself to post it. Not because it's not true (it all is true) but because the anger isn't going to change anything. It's not going to change a person's mind if they're already set on a certain candidate. If his own words haven't changed their mind, my anger isn't going to do it either. The amount of obscenities would only make my mother sad.

So instead of being angry today (although I'm still very angry), I'd like to pose a series of questions that have been stomping around in my head during the last few months of this election. Some will make us all laugh, some channel my anger pretty specifically, some are what they are. I don't expect anyone to have the answers to these questions but I welcome your attempts in the comments. And you know, lists always make me feel better.

1. When did the GOP get so weak? I get that minorities and women aren't their people of choice but when did their rhetoric of hate become the only thing their party is about? Didn't they at least, at one point, talk about their platform and policy? I feel like that used to be a thing.
2. Does Paul Ryan get up in the morning, look at his collection of blue ties (the ones that bring out his eyes in a way us Democratic ladies don't like to admit we enjoy), and say to himself, "Does this shade of blue make me look less like I'm lying when I say I support our nominee? Or was it the sky blue tie? I can never remember."
3. When Hillary Clinton did the shoulder shimmy at the first debate, do you think she thought "Channel Beyonce but also give Kate McKinnon something good to do on SNL?"
4. How many people think having 17 candidates in a primary is a good idea?
5. Can anyone pinpoint the day it became acceptable to question the patriotism of a family who lost their son to war because of their religious beliefs?
6. Exactly where are these locker rooms the Republican candidate hangs out in? I don't think he understands that most people don't stand around discussing how they can get away with sexual assault in locker rooms unless they swim for Stanford or play football for Steubenville. 
7. When did we, as a nation, get so hung up on the word "pussy" being vulgar but don't condemn a candidate who doles out racist, homophobic, and xenophobic speech like he's giving out terrible candy on Halloween?
8. Follow up question: What type of candy do you think each candidate gives out on Halloween?
9. Who would watch a fourth debate if RuPaul was the debate moderator and made the nominees lip sync for their lives? 
10. Does Kellyanne Conway take five showers a day to cleanse herself of the filth she has to go on television and defend?
11. Did John McCain and every other GOP mouthpiece wake up after the bus video and realize "Holy shit, if I leave my mother/daughter/sister/wife in a room with him he might actually assault them? Now I have to go on television and talk about how much I love my wife/daughter/mother/sister because obviously I do all the time but particularly when it will make me look like I care about women generally. I mean, I do care about women generally but mostly when they sit quietly and don't talk about having freedom to make decisions about their bodies or contradict anything else I say."
12. Who would have thought that the Bush who would actually impact this election would be Billy Bush?
13. Does anyone know the appropriate gift to send to the debate moderators for their service to this country? Except Lester Holt - he gets nothing. 
14. Now that Rhianna is endorsing HRC, do you think she and Katy Perry will make up? I want them to be friends. I don't know why but I really want it to happen.
15. Is Melania okay?
16. Do you think Chelsea Clinton texts her dad (after teaching him how to text) every day asking him to make smart life choices? I think I would if I was her.
17. If Mike Pence and Tim Kaine lived in the same neighborhood somewhere in suburban American and one of the teenagers in the neighborhood threw a rager, which one would call the cops?
18. Follow up question: How many times would he call the cops in one evening?
19. Has anyone checked on Ben Carson lately? Is he okay? Does he know where he is and what planet he's on?
20. Which pantsuit was your favorite? It's the white one right? You don't think a white pantsuit is going to be good with her hair color but it just is.
21. Who was your favorite celebrity at the conventions? You pick the convention. 
22. What happened to Rudy Guiliani? I thought being the un-fun Republican from the Northeast was Chris Christie's job.

In the next seventeen days, I'm sure I'll come up with a lot more questions we need to answer. Until then, I'll be over here waiting for my "Icky Trump" t-shirt to arrive and listening to Janet Jackson's Control on repeat.

Happy Democratic Process America!

Image

The Road to 300: Lady Parts

I don't normally get political here on the Island; we all need a little break from politics and loudness and whatever else comes with living in the middle of an election season. Regardless of your personal feelings about Hillary Clinton, you can't ignore the historical significance of this election. While other women have run for President, no woman has ever been nominated by a major party for the presidency. She achieved this first just over a week ago at the Democratic National Convention. I admit that I teared up a bit during her speech; she is not the soaring orator that Barak Obama is but her words and the moment were enough for me. I'm not naive enough to believe the next 90-ish days are going to be easy or fun but they will be fascinating to watch. And I will be there with her on this journey, hopefully all the way to the White House.

However, today is not about Hillary Clinton or her historic bid for the presidency. No, today I want to discuss some other ladies who haven't had the easiest time of late but have chosen to rise above that and bust some ghosts.

Yes, I'm taking about the all-female cast of Ghostbusters.

Like most people, I love the original Ghostbusters. It's not a great movie but it's funny, a little scary, and featured a great cast who are the reason the movie works. The sequel is less exciting; I tend to watch it when I'm sick. It's one of the movies that I call fall asleep during, wake up in the middle, and still know what's going on before I fall asleep again. People, mostly men, lost their shit when it was announced that Paul Feig was going to be making a new version starring...an all female cast. Clutch your pearls or whatever it is dudes do when they're shocked by something. It didn't matter that the original cast was behind the film (and all make an appearance in the new one, including a lovely tribute to Harold Ramis who died in 2014). It also didn't matter that this isn't a remake in the way that other movies have recently been remade; Feig wasn't interested in recreating the same characters from the original films but creating a movie that exists within the universe of Ghostbusters. I didn't read this as a remake as much as an addition to the story in the way comic book stories often cross paths within the same universe.

What this movie makes abundantly clear is that people have zero chill and are incapable of simply being entertained. Everything doesn't have to be an epic masterpiece that will last the test of time. This could be the greatest movie of all time (it is not) and it wouldn't make a difference to a large percentage of the population who refused to see the movie because of ladies in lead roles. I cannot with these people. Are people with vaginas really that scary? Is that what's happening here? Interestingly, the movie plays to this theme in several places most notably with the character played by Kristen Wiig. Erin (great name) is a physicist, working towards tenure at a prestigious university. She is constantly being criticized for being uptight and dressing in a dowdy fashion. It doesn't matter that she's an accomplished scientist; she's still female so apparently it has to be hard to "make it" in academia. This is the reality for so many women in the world and not just in scientific fields. I'm not making this up; it's a reality. Hollywood isn't that much better and this movie is a clear example of that.

I liked the movie a lot. I would have liked it even if there wasn't controversy around it and if I didn't feel like I was required to go see it because I have lady parts and I need to support other humans who have lady parts. My favorite things included:

• Leslie Jones as Patty Tolan, an MTA worker who also happens to know a ton of New York history. This comes in handy throughout the movie. I feel like Patty and I would be friends and go on history tours together.
• HOLTZMANN! Kate McKinnon is freaking hilarious as the engineer/physicist who gives us some of the best moments and the best gear in the movie. She's probably the only character that has a true parallel to the original cast; Ramis's Egon, but she takes the weird and wacky to a completely different level. Egon was the straight man of the group; Holtzmann is something else. 
• Cameos by the original cast except Rick Moranis (who declined the chance to be in the film and has been on a hiatus from Hollywood for the last 18 years following the death of his wife). My favorite cameos include Ernie Hudson, Sigourney Weaver, and the firehouse. 
• Chris Hemsworth. Is it stunt casting? Yes. Was he funny? Yes he was. Did I objectify him a bit when he was wearing the white t-shirt and dancing at the end? Absolutely. It's hard being in a movie just for your looks isn't it?
• The friendships between the women. It's great to see the Abby/Erin friendship evolve during the movie to what you imagine it was before Erin went all academic on Abby. Dropping Patty into the group changes it for the better. They don't compete with one another; they need one another to bust some ghosts and save the day.
• The climactic fight scene. History, ghosts, cool weapons, slow motion fight sequences, improbability, and something seemingly innocent being turned into a rage filled ghost monster - this sequence had everything.

Seeing this movie didn't ruin my childhood memories of the original or discredit its originality. It added a new chapter to the Ghostbusters universe and let some seriously funny women showcase their talent. If the fact that they are female while being funny and busting ghosts bothers you, you need to take a long look at your life.

Ghosts are scary; feminism isn't. Ectoplasm is gross; funny, talented women are not. Considering a future led by an angry hornet of a man is terrifying; women as Ghostbusters is not.

Ghostbusters & Car
Holtzmann
Poster