I could throw an axe

This is the first election season since I turned 17 that I haven't actively worked on a campaign. It hasn't always been a state or national campaign, but I've always done something. In 2016, I canvassed, I phone banked, I wrote letters, I donated, I registered people to vote, I greeted people at the polls. I did everything I could to help elect the first woman to the White House...except commit treason and get in bed with a dictator (literally or figuratively). After the election, I gave myself a few weeks, and then I dusted off my canvassing shoes and went to work to elect Ralph Northam governor of Virginia. I felt better when he won; not great, but better. Ralph's a good dude. He's good governor.

And then the 2018 midterms began to loom. And the calls and texts from the Kaine campaign started. And I didn't answer any of them. Not because I don't believe in Tim Kaine (I do; I'll be there voting for him in November), but because I couldn't face another round of being abused by people I don't know. Do you know how many times I was called a cunt when I phone banked for Clinton? I'm pretty sure none of them were talking about my charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. A little old lady in Southwestern Virginia told me she hoped I burned in hell for supporting "that traitorous bitch." I did what I was trained to do and said "thank you" and hung up. I thanked her for telling me to burn in hell.

Because that's what women do. We say thank you to people who insult us and don't believe us and question our choices when all we're doing is living our lives and trying to exist in this world. We apologize for taking up space and telling our stories.

I know that I'm not alone in being a cone of rage following this week's absolute circus/dumpster fire/ shit show of hearings in the confirmation proceedings for Brett Kavanaugh. I watched it all and have been experiencing a range of emotions since that move from sadness to rage to blinding rage to disappointment to anger to sadness to laughing because it seems like a better idea than crying and back to blinding rage. Christie Blasey Ford spent four hours telling her story to the entire world. It's a story she shouldn't have had to have broadcast on every news station and live tweeted. She should have been granted the decency of an investigation, not a trial masquerading as a hearing. I cannot imagine what she's going through right now. Women are fucking warriors.

I've had a lot of thoughts running around in my brain about these proceedings, and I'm going to share a few with you today. Rage blogging isn't something I do often, but writing this made me feel better. Not not rage-ful, but better. Strong language ahead, so please do your best impression of a Republican member of the Judiciary Committee, and feign horror that someone raised in a nice family could use such language.

• How is it possible that eleven elected officials, all male, couldn't ask Dr. Ford a direct question, let alone look her in the eye? They had to hire a woman to ask their questions for them. If you're a constituent of one of these clowns, you need to take a hard look at yourself and ask if you want someone who can't actually do their job to continue holding office. And if you say, "that's not right," get yourself to the polls when they're up for reelection and vote them the fuck out of office.
• Conversely, how much restraint do you think it took those same eleven men to not jump over the table to bro hug Kavanaugh the second he walked in the room? They practically fell over themselves apologizing to that fucker and acting like his life is ruined. Give me a fucking break.
• Dr. Ford fulfilled her civic duty in a way no one should ever have to. She even thanked the committee and apologized. Her courage can't be understated, but I was so mad for her when she thanked them. I wanted to tell her, "You don't have to thank them. You don't have to be polite." But that is who she is and I respect her for being herself. 
• Not all heroes wear capes: Senators Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, and Mazie Hirono deserve medals. Sen. Klobuchar is 100% correct in her assessment that Kavanaugh would have thrown her out of his court if she had behaved as he did during his testimony. 
• Rachel Mitchell knew that she was in charge of an absolute shit show and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She showed at least some humanity at the end of Dr. Ford's testimony. I think she believes Dr. Ford. I have no proof of this, but there was something about the way she conducted herself that makes me believe she believed Dr. Ford. 
• If Brett Kavanaugh was trying to convince people that he's the right person to fill a position on the highest court in the land, a court that is supposed to be apolitical and nonpartisan, he probably should have scaled back on the vindictive language. All I saw was someone who looked angry and ready to lose his shit when challenged. Oh wait, he did that. 
• And men say women are emotional and shouldn't be positions of power like White House. Please, every pundit on Fox News, tell me that one again while talking about your boy here. 
• To all of the Republican/conservative women saying that boys/men rape/assault/grope women and it's perfectly normal: I'm going to need you to shut the fuck up. It is not normal. I've been alive almost 40 years and I have never in my life said, "Gee, I should rape/assault/grope that guy over there. That's a great idea." Not once. Because it is not normal behavior. Stop telling your sons and daughters this is how life works.
• There's a popular quote going around now that is so true it hurts: Brock Turners grow up to be Brett Kavanaughs and Brett Kavanaughs make the rules for Brock Turners. 
• Brett Kavanaugh is a man who has never been held accountable for anything in his entire life. I grew up with assholes like him in high school in NOVA and went to college with bigger assholes like him in New Orleans. Wealthy, white dudes with no real responsibilities and no one telling them that they don't always get to win. They hide behind "boys will be boys" until someone calls them out on their bullshit, and even then they still get away with so much. Rape culture exists and this is part of it.
• Jeff Flake is not a hero. He doesn't get to say he'll vote to confirm and then call for an investigation because he knows they don't have the votes. He knows what's going on is wrong and it's eating him up inside. Frankly, suffer. Suffer with that guilt forever. You could have done better before this week, but you didn't. You are not a hero. 
• When does the 30 minutes women are allowed to not have to worry about the futures of the men in this world actually take place? Women are told to report assault and rape, while also being told that coming forward will ruin some man's life. When they don't come forward for decades and then do, they're also told they're responsible for ruining some man's life. I mean, for the love of the goddess, when do women just get to take care of their own lives? You know what men can do? Not rape and assault women (and men). Maybe we should focus on raising children who understand that NOT raping and assaulting people is the way one should live their life. Maybe those who do commit those crimes can be held accountable for their actions and not get away with it. And if they're about to be named for lifetime appointment, maybe, just maybe we should investigate allegations against them so we know that we are in fact, placing the right person in that position instead of someone who committed sexual assault.
•  Lindsey Graham is a worthless human being. I try to find the good in people, but he deserves nothing positive from me. He's up for reelection in 2021; I hope the good people of South Carolina get rid of him. PS - If it's acceptable to ask me why I'm still single and also tell me to smile more, than Lindsey Graham can also be asked why he's still single and told to smile more. Don't like Lindsey? Too fucking bad. 
• No one's life is over because they don't get to be on the Supreme Court. Seriously. If, by some miracle, Kavanaugh is not confirmed, his life will go on. He will be fine. He doesn't deserve to be fine, but he will be. 
• I believe Dr. Ford. I believe her. I believe her. I believe her. #BelieveSurvivors

I was driving to work yesterday morning and two cars veered into my lane at two different points along 66, each coming super close to hitting me. I don't know if they intended to get over or what because neither driver bothered to use a blinker. I'm so angry about what's going on that my reaction was to follow the next driver who didn't use a blinker to wherever they were going and take a tire iron to their windshield. That's how angry I am. I want to destroy property and be awful to someone I don't know. The kicker is this: I'd go to jail while Brett Kavanaugh will probably end up on the Supreme Court. I'd be held accountable for my behavior and he'd get a lifetime appointment to make decisions that will impact generations.

Christine Blasey Ford, Ana Maria Archila, and Maria Gallagher: thank you for being you. You deserve so much better than this. We all deserve so much better than this.