The Island Takes a Break

I think I'm in a Lou Reed gloom. It's always a little hard to tell if it's a Lou Reed gloom or if I need more coffee; there's a fine line between under-caffeinated and existential dread. If you're not familiar with the concept of a Lou Reed gloom, here's a quick primer: on various episodes of Gilmore Girls, Rory and Lane would use musicians to describe their gloomy behavior. Lou Reed was a common descriptor. Back in 2012 (that was so long ago), I expanded the list to include:

1. Lou Reed gloom - encapsulated by the song "Perfect Day" in which Lou has a perfect day with a person that clearly just keeps him around for no reason. I also like the way he says "sangria" in this song. There's hurt and love and gloom. There's a sub-category of LRG called Velvet Underground Gloom which is perfectly displayed in many songs, most notably "Venus in Furs" (yes, I know the history of the novel of the same name - it's also super gloomy), but even better in "Oh! Sweet Nuthin'". 
2. Johnny Cash gloom - Have you heard his version of "Hurt"? Even before that there was always a little gloom in his songs - regret, longing, violence, bad behavior.
3. The Smiths/Morrisssey gloom - Do I have to explain this one? Just because you put an 80s pop beat to a song doesn't make it peppy. Loneliness, despair, angst, judgement, and a little loathing abound.
4. Hank Williams gloom - "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" just about sums it up. There are plenty of peppy Hank Williams songs too but most of his songs are about loss and being used (story of his life). That yodel was a cry for help, my friends.
5. Radiohead gloom - This particular kind of gloom also involves paranoia. Whenever I listen to Radiohead I immediately think "At least I'm not Thom Yorke."

There are probably some additions for 2021, but we can talk about them some other time. I had one of those weeks, culminating in yesterday where I could just feel the gloom, despite being very productive at work, keeping up with my embroidery project, and "celebrating" Mardi Gras earlier in the week. In years past, I would have mixed up a batch of homemade marshmallows to get me out of my Lou Reed gloom. I don't need an entire batch of marshmallows personally, and since I don't see anyone that often, it seemed like a silly thing to do. So instead, I watched a virtual Patti Smith show (her 50th anniversary with Lenny Kaye) and drank some wine. Patti told a story about the first time she met Lou Reed was in an elevator and they talked about poetry (because of course they did). They, Patti and Lenny, sang "Ghost Dance," which is one of my top five favorite Patti Smith songs. So maybe the cure to a Lou Reed gloom is actually listening to Patti Smith tell stories. I don't make the rules.

Anyway, I was thinking about the Island during this entire Lou Reed gloom (which may still be going on), and I realized I need to take a break from writing this blog for a bit. I'm basically doing that anyway, but never officially said anything. I launched my An Embroidery a Day project in January, and it takes up a lot of my time since I create and post daily. I wanted to keep both blogs going, but for now, I need to focus my attention on one.

So the Island is going on vacation for a bit. I hope to be back in the late spring/early summer. Maybe by then, I can write about movies, pop culture, and Keely and not feel weird about it. If you're interested in my embroidery project, come visit  An Embroidery a Day. 

Until the Island returns, be good citizens, employ Old Lady Concert rules in everyday situations, enjoy some Lazy Movie Weekends (or Tuesdays if you prefer), and don't forget to Answer Your Cat's Questions!

Keely demands answers

Happy New Year! Is it too late to say that? It's been a few weeks since I last posted; I've been busy launching my new embroidery project, being angry at insurrectionists and weak politicians, and being overjoyed at the fact that functioning adults have returned to the White House. Oh, and I had to work and clean my house and stuff. I know, too many excuses. Forgive me, loyal Island readers. I'll try to do better.

2021 is already shaping up to be another roller coaster year. I was hoping with the return of functional adults to our government, I could return to writing fun and frivolous pieces again. That's partially why I didn't post anything in the last two weeks: I didn't know what to say. I was angry, but writing a post here wasn't  helping with processing like it normally does. So I took a break. 

But I couldn't let my favorite made up holiday pass by without a post. If we don't celebrate "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day," how would Keely get to know things? We may spend 24 hours a day together (basically), but I don't really take the time to answer his questions. A lot of our day is spent with me working in my office nook and him napping somewhere in the house until he decides he "needs" me. This usually happens when I'm on a Zoom call with my manager or a senior leadership team member. It's awesome. I also created an adorable cat for my daily embroidery project to celebrate. #catmomsrock

Let's get started with this year's questions!!

• Why are you home all the time now? Don't you have a job or friends or stuff to do? You're infringing on my doing cat things time. We're currently living in the middle of a pandemic. There's a very contagious and dangerous virus out there, and being around lots of people is one of the chief ways it spreads. Almost a year ago, my work closed the physical office and asked all employees to work from home until further notice. Now, I get to spend all day at home with you! Think of the benefits: you get your dinner on time every night, I'm around for extra treats during the day, and you've fully embraced your life as a lap cat. You can do you cat things at night or when I'm on Zoom calls. 
• Where did the tree go? I like napping under it and rubbing my face on the branches and eating plastic. I love that you love the tree! I haven't put up a Christmas tree since 2013, and wasn't sure how you'd react to a tree being around all the time. Since I was home this year, I figured a tree would be a nice addition to our house. You did look so cute napping under the tree! I don't know why they don't write songs about cats under Christmas trees. It's probably because most cats destroy trees, proving to us time and time again why we can't have nice things.  Christmas only lasts so long, so the tree had to be put away until next year. Between now and then, I'd really like you to think about your choices when it comes to eating plastic. It's not good for you, and if you eat too much, we won't have a tree to love at all. 
• Why does the red dot disappear? Since you've become incredibly needy at the worst possible times (when I'm presenting during Zoom meetings, for example), I bought you a motion activated laser toy to keep you occupied and to make sure you get exercise. The red dot only works for 15 minutes and then it takes a break for an hour. I promise if you can be patient, it'll come back soon. 
• Why did you cry while watching tv in the middle of the day on a Wednesday? Did someone take your favorite toy away? The last four years have been a lot. Ever since He Who Shall Not Be Mentioned took office, it's been one horrible thing after another. He lost re-election (he really did for those of you who are still struggling with this), and on Wednesday, January 20, a new President took office AND the first woman Vice President was sworn in too. It was amazing and emotional and everything I hoped it would be. You're right that I don't normally watch tv in the middle of a workday and I don't normally cry when I watch tv, but it was such a relief to watch the ceremony on Wednesday. My shoulders have relaxed for the first time in a long time. It's important to remember that just because I'm happy about the new administration doesn't mean I'm going to stop holding them accountable and being involved. It just means I might not have to be angry every day for the next four years.
• Did you buy the new comforter for me? It's so fluffy! I did not buy the comforter for you, but let's face it, everything in the house is yours so why pretend it's not. It is so fluffy! I also appreciate the fact that you sleep on my feet every night. I like to pretend it's because you're protecting me, but I know it's really the comforter. 
• When are you going to be done working? I need to sit on your lap. What's that I hear? Are you a lap cat?!? When did this happen? I know you like the attention, but I have to work to provide things like your food and toys and the roof over you precious cat head. You seem to have adjusted to our new routine, and I love that you need me to stop at precisely 4 pm every day so we can get some cuddle time in before your dinner. 
• Do you really think reading a book is going to stop me from trying to eat chicken? It was worth a try. Look, my food is not your food. I know you think it is, and occasionally, when you're a very good boy, you get some chicken or the tuna can to lick (only because you seem to be able to process tuna). But human food isn't good for you, and Kung Pao Chicken definitely isn't good for you. 
• Are the other humans getting a dog? Why do they need a dog? The other humans (my parents and brother) may be getting a dog. Your Uncle Scott really wants a dog, so he's started the process of looking for one to adopt. He has assured me that only dogs who can be around cats will be considered, and more importantly, you're still his favorite cat (named Keely). He won't stop being your dude-bro and the other humans won't stop thinking you're a very good boy. You're one of the family, buddy. We like you. 

Please enjoy a sampling of photos of the world's most photogenic cat (probably, if you exclude Norwegian forest cats). Check out my other blog, An Embroidery a Day, for an adorable salute to today's festivities.

It's the end of the year as we know it, and I feel perfectly adequate

Before we get into this end of the year post, I feel like I need to remind everyone of a few things to be aware of on this last day of 2020. Like Halloween, NYE is one of those holidays where people make really poor life choices. Because it's 2020 and we don't need the universe sending us anything else in the last 24 hours of the year, please consider your actions wisely:

• Don't open any sort of tomb, unearthed item, ancient text, or anything else that looks like it could raise an army of zombie squirrels.
• Don't accept ANYTHING from a stranger.
• Avoid abandoned buildings.
• Be polite to people, particular your elders. Remember, most curses happen because someone was a jerk to an old lady.
• If someone gives you a mogwai, don't feed it after midnight or expose it to bright light or water. Actually, you shouldn't accept a mogwai at all. 
• Stay home. There's zero reason to be out this NYE. 

Warnings complete; let's move on with the last Island post of 2020. Normally, I use this last post of the year to reflect on the year that was and discuss goals, achieved or failed, and set up the wonder that will be 2021. Well, 2020 is the year that can best be described as a dumpster fire, so there will be no lofty post reflecting on the year that was. I feel, on this last day of 2020, perfectly adequate and ready to move on. 

This is not to say that I don't have some expectations for 2021. The mostly fall into five categories:

1. Not thinking about the President for some portion of each day.
2. Figuring out what to have for dinner in advance of dinner time. This is surprisingly more difficult to do when staying home.
3. Continuing to work from home BUT reconnecting to my work clothes. I've missed them. 
4. Figuring out Keely's peak attention needing times, and planning accordingly. 
5. Launching a new art project. 

Nothing crazy on that list. I don't want to set myself for disappointment in 2021. I want to creep quietly into the new year, with cat-like tread, and let the year unfold. It's going to be another very long year. I'm not being pessimistic, but realistic. 

One of the brightest spots of 2020 for me has been having time to focus on creative projects. I made over 100 embroidery pieces this year, which is amazing. A lot of the pieces were original designs or collaborations with my friend, Kelly, who is an amazing painter. I launched the Be a Good Citizen Project, featuring 30 original pieces (see below if you'd like a "Scream" - I still have a few), and I learned some new stitches and techniques along the way. Having more time to work on creative projects has been amazing, and kept me sane this year. I'm looking forward to my 2021 project, An Embroidery a Day, which launches tomorrow. You can keep learn more about the project and follow along on my new blog of the same name (the first post will go live tomorrow morning so don't be shocked if you see a blank screen right now). 

I started the Island in 2011 with no real plan or purpose except to be able to write and entertain. I hope that in 2021 I can get back to more of what I love to do on this space - share funny stories, write fiction, and answer my cat's questions. The 500th Island post will be written in 2021; I have no idea what it will be about, but I assume it'll include words and sentences and stuff. Thank you for joining me in 2020 and enjoying/tolerating the posts I did get out this year. I appreciate your time and your continued support of the Island.

Oh, also enjoy one final "Keely living his best life" photo. Pets really won 2020 - I don't know if I can go back to working in the office; he'd miss me too much (in his own cat way, of course).

Happy New Year - may 2021 be less of a dumpster fire than 2020! And please, whatever you do, make smart life choices this evening. Don't tempt 2020 in its final hours. 

There's still time to get your very own SCREAM! I still have a few left if you'd like to tell me all about how you were a good citizen in 2020. Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. I'll be featuring some good citizens in a post in early 2021.

Under a Christmas tree instead of in a van down by the river

My old cat, Pumpkin, lived in an Ikea shopping bag for a week. No, this isn't a heart-warming story about how I found a tiny kitten in an Ikea bag on the means streets of Honolulu (Pumpkin was adopted when I lived in Hawaii) and brought her home to her forever home. The bag was in my apartment and she decided to live in it for a week. Pumpkin was the kind of cat who enjoyed boxes and waited patiently for a moment like an empty Ikea bag to come her way. She would leave the bag to eat, use the litter box, and take up far more space on the bed than an eight pound cat should take. But if it wasn't one of those three things, she was in the bag. I moved it around the apartment a few times. That had zero impact on her situation; she moved with her bag. For reasons known only to her, the week ended and she decided the bag was over. She resumed her "normal" life of living on top of the cable box. Cats are special and we don't deserve them. 

My current cat, Keely, also enjoys an Ikea bag and had short term love affair with living on my bed but under a garment bag from the dry cleaning service I used to use. I thought he looked like a solider in a tent writing letters home to his beloved.

He prefers his cat bed (I know!), lounging on a dining room chair, or using the draft blocker as a pillow by the sliding glass door. He does like to sit on my lap at precisely 4 pm each day, but only if we follow a set of rules he established when he decided I was okay enough for him to sit on my lap. Cats are weird. You can imagine my surprise when Keely found a new napping/sitting location this past weekend.

He lives under the Christmas tree.

Before we examine Keely's latest thing, there are a few things you need to know about me and Christmas:

• I have not put up a tree of any sort since 2013. That year, it was a book tree, so I'm not sure if that counts. 
• I did have a tabletop tree the following year, but that doesn't count. I used little earrings as decorations and sneezed whenever I was close to it. 
• I love Christmas decorations, but I hate putting them up. In fact, I once planned my visit home for Christmas to avoid decorating the tree. My family knows this, and now waits or holds back ornaments so I have to do something. 
• My preference for ornaments is the weirder the better. I once decorated my parents' tree with the theme of "Obscure Presidents" because they have a collection of White House ornaments and who doesn't want a tree where Chester A. Arthur is the focal point?

For whatever reason, I have fully embraced Christmas this year. Not only did I put up a tree...I put it up the day after Thanksgiving. This from a person who once wrote an open letter to Christmas decorations up before Halloween. I also bought eggnog and holiday themed pajamas (with dinosaurs, but still). I don't know me anymore either. 

I also decided to channel my Grandma K and make some ornaments, finally putting my abundant sequin collection to use. I also embroidered a few ornaments and was delighted to receive some handmade ornaments in the mail from my friend and her son. Target seemed to sense my need this year, featuring a line of ornaments that can only be described as "1965 Called and it Wants Christmas Back." I am here for it. 

And then Keely started living under the tree. At first, he mostly focused on rubbing his little face on everything and trying to eat the plastic branches, but then he really settled in. Sometimes, he likes to be out front like a tree guard. Other times, he lounges at the back of the tree against the wall. He naps, he watches the lights, he chills. He never bats at the ornaments. He never tries to climb the tree. I suspect he knows he weights more than the tree, so staying on the ground is the smart choice. He just snuggles into the tree skirt like it's his job.  This is same tree skirt I used to wear over my clothes when I was a kid and we decorated the tree.  The blinking star on top of the tree, which was an early addition to my parents' enormous holiday decoration collection (think foil star from the mid-1970s), seems to mesmerize him.

Like Pumpkin, I don't really know why Keely has decided to live under the tree. He tends to come out more since he really enjoys the sun by the sliding glass door, but he spends about 75% of his time during the day under or near the tree (he spends his nights sleeping on my legs and getting annoyed when I move). He's not great at hiding, so maybe this is an attempt at practicing his hiding skills. Maybe he's trying to reclaim some of his hunter/I'm the descendant of wild cats essence. Maybe that tree skirt is just really comfortable. Maybe Keely realizes we all need a little festive holiday cheer, and who doesn't smile when a chonky cat sleeps under a tree? 

Reminder: Show your good citizenry! Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. The deadline for submissions has been extended until then end of the year. I'm like the Oprah of rewarding good citizenship: "You get a piece of original art! And you get a piece of original art.

Decisions are made by those who show up

I started re-watching The West Wing a week or so before the election. I, like many of you, was feeling a little bit all over the place in the lead up to November 3. The show aired on NBC from 1999-2006, and focused on the fictional presidency of Democrat Jed Bartlet (Martin Sheen) and the staff of the West Wing. It foreshadowed the Obama presidency in many ways, and showed DC in all its glory and weirdness. I loved the show when it originally aired, although I don't remember seasons six and seven as well as I remember the first four seasons. I haven't watched the entire series since it originally aired. 

It's odd to watch it now. In the world of The West Wing, Democrats and Republicans get along in the big picture of things. Divisions exist, but the divisive political world we live in today is not the norm. I always thought of The West Wing as a presidential fairy tale; it showed us both the best and the worst of people and there was always a lesson to be learned. The show is idealistic on many levels, and a little bro-y, but it's set in peak DC bro years, so no one should be surprised by the bro-iness. There's something magical about the way it depicts our country and the office of the President. It also makes me so curious about many things. I had to look up our current Poet Laureate, and am constantly looking up historical references and stories. The show gives me hope for the future, something I've struggled with, particularly since March.

The last four years have made me think about the country, democracy, and patriotism more than I normally do. I mean, I think about these things a lot, but I haven't spent this much time in a concentrated period of time doing so. Before the Trump years, I don't think I thought about the President as much as I do today. I'd like to return to a time when I don't think about the President this often. This isn't to say I won't do my part to hold any President accountable for his/her actions; I just don't want to do it every day. My experience as an Election Officer was eye-opening in a lot of ways. Americans, as a whole, don't understand how elections work. I've known this for years, but it seems like more people are waking up to the fact that we've created a system that is flawed and is rife with voter suppression. From registration deadlines and rules to ID laws to redistricting to the timeline for certifying election results, Americans are horribly under educated. And that's exactly what some people want. If you ever question whether your vote matters, remember that people wouldn't work so hard to keep you from voting or to keep your vote from being counted if it didn't matter. 

Voting is a type of power. That's why it's so important to actually get out and vote. One of the things I realized as I was working on Election Day is that it also creates a world of perceived power. During the day, I worked with some wonderful volunteers from both parties. Voting precincts are staffed by members of both parties, as well as independents and those who don't align with party affiliations. This is supposed to create a safe and equal voting experience. I got the sense that most people, especially the other first timers, had signed up for reasons similar to mine. They wanted to make sure people could safely and securely vote in person, and they wanted to help their community. Like me, most of the group was working at their polling precinct, so helping their actual neighbors. 

There was, however, one person who I couldn't figure out at first. Why was this person, a white man (older than me, but younger than my dad), volunteering? He seemed so anti-everything: he didn't want to wear a mask even though all officers were required to (he was the subject of a voter complaint about this). Any problem with an ID or a voter's status couldn't be solved, except that it could be. A curbside voter looked "too young" to really qualify (except the person was unable to walk without assistance, but sure only old people need help). At one point, he joked about gun ownership with me. While none of his actions were overtly aggressive, he was clearly trying to make a statement. He was trying to show his power, or at least the power he perceived he had. 

Some of you may think I'm overreacting, but I've been listening to men explain things to me my whole life. This was someone who didn't like that I knew the rules as well or better than him. Someone who didn't care for a woman (a voter) telling him to put his mask on before helping her. Someone who didn't care about social distancing rules. Someone who made a "joke" about gun ownership while checking the ID of Latino man and then questioning whether the man's ID and address were valid. This was someone who didn't care about fair elections or whether every vote got counted. He was determined to make others feel small and unimportant. 

As we wait for the 45 to acknowledge that he lost, I've been thinking about this man. I'll probably never see him again; he doesn't live in my precinct but was assigned to it this year because we needed people. I'll never see him again, but I'll "see" him every time the 45 goes on and on about nonexistent voter fraud or Moscow Mitch sits on a stimulus bill that could actually help people. I'll see him every time a Trump supporter spouts some cult-ish sounding sound bite about election results or that COVID is a hoax, despite the virus not going away and the numbers of sick and dying continue to increase. Just thinking about how many times a day I'll see this man is exhausting. 

But there is another side to this. The last four years, and this particular election, have shown us how important it is to vote and to be heard. It's shown us the difference voter education makes (let's talk about the amazing Stacey Abrams and Georgia) and that our vote does matter. We have a long way to go to fix the election system in the US (among other things), but this election showed us what can be done. This is why watching The West Wing has been so calming these last few weeks; it's about possibility and the power of the people. As President Bartlet reminds us, "Decisions are made by those who show up." Elections aren't the end of something, but the beginning of the next thing. And we all need to show up for whatever comes next. 

Reminder: Show your good citizenry! Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. The deadline for submissions has been extended until December 1. I'm like the Oprah of rewarding good citizenship: "You get a piece of original art! And you get a piece of original art.

I gave her my vote, and she gave me a pen*

The first time I voted in a Presidential Election was in 2000. I voted for Al Gore, and I don't recall receiving an "I Voted" sticker. I don't think that was a thing in 2000, but I could be wrong. I remember watching the returns that night. We weren't at the point we are today where we expect results instantly. We seemed, as a collective, to understand the results would come when they were completely counted. Of course, the 2000 election was a disaster, and it brought on, well a lot of things. I volunteered for my first presidential campaign in 2004 because of the 2000 election. John Kerry ran that year. It was one of the most boring campaigns I have ever worked for, but I still did my part. Since then, I've worked on way more exciting campaigns and some relatively tame ones. Regardless, I love elections and I love working on campaigns. 

As I write this, we don't know who won the election. Several states are still too close to call, and mail-in ballots are still being counted. We may not know for many more days. That's how this is all supposed to work. I know there are people, and when I say people, I mean the current president, who don't believe this. A candidate cannot declare they won. That's not how this works. For once, we need to curb our desire for instant gratification and be patient. I know it sucks, but it's reality. 

I spent Election Day working as an Election Officer for my county. Given the year we've had, I made the decision to volunteer my time making sure that my fellow county residents' right to vote was protected rather than volunteering for a specific campaign or party. Voting is legitimately one of my favorite things. I'm not suggesting that our voting system is perfect, but I believe in the power of voting. It, along with protesting and contacting your elected officials, are the big three of how we exercise our rights and we participate in democracy. Election officers and poll workers are the people who make elections work. They are the people who keep the act of voting safe. I'm probably not alone in thinking I haven't really done much in these last several months. Maybe I donated money to some groups and candidates. Maybe I made 30 Screams to reward people for being good citizens. I've done things, but I feel like I should be doing more. Being an Election Officer was my way of doing that. Election workers are literally your neighbors. One of my fellow officers lives across the street from me. I saw at least three people from my neighborhood too; I don't know them, but I see them walking their dogs so I "know" them. That's one of the cool things about being an election worker; you're helping in your actual community. I really love that. It's direct and it feels useful.

 Yesterday was long, interesting, and reminded me why I love voting and elections. I don't know how much people know about what goes on during the day at a polling location, but it's a lot. Election officers are responsible for setting up voting machines, checking in voters, resolving issues, officially sending results to the election office, and being nice to people for hours on end. The pandemic has added additional safety protocols and social distancing. It's humbling how much trust others put into people to make sure their vote counts. We have to remember that all the time. This is what we will continue to fight for; protecting voting, making sure people can vote and their vote gets counted. 

My day in one photo

Most of my day was spent working as a greeter, helping with curbside voting, and explaining that we didn't have "I Voted" stickers this year, but we did have "I Voted" pens. Basically, my job consisted of saying hello, directing people to stand on the second blue X on the floor, and then telling them which poll book station to go to. I would occasionally be asked a question about ID requirements or about the ballot (which I couldn't really respond to unless if was a question about if there was a second side to the ballot). I enjoyed curbside voting more than I thought I would. I got to help someone with a provisional ballot, helped a lady with an ancient driver's license, and got the nicest thank you from a man who seemed so nervous about voting. He was concerned about his ID, which was expired. I explained how the ID laws work, and I could just see the worry leave his face. That made my day. 

My absolute favorite part of the day was cheering for first time voters. I didn't count how many we had, but it was a pretty good number, and it included both young voters and older voters who registered for the first time. The reactions to our cheers ranged from shy embarrassment to excitement to pride. I don't remember if someone cheered for me when I voted for Al Gore in 2000, but I'm glad I could got to cheer on all of these first time voters. 

We may not know who won for days or even weeks. It's stressful. It's not fun. People are going to say and do stupid things (I'm looking at you, protesters in Michigan shouting "end the vote counting"). There's nothing I can say that will change that or stop someone from being stupid. I hope this process moves as quickly as is fair and reasonable. I hope that people will see the power of voting. No one would work this hard to stop people from voting if it didn't matter. 

I have more to share about my experience as an Election Officer, but today isn't really the day for it. Today, I want to simply enjoy the fact that I yesterday I watched a young woman walk with more purpose than I have ever walked with, to the check-in table, give her ID, and cast her first vote in a presidential election. I need that to be the image and memory that gets me through whatever is coming. 

*One of my favorite movies is Say Anything, and the line "I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen" guts me every single time I watch it. For whatever reason, giving people "I Voted" pens made me feel like Diane Cort over and over again yesterday. No one wants an "I Voted" pen. 

Reminder: Show your good citizenry! Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. The deadline for submissions has been extended until December 1. I'm like the Oprah of rewarding good citizenship: "You get a piece of original art! And you get a piece of original art.

I forgot that anything can happen on Halloween...

I know I said last week that the Island was on a break until after the election, BUT I had a realization this morning about this weekend, so you get a bonus post. You're welcome.  

Halloween is this Saturday. I know, Halloween is on a Saturday! Additionally, there's a full moon, Mercury is in retrograde (I guess), and daylight savings time is this weekend. That's a lot of stuff in one weekend. Normally, I like to post a video from the 1986 classic The Worst Witch on Halloween. It's a little song called "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" performed by Tim Curry. I've always felt this section was the weirdest part of the movie, but I also love it because it's Tim Curry. In a normal year, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with me posting this video and encouraging y'all to get out there any enjoy Halloween. 

But...it's 2020. Posting a video of a song called "Anything Can Happen on Halloween" is a terrible idea. I don't trust whatever forces are controlling this year. They/It/Whatever might decide my posting of the video means that they/it/whatever can unleash murder gerbils or broken glass hail. I can't risk it. This got me thinking: if I shouldn't post this video, what other things shouldn't any of you do this Halloween? 

Because I care about you, I put together a list of ten things you should avoid doing at all costs this Halloween. This year, which is legitimately the longest year on record, is not the year to leave anything to chance. I'm also not a monster, so I've thrown in ten alternative activities to get you through the weekend. 

Ten Things to Avoid This Halloween

1. Don't accept anything, candy, directions, voting advice, from a stranger. This is good advice normally, but it's particularly helpful this year. Check your sources, and only eat candy you've personally purchased or you steal from your kid's stash.
2. If you happen upon a woodland creature or a very majestic forest cat who seems to want you to go on a quest, DO NOT GO ON THE QUEST. 
3. Are you excavating something right now? Stop. Put down the tools. Step away from the large hole you dug. If you continue to dig and find a skull, jars, the GOP's spine, put it back, cover it up, and move. You can't live on top of that mess. 
4. Related: don not open any tombs, graves, or other ancient sealed locations. They were sealed for a reason. 
5. This is mostly for my friends in Louisiana, but everyone should still listen. If you find an old bottle buried near the river (or other body of water), leave it there. Don't move it. Don't add it to your weird antique bottle collection. Leave it be and maybe leave something to appease who/what was watching over that bottle. If you really need antique bottles, go on Etsy and buy that shit like a normal person. 
6. Avoid any type of abandoned institution, particularly hospitals, prisons, and asylums. They were abandoned for a reason.
7. Don't buy a wreck of a car from an old man on a whim. That car is haunted. It will kill your friends. 
8. While tempting, there is no reason to go anywhere near the site of "unspeakable horrors" in the town where you live. It may sound innocent to go visit the birthplace of Mitch McConnell, but you're only feeding his weird turtle energy. Stay home!
9. Don't be rude to your elders. This is how curses happen. 
10. No Ouija boards of other summoning devices. There is no reason for you to summon a demon or open a hellmouth this Halloween. I would even avoid Scrabble; you don't know if spelling an innocent word like "oxyphenbutazone" will cause the end of the world. Don't tempt the fates. (Fun fact: oxyphenbutazone is the highest scoring word in Scrabble, coming in at 1778 points. It's an obsolete anti-inflammatory drug.) 

Ten Things to Do on Halloween

1. Stay home! I know your house is getting old, but all of this will be over so much sooner if we all stay home. 
2. Wear a mask. It's Halloween so you can really go to town with this one. Break out that hockey mask and do your best Jason Voorhes impression. This is your moment. 
3. Enjoy all of the candy you bought because no one is trick or treating this year. Pair it with wine! If you really want to imbibe, I suggest pairing bourbon with any chocolate/peanut butter candy. It's delicious.
4. Watch scary movies. Check out Pumpkin's 2016 recommendations. She was a smart cat. 
5. Carve a pumpkin. Bonus points if it's voting themed.
6. Go to bed early. The time change is about to happen, and that screws us all up. Get some extra sleep while you can. 
7. Tell scary stories or read a scary novel. I've recently finished Mexican Gothic and Stephen King's new short story collection, If It Bleeds. Highly recommend both. 
8. Dress up your pet! You spend 24 hours a day (basically) with your pet now attending to their whims, the least they can do for you is allow you to put them in a costume for one day without plotting your demise.
9. Make a "a meteor may hit the Earth the day before the election" kit. I don't really know what would go in this kit, but it would be fun to see what everyone comes up with. Bourbon? Would that be a good thing to include?
10. Finalize your voting plan! Election Day is just days away. If you haven't voted yet, use this time to get your voting plan in order. Check out I Will Vote for resources. Already voted? Awesome - you are doing your part! Submit your voting story to my Be a Good Citizen Project so you can get some free original art for being a good citizen. 

Happy Halloween! Let's all do our part to stave off the end of the world for at least a few more days. 

As an added bonus, please enjoy this photo from last year when I made Keely wear a Halloween tie. He hated it. I thought he was adorable. 

Reminder: Show your good citizenry! Check out this post for the details of my Be a Good Citizen Project. Use this link to complete a short questionnaire on your good citizen-ing. The deadline for submissions has been extended until December 1. I'm like the Oprah of rewarding good citizenship: "You get a piece of original art! And you get a piece of original art.