Your Resident Single Friend: Grease is a terrible musical

In a few weeks, I'll enter the last year of my thirties. I've loved this particular decade of my life the most. I didn't love high school or my twenties, but my thirties have been pretty awesome. I've done a lot of cool things, spent time with the people in my life who are most important, and gotten comfortable with being my weird, quirky self. I've also embraced the fine art of not caring what other people think. It's a refreshing way to live one's life. I mean, I care about people's opinions of things that matter, like politics or whether they eat Twizzlers or Red Vines at the movies (Twizzlers is the correct answer), but I'm less inclined to care about what others think of me. This works fine in most situations, but isn't always helpful in one particular area: dating.

I haven't quite figured out is this dating thing. Regular Island readers may recall those times I signed up for online dating and that one time I went to a speed dating event, neither of which were particularly successful in the "going out on dates" side of things. However, they were very successful in providing me with amusing anecdotes to share here on the Island and strengthening my belief that more people have secret families than not. I've recently gone the online dating route again, this time on a site I like to describe as "online dating for do-gooders" and an app only site that sends me clever emails everyday with my matches, but doesn't seem to help any of these dudes with writing their profiles. During this time, I've gone on one horrible coffee date, chatted online with a very nice dude who was clearly lonely and then vanished, and filtered through lots of guys who seem like nice guys, just not my nice guy. I'm starting to think I'm missing the dating gene OR I missed the day in school where instead of being separated to watch videos about periods and how our bodies are changing, my classmates went to a class and learned how to date. I did miss the class where they taught us how to dress like a woman, so anything is possible.

A couple of trends have emerged during this go-around online:

• I seem to attract, at least online, much younger guys (like 22) or much older guys (like mid-50s into their 60s). I'm sure there are merits to either group, but I'm really not interested in exploring either.
• Dudes seem to believe saying "you're beautiful" is a good opening line. Am I supposed to reply with a comment about his handsomeness? What if he's not handsome? "Thank you" seems like the best route, but then I'm stuck for where to go next. Maybe start with something a little less grand and build up to that one.
• The fine art of understanding proper grammar has died. It's "you're" not "your" (see above comment) and there is not character limit so please leave text speak to actual texting. I'm such an old lady.
• Why include photos of you with other women? Maybe she's your sister or best friend, but with no context, I see one of two things: secret family or you just got divorced and you're not over her yet.
• Married guys - what are you doing on these sites? You have your own sites so go over there and stay there. 
• Kids! Are the children in the photos yours? Be up front about whether or not you're a parent. It's cool if you are, but I have to make a choice if I want to be involved in that life or not so I'd like to know.
• The amount of specificity in descriptions of physical traits is unnerving and a bit much.

I don't look my age, which is something I thank my parents and my skincare regime for every day. (And by skincare regime, I mean I wash my face, moisturize, and wear sunscreen. Occasionally, I use an exfoliating mask. That's it.) Some of the profiles talk about what a person is looking for in a match and often, they describe a woman's physical appearance and that appearance relative to age. I've seen comments about wearing lots of makeup (seen as both a positive and negative), hair length and color (no gray! long hair only!), "takes care of herself", which is open for lots of interpretation, and my favorite, being "fashion forward." Yes, some dude wrote that he wanted a woman who is fashion forward. This would be fine if he was wearing something other than gym clothes in every one of his profile pictures. I've also seen a few profiles that included comments about women not looking their age (a plus) and interest in women who alter their looks (this one mentioned plastic surgery specifically; he was cool with it).

I've brought this up with a few of my friends recently, and it's been fascinating to hear their responses to the idea of aging and how they discuss physical appearance in their profiles. Literally, everything from dressing differently on a first data to Botox in your 30s has come up. My head is still hurting from some of these discussions. Like me, most of my friends don't describe physical appearance when we fill out the exact same questions these guys are filling out. Each of us seems to have a type, but we don't spell it out in the profile questions. My friends also noticed that we're not allowed to age and it would be cool if we changed ourselves physically. Some of them are okay with this; others are not. The message is pretty clear: once we start to "show" our age, we have to stop dating, get a bunch of cats, and wear caftans OR change our physical self somehow. I'm down for the cats and maybe the caftans, but I refuse to believe anything else.

This is why I hate the musical/movie Grease. If you recall the plot, girl next door Sandy meets greaser Danny while on summer vacation. None of their friends are around when this happens, so Sandy doesn't know Danny is the leader of a gang called the T-Birds. She also doesn't know he gets around and is sort of a jerk. Sandy shows up at Rydell High in the fall and it changes everything. During the course of the musical, Sandy tries to fit her girl next door personality/look into Danny's T-Birds/Pink Ladies world and it doesn't work. It works for a little while, but then the dance happens and Sandy is literally pushed out of Danny's life. Danny, meanwhile, doesn't do much to try to fit into Sandy's life except going out for the track team. It isn't until Sandy becomes a Pink Lady (sort of), with skintight pants and big hair, that all is righted in the world of Grease. Sandy had to change physically, while Danny had to change personally (sort of). I would argue his change isn't really that big either; he doesn't leave his friends behind or get rid of his cool car; he letters in track. I was always disappointed in this ending, even when I was younger. The whole thing is so unbalanced.

I'm not interested in altering my looks for anyone but me. Look, I color my hair, mostly because I like experimenting with different degrees of red over my normally strawberry blonde red, and a little bit because I have some grays that I'm not quite ready to deal with. I will be, at some point, and then I will stop coloring my hair. But you'll notice this statement is all about me. Cosmetic surgery (on any level) is not for me either. I'm not judging anyone who does it as long as you do it for you. I don't wear a lot of makeup so I'm not going to start now. I love fashion, but always dress like me. Maybe Sandy did want to look that way at the end of Grease, but I think that's bullshit. Does anyone really want to wear pants like that? How did she sit down in those pants without them splitting? I refuse to believe that outfit was comfortable and made her feel like she was herself.

It took me a long time to be comfortable and confident in who I am. I know this is true for many of my friends too. Society as a whole is getting better at realizing there isn't one life timeline that works for everyone, but that doesn't stop the questions and the judgement about being single or dressing a certain way or having really short hair. I can embrace not caring about what others think, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes place a little doubt in my head, making me think about all of this and wonder if I'm wrong in my choices or beliefs. In these moments, I turn on Grease 2, which is the better movie, and all is right in the world.


Coming soon to the Island: a Lazy Movie Weekend post about pie, some baking/cooking stuff, and I volunteer for the MLB All-Star game. It's going to be a super fun summer!

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Mary Kay Minions

I've only been in three weddings: I was the flower girl in my aunt's wedding and a bridesmaid and maid of honor in the weddings of my college roommates. I admit that I lucked out in the bride/bridesmaid department; neither Heather nor Kelly were out of control brides and given that none of us lived in the same state at the time of either wedding, there weren't all the events and fittings and everything else that goes into weddings. I still have the skirt I wore in Heather's wedding and would have the one I wore in Kelly's but I donated it last year because it was too big. I love both of my friends dearly but the fact that neither became a wedding monster makes me adore them too. My only responsibilities in my aunt's wedding were to walk down the aisle and look adorable. I'm fairly certain I accomplished both.

My point in all of this is that I've basically been a fake bridesmaid my entire life. I've never really had to suffer for a bride and the glory of posing in wedding photos. I've never had to wear sea foam green dress that made me resemble a mermaid. I've never helped a bride go to the bathroom in her dress or played interference with a mother-in-law or annoying cousin. I can only hope that if I get married I will offer my bridesmaids the same courtesy and thoughtfulness.

Since I'm already a fake bridesmaid, it made sense for me to join two of my friends on a little adventure today that involved Mary Kay, Legos, a lot of pink, the perfect technique for taking a selfie, and the kind of enthusiasm that only a true performer can create. Let me set the stage for you:

The Cast
Lindsey - Bride to be, new to the area and one of the nicest people I know. Her wedding is in June and she won a Bridal Bash day of pampering for her and her bridesmaids from Mary Kay. Since her bridesmaids live elsewhere, she asked Jordana and I to fill in. Lindsey deserves a day of pampering and to have an amazing wedding.

Jordana - Regular Island readers will remember Jordana from our adventure at Jungle Jim's earlier this year. She is one of the funniest people I know and inspires everyone to follow the "Yes, And..." mentality of improv. Her enthusiasm knows no bounds.

Several Mary Kay consultants and other Bridal Bash attendees - None of these ladies will be named since I don't have permission to use their personal information. The age range for the attendees was about 8 to mid-50s. The consultants were all in their mid-40s and incredibly perky.

And of course, me.

The Scene
A Mary Kay studio somewhere in Crofton, MD. Since I'm not up on the world of Mary Kay I had no idea places like this exist. You know that part in Steel Magnolias where M'Lynn describes the church as looking like it's been hosed down in Pepto? That's what this place looked like except with pictures of Mary Kay (the founder) and incentives for Mary Kay consultants (pink Cadillacs and jewelry primarily).

Before I go any further I want to say one thing: None of the following is in any way about disrespecting female entrepreneurs. The founder of Mary Kay, Mary Kay Ash, founded the company because she was passed over for a promotion for a male co-worker she trained. You have to respect that and any woman who gets out there to support herself or her family whether it be through Mary Kay, Avon, Tupperware, jewelry, cooking items, or whatever else. 

Moving on.

None of us knew what we were walking into. We didn't know if this was the lady's basement or if we would be the only ones (thank goodness we were not). We toyed with the idea of creating an elaborate back story just in case it was just us and we had to provide details about our friendship and our role as "bridesmaids." No back story was needed since we were at our own table and didn't have that much time with the consultants where a back story was necessary.

The agenda for the Bridal Bash was to experience the anti-aging skincare line and to add a little easy glamour into our lives. I love skincare products (this is why I subscribe to Birchbox) but I'm not much of a makeup person and neither are Jordana and Lindsey. I wear a little pressed powder, Rose Salve lip balm, and a little lip gloss if I'm feeling adventurous. Eye makeup has always been problematic for me as I don't see well without my glasses. I have come very close to jabbing myself in the eye with an eyeliner pencil. Thankfully, we stuck to easy eye makeup today and there were no injuries.

Our bride was given a proper bride greeting with a sash and a little tiara. Our stations were set up with the skincare regime in order and there was even a little exfoliating hand treatment to get us started. It smelled like a Bellini, all peachy and sweet. It might have made us all want a drink badly. We all received door prize tickets (because it wouldn't be a room full of women doing something very feminine without door prizes). There was a lot of Taylor Swift (I admit she's growing on me) and a lot of woohoo-ing and enthusiasm (mostly genuine, some a little over the top from our table). The most disturbing part of this portion of the afternoon was when the Mary Kay consultant doing the skincare demo called the primer "Spanx for your face." Not an image I need. Ever.

The makeup portion of the program went better than expected. We all finally learned what a CC cream is (a color correcting cream - who knew?) and how to properly apply bronzer (start in the center of your cheek and then go to your temple and then all the way down your chin; like a 3 or an E on either side of your face). I can apply mascara without injuring myself. Lindsey and Jordana found excellent shades of lip gloss and we all learned to take a compliment. This was an interesting exercise; after our makeover was complete the lead consultant asked us each to turn to the woman on our right and pay them a compliment and we each had to simply say "thank you." Her lead-in was that women have a hard time taking compliments; I wholly agree and I'm glad she asked us to do this.

The lead lady also taught us probably the only thing we ever need to know: how to take the perfect selfie. The technique: hold your camera high at an angle but specifically at 10 o'clock and 4 o'clock. Lindsey has perfected this technique; I'm sure she'd be happy to give lessons. We ended our Bridal Bash with the sales pitch (of course). None of us are sure if it was a sales pitch for the products or to become a consultant. No purchases were made but we did leave with some of the Bellini scented lotion and some photos from a slightly over-hyped photo booth (which was really just an area to take a photo with silly props).

The weird office park where the studio was located also included an odd little store just across the parking lot that specialized in Legos. Jordana described it as an oasis in an office park. We spent a lot of time digging through mini-figures and acting like little kids seeing all of our Lego dreams come true. Jordana and I got Lindsey some figures to decorate her cube (like we have). If you think about it, Legos and makeovers are really just two different types of play.

More importantly, our bride felt exactly as she should; pampered and special. We had fun being her fake bridesmaids and enjoying an afternoon doing something out of the ordinary for us. While none of us have been using eye cream since we were 18 (apparently we should have been), we all left a little more glamourous on the outside to match our inner awesomeness.

This painting was in the bathroom - it's of Mary Kay Ash. In my humble opinion this needs to be moved out to where everyone can bask in her glamour and awesomeness. We probably all need to have this sort of portrait painted at some point in our lives.

 

Lindsey executives the perfect selfie.

Can you tell it's a pink Cadillac?