Driving backward down Julia Street

Before I rode in Nyx last year, the last time I was in town specifically for Mardi Gras was the last year I lived in New Orleans. It was 2006, the Katrina Mardi Gras. We were a city in need of a lot of things, joy and levity being low on the list, but very important. We needed to gather with family and friends, watch marching bands (the ones that could make it) do their thing, catch beads, and marvel at the beautiful floats. We needed the biting satire of krewes, most notably Krewe D'Etat, who skewered everyone and everything about the storm. I still have a cup from their ride that year; the "Katrina Olympics" was the theme. Being able to do "normal" things is an important part of healing. Of course, we were criticized for celebrating that year, mostly by people who weren't there and had no business being involved in the conversation. It wasn't about putting a band-aid on an immense tragedy; it was a step in the process of healing and coming home for many people. I don't understand why people don't get that.

Anyway, last year was my first year riding in Nyx, and it was my first real Mardi Gras experience since I moved away in July 2006. I had been back a few times where I caught part of a parade or something, but I was never there for vacation and for Mardi Gras specifically. I wasn't prepared for the emotions I felt participating in the krewe and parade. Making my purses, riding with two of my dearest friends, entertaining thousands of people, it was perfect. Being back in our city was magical and beautiful and cathartic.

Being part of a krewe is being part of New Orleans history. These groups keep traditions going, create new ways of parading, and move the carnival tradition forward. My krewe is younger in the grand scheme of Mardi Gras, and we stand on the shoulders of the all female krewes that came before us. They helped pave the way for our group and many others, and have helped modernize carnival in many ways. For me, it's about belonging to something bigger than me. I was searching for that when I was invited to join last year. I didn't know it at the time, but that's what I was doing. And I found it a glitter infused parade. Who knew?

So I think it goes without saying that I was excited for my second ride. I challenged myself on my purses, using Louisiana music as my inspiration. I loved making every single one. The process of making purses is involved; each one takes days to complete. Sometimes I have to remake parts of the purse to get it right. I hope the people who got mine this year love them. But I'm getting ahead of myself. One of the things we agreed to this year was spending more time enjoying the city. We spent so much time running around last year that we didn't really take joy in being home. This year, we played tourist and did as many things as possible. We visited Loyola, shopped a lot, and ate all the food. It was perfect.

Wednesday was a gorgeous day. By the time we were loaded on our floats, it was clear and cool after so many days of gloomy, rainy weather. After spending the day enjoying the pre-parade party and catching up with our float sisters, it was nice to get on the float and get ready to ride. Our float, Float 40 - Moon River, was one of the last six floats in the parade. Our group, me, Kelly, Karen (new this year), Heather, and Mary Irene, rode up top again. It was different this year, not being in our little tandem, but wonderful to be with so many of the rest of the group. I was next to two new riders, and enjoyed talking with them as we waited to start our ride. We organized throws, took pictures, and enjoyed the calm before the parade.

What's fun about waiting to ride is that people come out to watch us get into parade formation. We leave the Convention Center lot, and move to Tchoupitoulas. It's here that we get in line and marching/dancing groups join in as well. People along the street come out to watch and wave even though we can't throw anything. It's part of the spectacle that is Mardi Gras. Some people never go to the route, but they watch this part and it's enough. 

Of course, we never really it made it to the route this year. Just before we made the turn onto Jefferson, word came down the route that a woman had been struck by a float. At first, we heard that she was injured, but then we learned she died at the scene of the accident. Then we heard we were being rerouted to meet the front of the parade and finish the ride. We threw some things to people still on the route. Then we stopped. And waited some more. Then we were rerouted off the route and back to Tchoupitoulas to return to the staging lot. It was a somber ride back, and would have been silent had people not come out of their homes to watch us head back. They smiled and waved and shouted words of encouragement. People around Float 21, where the everything happened, took care of our Nyx sisters there too, offering food and water and hugs. It's what a community does. 

There's no right way to feel about this year. I'm devastated for the family of Geraldine Carmouche, the woman who died. I can't imagine what they're going through and only hope that people will continue to support them during this time. I can't stop thinking of Mrs. Carmouche and her family. She is in my thoughts and prayers always. 

This is where it gets tricky. It's also so disappointing and frustrating. I'm angry and sad that I didn't get to do something I've been planning and working on for an entire year. Over 2000 Nyx sisters didn't get to ride and were basically dumped back in the staging lot to fend for ourselves. We feel abandoned and defeated. It's awful to see such a beautiful event become a nightmare on so many levels. We're allowed to feel angry and frustrated and disappointed, and also mourn the loss of a life. For those lecturing us and calling us terrible because "you only wanted a party" - shut your mouth and mind your business. You don't get to determine how any of us feel or grieve. No one in our krewe is victim blaming (as some have said) and no one feels anything but shattered for Mrs. Carmouche and her family. I can grieve for her and still be disappointed in the situation. Human emotions are complex that way.

So while I wanted to tell you a fun story about my week, starting with my taxi driver driving backward down Julia Street to get me to my hotel, only stopping to avoid a cop and a marching group, and end with a triumphant Nyx ride, I can't.

Instead, I'll say these things:

• To Mrs. Carmouche's family and friends - my deepest sympathies to you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. 
• To the parade-goers who took care of our sisters on Float 21 and all of you who waited for us - thank you. You are what make New Orleans a great place. Seeing your pictures and posts from the beginning of the parade helps so much. I hope the four people who got my purses (I did throw them on the weird route) enjoy them.
• To my Nyx Sisters on Float 21 - you are loved and supported. We're all here for you.
• To the Float 21 driver - I have no idea what you're going through, but know that so many people are here for you if you need anything.
• Thank you to NOPD and other first responders for doing your best to keep everyone safe. 
• I appreciate all of my friends and family who checked in. Your texts and posts have really helped.
• To all the Nyx Sisters I talked to and hugged since Wednesday - I'll see you next year! I know our Captain and Board are trying their best right now. Let's be patient and see what happens after this weekend. If you're riding with our sister parade, Pandora, have a great ride! 
• Float 40 and our lieutenant Caitlin - y'all are the best group of women I know. Thank you for being amazing and wonderful. As an out of towner, I appreciate the extra help so many of you offer and give during the season, especially Caitlin. I'll see everyone next year!
• Last but not least, to Kelly, Heather, Mary Irene, and Karen - I can't ask for a better group of parade buddies. I loved every minute of the time we got to spend together and having this time together. I love you all to pieces. Kelly and Heather - y'all are my sisters. 

Photos by me, Mary Irene, Heather, Kelly, Karen, and a random Nyx Sister who took our group photo at the pre-parade party.