Your Resident Single Friend Goes Speed Dating

"He's a sweet man and I hope he finds love...just not with me or you." 
-Emily reflecting on a speed date gentleman

I don't consider myself a particularly skilled dater. I didn't date in high school and we'll say my college dating was minimal, but fun and exciting in the way college romances are supposed to be (except the cheater, but I guess we all have one of those somewhere in our history). I know the kind of person I am and the pervasive hook up culture of my generation is not for me. Part of this is related to being a very strong introvert; we prefer deeper relationships, both romantically and with friends. The other part is that I seriously cannot deal with the game-like behavior that typically accompanies this sort of thing. I have zero time for that. 

While I've tried online dating with little success (or joy), I've never tried speed dating. The reference I have for speed dating is that scene in The 40-Year Old Virgin that is both horrifying and hilarious (video contains language and mature themes - you've been warned). The short version: in the space of an hour (usually), each attendee goes on 15-20 "dates," usually lasting 5-8 minutes in length. During that time, you talk with the person opposite of you (normally men rotate around the room) and are given a sheet for notes. After the event, the organization running speed dating provides attendees access to contact information for other attendees. And then you fall in love and live happily ever after...or something.

I'll admit that I didn't have the right perspective about speed dating. With limited data, I reduced it to an awkward evening of small talk with dudes who fall into two categories: the socially awkward and the smarmy. I don't really need more awkward in my life and smarmy dudes exist everywhere so having a concentration of them at one event seems unnecessary. So I avoided the idea of speed dating and continued living my life. However, as I don't want to die alone, I've made the decisions to put myself out in the world in situations where I may, in fact, meet a potential man-friend. In the new year, I'm planning on taking welding classes (mostly for art purposes) and some cooking classes, activities that appeal to a very broad section of humans.

I decided to include speed dating in this list of things I'm trying. I found a speed dating event via Goldstar, convinced my friend Emily to go with me, and set my expectation level to medium. I hope all of you have friends like Emily who will go do things like this with you even if they may not want to. Since this was a first time event for both of us, we really had no idea what to expect. How long would we have to talk with each person? How many people were actually involved? Would everyone be horrifying? How would we react if someone said something particularly awful? What if we did meet the man of our dreams? Was there a bar nearby? You know, the important things.

What occurred was well beyond my expectations, which were at medium so there was a lot of room for both success and failure. I met 15 men in the course of a little over an hour. The time was limited to five minutes and after the first couple of dates, it got easier. Of the 15, I would go out with three of the guys and want to be friends with three others. None of these guys were the physical type I go for (think Chief Hopper from Stranger Things), but they were funny, interesting to talk to for five minutes, polite, and not bad to look at. Interestingly, Emily had a similar experience with none of them being her physical type, but she connected with them because of their senses of humor and the fact that they seemed to be decent humans. We seemed to transcend the types we established for ourselves. This is a good thing.

Because I know you want to know, here are some highlights of the night. All dates have been given nicknames since I didn't mention there was going to be a blog:

• I walked into this event with a super positive attitude, combining the PMA of Bad Brains with my generally pleasant personality, my ability to be self-deprecating when needed, and the fact that I talk to people for a living. 
• At first, we thought we were going to be the youngest people in the group. The group definitely skewed older (mid-late 40s), but most of the guys I liked were around my age, younger or older by a few years. 
• Speed dating is an incredibly efficient way to date. While it has some of the same qualities as online dating, being in person and actually talking to someone makes it more palatable and fun. Rather than wasting hours swiping through profiles, I can spend an hour meeting 15 new people. One of the guys I would go out with framed it this way and I really like his perspective. 
• The majority of the women did not look like they were happy to be there. Apparently, Emily and I weren't the only friends who came together except we were the only two that had fun. Most of the women looked disinterested and only one of them would talk to us before things got started.  
• There were a few guys who came with friends as well. One pair met at a previous meet-up and became friends since they're both new to the area. Speed dating can be a gateway to speed friending.
• Some of the guys had prepared questions, either because this was not their first time speed dating or because they wanted to make sure they had something to ask. This was both endearing and a little jarring; I prepared nothing and was also not prepared for some of these questions. I really had to think about what the most romantic thing I'd ever done for someone (my response ended up being about baking an elaborate dessert for a guy's birthday which is less romantic and more about being a decent girlfriend but whatever). 
• The guys I liked and would go out with:
• Photographer Guy - what are the odds that one of the guys would work events at the museum where I'm a volunteer? We discussed art, expensive holiday parties, and Masons. He was also a very nice dresser.
• Drunk in Reston - Hands down my favorite guy of the evening. He made me laugh for three of the five minutes, with a discussion of why we decided to try speed dating and why there were so many first-timers in the group. We decided it was because they all found true love and never returned rather than to consider that it was crushing doom that kept them away. He may have been drunk; Emily and I couldn't be 100% on this.
• Alaska Guy - Just moved here from Alaska. We talked about travel, the eleven states I haven't been to, and his awkward first date of the evening who was definitely a regular speed dater and not in a fun way.
• The guys I'd want to befriend:
• Peach Pocket Square Guy: This gentleman (and I sincerely mean that) was the sharpest dressed of anyone present, male or female. He was one of the older guys and just the nicest person. I have zero romantic interest in him, but I would meet him for drinks and let him vet my dates. 
• Crushworthy - My second favorite guy of the night. He was one of the few that asked a creative opening question and opted to move his chair so we were seated next to one another rather than across from one another. That was a bold move. He and Emily would be well suited so I hope they connect. 
• Might Run Into Him at CVS Guy - He lives near where I work so it's very possible that I will run into him at the local CVS or various lunch places in the greater Herndon area. Nice guy, fun to talk to, but not someone I'd date. 
• The awkward/annoying:
• 3D Printer Guy - Yep, that's what he opened with. We were discussing our weekends and he went on and on about figuring out a new 3D printer. He also made a comment about one of the technologies used for it (which I didn't know), but the way he said it annoyed me. He also machine embroiders and scoffed at the fact that I hand embroider. He was boring and dismissive. 
• Ticket Scalper Guy - We spent the entire five minutes talking about music which would normally be a great topic for me. In that time, he dissed The Foo Fighters, Lady Gaga, and the 9:30 Club. I'm going to see The Foo Fighters in Memphis this coming May and I just saw Lady Gaga and the 9:30 Club is one of my favorite venues in the area. It was a lot of no for five minutes. He also shared that he never buys tickets in advance because he doesn't want to pay fees (which I get to some extent) so he just scalps tickets and hopes for the best. This annoys me.  
• Interview Guy - Speed dating does have an interview-like quality to it, but that doesn't mean it has to be like an interview. If you're a decent enough conversationalist, the questions turn into mini-conversations rather than rapid fire questions. This guy wasn't a great conversationalist so it did feel like an actual interview. 

What happens next? Personal information is shared via email with all attendees. This particular group uses an online portal, similar to what you'd use if you were part of a more traditional online dating site, to allow participants to connect with one another. The portal is open for two weeks after the event so I can log in and see if I have any mutual matches or messages. I can pick matches (which I've done) and message any of the guys whether I match with them or not. They only know I picked them if they pick me, but it doesn't limit the messaging feature. So the short answer is that I wait a few days to see if I match with anyone and then decide whether to message them or not.

I'm glad I went. I wasn't expecting love at first sight, but I also wasn't expecting it to be as much fun as it was. I enjoyed many of the brief conversations I had and I laughed a lot. Even the guys who were awkward or annoying weren't that terrible. I've had worse experiences online and at bars. These guys were tame, comparatively speaking. To paraphrase Emily, I want them to find love or whatever they're looking for just not with me or her. It was fun to do something really outside of my comfort zone. I'll keep you posted on what happens next.

Next on the Island: Lazy Movie Weekend Christmas Edition! Will it be the mildly inappropriate version of The Grinch starring Jim Carrey or a discussion of smiling is my favorite with Elf? You'll have to come back and find out.