Old habits die hard

I don't like strangers touching me. I know this is a relatively obvious statement to make; most of us don't like it when someone we don't know bumps into us on the street or our hands brush on the Metro. As I am female, I have also experienced my share of "being female in public" moments of dudes thinking it was appropriate to grab my butt or touch some part of my person at a bar. Nope, it is not appropriate. As the great Patrick Swayze once said, "This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine." I like to live my personal space life with occasional Johnny Castle quotes in my brain as it seems appropriate (he knew a thing or two about personal space). We can all agree that none of us enjoy these types of encounters with strangers. Don't get me started on sweaty crowds at music festivals.

When I say I don't like strangers touching me, I'm actually talking about people who are in professions where they may actually have to touch a person to do their jobs. This includes massage therapists, manicurists, hair stylists, and yoga instructors. I don't doubt that their intention is professional and in their clients' best interest but I find the type of familiarity that comes with these interactions somewhat exhausting. Several of my friends think this is strange, particularly the massage part since they find massages relaxing (I don't). And it's not like I don't make exceptions; I like my stylist and I have a favorite manicure place. I typically attribute my dislike of these types of interactions to my introverted, slightly Type A nature and call it a day.

One of the things I promised myself when I started my new job was that I would not fall into the patterns I've been living in my work life for the last past 5 years (maybe it was the last 10 but I'll just say 5 to be generous). This is the list I made for myself of habits I want to try to break:

• Eating lunch at my desk more than 3 times a week
• Not taking a break at least once per day
• Excessive baking
• Not taking advantage of all the perks, benefits, and fun stuff available to me
• Arriving early...every day
• Feeling like my phone is a new appendage and I must read all of my work emails immediately
• Not wasting my PTO
• Going out to lunch more than 3 times a week
• Only wearing jeans 2 times a week

It's not a work revolution I know but, when added up over time, these habits abet in creating a work life that feels like work. I want to enjoy where I work and what I do. Yes, the organization creates the culture and maybe encourages the habits. However, the reality is that I am part of the culture and the process. I have free will. I an adult lady who can do things. Attitude and practice are part creating habits.

I've been in the new job a month as of this week. A month is both a short and long time period depending on your perspective. I feel like it's gone by very quickly. I've done an incredible amount of work this month but have also only scratched the surface of the organization and my actual job. What's cool and satisfying is that I'm already contributing and getting things accomplished. Given my experience with onboarding new employees, I know this is not always the case when you start a new job. I like my new manager, my team, and many of the other people I've met since starting. I feel like I'm doing good work. There's a feeling of trust that I don't know I've ever felt this early in a new job. It's refreshing.

So how am I doing on breaking those old habits or at least not establishing new versions of them?

• Eating lunch at my desk more than 3 times a week - I'm trying so hard not to do this. There are multiple lunch/break rooms in the office plus and outdoor area that's not terrible even on a super hot day. I'm getting better but still need some improvement.
• Not taking a break at least once per day - Two weeks ago I starting walking around the outdoor track with two of my co-workers. It's about a 20 minute walk and I need to do the correct thing and put it on my calendar so I do this at least 3 times per week. And yes, I have walking buddies. I'm on the slow path of making friends at work.
• Excessive baking - Haven't baked a thing. I have a lot of feelings about this since I really love to bake but don't really want to get in the habit of bringing stuff to work. I'm not saying my new co-workers would be the same but there is a point where this becomes an expectation rather than a nice thing I do for people. I don't want to get into the expectation place again. Thankfully, I'm starting a monthly crafting get together with my friends so they will get all th baked goods and I'll at get some baking done and order will be restored to the universe. Or something.
• Not taking advantage of all the perks, benefits, and fun stuff available to me - We'll come back to this one in a moment
• Arriving early...every day - My commute is much longer now so I'm very aware of time as I start my day. I wake up, go to the gym, get ready, and am out of the house by 6:30. I'm at work by 7:20 and ready to start my day. My hours are earlier so I leave by 4:30. I think I've finally adjusted to the new schedule. I occasionally go to bed at 9 pm on a weekday. I am totally fine with this.
• Feeling like my phone is a new appendage and I must read all of my work emails immediately - Most of my direct team is located outside of the US so the bulk of my emails actually come in early in the morning given the time difference. I'm totally cool with this. I suspect this will change once the program I manage kicks off in September but for now, I'm managing my work email time quite well.
• Not wasting my PTO - Noted. I already have several uses for the days I'll have this calendar year AND I took the bonus holiday of July 3 (floating holiday) so I'm baby-stepping my way to taking time off.
• Going out to lunch more than 3 times a week - I've been pretty good about bringing my lunch but also reliant on the fact that we have a cafe in the building which is both awesome and terrible. This is a work in progress.
• Only wearing jeans 2 times a week - I am crushing this one! In a month, I've only worn jeans twice. I've always tried to wear clothes that are on the dressier side of casual so this hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. It also helps that everyone in the office is super stylish and incredibly put together in a very casual/professional way. They're very inspiring. Also, I may have just purchased business appropriate tops in dinosaur and cat patterns. I still have to be me.

As of this past Monday, I'm not the newest person on the team anymore. I was actually helpful to the person who started this past Monday. I could actually answer questions for her and shared the wisdom of my whole month of employment with the company with her. I know, it's great stuff.

Which brings us back to strangers touching me. One thing I've come to enjoy about this new organization is that they seem to have figured out how to have the perks of a typical tech company (ping pong table and Rock Band in the break room, car detailing on site, fresh fruit in the kitchen) without making it seem like they're pandering to some weird trend in HR or trying to be super cool to for the kids. Maybe I'm being naive but I don't believe so. There is an genuineness with these efforts that's hard to fake. One of these perks is monthly seated chair massages. It just so happened that the July day fell on my actual one month anniversary so I decided, in the interest of this new start, I would put aside my feelings and give it a try. The worst that could happen would be that it wasn't enjoyable and I'd never sign up again. The best? Well, my commuting stress would be massaged into submission.

It was somewhere in between. This is all set up in a large conference room on the first floor of the building. They darken the room and turn on soothing music. Each 10 minute time block includes four people; they do a nice job of setting up each chair in the space so it doesn't feel crowded. The massage therapist I was assigned to was very nice; I'm pretty sure he realized he was dealing with a slightly Type A person who is not great at relaxing on command (which is basically what a massage is in the big picture of life). I felt better afterward. I dived right back into work but the tension in my shoulders was gone (that's where my stress lives by the way). It was a positive experience. Will I do it again? Maybe. Even if I don't, I'm still trying to make a good work life for myself.

It was a good first month. The work is fun and challenging. The people are pretty cool. As I wrote back in May, I was getting so bored not working and not doing what I like doing (helping people be their best at work). Boredom can be a good thing but it's also exhausting. There are only so many hours of CSI reruns to watch (although there are 15 seasons so you can do the math). It feels good to be back in the world of work.

Now if I could only find the elusive best way home in the evening, I'd be all set. I don't know how people commute for years and years without becoming rage-filled psychopaths; I've only been doing this for a month and I want to physically harm people who don't realize the lane ends and they have to merge even though there's a GIANT SIGN that tells them this. These people are why we can't have nice things.

The desk dinos have a new home and seem to be settling in nicely. One of them may come with me when the frozen yogurt truck pays us a visit this week.

Erin the List Slayer

When I cannot bear outer pressures any more, I begin to put order in my belongings… As if unable to organize and control my life, I seek to exert this on the world of objects. - See more at: http://simpleworksorganizing.com/blog/2013/4/29/quotes-for-organizing#sthash.xO4S54zt.dpuf

When I cannot bear outer pressures any more, I begin to put order in my belongings… As if unable to organize and control my life, I seek to exert this on the world of objects. - See more at: http://simpleworksorganizing.com/blog/2013/4/29/quotes-for-organizing#sthash.xO4S54zt.dpuf

SCENE: Early morning in an office somewhere in Arlington, VA. We come upon Erin, seated at her desk beginning her day. It is eerily silent and dark; not all the lights have come on given the motion sensor lighting. Erin stares at her calendar and begins to prioritize her day. She looks up and sees, out of the corner of her eye, a shadow. She ignores it and goes back to making her daily to-do list and getting lost in prioritizing her day. The eerie quiet is broken by an unfamiliar voice. 

The Note-taker: Are you using the bullet journal method or a system of your own creation?

Erin: (Small startled scream. She turns to see a an older man, dressed in a trench coat and sitting in her cube mate's chair. He reminds her of a librarian.) Who are you? How did you get in here? And why do you care about my to-do list?

The Note-taker: How I got here is of no importance. You are the Chosen One, the one who can save us all from inefficiency and redundancy. You are the List Slayer!

Erin: Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?*

The Note-taker: It is your destiny to be the List Slayer and I am your Note-taker. I am here to teach you the ancient ways of bulleted lists and color coding priorities. You can save the world.

Erin: I'm pretty certain I'm hallucinating. Or my coffee was spiked. No, I bet I'm being pranked. My friends always make fun of my lists and this is their little joke. That's how you got in here; they let you in.

The Note-taker: I am not a hallucination nor was your coffee spiked. This is not a prank; I don't even know any of your friends. I would hate to think that they make fun of your lists; what a travesty. I'm sure you didn't think that you would be charged with saving the world but save it you must. Out there is a world full of time thieves and interruptions and the demon of inefficiency and ineffective organizational systems. It is your job to right this wrong and restore order to the world.

Erin: I just really like crossing things off my list. I don't think that qualifies me for saving the world.

The Note-taker: Crossing things off your list might just save your life.

(END SCENE ONE)

From these humble beginnings, a heroine for our time emerges, Erin the List Slayer. Each week, Erin has to accomplish some sort of outlandish list that may or may not include demons or vampires and saving the world. The Note-taker replaces the Watcher and maybe the demons are actually things like interruptions, change of plans, and wasted time. She could have a sidekick (I've always wanted a sidekick) or maybe her own version of the Scoobies. Maybe I have too much time on my hands (or have figured out my National Novel Writing Month idea for next year). Maybe this could be a new Joss Whedon show. Let's also hope that James Marsden is available.

I've been spending a lot of time this week thinking about being a hyper-planner and organizer. This all started two Sundays ago; I woke up before my alarm (which has been happening a lot lately) so I had extra time before I needed to leave for the museum. I'm the co-chair of a charity committee at work and we have a ton of stuff going on right now so I did the thing that I do best: I made 3 separate lists for each of the committee leads organizing or planning an upcoming event. I emailed the lists to the leads and then went about the rest of my day. I felt better as I left for the museum.

If I take a step back this all started several weeks ago when I took the StrengthsFinder assessment for a work event that took place this past Wednesday. The long and short of this assessment is that I'm an organizer, am empathetic, am responsible, I collect things, and I like learning. I know, it's all so shocking. Anyway, because everyone in my division has taken this assessment recently, we've all been discussing our results. And discussing them some more. Basically, I spend a portion of my day thinking and talking about all the things I can organize and how I have a hard time handling deviations from plans and that I feel unnecessarily responsible for everyone. It's like I live in lists and processes and babysit people when we go out. Occasionally my co-workers and friends make fun of these traits. I suspect they find this mostly endearing but I also feel like I annoy them. I guess that's fine because they annoy me sometimes too. (Make a plan! Make smart life choices - I'm not the boss of you!)

I was also co-facilitating a session on time management at the meeting this week. While I was prepping for the session, I made a list (ha) of things I do to keep organized at work. This is what it looked like:

• Write things down - I have a paper to-do list at work and I write my notes during meeting instead of typing. This means I have to go back and review them before I take action on them.
• Project pages on our internal network - good way to collaborate with others.
• Google Docs/Drive - another good way to share and collaborate. I've been using it for so much lately but I feel like I know nothing. I did learn about starring documents this week and I'm super excited to start doing that.
• Workflowy -  I use Workflowy (which now has an app) for brainstorming projects at work before I'm ready to share them with anyone. You can share the list or parts of it with others and mark things as complete which virtually crosses the item off the list. It's magical.
• Toggl - This is how I track the hours I spend on projects. I have a lot of projects but it's easy to track time. I update it daily.
• Color coding my calendars (I have three calendars at work). I use categories similar to what I have on Toggl to code different meetings and needs.

After making this list and thinking about the three emails I had sent, I had one of those moments when I thought, "Am I micromanaging these people and do I need a list intervention?"  Yes, they could have done this themselves but I don't know that they would have (and I don't mean that in a bad way). I love a list but not everyone does. It was as if some sort of list demon had possessed me for the extra half-hour I had in my morning. I have to plan things and it makes me uncomfortable when other people don't ESPECIALLY when I'm working with them or helping in any way. This is a problem, of course, since not every one is list driven and task-oriented. The world needs all kinds of people.

Self-reflection is an important part of life. As I continue on my journey as the leading lady of my own life, it's important to step back and reflect on what makes me who I am. Yes, I'm responsible and task-oriented. I'm also creative and like to think about things and learn new things. However, I have to remember that I am me and no one else is. I have to be able to let other people be in charge of their own projects and lives. I need to delegate and just enjoy (or not) whatever it is that people create and make happen. I am allowed to put the lists away every now and then. I am not responsible for everyone in the room. This is an incredibly hard statement to make and to follow.

And this is why I need Erin the List Slayer. While I let others do their thing (even if it makes me uncomfortable), she can save the world one faulty organizational system at a time.

Tattoo Image
Keep Calm
Ecard
*Actual quote from the movie version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

If only the Type A part of me would take a vacation

 In just about nine days, I will be leaving on a jet plane and heading to Paris for the first time ever. I have to admit that I'm only now starting to feel really excited about this trip. This sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud. I blame ennui (which is a very French thing to do).

Since the reality of the trip is finally settling in, it's now time for my favorite/least favorite part of any trip I take: planning. I know I am an exceptional planner. I love lists, am insanely prompt, and really enjoy a good map. I am not all that spontaneous. That being said, I also acknowledge that sometimes, particularly when it comes to travel, it's okay, nay, totally acceptable to just wing it. And by winging I mean not planning every second of every day that you're on vacation or on a trip.

I've been trying my best to embrace this concept of winging it (since I imagine this is what leading ladies do) despite the fact that my inner planner is having a nuclear level meltdown that I haven't planned everything yet. I've done the important things: booked my flight and rented my apartment (done months ago); figured out the closest Metro station to the apartment (I think); made copies of my passport; secured an international phone (thanks to one of my friends who is awesome); and started to map out my days in a general way. However, I cannot actually tell you what I will be doing when I'm there. This seems to annoy everyone who asks me about the trip. In the last week I've been asked this about twenty times and people make faces when I tell them that I can't really say. The three most common questions I get are:

1. You're going alone? (Not so much a question I guess more like a statement said in a quizzical way.)
2. Are you going to fall in love with some French guy and never come back? (Or some variation depending on the friend and how much they've had to drink.)
3. What are you doing while you're there? You don't know? What's wrong with you?

I don't have a good answer to any of these questions and usually ignore the first two with a laugh and a smile. But the third one is getting to me. We all travel differently and I'm trying a new approach with this trip. I know the arrondissements/quartiers/neighborhoods I want to visit and have a general sense of some of the things I'd like to see while visiting each one. What I want to be able to do, though, is walk out the door with a general sense of the part of the city I'm going to and just go. See what happens along the way. Yes, I will buy my ticket to the Eiffel Tower in advance and be there at the agreed upon time (and have a glass of champagne at the very top) but how I get there is the key. I can walk in the most direct path available OR I can wander and see what I see. Isn't that the way to experience things? Get lost a bit and find something you weren't looking for? If we're to believe all the travel writers ever the beauty of travel is in the unexpected.

So I'm sorry Type A part of my personality - you don't get to win this time. I'll let you have your packing list, travel information file (with a copy for my mom of course), and you get to buy a ticket in advance for the Eiffel Tower this week. But that's all you get. Paris is not for planning.

Time to dig out some scarves and hope that my quirky Americanness is seen as alluring and charming.


Next time on the Island: A Tale of Two Concerts - chronicling my old lady concert going ways at the Best Coast and Go-Go's shows.