Lazy Movie Weekend: This movie has everything

We live in a world where we have become used to the idea that our favorite fictional characters can be killed without warning and for no reason but that the creators of these characters seem to enjoy the agony that these deaths cause across the fandoms. I have still not come to terms with Buffy's mom's death and half expected a character to actually die in the film version of Much Ado About Nothing. That's how Joss Whedon rolls. Now that I've started watching Game of Thrones, I have decided not to care about any character. That way, I can't be sad when they die.

It's with this idea in mind that I began my first full viewing of the 1996 classic Independence Day in probably five years. I usually come in somewhere in the middle whenever it's on TBS for the four hundredth time during the month of July. The late 90s where an excellent time for action movies especially if you liked volcanoes, asteroids, and plots that only had one or two differences. Independence Day was unique-ish at least at the time. The movie is patriotic without being nationalistic and uplifting while still having some sad moments. The pace is quick so while you like the characters and empathize with them, you don't get attached. You expect that some of them are not going to make it and it's okay. When aliens are attempting to exterminate the human race causalities can't be avoided.

This movie has everything: explosions, science, aliens, Harry Connick, Jr., the White House, comedy, tacky dolphin jewelry, Robert Loggia, cute kids, Data from Next Generation. Everything.

So with a week left until Independence Day, toast some marshmallows and make a s'more or two and enjoy the most patriotic movie of the 1990s Independence Day.

1. I don't know the last time I watched the movie from the beginning. I did not remember that the movie started on the moon. The entire invasion is obviously retribution for astronauts walking on the moon. Thanks Neil Armstrong.
2. Excellent use of R.E.M's "It's the End of the World As We Know It". Do you remember when it was a badge of coolness to actually know all of the lyrics?
3. Literally everyone is in this movie: the guy who plays the museum director in The Mummy (Erick Avari), Jim Piddock (from several Christopher Guest movies), the older daughter from Mrs. Doubtfire, the cute guy from Detroit Rock City oh and Will Smith, Robert Loggia, Bill Pullman, Mae Whitman, and Jeff Goldblum. And Harvey Fierstein.
4. Bill Pullman is the President! I think we should all dream hard for a world where this is the truth. Lone Starr should be President.
5. "Daddy let me watch Letterman." "Traitor." Mae Whitman is so adorable as the first child. 
6. I've never reconciled the fact that the women in the film are pretty stereotypical: the graceful, smart First Lady, the uptight communications director, and the stripper with a heart of gold. Couldn't we have done a little better?
7. If you didn't have a crush on Jeff Goldblum when this movie came out, you did after you saw it. He's nerdy and funny and still in love with his wife who happens to be the President's communications director. And he's nice to his dad and is an excellent chess player. Of course he also saves the day. No big thing.
8. OMG Harvey Fierstein is in this movie! I forgot he was in this movie. We're only fifteen minutes in and if the movie ended right now, it would be worth it.
9. Randy Quaid has built a career on playing idiots and this movie doesn't disappoint in that department (at least in the beginning). I like his character's story arc and his family. More on his alien abduction later on.
10. I like the special effects in this movie. They're classic and wonderful and not overwhelming even when the monuments and significant American symbols are being destroyed.
11. Mae Whitman doesn't actually cry in this movie but I feel like this movie was another great place for her to hone her crying skills. Don't believe me? Check out this Buzzfeed article on her epic cries.
12. The pacing of this movie is one of my favorite parts of the experience. The run time clocks at 2:25 and the aliens make their first move 24 minutes into the movie. You'd think that you'd get bored but you don't the movie moves between the connected stories at an excellent pace and actually moves. I have been to more movies in the last 3 years that should be a good 45 minutes shorter than they are. We could learn a lot from ID.
13. We finally meet our two doomed characters: the First Lady (Mary McDonnell) and Harry Connick, Jr.. You know that the First Lady is doomed in her delivery of the line "I love you" when the President tells her to come back home. Something bad is going to happen to her and it's okay. Not okay that she's doomed but okay because you have time to process that it will happen. Same for HCJ: he's comic relief that might interfere with Will Smith's mugging so he has to go. He does deliver one of my favorite lines, "You're never gonna get to fly on the space shuttle if you marry a stripper."
14. Fun fact: the White House interior scenes were filmed on the set that was built for The American President. This is my dad's favorite movie (it's his You've Got Mail). It was also used for Mars Attacks!. 
15. "You punched the President?" I love Judd Hirsch in this movie too. Literally, everyone is in this movie.
16. If you're trying to disaster plan for alien invasions, move to Des Moines. L.A., New York, and DC will go first so move to Iowa. 
17. Jasmine's dog is awesome. 
18. So let's discuss Will Smith: this is the only Will Smith movie that I enjoy him in. He's one of those actors who annoys me because he has little to no range and yet is in every movie (or at least was in every movie). Ali and Six Degrees of Separation were pleasant surprises but everything else is terrible. He's smug and mugs the entire time. At least in this movie he plays a pilot so I expect the smugness. Like Tom Cruise, I never willingly go see Will Smith movies. I only saw the first Men in Black because I adore Tommy Lee Jones. I do enjoy him in this movie especially the scene where he's dragging the alien through the desert and talking to it. And his "Welcome to Earth" before punching the alien. Beyond that, Will Smith in a movie makes me irrational. I want to punch him in the face because than he would stop being so freaking smug.
19. Jasmine (the amazing Vivica A. Fox) drives a huge truck through destroyed L.A. and finds the First Lady. Of course, Jasmine voted for the other guy.
20. Y'all it's Adam Baldwin. This movie should have 100% more Adam Baldwin. Basically, there should be a movie within a movie just about Adam Baldwin's character. I would totally watch that. And never be bored.
21. And then Data, I mean, Brent Spiner, appears as the creepiest scientist who is not really a bad guy. He's just lived at Area 51 (yes that Area 51) forever and is really into aliens. Of course, this isn't going to end well. Shady.
22. Fun fact: the US military was originally on board to provide technical advisement on the film UNTIL it was revealed that part of the plot involved Area 51.
23. "You just have to get through their technology." So basically getting to the actual alien is a lot like helping one of my clients navigate the internet?
24. Helpful tip: Don't dissect an alien if you don't know if it's dead or not. Bad things will happen.
25. You know what this movie could use? Harvey Keitel. I don't know what he'd do in this movie but I feel like he'd be really awesome in it. 
26. The President tries to convince the alien that peace is the answer. The alien declines. Obviously the only answer is to have Adam Baldwin kill it.
27. I like the four love stories in the movie: Connie and David, Jasmine and Will Smith, the President and First Lady, and Randy Quaid (Russell) and his family. They all make sense.
28. I find it incredibly amusing that Houston is where they decide to launch a nuclear attack against the aliens. Houston - just let that sink in for a minute.
29. Have I mentioned how much I love Jeff Goldblum in this movie? He figures out how to give the mothership a "cold" and saves the day again (this is the second time so far). Connie's comment, "Now he gets ambitious" is also perfect. 
30. This is the greatest speech of all time:

 

31. And then he suits up and joins the other pilots on their mission. Because he's a former combat pilot and the best president ever.
32. "I picked a hell of day to quit drinking." Russell - the unexpected hero of this movie. Again another great story element to this movie. I like everyone. Except the aliens.
33. Did I mention that they use morse code as a way to communicate with armies around the world? Take that aliens wiping our our technology. We've got morse code.
34. "Didn't I promise you fireworks?" Will Smith ends it for us with a mildly smug comment while we watch alien ships burn. Thanks Will Smith. Just keep smoking that cigar.

And that's Jenga. (Bonus points if you get that movie reference.) There you have it - one of my favorite movies from 1996. I was still in high school and did not yet feel like suspending disbelief while watching movies was for the weak. If you just can't help yourself and need to question the believability of this movie, check out this video (courtesy of Jessica).

Poster image
IMBD
Gratuitous Adam Baldwin photo

Short Story Hour: Pickles and the Cabinet of Doom, Part I

“Goodbye Pickles. Have a nice day.” The door closed and Pickles could hear the key turn in the lock. Her human was gone. She finally had the apartment to herself.

Pickles knew that she should probably be sad that her human made the choice to leave her alone for periods of eight to nine hours a day. She didn’t know where her human went; she assumed it was someplace un-fun and without cats. Her human probably didn’t get to nap or lay in the sun or any of the other fun things that Pickles got to do all day.

But Pickles didn’t really feel sad. When her human left Pickles was left to do all the things she wasn't normally allowed. She was able to jump on counters that always got her in trouble. She could go into the closet in the hallway and knock towels and pillows down and then lay on them (sliding doors were super easy to open). Or if she was really up for adventure, she could scale the refrigerator and the cabinets above the refrigerator. Sometimes Pickles liked to do that late in the day when she suspected her human would soon return. When she did, Pickles would jump down and her human would scream a little bit. Pickles liked a good scare.

There was one place in the apartment that Pickles wanted to go beyond all others - the cabinet in the bathroom. Every time she tried to get into this particular cabinet, her human shooed her away or stopped her before she could get the door open. Even when her human left, Pickles was never able to get the door open enough to get in. She could make a lot of noise trying it but never seemed to get the door to open; it was just too heavy. In recent days, she hadn’t been able to even open the door a little bit. Something had changed and she couldn’t figure it out. She couldn’t make the door bang late at night or early in the morning. She had to resort to pawing her human in the face to get any attention. Pickles was determined to figure out this mystery and pursue her dream of sleeping under the sink.

Pickles began her morning routine: basking in the sun, patrolling, napping, a snack, and more patrolling and napping. She was, like her human, a stickler for a plan and a schedule. She began with basking in the sun in the living room by the chair. She swished her tail a bit, rolled around, and decided she was bored. The curtains were open so she jumped on the window sill to patrol for a bit. Her human didn’t know just how much time Pickles spent patrolling their home. She couldn’t let the birds think they could just land on the ledge and stay there. This was her window. It was like that time with the mice; they didn’t belong in her house. She had to teach them a lesson. It was her job.

There were no birds today. Pickles was disappointed that her patrol was so short but there was no sense wasting time staring (although she considered herself an exceptional starer - it creeped out the other humans that visited). She had other tasks to complete today.

The bathroom cabinet was calling. Pickles had to figure out how to get in.

Later that afternoon

The key jangled in the lock. Amelia was finally home after a long day at work. Two last minute student interviews had thrown off her day so she was late coming home. She was looking forward to relaxing on the couch with a book and a glass of wine. She should go to the gym but that could wait until tomorrow.

She finally got the door open. Pickles sauntered towards her. Amelia liked to think that it was because the cat missed her during the day but knew that her affection was more than likely related to food. She could never quite figure out where Pickles came from when she ran to the door. Amelia picked up her cat and gave her a hug. For once, Pickles didn’t try to squirm and get away.

“How was your day? Did you do anything fun?” Amelia had long ago stopped feeling silly about talking to Pickles. Everyone talked to their pets; everyone should admit it. Pickles meowed at her and purred loudly. She was happy to see her human. She liked this lady except for the whole "not allowed in the cabinet" rule, Pickles had a nice human who took excellent care of her. Amelia walked into the kitchen and got Pickles her dinner. The cat weaved around her legs and meowed some more.

“Well aren’t you chatty today?” Amelia often wondered if Pickles needed a friend. Maybe she was lonely. She never made the move to get another cat; she didn’t want to be perceived as a cat lady. More importantly, she wasn’t convinced that Pickles would actually like another animal in the house. She seemed like a loner cat and Amelia respected that.

Amelia moved through the apartment, going through her mail, kicking off her shoes. She needed to straighten the apartment but decided to wait until the weekend. She walked into her bedroom to change (just because she wasn’t going to the gym didn’t mean she couldn’t change into super comfy yoga pants) and stopped abruptly. Amelia was a bit of neat freak. She always made her bed and rarely left things out so she was a bit surprised at the disarray she now faced. Books had been pushed off the nightstand, her jewelry box was spilled on the floor, and as she looked through her walk through closet into the bathroom, she could see a trail of cotton balls and several bottles of moisturizer and soap on the floor.

“Pickles!? What did you do?” She was used to the cat pushing things off tables and getting into plastic bags but rarely did Pickles make such a mess. Amelia began straightening up the rooms. She didn’t see Pickles and figured the cat was hiding from her and would only come out only when Amelia went to bed. At least she hadn’t gotten under the sink. The safety latches she put on the cabinets seemed to be working. Pickles was so curious about that cabinet but Amelia didn’t want her to get into any of the cleaning products.

Pickles peeked around the bedroom door. She knew she was in trouble but didn’t care. Her human was keeping her out of the bathroom cabinet. That was totally unfair and Pickles was making her feelings known. She would continue to do this until she was allowed in. 


Part II of "Pickles and the Cabinet of Doom" will appear next week. Enjoy the first Short Story Hour before next week.

Gibbs probably doesn't feed birds

The blue jay circled above the house. He could see the bird feeders in the backyard and a few birds fluttering around. He was unsure if this space was safe or if he should move along on down the line. Then he spotted it - the symbol that let him know that all was safe and good. He landed on the edge of deck and then made his way to the food. It was a good place and he knew he would return.

There are three things you should know about my dad:

1. He likes to watch NCIS reruns on USA (even if he has seen the episode multiple times)
2. He maintains three bird feeders in his backyard, including one for hummingbirds
3. He has a high tolerance for the ridiculous and the silly which serves him well in our family

My parents really enjoy the birds that seem to flock to their backyard. It's probably the one thing that they truly like about their house and where they live. The bird feeders are on the back deck and you can watch the birds from the kitchen table. I imagine it's a nice way to start your day - a little coffee or tea, some cereal, and the baby woodpecker and it's mama. Nature - that's what they get for living out in "the country." My mother likes spring best (I think) since all the baby birds are around and it's fun to watch them figure out how to fly. My father seems to enjoy identifying the birds and even has a bird book (although I don't know that he uses it all that often).

Here's the thing - I think that my parents, particularly my father, are helping to create an entire generation of lazy birds. What happens when my parents move? Will instinct take back over and the birds will remember how to forage and find food on their own? Will the squirrels remember how to store food for the winter? What will happen? My dad usually laughs at this, ignores my comments, and moves onto another conversation. He knows that they're birds and they'll figure it out. No need to worry. Cue "The Circle of Life."

Hobo symbols

It's a common conversation I have with my dad whenever I visit. One day, a few years ago, I was watching a re-run of Criminal Minds and the episode's plot had to do with a killer that was murdering people along a train line. Dr. Reid (it may not have been him but I think he's adorable so I'm going to pretend that it's him) discovered some marks along the tracks. He tells whichever other agent is with him about how hobos used to use symbols to communicate with other hobos about the area. They might share if there was a kindhearted woman (with a cat of course) or if the police were a problem. Anyway, the killer was doing something similar along the train line and killing people. I may be off on the plot but the second Dr. Reid started talking about the hobo trail and the symbols, I figured out what was going on at my parents' house.

Their house is a stop on the hobo bird trail.

I'm convinced that the birds have figured out some version of the hobo symbols and fly around the country making the marks on houses and other buildings or whatever to let other birds know what's up. Other birds flock to the house and enjoy the food and then they leave a mark for birds that come after them. I'm not entirely sure what the symbols look like but I'm convinced that my parents' house has every single one of the positive symbols that are available. Squirrels apparently know about it too; there's one there now and he's enormous. If the hawk is still around, it will get him at some point because he won't be able to run away.

So I told my dad that I thought his house was a stop on the hobo bird trail. Because my father is used to the ridiculous things that I say and think up, he didn't really react at first. He thought about it for a few minutes and then asked me a bunch of questions about how I had come to this conclusion. I told him about the Criminal Minds episode and he said, "I watch NCIS." I love that my father completely ignored the ridiculousness of what I was saying and focused instead on my choice of television show. He seemed okay with the idea that he was a stop on the hobo bird trail AND that a hobo bird trail even exists. In fact, I think he was sort of proud of the idea that he's helping the birds.

Some takeaways from this experience:

1. I haven't watched Criminal Minds since this conversation. Now I watch reruns of NCIS but only reruns on USA. I don't keep up with the current season.
2. For all you dads or soon to be dads out there: develop the ability to accept the weirdness of your children. I appreciate that my dad doesn't judge any of the weird things my brother and I have come up with over the years and on occasion, he joins in.
3. There is a hobo bird trail. If you want to be a stop on it, make sure to always stock the bird feeder and be kind to the squirrels that figure out the game. 
4. Learn something new everyday even if it comes from an unusual source. I wouldn't know about hobo symbols without Criminal Minds. I also cannot leave the shower curtain closed when I leave the house because I'm concerned that Tim Curry's serial killer character will be waiting there when I come home. Thanks Criminal Minds.

Happy Father's Day Dad! Enjoy the birds and continue to cement your place as a prime stop on the hobo bird trail. Maybe you should add a bird bath. I'm sure they'd enjoy the new amenity.

Coming soon to the Island: More summer themed Lazy Movie Weekends (including one on my favorite John Waters movies), Pickles the cat will get into more trouble in an adventure about the end of the world, and I'll visit an amusement park for the first time in 10 years.

 Hobo symbols